For some reason, the word Tantra meant something erotic to me. Even so, I wasn’t expecting this. The tent was dark around the sides, silhouettes visible by a flickering candle in the center. Sounds of water and chimes filled the room, a scent of sandalwood and pine permeated our surroundings, and the sense of dread took over my mind. Sure this was going to be one of those walking on coals or snake’s ceremony, I sat on the dirt floor with Ryle and crossed my legs.
In a tone meant to sound like a warning, I threatened Ryle with my eyes. “I’m trusting you.”
He slid behind me, pulled my back to his chest, and kissed my neck from behind. “Yes, love. I know.”
My hands slid below his all on their own and my cheek snuggled against his, relaxing just long enough to watch Tristan and Ty walk to the left and take a seat next to us. That’s when I noticed the way she sat in front of Ty just like us, just like everyone else.
Tristan whispered a quiet ‘hey’, glancing to me and then to Keisha, starting this thing that had me a little anxious. Of course, it wasn’t what I thought it was. Esoteric and weird, no doubt, but not strange enough for me to want to run. Quite the opposite.
Keisha began with what Tantra wasn’t before explaining what it was. “For those of you who are here for the first time, you should know Tantra isn’t about sex.”
That made me relax a little, but not much. I still didn’t know what I was doing here.
Keisha told us, but it helped very little. “Tantra is about going into a state of bliss without intercourse. A place for your bodies to make a connection. This is a place in consciousness that holds you in a place of now. There are no tomorrows, no yesterdays, no bills to pay, no jobs to get to. You’ll only be in the now with your partner. This is an art form you can practice with your lover. It’s about respect and love. It’s about braiding you with your partner and both your energies, keeping you in a state of euphoric bliss for as long as you want.”
My heart beat hard behind my chest as she walked in a circle, speaking a language I didn’t understand. “Tantra isn’t about focusing on the end result, but the path, taking the time to make it more symbolic, something you’re both preparing for, not the orgasm. Think about it like a formal arrangement only you two share, something you both care deeply about. Don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t work for you the first time. This could be from many things. Things you’re holding on to which keep you from the high. Judgments you’re telling yourself about the way your body looks. Doubts about whether or not you’re doing it right. And sometimes, it’s as simple as being with the wrong lover.
“We’re going to start with our arms straight out to the side, open your hands to the receptive mode. Guys, your hands should be holding hers. Eyes closed. Breathe in deep through your nose. Exhale through your mouth. Good. A few more times. In through your nose to the count of six. Out through your mouth to the count of six.”
Listening to her hypnotic words, I closed my eyes and tried to relax. First, we did some breathing exercises, one a little silly. Of course, I was the only one who thought it felt that way. Everyone else seemed to follow the directions without wanting to bust a gut. Fire breathing, she called it, quick-short breaths in and out. The tent sounded more like a tee-pee full of panting dogs than a roomful of couples, but then we moved on to our senses. My senses.
For a newbie, it was easy to find my now, to forget I was in a dark tent with five other couples. The space between us made it impossible to touch and other than the one breathing exercise, I couldn’t hear anyone but Keisha, the nature sounds, and the wind picking up on the outside. My heartbeat was erratic and wild one second and relaxed and calm the next. The sensing part came from Ryle’s fingertips, gliding lightly across my stomach.
Keisha’s next words caused yet another rush of nervous energy to run through my veins. “At this time, if your partner feels comfortable, you can remove her shirt.
Ryle was like a ninja, quick on the draw. Before I could even protest, he lifted my shirt over my head and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. My eyes opened that time, and although everyone was nothing more than dark blobs, I could tell we were all participating, including Tristan and Ty.
“Trust me.”
His lips and warm words in my ear instantly calmed me and I wondered why. Why him? I’d been with my share of guys and none of them made me feel so— safe. It’s difficult to explain and probably sounds a little whimsical, but it’s true. I felt connected to Ryle in a way that is indescribable. Without knowing how or why I knew it, there was no doubt we would be together forever. For reasons I didn’t understand, I couldn’t get enough of him, I couldn’t get close enough, and I did trust him. With everything in me, I trusted him. The part I didn’t understand was why.
From about that point on, I got it and it was so easy for us. It took two point seven seconds for me to find the place of bliss Keisha spoke of. Nobody was there but Ryle and me. We made love in a way I’d never experienced before. Without intercourse. Keisha instructed the guys to remove our bras and lightly run their fingers down our backs. My eyes never opened, my shallow breathing was barely even a breath, and my senses raised to a high I’d certainly not experienced before. I barely even noticed my arms out to my sides, and I could hardly hear Keisha’s faraway words, but I felt Ryle’s hands. I knew she’d just told them to caress our breasts and I felt his hands.
