I hung out with friends for the rest of the day. Some I’d just met, but still considered them friends. We ended the night around a community fire where people talked about everything without judging. There was no doubt in my mind I could have told them where I’d come from without being judged. One lady talked about her drug addiction. She was nine months sober. Another guy talked about his three year stay in prison and how it was the best thing that could have happened to him, and not because he needed to be “punished,” but because he needed the down time.
Tristan was what it was all about, and I’d never met another one like her in all my life. We were all standing in a circle a few feet away from the fire just after dark. Teddy Bear, his wife Annie, and one of their two daughters had been going back and forth with a funny story about the stitches she had to get in her knee.
We all laughed when little Jodi added the punch line. “I was upset because I thought I had stuffing like my stuffed piggy.”
Standing right beside of me, Ryle changed the subject, his head nodding toward the two silhouettes heading toward where we camped. “You think that’s a good idea? She’s been drinking all day.”
Everyone turned to see Toni and a guy heading toward her van, but it was Tristan who blew my mind again. At first I didn’t get it. This was what people did. They gossiped about each other. Even people they liked. It was human nature. I’d actually read an article about it in the airport on my way here. We all did it and this was no different. The comments made around the small group were a lot tamer than the ones I was used to. That was for sure, but Tristan didn’t care how innocent they were.
“What the hell, guys? How about I go get Toni so she’s at least here to defend herself? That’s not being in the zone. Come on. Really? Your kid’s standing right here, Annie. That’s what you want her to learn? They learn what you do, not what you say. You know that.”
“Sorry,” was heard in unison four times, one being Ryle, and just like that the conversation was over. Not that I cared anymore.
My head snapped to the beautiful little voice coming from the fire, a voice I would have known anywhere. I walked away from the group, squeezing past a couple people to see. Not only could my little girl sing, she could play the ukulele, too. Right there in front of everyone, Scout strummed and tapped on her instrument, her voice strong and powerful. She had this bluesy tone and the spin she’d put on the song, Waiting On The World To Change, was amazing. This kid had more confidence and charisma at nine than I had in my entire life.
Sensing Ryle right beside me, I glanced to my left and right back to Scout. “Is this kid for real?”
“She didn’t get that from me.”
She didn’t get it from me either. I would have never put myself out there like that. In a trance, I watched her in awe. Scout was so magical, such an inspiration to everyone. Her foot bounced up and down and her head bobbed with the words. You would have thought she’d been performing on stage for twenty years. She wasn’t just singing, she was singing with all her heart and soul. She even stood and took a bow when she was done, accepting all the claps with grace.
“Oh, there’s my mom. You should hear us sing together. Mom,” she called, waving me with a hand her way.
My hand went to my chest to clarify who she was talking about and my heart dropped to my feet. I wasn’t really sure whether it was from her calling me mom, or the fact she thought I was actually going to sing in front of this many people. Cows were one thing. People. No way. “Noooo, uh-huh. I’m good.”
Ryle shoved me forward with his hand on the small of my back. “Come on. Do something that scares the shit out of you.”
No way. My heels dug in to the ground, resisting with everything in me. I turned to Ryle and away from the stares of everyone there. “Ryle, no. I can’t do that.”
“Yes, you can. I’ve seen you do it.”
“I was a kid singing to nine-year-old’s.”
Like it was no big deal to him at all, he cocked his head and forced me to move my feet. “Fine, go sing to a nine-year-old.”
“I hate you.”
“Okay.”
Scout wrapped her arm around my waist and I looked down. “I thought we were friends.”
Scout giggled, returning to the log she’d been sitting on, her hand patting the empty space for me to join her. Only I didn’t want to join her. I wanted to die. With one last attempt, I begged for my life. “I can’t sing like you.”
“Yes, you can. Just pretend like they’re all cows.”
Of course, I had to laugh at that. “A really little song, and remind me to kill you later.”
