By the time the band finally ventured into the studio, Maggie was almost eight months pregnant. I was reluctant to leave her so close to her due date, but by then we’d hired a sweet southern girl called Kathleen to help with Molly, so I knew she had some help at home.

Fresh out of college, Kathleen had a mature, quiet attitude and at twenty-one years old, she was the oldest sibling of a large Southern family. Despite her tender age she was a natural care-giver and had a wealth of personal experience from taking care of her siblings and cousins.

Maggie took to her straight away, and I figured if she was okay by Maggie’s standards then she passed the test for mine. Saying that I still found myself watching her like a hawk and waiting for her to put a foot wrong—then again, what parent wouldn’t?

For the first time, I knew what it felt like to hate leaving home to go to work. Vinny, was out of rehab and clean for the first time in years, so there was nothing keeping us at home anymore. However, he lacked stamina and strength, so recording was slow.

George, and Mel—the remaining member of the band—became short-tempered with him because unlike me they’d been eager to get the album going and were frustrated by all the setbacks. Personally, I had more empathy with Vinny because at one time I was an addict myself.

On the other hand, Steve, our manager; and the guys, were stoked with all the new material I’d written in my downtime. Uncertainty in my private life obviously brought out my inspirational angsty side.

Five songs made it onto our album, but not before I’d taken a huge amount of stick from my bandmates for being whipped by Maggie in the process. Jealousy is ugly. Then again, they were all still single guys, wandering aimlessly from place to place looking for the next pussy to dip their dick in—and they were welcome to that.

George called time when Vinny had fucked up for the fifth time during the last track of the day, his arms too fatigued to keep the pace of the beat through lack of practice. One by one we gradually finished stowing our instruments on the stands and filed back into the studio office. I was about done packing up when my cell vibrated in my bag. It was Annalise.

“Good news. Lester Crossly called regarding your court hearing about Rudi. A judge has been appointed to your case, and the date is set for Tuesday. Lester thinks with the evidence his team have and the omissions to follow due process from your original case, dispensing with the restraining order should only be a formality.”

Thoughts that I may finally get to see my son made my heart pound and I could barely speak. Tears welled faster than I could swallow them back. “Call you back,” was all I could manage because I was choked with emotion. Eamon covered for me with the guys and I hastily made my way to our ride, then he drove me home in silence because I couldn’t even think let alone talk about my conversation with my assistant.

Everything appeared to be happening at once. Maggie had given up work the week before. Apart from our baby being due, she figured the adoption board would move things along quicker if they knew there was a parent who was always at home. She had been right on that count because after informing them, her adoption application was finalized and approved a couple of weeks later.

As Maggie was already Molly’s legal guardian and her sole surviving relative it had sped up the proceedings. All the paperwork, her background checks as a teacher, and the fact that Molly had lived with her since she was born helped tremendously.

My application was far more complicated, and I continued to wait for the court’s final decision. It had been a while since I’d submitted the paperwork along with my medical records. That part had worried me the most because during my medical I was questioned at length about my bouts of depression and misuse of alcohol. I was honest, and I’ll admit the interrogation got me down inside; however I had to accept they’d do the same to anyone with a history of problems like I had. I only prayed they weren’t swayed by the shit the media had put out about me and assessed me fairly.

The one area that was the most difficult to comply with were the sessions I was supposed to attend as part of the pre-adoption process. Fans and publicity made it impossible for me to do this in a group setting. Eventually a case worker was appointed to work with me at home to ensure I met the criteria necessary for safeguarding Molly.

There were times when I felt it was never going to happen, doubting how people would view me. Maggie, the voice of reason was right behind me when I almost lost my shit a couple of times, particularly after the discussions about my alcoholism and depression.

“They couldn’t take the baby we’re having away because of your past and you’re not that guy anymore, so why would they refuse Molly the opportunity to have two doting parents?”

I only wished I shared her confidence.

After Annalise’s call, I was preoccupied all the way home as I turned over every negative issue I could think of that would prevent a judge from granting me permission to see my son. My anxiety at those thoughts caused a pain in my gut. My heart was split right down the middle. One side felt light—blissful at being with the woman and child I loved who held that half in their hands. The other half was barely recognizable as part of the same one beating inside my chest. It had been battered and bruised; crushed, broken, and splintered by the despair I felt at not knowing my son.

