Desperation
Emma
I used to be really good at math. It was my best subject, but as I stare at the parabola in front of me, I just can’t. Paths, slopes, symmetrical open planes … throw in some gravity? It might as well be Latin, which I’m scheduled to take next year. Maybe that will help with Geometry since my resting-bitch-face of a teacher has told me I’ll probably end up repeating the course. My GPA is going to be so screwed.
I knew high school wasn’t going to be a barrel of fun, but I never thought it would be miserable.
I feel my phone vibrate in my sweatshirt pocket, which is weird because hardly anyone ever gets with me anymore. I peek at Bitch Face—it isn’t hard since she moved me to the front of the room. She’s faced to the side, pecking away at her laptop. She’s probably tattling on me to my dad, or trying to coerce the rest of my teachers—the nice ones—to join her on the dark side. The bitch side. Or maybe she’s trying to convince Keelie I need to be in her class another year for more torture.
This makes me smile, because even though Keelie won’t come right out and refer to the bitch-face as Bitch Face, she did come right out and promise me I’d never be in her class again. She said she sets the schedules for her students and would make sure of it. And since we’re living at her house and my dad is in so deep, I believe her. I’ve never seen my dad like this, so I don’t see things changing anytime soon.
I take a chance and pull my phone out of my pocket while she’s not glaring at me. It’s not a text, but it is an Instagram DM. I frown when I open it because I have no idea who it’s from, but it is pending my approval.
I gasp when I see it, letting my phone crash to the floor. All the blood drains from my head, and when I look up, Bitch Face is glaring at me.
Shit.
*****
Asa
Not knowing if I’m pissed, worried, or relieved, I jog out of the barn where the men are sparring and pull up Keelie’s number. She’ll only answer if she’s alone at her desk, which rarely happens, but I don’t have time to text.
Thank fuck, she answers as I’m climbing into my truck and I hear her smile. “This is a surprise.”
She and I have been settling in over the past few weeks. Since Levi and Emma got home from California, Keelie has slowly come around. When I realized what was freaking her out, I quit pressuring her and decided to move forward. In time, she’ll realize I’m here to stay.
Emma, on the other hand, hasn’t come around at all. Getting her a puppy might’ve given her something else to focus on, but she’s nowhere close to getting back to the person she used to be.
I don’t like waiting. Waiting makes me fucking crazy on a good day, but it seems the women in my life need time, so I’ve given it to them. I’m a fucking plane circling a shit storm, waiting for weather to clear so I can land.
Just a few minutes ago, something happened, but I have a feeling it’s going to throw more fuel on the fire instead of calming the seas.
As much as it kills me, I have to ignore the smile in Keelie’s voice and demand, “Pull Emma from class. I’m on my way.”
“Why?” She’s not smiling anymore, and she really won’t be when she sees it, too.
“Just do it, baby. I’ll meet you both in your office. I’m leaving Crew’s now and will be there in five.”
“But,” she pauses and I hear her typing away. “It could take a few minutes to get her out of class and you’re ten minutes away, at least.”
“Just get her.” I speed down the two-lane road to the highway. “And trust me, I’ll be there in five.”
*****
Keelie
“Did he say what he wanted?” Emma hugs herself in a way I’ve become far too familiar with. Seeing her like this breaks my heart.
The Hollingsworths have been living under my roof now for weeks, so I feel comfortable closing the distance separating us and take her hand. “I don’t know, sweetheart. But I’m sure he’ll be here soon to explain—”
My words are cut off by Asa barging into my office. He’s standing in the doorway but his eyes are on Emma. He’s not happy and this reminds me of the Asa I experienced after the drive-by shooting.
I keep close to Emma. “What’s going on?”
He glances to me before stepping in to shut my door. He’s making me nervous as he focuses his attention back to his daughter—I can’t imagine how Emma feels.
Crossing his arms, he glares at her. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
I look to Emma and she’s ghost white. “What would I have to tell you?”
“We had an agreement,” he continues. “After the shooting. If you had anything out of the ordinary happen, you’d tell me. All I want from you is honesty. We also had an agreement after you and Levi moved in with me. There’ll never be repercussions for being honest while you’re with me. I’ve been patient these last few months, but I’ve gotta tell you, sweetheart, I’m about at the end of my rope. So, I’m going to ask you again, Emma,” he leans in and stresses his words, “is there something you want to tell me?”
If possible, Emma shrinks into herself farther and starts to tear up.
“Nothing?” he presses when he doesn’t get an answer. His voice is angry and now he’s frightening me.
She finally squeaks out a response through her tears. “What do you want to know?”
He raises his voice and I’m worried anyone outside my office will hear. “The truth, Emma.”
“Asa,” I whisper and try to calm him. “What happened?”