“Okay, I will. Do you know, We Are The World?”
Out of instinct, my head jerked and I looked at her like she was the strangest little creature. She was way too young to know that song. “Do you?”
“Yes, it’s one of my favorites.”
“Just the first half.”
“Yeah, okay.”
Her smile widened as her fingers strummed, and once again she put her bluesy spin on it, but it was easy to follow. I didn’t even look at anyone there, a few hundred eyes on us and all I saw was her. One nine-year-old little girl. There are no words to describe the emotions that song filled me with. A song, once about aids awareness, had an entire new meaning to me. It was about this. This community, this desire to make the world a better place, and this love. I’d never felt so much love in all my life. Not just from Tristan, but from everyone there, trying their best to be the best for no other reason than humanity. Something I’d seemed to have forgotten along my way. Not that I’d ever been taught anything about humanity. I guess it was just something you didn’t think about, let alone talk about. These people did though, and I sort of loved them for it.
My words were shaky and weak but only for a couple lines. I didn’t see anyone but her, and I tried like hell to keep my eyes from clouding over. That’s how overwhelmed with love and gratitude I was. None of this was real life, and I didn’t understand how I got here. I didn’t deserve this. Whether it was by chance or this synchronicity thing Tristan was so passionate about was beside the point by now. I didn’t care how it happened or who set it all up. Nothing on earth mattered but her, and I would be forever grateful for Tristan. The tears were inevitable and not only from me. Once we’d finished with a soft, precisely in tune note, we hugged, and over her shoulder I saw a few tears being wiped, including Tristan, and some I hadn’t even met yet.
That happened and I couldn’t believe it did. Not from me. I had chills from my head to my toes, and the exciting adrenaline that pumped fiercely through my veins felt like I had just jumped out of a plane. Like I was falling. No, not falling. Flying. I felt like I was that high, and I never wanted to come down.
“Still want to kill me? You’re so amazing. They loved you.”
Again, I couldn’t even speak, or swallow. I blinked away tears, looking to the clapping crowd, my head nodding with the appreciation. “They loved you.”
“They loved us. Come on. Let’s go tell my dad I’m staying with you.”
Scout dragged me away by my hand, pulling me to her dad, and my heart once again found that quick paced rhythm. Just the thought of having her with me for the entire night made me forget to breathe again. And of course, I once again couldn’t believe it was real.
Ryle was in a state of shock himself. His eyes permeated the awe he was feeling, but unlike me, he wasn’t speechless. “Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What did I just hear? Is this for real? Atlantis, whoa. Seriously?”
“Stop it,” I modestly said.
It wasn’t just him. It was everyone. First, Tristan made a big deal about it and the rest of them followed. Teddy Bear even grabbed us both up and gave us a big grizzly hug, squishing giggles out of us. I’m not sure I’d ever been so humble in all my life, and I was one hundred percent sure I’d never felt so welcomed. Like I was a part of something so big. I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was. They were a bunch of hippies gathering in the mountains, but they were a lot more than that, too. They were a community. They were my friends.
We parted ways back at our own camp, everyone but Ryle and me. I crossed my arms to rid the chill and waited for Scout to get her bag. “Thanks for letting her stay with me.”
“Are you kidding? You’ll be lucky you can go to the bathroom without this kid now. Besides, I’ve had her for a while now. It’s only fair. Right?”
A short puff of air fell from my lips, nervous energy I wasn’t sure what to do with. “I guess I’m just having a hard time with it. That’s all.”
“Stop being so hard on yourself. What on earth do you think you did so wrong that would make it okay for me to keep your own daughter away from you? You were a kid. It was nothing more than an experience. Guilt is known to kill people, you know. Gives you ulcers, puts stress on your heart, makes you want to go cut yourself, or worse cut som—.”
At that very moment, I remembered those exact words ten years before. “Okay, okay. I get it. That doesn’t make it any easier. You have no idea how many times I’ve asked myself if this was real life over the last month. It’s like one thing after another and all I had to do...”