Lost in thought, I hadn’t realized we’d arrived home until Eamon turned off the engine and looked at me with concern.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, Annalise told me the hearing about Rudi is set for Tuesday.”

“Let’s hope you have a judge that plays fair this time,” he muttered as he got out of the car. “I’m here if you need to get anything off your chest,” he added.

* * *

Molly’s enthusiastic chatter greeted me as I turned the handle and stepped into the hallway. It lightened my mood a little to hear it. The pitter patter of her flip-flops quickly followed as she ran out of the playroom to meet me, lifting my temperament a little more.

“Noah,” she shouted excitedly, as she ran toward me with a delighted wide smile on her face. Jumping up into my open arms I wrapped them around her and spun her in a circle. I cradled her head in my hand and felt love radiate from her. “How’s my baby girl today?” I asked, trying to sound cheerful.

“I’m six, Noah. I’m not a baby,” she chastised me with a scolding expression on her face. It made me smile no matter how I’d felt before I stepped into our home.

“You’ll always be my baby, no matter how old you get,” I replied and tickled her ribs. “Where’s that gorgeous mom of yours?” At first her brow creased, then she remembered I was talking about Maggie who was legally her mom by then and as if a little lightbulb went off she scrubbed my chin and said, “She’s lying down upstairs. Our baby is tiring her out,” Molly replied. I loved that she referred to our unborn baby as ‘ours’.

I walked us into the kitchen to find Kathleen. “Is Maggie okay?”

“She’s been having some mild contractions this afternoon and refused to let me call you,” Kathleen replied. My whole being filled with concern.

Setting Molly down, I took the stairs two and three at a time in my haste to get to our bedroom.

“Maggie, baby?” I said with a question in my voice.

Her eyelids fluttered open, and she gave me a reassuring smile. She rubbed her round belly and replied, “I’m fine, Noah. It’s only been a few hours. The contractions are bearable but they’re getting a little stronger. We’ve got time to get Molly to bed before I have to leave for the hospital.”

“Have you called your OB guy?”

“My Obstetrician is happy for me to stay home a little longer. If the contractions get closer or my waters break, he said I’d have to go in straight away.”

I ran my hands roughly through my hair then stuffed them in my pockets to hide my nerves. I knew she needed me to hold my shit together and be calm.

“You put your bag in the trunk, right?” Maggie nodded, and I pulled out my cell to tell Eamon what was happening by text—he responded to say he was ready when we were.

* * *

George: Are you planning on putting in an appearance today?

After a long emotional night at the hospital I’d clean forgotten to inform the band of our news.

Me: Shit, sorry. We have a boy. George Oliver Stephen Haxby.

George: Congratulations. Well fuck… George—after me? I’m honored, mate. Did you know your kid's initials are GOSH? LOL.

I grinned widely because no one could piss on my strawberries now Maggie had delivered our beautiful son.

Me: Ha! Yeah… that was my reaction when I saw his head appear. I added a shocked emoticon.

George: LOL. Congrats to you both. Give Maggie our love and tell her she’s a saint to give birth to the devil’s spawn.

Me: Oy. Thanks. She’s the best damned thing about me.

I put my cell back in my pocket with a happy smile on my face as I sat down on the chair. My mind replayed the emotional scene of Maggie grimacing with determination as she pushed George into this world. Watching anxiously as his still little body slid between her legs, his chest still and his skin pale. And I glanced to Maggie with the utmost respect for all she’d been through to bring him into the world.

Within seconds, I saw his lifeless color change from gray to pink as his chest expanded when he took his first breath, and as his lungs filled with air, then he cried. It was the sweetest and the worst sound all at the same time. Then the full impact of emotion of the wonder I’d witnessed caught me square in the chest and I cried with him. I was officially a wimp.

Reluctantly, I took the scissors the doctor gave me, scared to use them but privileged to be offered. My hands shook as he directed me to cut the cord and I nervously severed the tie that attached him to Maggie’s body. As I stared down at his tiny naked body, the sudden recognition of what George meant to me kicked in and my heart opened instantly to him.

Next thing I knew he was lifted onto Maggie’s chest and I stared fascinated as she breast-fed our tiny son.

“I never expected him to be that small,” I mused, mesmerized by the fact he knew exactly what to do.

“That’s not what my undercarriage is thinking.”

