CHAPTER FOURTEEN
AMBER
Channing said he would be working late Monday night, so it was the perfect opportunity to have Annabelle over for some girl time.
It didn’t feel right divulging to her everything that Channing and I had done. Even though I shared things with my best friend pretty openly, he and I had agreed not to talk about our business with other people. While Annabelle knew the general gist of what was happening between Channing and me, I chose not to discuss any explicit details with her, and she respected my decision, for the most part. That didn’t mean she didn’t try to get info.
She poured some wine for each of us. “You sure you don’t want to talk about Saturday?”
“I’m sure.”
“Okay. But you’re good? Everything went okay?” She walked over to me, handing me a glass.
“Yes. Everything was amazing. Too amazing. The only downside of the night was when his phone went off during dinner. He’d gone to the bathroom. I couldn’t help flipping it over and taking a peek. It was Emily texting him. Jealousy crept in. And feeling that way made me think that I’ve really been kidding myself that we can just stay friends.”
“Okay, but you said you both agreed not to sleep with other people while this was going on, right? So, what are you worried about?”
“That doesn’t mean he can’t have feelings for someone else or even see her. It just means no sex. Anyway, I’m mad at myself for getting so worked up over it. That sort of defeats the purpose of the casual sex arrangement, doesn’t it?”
“Well, that’s the risk you take when you agree to something like this. I mean, he’s your friend. You care about him. When you add physical intimacy into the mix, those feelings are going to get all jumbled. You’re only human.”
Swirling my wine around in the glass, I stared mindlessly at it. “I don’t want to feel this way. I want to be able to enjoy the pleasure that being with him brings without letting in any of the complicated thoughts, but it’s hard.”
Annabelle took a sip of her wine and placed it down. “You’ll figure it out. I don’t envy you, though, and I do worry you’re going to end up getting hurt. But I’m not going to tell you to stop, because I don’t think I would be able to if I were you, either. You need this. I can only imagine that the sex is mind-blowing.”
God, yes, it was. I hadn’t been able to think of anything else.
“I’m pretty much going with it for the experience, knowing that I’ll probably get hurt and taking the risk anyway.”
“So much of what we do in life is like that.”
The front door opened, startling us. Channing was home from work. He wasn’t supposed to be back until much later. My heart started to pitter-patter. I wasn’t ready for this.
Annabelle was beaming at the sight of him. It was the first opportunity she’d had to meet him in person.
“Hey,” he said as he entered the living room. His eyes fell to the wine bottle and plate of cheese curls lying out on the coffee table.
“Channing, this is—”
“Annabelle.” He nodded, offering her his hand and a wide smile. “I know who you are. Really nice to meet you.”
“I guess my reputation precedes me?” Annabelle grinned. I could tell she was really impressed that he knew her name.
“Well, Amber’s mentioned you several times. I know you’re a good friend.”
“It’s amazing meeting you, as well. I’ve heard so much about you.”
“I’m certain you have,” Channing said as he took a seat on the couch. “Mind if I join in?”
I hesitated. “Um…sure.”
He poured himself a glass of wine before lying his head back. “Fuck. Today was a long day. I’m so glad to be home.”
“I thought you were supposed to be working late.”
“My meeting was cancelled. I was psyched about that. I’ve wanted nothing all day but to get home, eat a nice meal, and chillax.”
Kitty ran into the room and jumped onto Channing’s lap. He gently rubbed her head as he sipped his cabernet. Chills ran through me as I thought about those hands on me—in me—a couple of days ago. It was impossible to be around Channing anymore without having the phantom feelings of him touching me, of him inside of me. I felt him all over my body even when he wasn’t around, but the feelings were even stronger when he was present. True to his word, ever since Saturday, he hadn’t so much as brushed up against me. Being without his touch after an entire day of drowning in him was harder than I’d ever anticipated.
Annabelle couldn’t take her eyes off him. She had the goofiest grin on her face. I wished I could’ve smacked it away.
He shocked the life out of me when he turned to her. “So, I’m assuming Amber told you we’re fucking?”
The wine practically sprayed out of my nose. I grabbed a napkin.
Did he just say what I thought he said?
The room went silent. Annabelle looked like a deer in headlights. Then the goofy grin on her face returned in full force. The guilt was written all over her. She was making it very clear without saying anything that, of course, I’d told her.
She looked over at me. “Umm…”
He addressed her, “I mean, we can sit here and pretend like you don’t know, but we all know that’s not the case.” He glanced over at me and said, “Look, I know Amber tells you everything. She’s mentioned that to me before. So, I’m not stupid. When I first walked in, the two of you looked like scared mice. I’m certain you were talking about me, and that’s perfectly fine. Amber needs a good girlfriend to confide in. I’m happy she has that in you.”
Annabelle seemed to be blushing now. “Well, thank you. That’s very nice of you to say.”
“You’re welcome.” He kicked his feet up. “Amber tells me you have two kids?”
She looked over at me, seeming really impressed that Channing remembered that. “Yes. Jenna and Alex, eleven and seven.”
“They must keep you busy.”
“They do. But I love it. Between work and them, I don’t have much time to unwind. Needless to say, I live vicariously through Amber’s single life quite a bit. Tonight is a rare night out. My husband is manning the house.”
He looked between us. “Have you ladies eaten?”
“No, actually. We were going to order takeout,” I said.
“I was gonna cook something up for myself. How about I make it for all of us?”
Annabelle looked like he’d just offered her a new car. “That would be gr—”
“That’s okay,” I interrupted. “We can just do our own thing.”