Ryle interrupted me that time, taking the words right out of my mouth. Sort of, I was going to say open the door. Even though I couldn’t see his eyes in the dark, I knew they were on me. I could feel it. “Was take the first step.”
I raised my arm for Scout, announcing that she was ready, never taking my eyes from his. “Yes. That. We’re going to go stay up talking about girl stuff half the night. Goodnight, Ryle.”
Scout let go of my hand and wrapped her arms around Ryle’s neck. “Night, Dad.”
He lifted her feet from the ground and hugged her back. “Night, Rainbow Bright, child of mine. I love you.”
Scout giggled as her feet hit the ground. “Love you, too.”
And my heart exploded.
Again.
I wasn’t even lying about staying up and talking half the night. Once we’d both cleaned up and settled onto the mattress, we talked, and talked, and talked. Scout had a very good memory, but it was the things she said that made me glad I left her. She wouldn’t have been raised this way with me. Hell, I didn’t even know this world existed. There’s no doubt in my mind she would have been raised like Ashley and Caitlyn. This girl was un-freaking-believable. She didn’t tell me about one single possession, she told me about places her dad took her. All over the United States. Every chance they got, they took off somewhere and would be leaving for the winter soon. West, where the weather wasn’t so cold.
“You’re crazy. You’re not going anywhere. I just found you.”
“You have to come with us now.”
That conversation was put on halt by a tap on the door. Sure it was Ryle, my heart dropped while I waited for Scout to open the door, straightening my spine, and tossing my hair, afraid of how I looked. Giggling from her socks sliding across the new floor, she pulled the handle.
“I come bearing gifts,” Tristan said, with two plates of warm apple pie.
Scout gladly took the glass saucer, her nose inhaling the scrumptious aroma. “Mmmm, that looks delicious.”
I set the teapot on the wood burner, noticing how ridiculous this was. Tea was never my thing, yet here I was preparing a cup of sleepy time for my friend and my daughter. Who would have ever thought? In a freaking school bus…
Tristan sat on the seat behind the wheel and chatted with us while we ate her warm pie. She mostly talked to Scout, and I listened, amazed at how in tune she was with her. Like she was the most important thing on earth. “Your dad said you got to go up in a hot air balloon. How was that?”
Scout set down her plate and stood with excitement, but it wasn’t the balloon she was most thrilled about. Her arms and hands waved while words ran together, creating one long breathy sentence. “It was the best thing ever. We saw a grizzly with two cubs. They were on a rock cliff. Rocky, the guy who took us up, lowered us so I could get a close up, and then the mom…she saw us and jumped up on her hind legs and growled at us, and then he went lower, like we were between these two cliffs right in front of them, about, maybe like ten feet, but she couldn’t reach us, and then she ran off and turned back because her cubs wouldn’t come, because I was singing to them and they wouldn’t follow, and my dad said keep singing, and the mom, she was getting so mad and she kept growling at them and biting their necks, but they were a little bit big cubs, not real big, but too big for her to carry them, and they wouldn’t move. They just kept turning back to me and ignoring her. It was so amazing, Tristan. The best birthday present in the whole world.”
“Wow, what song did you sing?”
“Somewhere over the rainbow.”
I wanted to speak, to engage in conversation with her, but I couldn’t seem to find any words again. Ashley got a Prada handbag and a new cell-phone for her last birthday. Never mind the fact she’d just gotten a new one six months before at Christmas. I couldn’t even remember what Caitlyn got her last birthday. The sad truth was, she probably didn’t either. That doesn’t even count the parties. Good lord. They cost a small fortune themselves. I could bet my life Scout would never forget that birthday. Not even when she was eighty. All I could do was sit and smile. This kid astonished me more and more. What a pleasant surprise. What an asset to this entire planet.
