Wet Panties Don’t Lie
Keelie
It’s late. Instead of ending my horrid day after I put the kids to bed like I should have, I decided to torture myself and start painting the third floor bedrooms. I figured I could at least get started on the ceiling.
Once I’d made a right fine mess—it’s impossible to paint a ceiling without getting paint in my hair—I showered and made the kids lunches for tomorrow. It’s after midnight and I’m exhausted. I flip off the light in the kitchen to head to bed when my phone beeps.
Asa – You up?
What the hell? It was sweet the first time when he asked if it’s a good time to call, but after his text earlier, he’s out of his mind. I’m tired and not in the mood.
Me – No.
Asa – That was quick for you not being up.
Now he’s being infuriating. He ended whatever we were, which hadn’t even started yet, and now he wants to talk?
Me – I was almost asleep.
Of course, now I get all the bubbles when earlier I was waiting for them as desperately as a knocked-up teenager waits for her period, dammit. Like the freak I don’t want to be, I stand here and stare at them.
Asa – Then why are your lights on?
What the fuck?
With absolutely no ninja skills, I trip over Saylor’s backpack as I move to the wall beside the window so I can peek out the curtain. There he is, parked in his truck in front of my house. I didn’t even hear him pull up and all the animals are in the barn, so I don’t have Jasmine as my exterior alarm.
Asa – You should really have motion lights installed.
Dammit again, he’s right. I’ve been meaning to have Jimbo install some of those, but I keep forgetting to add them to the list. I just decided they’re going in this weekend.
Asa – I see you peeking at me.
I step back and press myself to the wall. Fuck, he saw me. Fuck-fuck-fuck!
I suck as a ninja.
My phone dings again.
Asa – Open the front door.
This time I don’t ignore him.
Me – No. I’m on my way to bed.
I hear his truck door slam.
Asa – Open the door, Keelie.
My head falls back with a thump on the wall. Why? Why now? His text earlier was enough, and even though it was a text, it did us both a favor of avoiding the weird, uncomfortable face-to-face thing that no one wants to experience. I appreciate that text. What I don’t appreciate is an after midnight visit on a Monday night. Or Tuesday morning, but whatever. All I want right now is my bed and pillow.
I hear a knock on my front door, albeit, a soft one. He doesn’t know he’ll never wake my kids—they sleep like the dead. The dogs, on the other hand, will go berserk if they hear. This is what I tell myself as I rush to the front door and swing it open.
There he is, towering over me again, and since I’m barefoot in a pair of loose sleep-shorts and a thin t-shirt, he feels even bigger tonight. His hand rests high on the outside of my door jamb where he’s leaning, looking down at me. I can’t decipher what he’s thinking.
“What do you want?” I demand. That didn’t come out all rainbows and butterflies, but it’s late, he was practically spying on me, and now we’re going to have to do the weird face-to-face thing I was so grateful to avoid.
He frowns. “Don’t you have an alarm?”
“Yes. I just hadn’t set it yet. I was on my way to do that when I found you spying on me.”
He tips his head. “Where are the dogs?”
I exhale, even more frustrated. “They’re in with the kids and their door is shut. I’m lucky you haven’t roused them.”
“You should’ve had your alarm set,” he keeps on like it’s any of his business.
I shake my head and don’t invite him in. He’s standing among all the construction riffraff on my porch, which probably won’t be finished for years. “What do you want?”
With that, his eyes move. It’s ridiculous to say I can feel them. Only teenagers would say shit like that. But still, his eyes glide down my body, landing on my feet before boomeranging their way back up. Fuck me, it’s been so long since someone has looked at me like that, his gaze silked over my skin smoothly. When those dark eyes trimmed in green finally focus on mine, his lips purse before his deep voice utters, “Came to apologize for texting instead of calling. I had a rough afternoon with Emma and she needed my attention.”
My defenses melt away and here I am left feeling guilty again. His kids should take precedence. The tension releases from my shoulders and I shake my head, whispering, “Never apologize for making your kids a priority. Not to me anyway. Is she okay?”
He ignores my question. “Killed me to send that text.”
I lean into the door. “It’s for the best.”
“Not so sure of that.” He sighs. “I’m not sure of anything anymore.”
“You’re a good dad, Asa. Levi will graduate and go to college, and no matter what’s going on with Emma, she’ll come around with your help. I’ll do what I can from my end at school, but she’ll get there.”
