Ryle held on to my hand most of the time going back down. Not because he needed to either. The path was damp but not muddy or slippery, and whether it was true or not, it felt like he wanted to, or maybe that’s what I told myself and he was really just being a nice guy. He talked like we were old pals and not at all like I’d left his baby all alone. Mostly small talk about the mountain, and not one time did I feel judged. Honestly, nobody made me feel less than anyone else. I only hated Toni until I met her, and Nana Mae was as pure as they came. A big ball of joy I easily took a liking to.
“So, you have a husband,” Ryle stated, once again taking my hand to help me over a small, one step ravine.
That only added fuel to an already burning fire, a reminder I didn’t need at the time.. “Thanks for reminding me. Yeah, sort of. I’m sure he’s already filed for divorce. I guess I sort of ran away from home.”
“No kids?”
A small ache was felt in my chest, but I didn’t want to go there. And not because I couldn’t sit and talk about Quinn for hours either. It was more along the lines of being full, and my plate was already running over. Deciding to save that sad story for another time, I told him about the girls. “None together. Daniel’s first wife died when they were little. We never really got along. They were old enough to remember their mom so, you know, it was hard to fill those shoes.”
“Oh, I can imagine. Scout ran my last girlfriend off in a matter of weeks. Two Scouts would have sent me to an early grave.”
I giggled thinking about Scout not liking his girlfriends, feeling a bit proud of her. “These were no Scout’s I’m talking about. Ashley and Caitlyn were, hmmm, I don’t even know how to describe them. The total opposite of Scout. I’d like to go back and get a few things, but I doubt I would even say goodbye to them. I’m sure I’m not missed.”
“Ahhh, little sheeples.”
“That word gets tossed around here a lot.”
Ryle snickered, glancing over his shoulder with the same sexy grin, no matter how much I told myself it wasn’t meant to be sexy or flirty. It was. I think… “Yeah, we should come up with a new one, but it fits so perfectly.”
“Well, just so you know. I’m probably a sheeple, too.”
“We all are or were at some point in time, but you’re waking up. . I can sense it. You’re questioning things you’ve probably never even thought about before.”
Out of instinct, I snorted. “You think? I don’t even know how I ended up here. I’ve never met so many open-minded people in all my life. I’m sleeping on a mattress in a school bus for God’s sake. That’s quite a step down from my house of forty-five-hundred square feet at the end of a cul-de-sac back home.”
“Eh, I guess that depends on who you ask. I’d say you just took a gigantic step up, not down.”
Walking in silence for a few moments, I let that sink in. He was right. My bus was so cozy, the floor turned out amazing, my firm mattress was way more comfortable than that cloud Danny liked, my wood burning fire was the most tranquil thing to fall asleep to. Add the subtle nature sounds from outside, and the rain on the tin roof; my favorite way to fall asleep. He was no doubt right. I wouldn’t have traded that bus for ten houses just like the one I’d left. Not for anything.
We stepped out of the forest onto the meadow with even more people showing up, and that’s what I chose to comment on. “Holy shit. How many people are going to be here?”
“Hard to say. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not three, maybe four hundred.”
“Seriously?”
“Maybe. There’s plenty of room for them. Some of them are even setting up along the river. They’ll show up tomorrow for the fun. Tristan didn’t mention this?”
Thinking about the many times Tristan did mention it, I admitted the truth. “No, she did. A few times. I guess I was just too distracted to pay attention. I thought a few people were coming for a barbeque or something. Why’d you name her Scout?”
“I didn’t. Her name is Milligan. Milligan Scout Ryle. She hates Milligan so much she changed her own name. Not even joking. I can show you. She took a black sharpie and wrote Scout over the Milligan on her birth certificate. Problem solved. That’s what happens when you tell Scout Ryle she can’t do something.”
“Milligan?”
“Hey, I had about eight hours to come up with a name.”
Slowing my pace, I waited for him to move beside me, looking up with a curious expression. “So how did that go down? You just showed up and they let you have her?”
“No. There was this nasty-mean social worker who gave me a hard time, but she didn’t have a leg to stand on. A simple blood test gave me all the rights and I already had a lawyer on hand, ready to fight. The state wasn’t going to pay to fight it, and the couple from Florida didn’t have any rights.”
“I can’t believe you did it, but I’m so glad you did. Jaycee never told me.”
“How is she? You’ll have to bring her up here.”