Tristan stayed for almost an hour, drinking tea, and talking, and laughing with us like we were one big happy family. We were and once again, I was reminded of where it came from. How and why. I wanted to believe it. With all my might, I wanted to embrace it, but I was terrified. My heart couldn’t take anymore loss, and that’s the part that scared me. There was no way in hell I could ever let her go again, but that didn’t change the fact that a dark cloud loomed somewhere close by. It was always close by.
Another thing that took some getting used to was the time. People around here didn’t seem to use it, but if I would have had to guess, I would say it was after midnight before Scout and I settled down to sleep. We went to bed with a story she’d made up. It was even in a notebook. One hundred pages, again, melting my world into one big puddle of goo. I couldn’t help but burst with love. Until Tristan made me start doing her course thingy, I couldn’t remember the last thing I’d written. Not even a grocery list. My phone did that for me.
“It’s about four kids like me. They live in a different dimension, but on the same planet. The people who live on Galla know about the people on earth, but earth people don’t know about Galla. It’s sort of a metaphor for what humans are doing to earth. Even though they’re in different dimensions, all the bad things are affecting Galla, and now they’re getting sick. These four kids come here to help. Ty has my notebook. He’s reading it now. You can read it next if you want to.”
What an imagination. Laying right beside her, I turned my head to her closed eyes, her face glowing from the flicker of the fire. “Really, I would love that. You can sleep now.”
“Okay, goodnight.”
“Goodnight, sweetie.”
I lay there watching her sleep for the longest time, my emotions on the sleeve of my smiley-face pajamas. The love I felt for her was so overwhelming, and I couldn’t help but feel bad for Quinn. Scout would have been such an inspiring big sister. The girls never did give him much attention. Not unless they were yelling at him for something. A smile crossed my lips when I remembered Caitlyn having an absolute meltdown because he used her lipstick to paint his dump-truck. He wanted it red like Danny’s truck. Of course, that thought led me to Ryle. There was no question what kind of dad he would have been to Quinn. Ryle was an amazing dad. Quinn would have loved him.
Feeling tears slide down my cheeks, I swallowed a lump in my throat and got up, suddenly needing air. I split the thick curtain covering the front window, instantly feeling the cooler air. Looking back at Scout who was now sound asleep, I wiped away another tear and smiled. She slept in a curled ball with her hands below her cheeks, just like me. I closed the curtain and slid the window open for more air. My eyes closed, and my lungs took in the crisp night air. Even though I was over the moon happy, I couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt. He should have been here with me. He would have absolutely loved it here. Not to mention the school bus. That was his number one goal in life. Quinn wanted to ride a school bus. He would have done flips to sleep in one.
“Hey, pretty girl.”
I opened my eyes to the silhouette on the hood of the blue bus, parked in an L, nose to nose with mine. Ryle wore a puffy coat with the hood up, his hands in his pockets, leaning against the windshield.
“What are you doing?”
“Looking at the moon and stars. Come out here.”
“No. It’s cold.”
“I’ll grab a sleeping bag. Look up. Have you ever seen so many stars?”
“Isn’t it like one o’clock in the morning or something?”
“You got somewhere to be in the morning? Come on. I’ll keep you warm.”
A million wild horses couldn’t have kept me away, and I didn’t even know why. I closed the window, slipped on my shoes, and quietly opened the door. Throwing my warm coat over my shoulders, I gave myself a short lecture. “You’re crazy, Atlantis. Absolutely crazy.”
Ryle helped me climb up the tire and then followed, moving right beside me and covering us both with the heavy sleeping bag. “Look up,” he quietly said.
Star gazing seemed to be another catching thing around there. Tristan and Ty were always on top of their bus staring up. He even cut a hole in the center so they could climb up. She tried to get me to join them many times, but I never did. It wasn’t my thing. Until Ryle asked. I seemed to have been the attracting side of a magnet with him, and I couldn’t help it. Even though it wasn’t the first time I’d seen this amazing sky, it felt like it. Billions of tiny stars twinkled, and a moon not quite full illuminated on the tops of the tall pines. The sky took on a whole new meaning here than it did back home, or maybe I just didn’t see it there. It appeared I saw a lot more things here than I did there. Like the silence.