“I need to make sure she’s good. Our rough afternoon turned into a rougher evening. I’ve got to focus on her. Still didn’t make me happy to send that text. You don’t know how badly I didn’t want to send it.”
I take a deep breath and decide to drive the last nail into any sort of doubt he might be having. “I never should have agreed to dinner with you. When I say don’t worry about it, I mean it. It’s for the best. I can’t bring just anyone into my kids’ lives, I hope you can appreciate that. They need stability above all else. It doesn’t matter what I might want. In the end, I need to think about them, just like your kids need your time and attention.”
His voice becomes sharp. “You don’t know me well, but I’d never do anything to jeopardize the wellbeing of your children, Keelie. Ever.”
I know I can protect my kids. I have and I’ll continue to do so like the mama bear I’ve grown into since it’s all on me. It might be an excuse—hell, I know it’s an excuse—but I need to get him off my doorstep quick-like because I’m having about as much fun as I’ve had in the past two years, which suffice it to say, is not a lot of fucking fun.
“I’m sure you’re well-meaning but, I know more than anyone, nothing is guaranteed.” I take a step toward him and try my best to end this. The brisk nip in the early spring air makes me shiver. I put a hand on his wide, firm chest and look up to him as I whisper, “I’m not divorced, Asa. My husband was killed almost two years ago.”
He narrows his eyes and his jaw goes hard, but other than that, he has no response.
I press my hand into his chest before letting it slip away and explain to him why he should want nothing to do with us. To say that Knox, Saylor, and I come with baggage heavier than the Kardashians is an understatement. “It took a long time to get my little family to where we are. My kids are happy enough and I need to keep it that way. I can’t risk them getting attached to someone only to lose them again. I have to think about my kids first and so do you.”
He takes a step closer, as close as he can without touching me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel his heat and want more of it.
“Fuck. I don’t like repeating myself, but I’ll say it again because it’s fucking true—I’d never hurt your kids.” He says this with such conviction laced with anger, I believe he means it even though he has no idea what he’d be getting himself into.
I take a step back and clear my throat. “I think we both know that when life happens, we have no control over it. This is for the best. A thirty-five-year-old widow and her children aren’t the easiest things to take on.”
He sighs and looks into the darkness.
I do my best to sound nonchalant, like it doesn’t hurt. “No hard feelings, really. Go home to your family.”
He looks back before pushing off the door jamb as he works his jaw. He’s angry, and even though I’m not sure what that’s about, a pang of sadness slides through me because I’ve done it. I convinced him we’re more effort than we’re worth. Yay me.
He doesn’t argue. Nor does he ask about my being a widow.
And now I’m more exhausted than ever and want to pretend like this never happened. Like it was never a possibility. Like it wasn’t something I might’ve wanted when I haven’t wanted anything in forever.
I need to put an end to this. “Go home, Asa.”
He takes a step backward without taking his eyes off me.
I close the door and lock it as quick as I can before leaning on the century old wood. I wait to listen for his truck to start, but hear nothing. Just when I think I’ve waited long enough and was about to head to bed, no matter how long he stands on my construction zone of a porch, I hear and feel another knock. This one isn’t soft or gentle—it’s insistent and demanding and I open the door before the dogs wake the kids.
Asa doesn’t look relaxed or controlled any longer. He doesn’t look apologetic. No, this time he’s intense, his eyes searing into mine as he nods.
“What—”
But I don’t manage another word. He takes a big step forward and before I know it, my face is being held in his strong hands. I’m forced back as he kicks my door shut with his big work boot and turns me. When my back slams against the wall next to my front door, his mouth takes mine in a searing kiss so aggressive, intense, and beautiful, it takes my breath away.
I fist his shirt to hold on as his tongue pushes into my mouth and I’m pressed into the wall where I feel him everywhere. And he doesn’t feel like silk. His large frame is firm and imposing. His lips are possessive and demanding as they move on mine. There’s no denying what Asa wants because he’s taking every ounce, but in the same breath, for the first time in so long I can’t even remember the last time it happened—I feel alive.
So fucking alive.
I’ve never wanted anything like I want this. I need it.
I’m desperate for it. For him.
I lift up on my toes for more and when I press myself into his hard chest, one of his hands makes its way into my still-wet hair as the other snakes down the side of my body, brushing my breast and creating an energy so hot, the cold night air is a distant memory.
His hand sneaks around to my ass and he pulls me to him where he’s responding as much as me. I feel every plane of his beautiful, sculptured body in my thin tee and shorts, including his hard cock pressing into my stomach.