The two of them sitting down together made me nervous for some reason, and I was doing my best to avoid that scenario.
Channing looked a little disappointed. “I get it. I didn’t mean to interrupt ladies’ night.”
“Nonsense,” Annabelle said. “We would love to have dinner with you, Channing, and thank you for the offer. It’s not every day I have a handsome man cooking dinner for me.”
“Well, I don’t know about handsome, but I can definitely cook my ass off.”
She mouthed over to me, “Freaking adorable.”
He is.
And there was no way I was getting out of this dinner now.
Channing ended up cooking us a meal of tapas that included smoked salmon, deep fried bacon-wrapped dates with goat cheese, and Sriracha meatballs.
After we ate, we lingered around the table.
“So, Amber tells me, you two have quite the history,” Annabelle said.
“Yeah, Walnut and I go way back.” He looked over at me and smiled. Chills ran through me because his every expression, every smile now had an underlying “fuck me” look to it.
“Tell me about young Amber.”
Channing’s smile widened as he thought about the answer. “Young Amber was awesome. She was like one of the boys, always down for anything, not preoccupied with girly shit, not obsessed with how she looked or anything like that. She was the voice of reason, but she could always somehow be swayed to the dark side. Not much has changed, really. Well, except she’s a little more girly now.” He winked at me. “But that’s perfectly fine with me.”
Annabelle’s eyeballs were moving and back and forth as she observed us. She seemed to be getting off on his flirting with me.
I turned the topic of conversation back to our childhood. “We never did anything that bad in those days. We might have broken into a couple of abandoned houses, stuff like that. In the couple of years that we were inseparable, you can bet if I did do something bad, that Channing was probably behind it.”
“That’s true.” He grinned. “Anyway, it was just my mother, sister, and me growing up. Amber was always at the house. She was like another family member.”
Annabelle played with the last of her food and asked, “You didn’t have a father around?”
Channing’s expression darkened. “My father left us when we were small. He moved to Nevada and remarried. I’m not in touch with him.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
The only time I’d ever seen Channing’s dad was at Lainey’s funeral. He showed up with his new wife and didn’t really talk to anyone. I knew right away who he was, because he looked just like an older version of his son. The situation with their father walking out on them always made me so sad for Channing and Lainey. But it made me downright angry to see him at her service when he hadn’t been there for her otherwise.
“It’s okay,” Channing said. “I never knew what it was like to have him around after like the age of six, so there was never a huge feeling of loss. Emptiness, maybe, but I’ve gotten by just fine without him.”
I wasn’t sure that I believed he really felt that way.
I chimed in, feeling sad that he had to think about his father and wanting to change the subject. “I’m an only child, as you know. I had two happily married parents, the perfect upbringing. But I was bored a lot. I much preferred the chaos of Lainey and Channing’s house.”
“Anarchy.” Channing chuckled. “And all the candy you could eat.”
“That’s true.” I laughed.
I prayed that Annabelle didn’t bring up Lainey’s death. Thankfully, she seemed to remember me telling her that it was difficult for Channing to talk about.
We stayed talking at the table for about an hour. It made me really happy that Annabelle and Channing got along so well. He ended up calling an Uber for her and insisted on paying for it.
After she left, he and I were by ourselves in the kitchen cleaning up. For some reason, I had a hard time looking at him when we were alone. Without the buffer of another person, I was afraid he would be able to sense the want in my eyes, afraid it would make me look weak.
His voice was low—sexy—when he said, “You can look at me, you know.”
My back was to him when I said, “I can’t ever look at you the same again.”
He inched a little closer so that I could feel his breath. “Well, I sure as fuck hope not.”
Clearing my throat, I said, “I’m really happy that you and Annabelle got along so well.”
“You weren’t planning on bringing her around me, were you?”
I shrugged, unable to properly explain why I was hesitant for him to meet her. “Just so you know, I don’t talk about the specifics of what we do or anything. Some things are nobody’s business. She just knows in general that we agreed to…you know…” I hesitated.
“Fuck like animals on Saturdays...”
I could feel my face heating up. “Yes.”
“I’m fine with whatever you tell her. Like I said, it’s important to me that you have someone like her you can depend on and confide in. Clearly, I’m not that friend for you, since I can’t be trusted not to fuck the friendship part up in the name of physical pleasure.”
We were just staring at each other for a bit, and I was secretly wishing he would break the rules. I wasn’t going to be the first to do it. My weakness was eye-opening, a clear indication that I was definitely not going to be able to quit him very easily. Not to mention, losing him altogether was becoming a greater fear by the day.
“I hope that no matter what happens that we’ll always be friends, Channing.”
“Me, too, Amber. I really mean that.”
“We’re breaking the rules even talking about this, huh?”
“I’ll let it slide this one time.” He winked and leaned in closer, the heat of his body palpable. “For the record, I can’t wait until Saturday.” He was so close yet so far away. My body was in complete agony.
***
I went to bed that night fully aroused. It was close to midnight, and I was unable to sleep, so I decided to grab a glass of water.
I could hear that Channing was talking to someone on the phone in his room.
Who was he talking to so late?
His voice was muffled, but I struggled to hear what he was saying.
“I’ve got just under two months left, then I’m back to Chicago for good. I know it feels like forever that I’ve been gone. But you won’t have to wait much longer. I just need this time. Then, I’m yours, alright?”
Returning to my room, I couldn’t help the unsettled feeling in my stomach. But I had to remind myself that this situation was temporary. I knew that. So, nothing he said in that phone conversation should have mattered.
I was really good at kidding myself.