I hesitated, wishing I could do that. This would have been right up her alley. “She died on our nineteenth birthday. We did something stupid.”
“I’m sorry. Let me give you a hug.”
I didn’t even have a chance to protest. Ryle stepped in front of me and wrapped his arms around me, squishing my cheek into his chest. It caught me off guard, and I was left in a state of uncertainty. Unsure if I should hug him back, I just stood there like a big dumb idiot. All this love and hugging was a little much, but then he didn’t let go. He kept holding on and holding on and holding on. Like he knew what he was doing and I didn’t. Ryle waited until my ego released the thoughts of me thinking how weird this was and squeezed tighter. My body finally relaxed into his and all the eccentricity was gone and I didn’t really care if he was strange or not. I guess it depended on who you asked.
His lips touched my forehead, and his words were warm on my skin. “I know how hard that must have been for you. If you need to talk, I’ve been told I’m a pretty good listener. I’m really glad you’re here.”
Slowly, I pulled away and looked up, speaking in quiet unsure words. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand this. “You are?”
“Yes. You’re just what we need right now.”
“I am?”
“If you want to be. I mean, I know we haven’t been around each other in almost ten years, but I’m not really doing anything. How about you?”
I smiled, trying to figure out whether or not he was being serious. “You know I’m still married, right?”
Ryle’s lips pouted with a shrug. “So I hear. You need a black sharpie?”
A light chuckle blew from my lips and I stepped away shyly. Walking on, I thought of things to come back with, but I was too backwards to say any of them. Flirting back seemed crazy to me. Like he thought we’d just take it from where we had left off. I wasn’t sure I could do that, but even more, I wasn’t sure he was serious. Not really. My fear was greater than my ability to let it be that easy. That was a given, my life, and my destiny. Even though I didn’t know if this was for real or not, I knew someone would get hurt, and I knew all too well who.
“Hey.”
I looked down at Ryle’s hand lightly grasping my wrist and then to his eyes, but I didn’t speak.
“Friends. I just want to be your friend. That’s it. Okay?”
Deciding it was best for me to not open my mouth, I dropped my eyes and nodded, but that wasn’t right either. I didn’t really need any more friends right now.
Ryle placed a finger under my chin and lifted my eyes to his. “Look at me while you’re lying to yourself, trying to tell yourself you don’t need anyone. You kinda look like you do.”
“I’m not that sixteen-year-old girl anymore, Ryle.”
Ryle’s eyes never left mine, his lips were relaxed, and his words were quiet and raspy. “Oh, believe me. I can see that. What happened to your spark, my little lost city?”
With the same sultry tone, I replied and then turned away. “It exploded into a million tiny pieces a long time ago.”
“And you don’t need a friend. Pfft. Come on. Let’s go find Miss Milligan.”
I followed with my nerves jumping from one thing to the next, replying with a shaky voice and senseless words just to keep him from stopping me again. Tristan’s company suddenly seemed safer than Ryle’s, but who even knew where she was. “There’s a lot of people here. Holy shit.”
Ryle’s shoulder bumped mine, guiding me to the group of kids playing kickball in a clear area on the family side. “She’s right there. Getting ready to kick.”
“We should wait. She’s playing.”
“Let’s go play, too.”
Glancing up at him, I questioned with my eyes, never knowing when he was being serious and when he wasn’t.
“Come on. When’s the last time you played kickball?”
“Um, probably in like the fifth grade. When was the last time you played kickball?”
“Hmmm, last Saturday. Come on.”
I followed, again trying to decide if we were really doing this. Scout made it to second base but then saw the two of us walking toward her. She left her base, running full force right up to us with long, gangly legs.
“Atlantis! I’m so glad you feel better,” she called, her arms wrapping around my waist.
I hugged her back, feeling an ache deep in my heart, but I choked, unable to mumble one single word. And then she took off back to her base, just in time for the next kick.
Out of my control and against my will, I stood behind two kids waiting to kick, and Ryle joined the outfield. Like a little kid, I stood there, worried about real life problems, kicking a foul, or falling when I ran to first. If I made it to first.
Waiting for my turn, I caught Scout as she ran across home base, falling into me with an excited loose hug. “Seven to three,” she called, her hand’s holding the score into the air.