My breath caught in my lungs as I felt his fingers twist my nipples into two hard beads. Biting hard on my bottom lip, I let my head drop to his shoulder, feeling his lips touch my bare shoulder. Every touch lasted longer and longer until an electric charge was felt throughout my entire body. With Keisha’s guidance, Ryle’s hands slowly touched every inch of my upper body, sometimes just a tickle, and sometimes strong and powerful. The way he held my head back with a fistful of hair sent a tingle right through me, his breaths slipping through tiny kisses on my neck and shoulders, and now his bare chest on my back sent me to an edge of no return. It was a good thing it wasn’t about sex. There was no doubt I would have been begging for it by now.
“Good, now that you’re half-way charged, let’s have the ladies turn around. Legs over his hips, arms around his neck.”
All embarrassment and fear of the way my body looked had been long gone, but the half-way charged comment worried me. The thought of adding more emotions to the ones already surging through my body could very well be more than I could handle. Not only had Ryle’s fingers traced my entire torso, the leisureliness should have been enough for him to never forget. I turned around and he helped, wrapping my legs around him with his hands firmly around my ankles just like Keisha had directed. My arms dropped over his neck and my breasts met his chest, a new feeling rushing my entire existence, flowing through me like of flood of euphoric bliss.
Ryle’s hands squeezed tight around my ankles, making my toes tingle. Even though I could barely see him in the dark, our eyes remained opened, tranced in each other’s while we did every single thing Keisha told us to do. Finally, she let us kiss. Not just kiss. Ryle and I shared something out of this world. No words crossed my mind, not one thought reminded me of my past, and nothing was real. I was in such a euphoric trance the world could have ended and I wouldn’t have known it. I wouldn’t have cared. I was nowhere. I was everywhere. I was him. He was me. We were one. With our bodies connected, my arms still around him and his hands still holding tight to my ankles, we kissed. My fingers laced in his hair and our mouths devoured each other’s, faint, uncontrollable moans were traded with hums and emotions ran high. I could have kissed him forever and ever, but Keisha had other plans, and we still had another half a body to explore.
“We’re going to end the kiss, but stay in this position. For the next few minutes, we’re going to just hold on to each other. Keep your eyes locked. There’s nothing else. Just the two of you. Stay in his eyes ladies, that’s it, nothing else.”
At first it was awkward and I wanted to laugh, and I think I did a couple times, but then it became something more. My mind opened to not only a connection I’d never felt in my life, but also a healing I couldn’t begin to explain. Like my heart was mending and I could feel it. Lips to lips, eyes to eyes, breaths to breaths, we lost ourselves in each other, going somewhere I’d never gone before. Somewhere cosmic. If this was the now place she was speaking of, I never wanted to leave. Although even thinking about it sounded utterly ridiculous, it was true. I felt a love so strong come over me it was almost unbearable. We became connected in a way I’d never ever experienced before. With anyone. Ever. It felt like five minutes, but I later figured out it had been more like fifteen minutes. Nonetheless, I was somewhere I’d never been.
And then Keisha had to go and ruin it. With soft, melodramatic words, she interrupted. “Good, now begin moving down her body. Let your lips glide from her lips, to her chin, her throat, easily laying her to her back in front of you. Good. Now once again, guys, we’re going to start with shoulders, caressing our way down the body.”
Ryle did that, spending more time on my breasts than any other part of my body. Until she expressed the next set of instructions.
“Perfect, when and if your partner is ready, you can slide her out of her pants.”
My hand instantly went over the button on my jeans, stopping him right there. At that moment, I covered my breasts with my arm, deciding I’d gone far enough. There was a point of no return that affected all addicts, and I was close to mine. I didn’t feel like all these other people, and something deeper than I knew what to do with was transpiring at pace I couldn’t stop. That concerned me.
From out of nowhere, Ryle grabbed both my wrists in a single bound, held them to my sides by my hips, and leaned over me. With hot words against my chest, he whispered for me to trust him again, this time with his tongue circling my erect nipples. Of course, I surrendered, trusting him once again. Without being told how to breathe, I held it in my lungs, kept my eyes closed, and let him help me out of my jeans and my panties. I was totally naked and he wasn’t.
“This, ladies, is the power of now. Just relax your body into his touch, eyes closed, let your breaths do what they will. Now, we’re going to work on the toes. Girls, feet on his thighs.”
This was really happening and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. Ryle had to help me place my feet in the extremely vulnerable position. Again, Keisha’s words became foggy and distant, nothing I could understand in my state. Not that it mattered. Ryle had it all under control. Starting with a squeeze, he bent my toes back, stretching the soles of my feet I hadn’t even realized were sore. His thumbs dug deep into my bottoms and I relaxed, but only for a moment. Of course, he was directed to move back up. First my ankles again, then my calves, which I also hadn’t realized were that sore, and then my knees.
