Promise
Keelie
Asa closes the book and tosses it to the sofa beside him. It doesn’t matter how wiggly the fur ball in my lap is, I can’t look away from Asa holding my daughter after he just lulled her to sleep by reading The Black Stallion.
When he puts his arm around her, she shifts into him farther as he looks across the room to me.
“You’re hard to resist, Asa Hollingsworth,” I whisper as I let Emma’s new puppy chew on my fingers.
His voice rumbles quietly over Saylor’s head. “You’re hard to figure out, Keelie Lockhart.”
I’m not quite sure what to say to that.
After having six people in my house, it’s been strangely quiet with just the four of us. Levi and Emma flew to California to see Danielle Friday morning and won’t be back until tomorrow night. It’s been a busy day but a good one, and I haven’t once thought about it being a Saturday until just a little bit ago.
Asa tends to do that—pave the way in all we do together, yet still somehow, it’s always about others. He has a gift for it.
Once the kids woke up this morning, I realized Jimbo wasn’t hammering away for the second Saturday in a row. When I noted this, Asa told me not to worry, that he worked something out with Jimbo and work would resume first thing Monday morning. Jimbo told him it would be done in two weeks while working on it full-time instead of the twenty years it would’ve taken working for me for free.
Full-time!
I didn’t have to ask who was paying for Jimbo to work forty hours a week. The Infiniti sitting in my garage was proof enough of Asa providing expensive solutions to my problems.
We argued. Then I argued some more while he ignored me.
I lost.
Jimbo is starting full-time come Monday morning.
After all the arguments, Asa announced over breakfast our task for today was to pick out a puppy to surprise Emma. You’d think it was Christmas morning as happy as this made my kids. We were out the door faster than Saylor could say chew toy, and I think we petted and loved on every dog at the shelter.
We came home with this little guy. He’s a terri-poo—part Australian terrier and part poodle. They think he’s almost three months old. He’s light brown and is as sweet as they come. I could tell Asa wanted a poodle about as much as he wanted a hole in the head, but when my kids saw this little guy, they knew he was for Emma.
We spent the rest of the day shopping for puppy necessities, which included three doggie outfits from the pet store because it seems Asa can’t say no to my daughter. This puppy now wants for nothing besides a name. We’re leaving that task to Emma when she gets home tomorrow night.
Knox took his iPad and book up to his room a little while ago, so now the house is quiet.
I put the puppy on the floor so I can take Saylor upstairs. When I move to take her from Asa, she wraps her arms around his neck and her voice comes out sleepy. “Nooo. I want Asa.”
Asa stands and hitches her up in his arms like a rag doll and not dead weight the way she feels when I carry her. She lays her head on his shoulder and her eyes close again.
I give in. “I’ll put the puppy in his kennel and be right up.”
Asa plants a kiss on the top of Saylor’s head, and I swear, my insides twist some more. I push it away like I have for the last week—like I’m having to do more often as the days go by.
I know I’m being selfish, allowing Asa and his kids to stay here. Deep down, I know I’m doing it because I like them here. I like how my house feels less big and massive as it did with just the three of us. Even though he insists on staying, I know I could make him leave if I wanted to.
I don’t want him to.
I want him here. And that’s what’s twisting inside me, anchoring itself down deep where I know it’s going to be hard to dislodge when I need to. It’s going to be painful and I’m tired of feeling pain.
When I finally get the puppy settled, I make my way upstairs and lean on the door jamb to Knox’s room. Asa is settling Saylor on the floor pallet she never cleans up. Banner and Bella are settled at her feet for the night and after Asa tucks her in, he moves to Knox to pry his iPad out of his sleeping hands. He doesn’t seem surprised to see me as he stands between my sleeping children and crosses his arms.
I lean my head against the door jamb and whisper, “What?”
He gives his head two shakes. “You ever going to get on board with the rest of us?”
I feel my heart clench but try not to let it show. He’s been looking at me in an odd way lately. I don’t know what it means, but I don’t like it because he’s seeing way more than I want him to. Hell, more than I want anyone to. “What are you talking about?”
“You know what I’m talking about, baby. You’re here,” he motions around the room between us and my sleeping kids, “but you’re not.”
“I am,” I whisper, almost desperately. I don’t know if I’m trying to convince him or myself, because I want to be here, a part of whatever this is. So much. “I’ve allowed you to work your way into my life.” I gesture to my kids. “And more importantly, theirs. I’d never allow that if I wasn’t on board.”