But it doesn’t do any good and he keeps at his daughter. “You know what I do for a living, Emma. Who I work with and the connections I have. Surely you can assume I have access to all kinds of technology, not that it’s hard for any Joe-Blow to do these days. Did you really think I’d let my daughter wither away in front of my eyes and not do every fucking thing in my power to stop that from happening?”
Emma and I both flinch when he curses at his daughter and Emma starts to cry harder.
“Did you really think I wouldn’t do something as simple as tracking the activity on your phone?”
Emma stumbles back from both of us. Pressed up against my file cabinet like cornered prey, she’s trembling and shaking her head.
“I’m not a dumbass, Emma.” Asa goes on. “And I can tell you know what I’m talking about. Tell me who sent you those pictures and why.”
Confounded, I move to him and put a hand on his chest. “What pictures?”
He finally looks away from his daughter and pulls out his phone. He doesn’t say anything, so I’m not prepared for what I’m about to see.
My heart tightens as I look at his screen, reminding me of what happened, the accident and tragedy that shook our school when Brandon Sutherby and Kyler Jakes were killed. Hell, it shook our community. As I flip through, the last picture is of Asa’s house, boarded up and still riddled with bullet holes. My van had been towed, but the glass from the windows is still scattered around his driveway with the crime scene police tape strung everywhere.
That picture had to have been taken soon after the incident. Asa told me clean-up started the next day and as of now, the repair work is almost finished.
I look to Emma, my voice scratchy. “Someone sent you these pictures?”
She keeps shaking her head in quick succession, her lips pressed tight.
I turn to Asa. “What does the shooting have to do with the accident?”
His voice dips to a menacing rumble. “That’s what I want to know.” Asa takes a deep breath and I can tell he’s working hard to keep his temper in check. “I already have someone tracking the profile who sent you those pictures. It would help if I had some idea what the hell I’m getting into here, Emma.”
Emma’s tears are pouring down her face and she has to gasp for her words. “Pl-please, don’t do anything. I d-don’t even know who it is, but they said they wouldn’t just hurt me, but Levi, too. I thought it would all just go away if I did what they said,” she hiccups, “but whoever it is keeps bothering me. They k-keep finding ways to remind me to keep my mouth shut.” She roughly wipes the tears from her face. “I just don’t want anyone else to get hurt.”
Shocked and more confused than ever, I look back to Asa.
He lowers his voice. “Keep your mouth shut about what, sweetheart?”
Emma shakes her head again—almost violently.
“Emma.” I try to reach out for her, but she pulls away and backs farther into her corner, so I soften my tone. “Please. Whatever’s going on is taking you away from the people who love you. Your parents are worried—I’m worried. Let us help you.”
Asa gets in Emma’s face and I’ve never seen him so serious. “If you think I’m going to let anyone hurt you, Emerson, you’re wrong. I’ll go to the ends of the earth to keep you and your brother safe. I’ll kill for you if that’s what it takes and, baby, I’ll do it without a second thought.”
Her chest is heaving and I can tell she’s thinking it over, so I add, “Only you have the power to make whatever this is stop.”
Moments go by, but finally, it floods out of her in a rush. “That day, the day those kids were killed, I forgot my calculator in Levi’s Jeep. I got his keys between classes and got a pass to go to the parking lot. When I was on my way back in, I saw them, but I didn’t know why they were there. They were messing with the car, Dad, the one those kids were killed in. One guy was under it and another was by the back tire.”
Oh fuck.
I reach out for my desk to steady myself. The accident wasn’t an accident.
I feel Asa’s hand on my hip, firm and steady, as he continues to talk to Emma. “What did you see?”
She shrugs and her tears start up again. “I don’t know. I don’t even know what they were doing. But one of them yelled at me to ‘get the eff out of there,’ and I did. I put it together right away, it wasn’t hard. Hours after I saw them messing with that car, those seniors died in a fiery ball of flames. If I would’ve told someone right away, that might not have happened. They would still be alive.”
“Emma,” I whisper. “You can’t take on that burden.”
“But it’s true,” she keeps on crying—shuddering. “I thought about telling someone after it happened. I was even on my way to the office to ask for Mr. White to tell him everything, but that’s when that kid who tried to frame Levi, Terry Mosher, cornered me and told me I’d better not do something I’d regret. Then I started getting threats to keep my mouth shut and threats against Levi, too. They even said they’d drag me into it, like I was their lookout or something since I was in the parking lot. Then I was afraid I’d get in trouble for not telling right away. After they tried to frame Levi with those drugs in his locker, I knew they could get to him. I didn’t know what to do.”
Asa gives me a squeeze and moves around me to his daughter. Pulling her into his arms, he puts his lips to her head. “Baby, you should’ve told me.”