A few people called out ‘good jobs’ to her, high-fiving her for the point. Standing there, I once again felt like I was in the twilight zone, a different culture right here in the states. There were probably eighteen to twenty kids from the age of around five and up. Every single one of them unique in a way I wasn’t used to seeing. Especially Scout. For the first time in a very long time, my heart felt like it was mending and I knew it was all her. She talked about the festivities, excited I was all better and I could share them with her, and then my heart exploded into a million tiny universes.
Scout stepped away from me mid-sentence to help the little girl trying to kick the ball, probably the youngest one there. Not only did she step up to the plate to help, so did the pitcher, pretending to miss when she kicked it. If this game would have been going on in my own back yard, the little kids wouldn’t even have been playing let alone be helped. And I could guarantee the competitive chants from the opposing team, name calling and loser shaming. Not that I could have ever gotten either one of the girls to even play, let alone their dad.
“Good job, Grace. You’re up.”
This kid was the real deal and I was so proud. Unfortunately, my kickball skills were a little rusty. My toe hit perfectly in the middle of the ball, sending it straight into the air and right into the arms of the kid who’d just rolled it.
Scout grabbed my arm and dragged me to the outfield, uncaring I was making her team lose. “Good job. We have to go way out for my dad and Jax. He’s the blond kid who served the ball. He’s probably the best kickballer, kick ball kicker. I can’t say it. How do you say it?” she questioned, giggling at the silly tongue twister.
God, I loved her. “Just kicker maybe.”
Again she laughed, her thin shoulders bouncing up and down. “Oh, yeah. That makes sense.”
By the time we stepped away from the game, a few more kids and a couple more parents joined in. We let them take our place and walked off with Scout between us, chatting nonstop about what she wanted me to do with her. “Tomorrow we’re going to build a damn in the creek.”
“No, you’re not. It’s October. It’s too cold to play in the stream.”
“Not like that, Dad. We’re not getting wet. We’re just going to step on other rocks.”
Ryle bumped my elbow with his, a proud dad smile passing his lips. “Huh-uh. I hear you. Let’s take a walk.”
Scout skipped away from us, running backwards. “Oh, there’s Patrick. I’m going to go say hi. I will later.”
Ryle stopped, his hands palm side up. “Scout?”
“Later, Dad. I’ll see you later, Atlantis. Don’t get sick again. I want to show you something.”
I nodded with a smile so big my face hurt. “Okay, sweetie.”
“Well, that went well.”
My eyes shifted from her to Ryle, but the smile stayed. “Let her go play. We’ll talk to her later. Come on, let’s go find Tristan. Wait. Did she know you were coming to find me?”
His eyes said it before his mouth even opened. “She told me where you were.”
“Gah, that traitor. I knew it.”
It took us forever to find Tristan, and I swear Ryle knew every single group of people we passed, and they knew him. Not only did he introduce me as his friend, he also said I was Scout’s mom. The first time I was caught off guard, but then a couple people shook my hand, telling me what an inspiration she was, and I forgot to yell at him. The second time, I remembered as soon as we walked away.
“Will you stop doing that? Don’t you think maybe we should tell her first?”
Looking at me with pretend confusion, Ryle frowned my way. “James isn’t going to tell her.”
“Oh, my God!”
I turned from Ryle, realizing how close I was standing to him when Tristan neared, Ty right beside her carrying Baby-T. Glaring at her, I made discreet expressions, hoping she wouldn’t embarrass me. “Hey, we were just looking for you.”
“I knew it. Didn’t I tell you, Ty? You’re twin flames. I freaking knew it.”
Forget being embarrassed. I didn’t even know what the hell she was talking about. “What?”
“You can’t even stand there and tell me you don’t feel it. Anyone within ten feet of you two can feel it.”
Thinking I would pass the crazy on to her and not me, I chuckled nervously, looking to Ryle for support with a thumb hiked toward my nut-job friend. “Do you have any idea what she’s talking about?”
Ryle kept a smile hidden, his eyes darted from mine to hers, and his head sort of shook. Like he was saying no without words. Even Ty had the look, telling her to reel it in with the same expression. I could read it, but it didn’t help the fact that I once again felt like the one who’d left the building, the odd ball out. It was like the three of them knew something I didn’t.
Ty was the one to break the ice and move past the awkward moment. Handing the baby off to Tristan, he nodded toward yet another female traveling alone. “Hey, there’s Keisha. Let’s help her set up the tent.”
Tristan waited until they were far enough away and then filled me in on their little secret. Sort of. “Oh, my God, Atlantis. He’s the one. Ryle is your one.”