“Undercarriage? You mean your pussy? Does it hurt?”

Maggie drew me a look that said if she didn’t need me I’d have been dead and chewed on her mouth as she thought for a second. “Think razor blades, taser shocks, rope burn, and being whipped with a nylon rope… then you’ll have the beginnings of an idea what that felt like.”

“Ouch,” I frowned hating that she was in pain and I was partly to blame.

* * *

Despite my protests Maggie insisted I slept at home and by the time I arrived back there, Molly had left for class. I lay on the bed intending to have a couple of hours then go back to the hospital, but I never slept a wink. My mind whirred like a revolving door from one child to the next as thoughts of my responsibilities took hold.

Focusing on one at a time was difficult because all three little ones had needs and as they were all equally my responsibility I had wanted to ensure I considered each one in any decisions that were made. One thought did enter my head which made me smile. Who had time to be depressed or drunk with three kids to take care of?

On the way back to the hospital later that morning I had a call from my welfare key worker regarding Molly’s adoption application. Due to someone passing away, case had been bumped, and the judge wanted me to be present due to the previous issues with Rudi. Why is it that everything happens at once?

When I told her about the case Lester was progressing and the court date for that, she took the information and wondered if the same judge could preside over both at the same time. It would mean he’d make a ruling not only with Molly but for Rudi as well.

By the time she’d concluded the call my anxiety levels were insanely high again. What should have been the best day of my life was filled with worry and self-doubt. My concerns were if he said no to Rudi he’d say no to both and where would that leave Maggie and I and our family? Then I felt we should never have told Molly until the deal was sealed.

I considered if I should tell Maggie I was due in court at the end of that week and quickly dismissed that thought. It was a special day for us, we were bringing our son home and although the call had taken the shine off my day, I was damned if I would do anything to take it off hers.

As Eamon had been privy to the conversation I’d sworn him to silence about mentioning anything to Maggie, then my conversation was cut short as Eamon drove into the hospital parking lot because my heart sank when I saw a group of reporters milling around by the door.

“How the fuck?” I cussed, “Today of all days,” I said, angry they’d found out about Maggie and our boy. “Here we go,” I said in frustration and shook my head in disbelief. Thoughts about how my appearance in court may be affected by anything they printed made me worried.

“It was great while it lasted, Noah. I’m surprised you and Maggie kept them at bay for so long. Stay calm and don’t say anything to piss them off.”

Eamon pulled the car as near to the entrance as he could and got out. Opening the door for me, I stepped out behaving like I didn’t have a care in the world. “Beautiful morning, everyone.” I said believing it was the only comment they were getting from me.

“Noah, we hear congratulations are in order. Can we confirm by your presence here this morning, you’re confirming you’re the father of Maggie Dashwood’s baby?” shouted one reporter.

"You previously denied you were in a relationship with Maggie. Can you tell us why now our sources are saying she delivered a baby son to you here last night?" Asked another.

“Andrea tells us you are trying to overturn the restraining order on your son, Rudi… is that the case?” another called out.

Ignoring their questions, I pushed past them and headed up to the floor Maggie was on. “We need another car and a back way out of this place. I’m not throwing Maggie and my son to that pack of wolves down there,” I said to Eamon. Nodding he quickly pulled out his cell, made a call then put it on loudspeaker.

“Yes, Eamon?” Annalise asked.

I answered instead of him.

“Annalise, we need backup at the hospital. The paparazzi know about Maggie.”

“I heard she’d had the baby through the calls I’ve been getting, they’re all over this. Congratulations. The office lines have been jammed for the past forty-five minutes, so it’s still breaking. I hadn’t heard a peep before that. Are you in the hospital now? Are there many reporters? Do you need assistance at your home as well?”

“Quit with the twenty questions. Yes, we’re here already. I need a car to get us out quietly. I want Maggie and my son home safely with no fuss, and you better get someone over to Molly’s school. I’ll have Maggie call them in a few minutes when I get to her room—”

“Wait, there’s a change of plan. I’m not taking them home, we’re going to Noah’s parent’s place. Call me back with the details for the car and send extra security to the house. I want them to think we’re going back there. You’d better update Kathleen about Molly and they can meet us there,” Eamon said.

“All right, you heard the man and Annalise make sure the driver is discreet,” I added, leaving Eamon holding the phone and I marched down the hall to Maggie’s room.