I look away, go to kiss my kids and pet the dogs one last time for the day. When I brush past him to get to Knox, he runs a hand down my arm and grasps my hand. After I kiss my son’s dark-haired head, I find myself being pulled from the bedroom. Asa silently shuts their door and I find myself in his arms with his lips on mine.
He presses me into the wall to intensify his kiss. Moving his lips on mine like he’s trying to prove something, claim me, or who the hell knows, maybe try to convince himself that I’m on board. Because seriously, if I could be all-in, it would make everything much easier on me. Just like with my therapist, I hate answering questions.
“Baby,” he murmurs against my lips. “I want to believe you, but I can tell you’re full of shit.”
Oh. Well, so much for that.
When he’s about to say something else, his phone beeps from his back pocket. Saved by the bell.
Frustrated, his eyes close and I feel his breath tickle my face. He presses one more kiss to my lips before saying, “That’s Crew. I need to check it.”
Thankful for the reprieve, I step around him and go to my room to get ready for bed. When he appears in the mirror behind me, he’s typing into his phone with a scowl.
“What’s that about?” I ask.
“An update about the shooting. An update with not much more information than I had before. It’s frustrating.” He tosses his phone on the counter and tags my hand. When I’m pulled across my bathroom, Asa is heading straight for the shower. He reaches in and flips on the water before grabbing the hem of my shirt. “It’s nothing I want to think about. Right now, I only want to think about you.”
I’m all for that, especially if it means he’ll quit demanding why I’m not all here, because I honestly don’t have an answer.
Once our clothes are jumbled in a pile on my bathroom floor, I get to take him in bare from head to toe. It’s been a week since we’ve officially been together and I wonder if I’ll ever get used to him. Unlike me, who gets all my exercise through home improvement projects and farm animal chores, I’ve learned Asa works out rigorously—weights, a rowing machine, and boxing. He told me he hates to run, which I can’t blame him there. I hate running, too, but his body is sculpted, lean, and I could look at it all day.
His cock is standing at attention, and like the magnet it seems to be every time it comes out to play, I reach for it, hearing him groan, “Fuck, baby. You like my cock.”
I look up to his heated eyes and he pulls me into the shower. The water saturates us, washing everything away. And just like he always manages to do when we’re like this, he makes me forget. I get to put everything out of my head—money, my fatherless children, my job, even my aging donkey. My head clears and I can focus on Asa.
On us.
He sits on the marble bench and pulls me to stand between his legs. Grabbing my ass in his big hands, he pulls me to him and looks up at me. “This is how I want you all the time.”
I run my fingers through his wet hair. “I can’t be naked all the time, Asa.”
He squeezes my ass, almost to the point of being painful, and frowns. “You know what I mean. I see you and I can see the difference.”
He looks down and his tongue comes out to flick my nipple before pulling it into his mouth. His hands start to roam, drifting over my skin along with the water. I hold him to me when one of his hands cups me and I have no words.
“Tell me what the difference is,” he continues and looks up, holding me close. “If I could fuck you twenty-four-seven, I would, but I can’t. Tell me what you need so you’ll quit holding back.”
Looking into his hazel eyes, I say nothing since I don’t know myself. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and climb onto his lap. Feeling his hard cock rubbing my clit, I get as close as possible and kiss him. He holds me tight, grinding me against him, making me wet and even warmer than the hot water.
Taking over, his kiss deepens—rough and greedy. “Lift, baby. I can’t take another second. I need to feel your pussy.”
I do as he says and he yanks me down, filling me—filling me with much more than just his cock.
I feel my eyes go heavy as I start to rock, wanting him more than anything. His hands come to my hips to take over, and every time he pulls me onto him, I want more and need it harder. I’ve never been able to orgasm during sex before Asa, but he seems to make everything possible.
I’m close and breathing hard. We’re face-to-face, our breaths mingled with moans, whispering on one another’s lips. I’m close and want it so badly, I move faster. Asa’s grip tightens on my ass to help, and at that moment, the words tumble from my mouth before I realize what I’m saying. “Don’t leave me.”
Asa freezes, making me gasp from the sudden loss of friction. I try to keep going, but he holds me in place, and I swear I’ll have bruises from his fingers digging into the muscles of my ass.
His expression is a mix of surprise and anger. Realizing what I’ve done, I try to lean in to kiss him, but he surges to his feet. This sudden movement is such a surprise, I have to hang on, but not for long. He presses my back against the cool marble and cups my head with his big hand.
Now, it’s all Asa.
He’s not just fucking me—he’s ravaging me.
