CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHANNING
It had only been a week, but it felt like years. As I sat alone in our hotel room thumbing through a brochure on local attractions, I couldn’t wait for her to get here.
Having to look at her all week and not touch her was absolute hell. It had seriously been the longest week of my life. But I made that rule, and I was determined not to break it.
The knock finally came. When I opened the door, I had to stop myself from immediately mauling her as she entered.
She looked good enough to eat in an off the shoulder, flowery top. My mouth watered with the need to devour her neck. It wasn’t until I looked up at her face again that I realized something was off.
“What’s wrong, Amber?”
Her eyes were brimming with sadness. “I got my period.”
Shit.
My balls were aching. The thought of not being able to satisfy the need that had been building all week was unbearable.
“Come here,” I said, taking her into my arms and burying my nose in her hair. I then led her to the bed and pulled her close. “It’s okay. Don’t stress out.” I kissed her on the forehead. “How are you feeling otherwise?”
“I’m good. It was a long week getting here.”
“Tell me about it.”
I couldn’t help leaning in to taste her lips. She opened them eagerly to receive my kiss.
My erection was so hard it was painful. I was sure there were other sexual things we could do if she didn’t want to have intercourse, but I wasn’t going to pressure her into anything if she wasn’t feeling well.
We lay in silence for a while until she surprised me when she asked, “Is everything okay back home in Chicago?”
My chest tightened. “Why do you ask?”
“Just wondering.”
That was an odd question that seemed to come out of nowhere. There was a lot going on in Chicago, but it was the last thing I wanted to think about right now.
“Everything is fine.”
I only wanted to think about her. About her lips that were swollen from my kiss. About her skin that was blushing from the way I was looking at her. About how badly I wanted to be inside of her. I honestly couldn’t deal with anything else.
Unable to resist the need to touch her, I brushed my thumb along her collarbone. “Why do you have to look so beautiful right now?”
She sighed. “I don’t feel beautiful.”
“What can I do to make you feel better?”
“Just keep lying down with me. Let’s talk for a little while.”
Kissing her neck, I spoke into her skin, “I can do that.”
She looked up at me. “Am I being too needy? I know this is just supposed to be sex.”
“I like talking to you. A lot. I like doing a lot of things with you, as you know, but just talking is cool, too.”
“How was work this week?” she asked.
“I’ll be happy to be done with this contract. It’s been stressful, but it’s been worth it just to spend this time in Boston with you.”
“I wish you didn’t have to leave.”
It pained me to hear her say that. “You think you’ll ever move back to Illinois?”
“I don’t know. I really love it here. And I couldn’t imagine leaving the people I work with right now, especially Milo.”
“That’s true. That would be tough.”
“My parents want me to move back. I miss them, but it’s been liberating being away and living on my own. Of course, I’d never intended to be alone. I only came out here in the first place because of Rory’s job.”
“Whereabouts does he live exactly? I never asked.”
“He’s about thirty minutes from us in Reading. That’s north of the city. When we broke up, he moved closer to his work up there. Before that, we lived together in Boston in a different apartment near Fenway Park. After the breakup, my father came out and bought the condo I live in now as an investment property.”
“Your dad owns your place?”
“Yes. So, I’m paying the mortgage between my rent and then whatever I get from the Airbnb people.”
“Wow. I had no clue.”
“Do you think I’m a spoiled brat because Daddy owns it?”
“You work harder than anyone I know, so no, of course I don’t. You’ve never taken advantage of your parents’ money.”
Amber never flaunted her wealth growing up. She started working the first chance she got and never spent money like crazy.
I’ll never forget the first time I went to Amber’s house back in Illinois. It was after Lainey died. She was always over at our place, so I’d never had a reason to go to hers. I remember at the time being unable to believe that she actually lived in what seemed like a mansion to me because she’d never given us any indication that she came from money.
“Well, I insisted on paying the entire mortgage. Renting out the room really helps with that. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to afford it.”
“Do you rent to only women?”
“There have been a couple of men.”
That hadn’t even occurred to me until now. I couldn’t stand the idea of her living with strange men. Just the thought made my blood pressure rise. Fuck. This was going to worry me after I left.
“How do you vet people?”
“Background checks.”
“You still don’t really know that they’re safe.”
“Nothing in life is a hundred percent.”
“I’m not gonna lie. That freaks me out a little.”
“Then stay. You won’t have to worry about it.”
The smile she flashed was so freaking adorable.
“I wish I could, Amber. Believe me.”
Her eyes seemed to be asking me why I couldn’t. I desperately wanted to tell her, but I wasn’t ready for the emotional toll that would take on me. Instead of thinking about it, I opted to bury my mouth in her neck.
I spoke into her skin, “I want you so fucking badly.”
She let out a shaky breath. “I’d give anything to feel you inside of me right now.”