My tone was harsh with Annalise, but I was under stress. The media could do their worst with me, but I was determined to protect my family and do all I could to keep them out of the limelight. Someone in a position of trust at the hospital had obviously broken our confidence and sold the information to the media. In my head I cursed whoever it was to Hell for being so fucking greedy as I opened the door of Maggie’s room with a relaxed smile on my face.

“Good God, could you look any more beautiful?” I asked as I moved over beside her. Bending down I gave her upturned mouth a soft kiss. I held the side of her head in my hand as she looked down at our son and she leaned into my palm. “You’re adorable together,” I added.

“You just missed George having his first test. He passed with flying colors,” she said, looking up into my eyes and smiling affectionately. Hers shone with happiness and my heart swelled because I’d helped put that smile on her face.

“Test?” I frowned, with a note of concern and slid my hand from her cheek to cradle his head. Maggie gestured to me to take him and I slid my other hand under his body, lifting him free of her and held him close to my chest. Pressing my nose to his soft downy hair I inhaled his scent and my heart squeezed with love for them both.

“Yeah, his hearing check—he passed,” she added with a slight chuckle.

“You listening to your mommy, son? You’re a genius already, rock star,” I told him and peppered kisses on his head. George nuzzled close to my body and the way he snuggled… well I had no words to describe what it meant to me to hold him in that moment.

“We’re all set. I have my paperwork, signed the insurance forms again, and I have my physical therapy sheet of exercises.”

“Pelvic floor?”

“Yeah… I need to work on those to prevent myself from peeing the sofa when I’m old,” she answered with grin.

“Oh, honey. You don’t need to worry on my account. I have enough money to check you into an elderly care residence if that happens then it won’t be my problem.”

Maggie belly laughed, stopped sharply, and winced. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, who knew how much pressure is put on your tushie when you laugh.” She replied and snickered and stood gathering up her purse.

Then came the moment I dreaded because I had to tell her about the press and decided it had to be done like ripping off a band-aid.

“How much do you like surprises?”

“Depends what you’ve got in mind. I’m pretty tired, I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“This is… a ten-minute surprise.”

“Alright, I can manage that,” she replied nodding.

“Here’s the thing. The media’s found out about us… and George.” Her sweet smile froze on her lips and her eyes darkened with worry.

“They have? How?”

“We’ll talk about that later; right this minute we’ve got a posse of photographers hanging around the front door waiting to ambush us when we leave. Annalise is organizing another car and Eamon is going to walk back to our car as if he’s going to grab something from the trunk while we sneak out from the back of the building somehow. He’s figuring it out right now with the security staff.”

Maggie took George from me when he’d begun to fret and shushed him on her shoulder. It was as if he’d picked up on my anxiety.

“We’re not going home either; Eamon’s taking us to my parents. First, I need you to contact Molly’s school and tell them one of my team and Kathleen will be picking her up early and they’ll bring her to us." Tension rolled off Maggie but I tried my best to stay calm for the sake of her and George.

* * *

An hour later we pulled through the gates to my parent’s place and I exhaled loudly because we’d made it there without incident. The relief on Maggie’s face caused an overwhelming urge within me to protect her and the kids and my chest tightened. This is all my fault.

Maggie remained anxious for Molly even after she’d been assured Molly was already out of school and on her way home to my parents with Kathleen and a bodyguard. It wasn’t until Molly came bursting through the door at my parents that she visibly relaxed.

Molly ran over to Maggie but stopped short, hesitant about being around the baby, and peered over at him on tiptoe from where she stood.

“Is this my… brother?” She whispered like it was a secret and looked to Maggie for clarification.

“Yes, it is, Molly. Do you want to hold him?” Maggie asked with a smile in her voice and looked over to me to see if I was watching. I smiled back at her to let her know I was paying attention.

Molly squealed and clasped her hands under her chin. “Can I?” she asked in disbelief then ran on the spot with excitement.

I watched how carefully she cradled his tiny head in her little hand and looked at Maggie because it was an emotional moment for us. I felt my heart swell in my chest and for a second I felt sad because Rudi had missed this event. Then I reminded myself we were almost there as a family and I prayed the judge would be reasonable and see me for the man that I had become and not the foolish teenager I’d been in the past.