Snarling, I assured her she was crazy. “Ryle is a guy I chaperoned a bunch of kids with. A guy I, a guy I—.”
“A guy you belong with. You’re just like Tobias and me. You are. You can’t even deny it. Look at you staring after him, and I saw the way you stood beside him. You may as well have just turned your head and kissed him.”
Nodding to the guys walking away, I rolled my eyes. “Oh, shut up. What are they doing?”
“They’re going to help Keisha set up her tee-pee. You have got to go with us tomorrow night. With Ryle. Oh, my God. You’re about to find out what I’m talking about, and you’ll see I’m not crazy.”
Blowing out a puff of air, I watched the two of them walk, mostly just Ryle. He hadn’t changed at all. He was still the fun, long haired blond guy from camp, only now we had a nine-year-old kid together. “You are crazy, and there’s no way you’re getting me inside that tent with Ryle to do whatever it is you’re so excited about. Forget it”
“It’s a tee-pee, it’s tantra, and you watch me. You have to. I want you to feel how connected you are, and nothing will do that like tantra.”
“I’m not having sex with Ryle. God, come on. Let’s go watch.”
Tristan gave me the look I’d already learned to read. The one that taunted, telling me I was wrong and she was right. “It’s not about sex, and look at you. You can’t wait to get back to him. Painfully vacant. That’s how your heart will feel now when you’re not together.”
“Whatever, you’re painfully vacant, and I’m not doing the thing that’s not about sex either.”
“Oh, yes you are.”
Oh, no I wasn’t but instead of arguing about it, I led her to where the guys were. We sat on the grass to watch. Never could I have seen this coming. Not only was I amongst a unique, diverse group of people, Ryle was here and so was my daughter. The one I’d given away. How could this even be possible?
Working up a sweat, Ryle took off his hoodie and all my thoughts went away. His body wasn’t the same as the guy from camp. Not even close. He’d filled out quite nicely. The muscles in his arms bulged every time the hammer came down on the stake in the ground, and my mouth watered. Something was surely wrong with me. Somehow, somewhere along the way, I was taken from my home planet and brought here. To this other place. Where these people were so different than the people I was used to.
Not one of them cared about the things I cared about, or the things I thought I cared about anyway. I was pretty sure no one there cared that I drove a Lexus back home, or that the diamond I wore before I went off to prison was worth more than any vehicle there, or that my last purse cost more than a couple grand. I honestly thought I wanted it, too. Erin Hardy had just gotten one, and Danny hated her husband almost as much as I hated her. They were rivals in the car business, and they competed more than anyone I knew, including their wives. All I had to do was tell him Erin got something, and I was handed a credit card. Not for me, of course. It was a game. She’d go home and manipulate her husband the same way I did mine. And of course, she’d get whatever Danny’s wife had, only better.
That’s what I thought about when Toni sat down and bumped my arm like we were best friends. “Well? How’d it go?”
I looked down at the quart jar of clear liquid she offered and back to her. “What is it?”
“Dill pickle moonshine. Teddy Bear made it.”
“Yuck. No, thank you.”
“Come on. You should at least try it. I see he didn’t kill you; told you he wasn’t like that.”
I looked up at Ryle again, this time catching a smile and a wink. A moan echoed but only in my mind. Without a doubt, I knew I was in trouble. Reaching for the jar, I took in a long breath of air. “He’s amazing.”
“They’re twin flames, can’t you tell?” Tristan asked, her body leaning over to see past me.
“You think?”
“Yes for sure. You should have seen the way they stared at each other.”
Even though the clear liquid burned my throat, it was pretty good. I beat my chest a couple times and turned my head to Tristan and then to Toni, talking like I wasn’t sandwiched right between them. “Hey, it’s me. I’m right here.”
“Sorry, I keep forgetting you’re still a—. Wait, I promised Ty I wouldn’t call people sheeples anymore. He thinks it’s too offensive. I need a new word.”
“Or you could just use the one you failed at covering up,” I suggested.
Tristan giggled like a true friend would have. Like Jaycee would have. “Yeah, that did sort of suck, but it’s nothing to be defensive about. You don’t know any better. It’s just what you’ve been taught. And you better not drink anymore of that.”
I was taught the same thing everyone else was taught, but I didn’t want to talk about the life I was trying to escape from. “It is good.”
“Yeah, and it’ll knock you on your ass in three point seven seconds. Trust me on this one. I know what I’m talking about, and Toni here will just keep feeding it to you.”