Pulling back in surprise, I said, “You want to have sex? Then, what the fuck are we waiting for?”
“I didn’t think you’d…want to. Because I have my period.”
“Are you kidding me? I feel like I’m gonna burst, Amber. I was only holding back because I thought you didn’t want to.”
“No. I’m even more aroused on my period. I just thought it would gross you out.”
“No fucking way could you ever gross me out.” I sighed into her mouth as I kissed her. My dick moved to full mast, so excited to finally get some relief. “God, we really need to communicate better.” I got up. “Let me grab a towel to put under you.”
She was crazy if she thought there were any circumstances under which I wouldn’t want her. Maybe if it were someone else, I would have had to think twice about this scenario. But with Amber, I just didn’t care; I wanted her any way I could have her.
I’d never put on a condom so fast in my life. My knees barely hit the mattress before she pulled me down on top of her body.
My cock was throbbing as I entered her. Amber wrapped her legs around my back. It felt like the deepest I’d ever been inside of her. From that angle, it was really hard not to prematurely blow my load.
“I need to slow down.”
She nodded, biting her bottom lip.
As I slowed my pace, we looked each other in the eyes while we fucked. The room was so quiet. There were no sounds other than the movement of our bodies and the occasional noise from the air conditioner. I’d never in my life looked a girl in the eyes during sex. With Amber, I wanted to capture every reaction, every emotion as she took me inside of her body. And then I wanted to burn those reactions into my brain, so I could think about them when we weren’t together anymore. But it also hurt, because one of the things reflected in her eyes was trust. And I wasn’t sure if I deserved it. I wanted to believe I did.
Fuck. What was happening to me?
As I picked up the pace, my hips moving in a circular motion, she dug harder and harder into my back. Then, she went and said something that nearly undid me.
“I want you to come on me. I want to feel it on my skin.”
I nearly lost it, pulling out of her and removing the condom before jerking myself off all over her stomach. As I came, she brought herself to orgasm with her fingers.
After, I lowered my body down and kissed the hell out of her, not caring about the sticky aftermath on my abs.
Gently biting her neck, I said, “Remind me to thank Rory for breaking you in for me.”
She smacked my ass. “Oh, you’re bad.”
After I cleaned up, we lay in the bed staring at each other. Sometimes what was unsaid could be so much louder than actual words. I knew we were both coming to the realization that we were kidding ourselves with this arrangement. But I wasn’t willing to stop it. I couldn’t.
She suddenly grabbed my face and kissed me long and hard, breaking only to say, “You’re addictive.”
“You’re beautiful,” I whispered into her mouth.
“You know…” she said. “I wasn’t sure if I believed you really felt I was beautiful at first. But now, the way you look at me and how your body reacts to me, I know you truly feel that way, which just surprises me, given how much…experience…you have.”
I struggled to find the right words to explain just how attracted to her I was. “There’s no one like you. There’s no one who smells like you, tastes like you. There’s no one with the same wide eyes, the same perky nose, the same slight freckles, the same plump lips, the same curve of your ass, the same short but beautiful legs, the same toes I want to nibble on. I don’t care how many women I’ve been with. There’s only one you, and I can’t get enough.”
My words put a huge smile on her face. “Do you still see me the same as when I was sixteen? I know you said that before. Have things changed now that you’ve…gotten to know me better?”
“You mean now that I’ve owned every inch of your body?” I nuzzled her neck. “Everything’s all jumbled now. I still see the old you. But I also see a grown, independent woman I’m really proud of. Every day I see more and more of her.”
“Figuratively and literally.” She giggled.
“Thank God for that.”
Amber’s smile faded as she seemed to be pondering something. “What if I see you in the future and can’t get past this?”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t imagine ever being around you and not feeling what I’m feeling right now. There’s gonna come a day when maybe you’re married or I’m married. I don’t know. No matter where we are in our lives, I can’t imagine ever being in the same room with you and not remembering how this feels, not wanting this. My body will remember, even if I try to tell it not to. I can’t fathom ever not wanting you like this.”
Hearing her say that tore me up inside, because it was a harsh reminder of the reality of this situation that I’d gotten us into. Could I handle seeing Amber with another man? At this very moment, I knew in my heart the answer was no.
I tried to make light of her comment. “Well, then we’d just have to sneak away and become reacquainted.”
She was searching my eyes. “Are you serious?”
“I’m just kidding—maybe.” Moving a piece of her hair behind her ear, I said, “Anyway, you’re thinking too much. You don’t need to worry about that right now.”
“I know. I can’t help it. I’m sorry.”
As much as I’d told her not to worry about it, I felt what she said in my bones. She was articulating exactly what I was feeling. I was just afraid to accept it.
In my heart, I knew our story wasn’t going to have a simple ending.