Whatever time it was, it was late enough for all creatures to drift off to sleep. The crickets had quit singing, the owl we’d heard earlier no longer hooting, and the frogs no longer croaking.
Like he’d heard my thoughts, Ryle tilted up his head and his warm body touched mine. I let him take my hand, sandwiching it between his, but I didn’t look over when he spoke, barely even a whisper. “The silence is where all the answers are.”
“I don’t know what that means,” I admitted, and I didn’t.
“You know those times when you get something on your mind and it eats at you and eats at you until you either face it or it passes?”
“Um, yeah. I guess so.”
“Whenever I realize I’m thinking a lot about one thing, I’ll put it out there and either climb on the roof, or take a walk in the woods. The answers always come. Whatever you’re seeking, is seeking you.”
The warmth from his callused hands was more of a comfort than I had expected, a sense of—contentment I hadn’t felt in a very long time. “Are you up here because you have something on your mind now?”
“Yes, you. The moment Scout came home and said your name my reality shifted.”
My heart sped up and I hoped Ryle didn’t notice the dampness I suddenly had in my palms. I cleared my throat when he hesitated, wondering if he was waiting for me to respond. That was impossible. Not one word was in my brain, let alone my mouth. There was no way I could speak.
“Do you want to hear something crazy?”
I snorted, not even trying to hide the sarcasm. I’d heard more crazy over the past few days than I have in my entire life. A little more couldn’t hurt, or could it? My heart begged to differ. “Okay.”
“I’ve gone through eleven relationships since you. Guess how many of them felt like this?”
“This?”
“You know what this is. Tell me you didn’t feel it the moment you opened that door and saw me. I’ve spent a lot of years searching for that thing that binds two together. Like Tristan and Ty. Like you and me.”
A nervous un-funny joke fell from my lips. “Ha-ha, you rhymed.”
“Tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
I took a deep breath of crisp cool air and turned to look at him. “I was a kid, Ryle. I didn’t even know what love was.”
“Really? Is that what it is? Think about it a little deeper than that. I think that’s a copout, and so do you.”
My eyes moved from his to the dim light coming from my own bus. “You left without saying goodbye.”
“There it is. You were crushed, but guess what? So was I. I was so fucking mad at you. Not because you lied about your age but where you lived. There wasn’t one Atlantis Levine in any high school in the entire state of Florida. I couldn’t find you.”
“Yeah, well my last name was Kennedy. Adam was my pretend husband.”
The confusion was obvious. “What?”
“Nothing, never mind. I was going to tell you. I was coming to tell you everything, but you left and I had to do it all myself.”
Ryle took a deep breath and I felt his body relax beside me. “But you know there’s something here. Tristan’s right about the twin-flame thing. We’ve been in love for many lifetimes now, and I’ve been attracting you ever since I lost you. I just didn’t know it was you. Until now.”
“I’m not who you think I am, Ryle.”
“You’re exactly who I think you are. I’m just floored it was you. I mean, I hardly ever thought about you.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Did you? Did you think about me?”
I smiled at him, catching myself before squeezing his hand. “I named my son Quinton Ryle Kennedy.”
Ryle sat up straighter, turning to me with surprise. “You have a son? Why didn’t you tell me? Where is he?”
“He died a little over a year ago.”
“Oh, my God. I’m so sorry. What happened?”
I pulled my hand from his and dropped my eyes. “I killed him.”
Ryle pulled his arm from below the covers and turned me to look at him. “I’m sure that’s not the case. What happened?”
I tried to look away again, but he wouldn’t let me. He kept his warm hand on my cheek, lifting it lightly with his thumb below my chin. “I didn’t make him get in his seat, well, I was trying, but he wasn’t listening. My husband was texting me about something stupid, and I—.”