I come almost instantly—my voice echoing through the floor-to-ceiling carrara surrounding us. He’s holding me tight, which is good because I’m limp as Asa groans into my neck, his orgasm chasing mine.
When I finally feel my toes again, I wrap up his muscled body as tight as I can. He holds me where we are, letting the water run over us. When he pulls his head back far enough to look at me, he whispers, “I get it.”
Still trying to catch my breath, I bite my lip.
“And I’ll prove it to you,” he adds, but it comes out as a promise.
Damn. In pure Keelie fashion, I choose to say nothing. It seems I’m becoming somewhat of a chicken-shit. I’m embracing it and hating myself for it, all at the same time.
Well, if this isn’t another Saturday for the record books, I’m not sure what is.
*****
I didn’t think it was possible, but Asa has been even more possessive than ever. It’s Sunday and almost dinnertime, but we’re heading out soon to pick up Levi and Emma at the airport. Knox and Saylor are so excited to surprise Emma with her new puppy, you’d think it was their idea.
It’s been a slow day at home. After last weekend, I decided to skip brunch with my family—much to their consternation. I had to put up with all the phone calls from Aunt Lillian Rose and my mother, not to mention the texts from Stephie. But I didn’t care. I wanted a day at home, and even though it’s been odd, it’s been a wonderful type of odd. An odd I could become addicted to.
Asa helped Knox and Saylor with the animals while I did my best to walk Emma’s puppy around the yard, trying to persuade him that this is his territory rather than the inside of my house. It’s starting to warm, so we had lunch on the patio, and ever since then, Knox and Asa have been busy working on a model rocket Knox got for Christmas.
Knox is smart, but this rocket from my parents was over his head. I’ve been meaning to get it out and help him build it, but there aren’t enough hours in the day. It almost broke me, when, at lunch, Knox hesitantly brought it up to Asa that he needed help. When Asa told him they’d tackle it together, I had to make an excuse to go inside to collect myself, which I hated more than anything. Losing control makes me feel weak.
By the time I was able to come out from my hiding place in the pantry, Knox was running downstairs with the kit. Asa was there waiting on him, but his eyes were on me. Never missing a beat, he could see right through me and came over to kiss my temple before commanding to Knox that they, “get with it,” so they could shoot it off before dark.
“Mommy!” I jump and shift from the kitchen window where I’ve been watching Asa and Knox. Saylor comes running into the house on a huff. “Are you gonna come? They’re about to shoot it off!”
I smile at my daughter, who’s been in the middle of rocket-building mania all afternoon. It’s a wonder they were able to finish with her jabbering and crawling all over Asa the entire time.
“Yeah, baby. I’m coming.”
She’s jumping up and down at the back door waiting on me, but her next words stop me mid-step.
“Is Asa gonna be our new daddy? ‘Cause, I like him.”
All the air leaves my body and I fumble for my words. “I … I don’t … ”
“Come on!” She runs to me, not waiting for an answer, grabbing my hand to pull me out the door. “We’re gonna miss it!”
For the first time in my life, I thank God for her short attention span. I have no words, let alone an answer.
But now I do know what’s going on in my daughter’s head, and as I get the first glimpse of how happy my son is after spending the afternoon with the man who’s warming my bed, I can only imagine what’s in his, too.
I’m still hovering in a weird space between fear and something strange and unfamiliar—but fear is tipping the scales. Since Asa has entered our lives, I’ve been all over the emotional spin-o-meter but, until now, I’ve never landed on fearful.
Asa gives me a grin before saying to my son, “Let ‘er rip.”
Knox does what he’s supposed to do before backing up to stand with the rest of us. Saylor kills me a little more when she tries to climb Asa, as if being three feet farther off the ground will get her closer to the action. Asa picks her up and swings her on his hip just seconds before the rocket erupts.
I don’t even look up. I can’t tear my eyes off the image in front of me—Asa holding my daughter in one arm and his hand on my son’s shoulder as they all watch the sky.
“Isn’t it cool, mom?” Knox looks to me, his eyes shining and his face jubilant.
I don’t even need to see the rocket parachuting to the earth to agree. “Yes, baby. It’s amazing.”
Asa ruffles Knox’s hair and gives Saylor a bounce. “Let’s go get Levi and Emma.”
I barely take in Saylor prattling on about the puppy’s name or Knox recalling every detail from his rocket launch. I finally have to force myself to move, only this time I’m not wondering how this is my life, but if this is my new normal. Our normal has been off for so long, I don’t even know what normal looks like.