Toni shrugged and took another drink, too. “I’ll hold your hair back while you puke.”
I laughed too, watching Ryle disappear to the other side of the tent. A feeling of contentment came over me when I realized I had not one, but two true friends again. It felt really, really good.
“True, she will do that. So, when are you telling Scout?”
“Telling Scout what?”
From out of nowhere Scout plopped right in front of me, her legs crossing Indian style and her eyes on me.
As quick as she showed up, the other two left, Tristan using her baby as a scapegoat. “Well, I better go change Baby-T.”
“Yeah, and I better hold the diaper. See ya later.”
I glared at both my friends before turning back to Scout, waiting for an answer…from me. Alone. Ryle wasn’t anywhere in sight. “Hey, are you having fun?”
“Yeah, tell me what?”
Persistent little thing, I thought, my mind searching for words to make a sentence, and my lungs filling with a deep breath of courage. “Tell me about your mom.”
Scout pulled a blade of grass from the ground and twirled it around her finger. “Well, I know she was very young, but she still loved me. I know she was very pretty with dark eyes and long eyelashes like mine. I know she could sing like angels because that’s where my dad said I got it. He can’t really sing. I know she was half Native American Indian, I can’t remember what her name was, but my dad called her the lost—.”
My heart sped up to an unhealthy beat when I watched the realization in her eyes, her face, and her sinking shoulders, but I didn’t speak. I couldn’t speak. Hell, I couldn’t even swallow.
“Atlantis. Your name’s Atlantis like the lost city. Are you?”
The pool I’d been collecting in my mouth slid down my throat as I tried to hold back tears. Still no words. I swallowed, then nodded, and that was the best I could do. I honestly don’t even remember the moment we embraced. Reaching for her hands, she fell into me, her arms wrapping tightly around my neck. My arms wrapped around her little body and I held on with all my might, both of us shedding tears. At that very moment, I knew I’d never let go. Ever.
Just like his daughter, Ryle came out of nowhere. As soon as I felt the hand on my back I knew it was him, plus I smelled him. A clean, rain-like scent. I opened my eyes and smiled at him, thanking him without words, hoping like hell he could see how appreciative I was. I could never thank him enough. Not in a million years. Every guy I knew would have made her hate me, including my own husband. If Danny would have been in Ryle’s shoes, he would have taught her to hate me for what I’d done to her, but not Ryle. Ryle told her I sang like an angel, I was pretty, and I loved her.
Once Scout caught her breath, she pulled back to look at me but then saw her dad. She punched him hard in the shoulder and yelled at him, tears still streaming down her face. “You big dumb idiot. Why didn’t you tell me? Is this real? You’re really my mom? Dad?”
“Yes. This is the lost city of Atlantis.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out. That’s why I loved you from the start.”
I hugged her back when her arms suddenly fell over me again, squeezing just as tight as the first time. My heart couldn’t have been fuller had my life depended on it. If I would have died at that moment, I would have left with more peace than I ever thought possible.
“Hey, Scout. We’re going to the top of the fall. You coming?”
“No, I’m hanging out with my mom,” Scout called back to a group of kids, waiting on her.
I didn’t want her to go either. I never wanted to let her go, but I wanted her to have fun with her friends more, and I needed a minute to get it together. “It’s okay, you can go. We’ll hang out when your friends aren’t here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Scout thought about it for a second, still wiping tears with the back of her jacket. “Do you promise?”
I smiled and held out a pinky, my own tears drying in the breeze. “Pinky promise. Go play with your friends.”
With one more hug, Scout took in a long breath, hugged me again and started backing away with a giant smile. “Okay, but I want to show you something later. It’s a secret spot half way up the waterfall. You can sit behind it on a bench and lookout through the water and see the mountains.”
I nodded, my jaws hurting from the smile. “Okay, I can’t wait.”
Scout ran off with her friends and I held air in my mouth like a blowfish, my jaws puffy and my eyes wide. With pursed lips, I let the air noisily blow from my mouth and turned to Ryle, but I didn’t speak. Once again, I couldn’t form words.
“You can’t tell her I took you to our secret place.”
The freaking out going on in my mind was instantly gone, replaced by a smile. Happy for the needed distraction, I countered with my own request. “You can’t tell her I told you about the albino deer.”
With an offered hand, Ryle stood and pulled me to my feet. “Deal. Let’s go eat.”