In the blink of an eye, Ryle had his arms around me, pulling me close to his warm body. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
I didn’t blubber all over him with an ugly cry the way I had Tristan, but I did tell him the truth. “When I met Tristan, I’d just gotten out of prison. I was going home.”
Ryle pulled back, holding my arms, and looked into my eyes. “You did not do time for that?”
Swallowing a lump, I nodded, assuring him I did. “I was texting and driving, he wasn’t in his seat, and I made a U-turn.”
“You made a fucking mistake. Fuck. I’m so sorry, Atlantis. I’m so sorry.”
Oddly enough, I still felt calm and content. It wasn’t really a thought, but more like a download to my brain. Like Quinn was smiling, happy to see me here and not back home with Daniel. I never told Ryle this part, but not because he would think I was crazy. He wouldn’t. Danny would have, but not Ryle. Just as I felt like I was where I was supposed to be, both our eyes shifted to two shooting stars, one following the other. Honestly, I was starting to get a little weirded out at all the little things Tristan told me to watch out for. Regardless of why, I did start to notice things I hadn’t before, things I wouldn’t have given a second thought before.
I glanced back to Ryle and smiled. “I’m okay. Scout sure helps. What an amazing little girl. You’ve done a great job with her.”
Ryle snarled, blowing out a puff of sarcastic air. “Are you kidding? She’s the one who has done the amazing job on me. She teaches me something new every single day.”
My smile broadened, certain he was telling the truth. “I can believe that. Quinn was the same way.”
“You named him Ryle? You really did that?”
I shrugged with a crooked grin. “I liked the name.”
“Because you thought about me. Admit it,” he teased.
I almost lied, but then for whatever reason, I didn’t. “Honestly, I didn’t. I didn’t think about Scout either. Every time either of you would pop into my mind, I replaced it with something else. I pretended like that part of my life never happened.”
“Because a bigger part of you than you were ready for was gone.”
A short puff of air blew past my lips. “You know, for whatever reason, that makes perfect sense to me. I don’t remember you being this…”
“Free?”
“Yeah, I guess that works.”
“I’m blaming you. I couldn’t even eat without thinking about you.”
“But you left.”
Ryle shrugged a shoulder, admitting truths as they came to him. “Guess I wasn’t ready for you yet, either.”
“And now?”
Ryle smiled a sneaky grin, squeezing my hand. “I mean, we do have this kid together and all. I’m kidding. I know there’s something here as much as you do, but I get that you’re coming out of a shit-storm. I’m okay with one step at a time.”
“Okay. I’m okay with that, too.”
“Does that mean I can kiss you?”
“Do you want to?”
His words were soft and warm on my lips, and my heart was even warmer. “I’m dying to.”
There is not one word I can think of to describe the connection. Not just a connection though. It was more like a connection that had woken from a dormant connection, or something like that. It was infinite. It stopped time and sent pulsations through my body I’d forgotten about. Our tongues danced, but not only that, our bodies just seemed to fold together like they were reconnecting on a level deeper than I had ever felt. It wasn’t a silly kid crush at all. It was this.
I knew at that very moment, I wanted to kiss him for the rest of my life, and it wasn’t sixteen-year-old kid stuff. It was real. Every last one of my worries and thoughts disappeared and there was nothing but right now. This moment where I was lost in a vortex of something astounding that can’t be described with words; something addicting, something I would die without.
I’m not even sure how long we even kissed, but I’m sure it was a while. I know I wasn’t the one to pull away first. Ryle did. He backed away, separating our lips, but I couldn’t open my eyes. I was one big puddle of goo.
“My lost city,” he rasped, his lips smiling on mine.
That’s when I opened my eyes wide, coming back to a reality I didn’t want to be in. “Fuck, Ryle.”
“Right,” he agreed, once again meeting my lips with his.