Just when I would’ve given him more—hell, I probably would’ve given him everything—he slows his kiss but holds me where I am and murmurs against my lips, “Don’t know what I was thinking. No way could I walk away from you.”
I look up and reality seeps in. “You don’t know what you’re getting into with us—”
“Shh,” he breathes before he kisses me again, this time softer. “I’ve known about your husband since Saturday.”
I feel my face fall. “You have?”
“Yeah,” he confirms and his eyes heat. “Thought I couldn’t be what you and your kids needed while being a dad to mine. I’ve just decided I’m up for the challenge.”
“But—”
“No buts.” He shakes his head. “I get it about your kids. Around them, we’ll be friends until we figure this out. We’re both adults, we can parent as we explore this.”
“But what about your kids? Emma’s issues?”
“I’ve done a lot in my life, Keelie, but it just about killed me when you shut that door in my face. I’ll figure it out. It might not be easy, but we’ll manage.”
I’m not sure if it’s his kiss or his body pressed against mine, but I feel the need to give him more honesty. “I have to warn you. I was using my kids as an excuse. You have to know that I’m a bit of a mess. More than a bit really. I’m just … I don’t know …” I sigh. “Fucked up.”
He presses his hips into my stomach and I feel the long, hard length of his cock when he smiles down at me. “Is it too soon to want to unfuck you by fucking you?”
Oh shit. My eyes go big and I have no words. What I can say is, since nothing else has worked, I’m up for being unfucked by Asa Hollingsworth. Wet panties don’t lie.
“I guess it’s too soon, but it’s true,” he says.
I shake my head in what little space he’s given me. “I like knowing what you’re thinking.”
He lowers his voice and gives me a whisper-soft kiss. “I’ll only ever give you the truth.”
Of all the things he’s said so far, this is what creates a lump in my throat. I am a fucked-up freak. He has no idea what he’s getting himself into.
“I don’t want to, but I need to get home. I have a daughter to figure out and after today, I need to up my game. Since I have no game when it comes to parenting, I have a lot of shit to do.”
He leans down again and this time I get his strong lips, slow yet demanding as he tastes me, taking his time. Having this for the first time in so long, I don’t want it to end. But it being Asa? This straight-talking, burly man who wants to take on unfucking me at the same time he has his own shit to deal with? I never imagined the day I’d think this, but I don’t want him to leave, I don’t want to lose his touch, and until this moment, I had no idea how much I’d want all that and more.
He gives my ass a squeeze making my insides flip. “Let’s get together with the kids again. I want to see you soon. I’ll get takeout tomorrow, we’ll all eat here. I need to get Emma out of the house again anyway.”
I close my eyes and nod, not wanting to make a mistake, but I can’t say no, so I look up and give in. “Saylor’s picky. I’ll make dinner, just don’t expect anything fancy.”
“You sure about that? Levi can eat a horse, especially after practice.”
I smile. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
He sighs and looks regretful. “I’ve gotta go.”
He releases me, albeit slowly. When he steps away to open the door, the cool night air is a frigid force compared to Asa’s warm, hard body.
“I’ll text you since you’ll be at work.” He lifts his hand to cup my face and brushes his thumb over my lower lip. Then he smirks. “And I promise it’ll be good. You’ll never get a text like that from me again.”
I’m grateful for that. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I can’t think about how much that stung.
Then, as if he can’t stop himself, he leans in one last time and I get his lips.
He doesn’t offer another word, but his eyes drag the length of me one more time. Nodding quickly before he leaves, he pulls the door shut after himself. I lock it and this time hear the door slam on his truck before he starts the engine.
But I don’t move to my bedroom. I’m paralyzed.
Resting my forehead against my front door, I wonder what just happened. This man who saved me from the worst date in the history of dates, who ended up being a parent from school, who’s basically told me twice now he’s looking forward to fucking me, just kissed me.
He kissed me.
Bringing my hands up to the door, I steady myself and pull in a big breath. Not sure which needs steadying more—my legs or my heart—I can’t help where my brain goes. I shouldn’t keep track of time, I know this by now. David might have died twenty months ago, but I know for a fact that’s the first time I’ve been kissed in well over two years.
I push against the door and go to the stairs, swallowing over the lump in my throat. I’m not going to think about time past, or in my case, time lost. Tonight, I’m going to go to bed and only think about Asa’s lips, his body, and his promises. And I might just pray he’s the one who can unfuck me.