Emma cries into his chest. “I didn’t want to make anything worse—I thought it would just go away. Why won’t it go away?”
“Do you know who they were?” Asa asks. “The guys in the parking lot?”
She shakes her head. “No. I’ve never seen them before or since.”
“This is why you pulled away from your friends? From us?” he asks.
Emma shakes her head again. “I’ve just been so freaked. I can’t focus. I can’t study. But this has nothing to do with my old friends. They turned into druggies once we started high school. I knew you’d kill me if I tried anything, plus, who wants to be a druggie?”
Asa shakes his head and holds onto his girl tight.
“Dad?” she calls, muffled by his shirt. “Am I going to get in trouble?”
Asa pulls away from her and holds her face in his hands. Leaning down, he looks straight into her eyes. “You did nothing wrong. From now on, I don’t want you to worry. You just handed this over to me and I’ll make sure everyone is safe. No way am I going to let anyone fuck with my family. You with me?”
Tears start to well again as she nods.
“Okay.” Asa pulls her back into his chest and strokes her hair as he looks at me, his eyes saying a thousand words. Words that don’t need to be said, because the accident that shook our community, was no accident. It was murder and it looks like his daughter might be the only witness.
Fuck. Just when I thought everything was settling down.
*****
Asa
I grab my keys and wallet off Keelie’s dresser and go to her closet. Pulling down a bag I put on the top shelf so Knox and Saylor couldn’t get to it, I grab my gun and holster with an extra magazine. Carson just texted. He’s got a location on the phone that sent that message to Emma.
The rest of the day was interesting to say the least. I stayed with Emma in Keelie’s office until after school and took them both home. After I called the police and made a report, detectives came out to Keelie’s house for the second time—which is two fucking too many—to get a statement and question Emma. We also learned a couple kids at school have been slipping her warning notes. Keelie got on that like the badass counselor she is. Not only will they be called in to be questioned by administration tomorrow, but also by the police. The security cameras in the parking lot loop every seven days—they won’t be of any help this time around.
For the time being, I’ve made the decision that Emma and Levi aren’t going back to school until I deem it safe. At the end of the day, I wanted to shake Emma for not coming to me right away with this shit, at the same time I wanted to hold on and never let her go.
Just when I thought my kids were smart, they became teenagers.
It’s almost eleven. I’ve got to be back in time to get Keelie and her kids to school in the morning. I’m not about to let them loose on their own yet.
When I make the turn into the kitchen, Keelie’s cleaning the last of the messes from the day.
I come up behind her and put my hand on her stomach. “I’ve got to go out.”
She flips the water off and shifts into me. “It’s late. Where are you going?”
I don’t give her the answer she’s looking for. “Ozzie’s already on his way. He doesn’t have to come in—he can sit in his car.”
I watch her beautiful face morph into a frown and she repeats slower than before, “Where are you going?”
I take a breath. “My contact at the CIA tracked down the phone that sent those pictures to Emma.”
“So, call the police and give them the information,” she says with an edge to her voice. “It’s their job.”
I move closer, pressing her into the counter, and tilt her face to mine. “I have to do this. I’ll turn them over to the police, but I need to chase this trail myself. Especially after the months I’ve spent watching Emma fight this in her head.”
She fists my shirt before sliding her hands around my waist. When her hand runs into my gun, I grab her wrist and bring it back between us.
“This is exactly why you don’t need to go,” she says. “Please, Asa. Leave it to the police.”
“I’ll be back.” I lean down and kiss her forehead. “I don’t know how long this will take, but I hope I can wrap this up before morning.”
She looks at me, her breathing barely starts to speed, and I only know it because I can feel it against my chest. Just like the fierce, beautiful woman she’s proven to be, she gets it together, even though her words don’t match her body language. “Don’t go. Please. Just come to bed.”
I fist her hair again and lower my voice. “I’ll meet you there soon. Don’t worry.”
She looks away and shakes her head.
“Why would I worry?” she quips. “You’ve been out before on a Saturday night and came back, right?” I feel my jaw go hard, not happy with her comment, even if it’s the truth. She doesn’t let up. “Just so you know, when someone tells me not to worry, that’s like waving a red-flag that tells me it’s high-fucking-time to worry. It’s just like someone telling me to relax. I don’t like to be bullshitted and you telling me not to worry is a big pile of it.”
“Fair enough. I won’t do it again.” I take a deep breath and sigh. “I’ll meet you in bed. You won’t even know I’m gone.”
I lean down to kiss her and she holds me tight, deepening my kiss. Her hidden desperation is killing me.
“Baby. I gotta go. Crew and Grady are waiting on me.”
She lets me go faster than I like, her eyes hanging on mine one last moment. Then, just like I never walked through the kitchen, she turns around and flips the water back on.
Fuck me.