Once my legs were resting over his again, I couldn’t help but freak out on the inside again. Even if it was dark, I was still naked, he wasn’t, and I was in this awkward position, handing him all my power. I felt my back slide across the cool dirt floor when the guys were directed to run their fingers lightly over the tops of our legs. She never said one word about pulling me closer to him. Had sex not been off the table, and he was naked too, I was sure he could have easily slid it in. And I could have easily let him.
At the commands of Keisha, Ryle dug his fingers into the back of my legs, my butt, and then my hips. Not once did I open my eyes, and my breaths were like that fire breathing technique she’d taught us before. Only this happened on its own. Out of instinct. Survival mode. Or something I can’t explain. I had senses going off I never even knew existed, especially when I felt his thumbs dig in to my inner thighs, knowing I was open to the world. For a second, I wondered about Tristan and the other girls, but I didn’t open my eyes to look. For another second, I wondered if he could see me through the thick darkness. I hadn’t waxed down there since before I’d done my time, and even though I tried not to think about it, I did.
I forgot about my lack of grooming when I first heard Keisha tell them where she wanted them to place the palm of their hand. Ryle squeezed my left hip with one hand and placed his warm hand right over my aching nub. Out of a state of euphoric bliss, my hips swirled into his resting hand, but then stopped, a sense of embarrassment reminding me of the position I seemed to have gotten myself into.
For unknown strange reasons, Keisha’s hypnotic words were more powerful than my own self chatter. “By this time, your partner should have a substantial amount of energy built up. Her hips may start to thrust, and her breaths should become shallow. When and if you think she is ready, you can apply a little more pressure. Ladies, don’t fight anything. Your goal is to surrender, trust your body, trust your partner.”
Stifling a moan, I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth and bit hard, fighting with everything in me not to move, not to beg for more. I’d never felt anything so powerful in all my life. Not drugs, not men, not money, not alcohol, not anything. I couldn’t control this. The heat from Ryle’s hand as he pressed harder into me radiated throughout my entire body, adding more charge to the already surging energy.
Keisha’s words were once again lost, and I once again let whatever this was take over my entire existence. My body did what it wanted, my jaw relaxed, I couldn’t seem to close my mouth, and I’m almost certain my back arched. Then again, that could have been from my thrashing hips. I was in the now. Time was something I didn’t understand. Exhilarated bliss flowed through something I wasn’t even sure was my own body anymore. I’d moved from one universe to another, and I was at a point of no return.
Just as I heard Keisha instruct the guys not to penetrate their partners, I felt a finger slide inside me. As hard as I tried to open my eyes, to stop him, to pull away, I couldn’t. I could barely hold the moan, let alone tell him he was breaking the rules. While they were supposed to be digging their thumbs into our groins, Ryle did his own thing, knowing I couldn’t stop him, but I needed to. He didn’t understand the static charge building and building in my body. As much as I wanted him to stop, I wanted him to keep going more. Not that I could have stopped him had I tried.
While Ryle did his own thing, sliding a finger in and out of me, his thumb moved back and forth over my swollen clit. Keisha gave the rest of them permission to caress the outer lips. We passed that base a long time ago, and I didn’t know how much longer I could keep from sliding into home. I was close. I was so close, but Ryle knew it, too. He knew when to stop doing what it was he was doing. Driving me crazy. That’s what he was doing. I’d never make it. There was no way I would be able to go to bed without letting this all out. No way in the world.
For an undetermined amount of time, I reached a peak, ready to topple over, only to be pulled from the ledge, time and time again. Ryle knew my body better than I knew my body, he knew how to get me there, and he knew how to keep me from falling. And then my current worst fears became real. Keisha ended the session.
“And now, take her hands and pull her body back to your body. Ladies, take a few deep breaths while you come down. I know you feel like you could kill me right now, but I promise, it’ll still be there later. All you have to do is return to this position right here, stare into his eyes until he’s inside you, and I assure you, you’ll not only get back here, you’ll never want to return. When you’re ready, you can dress.”
Keisha continued to talk with soft tranquil words while Ryle and I kissed, breaking the rules once again. She thanked us for joining her, and talked a little more about her services. Apparently, she had a permanent space somewhere in Virginia where she offered private sessions. At another time, I may have been interested.
Keeping my panties and bra, Ryle handed me my jeans and shirt in a wad. “Here, put these on.”
I’m pretty sure I was the first one dressed, and we were the first ones out of there. Ryle tossed a few bills I couldn’t see into a donation basket at the door and led me out to the dark night. The cool air hit my lungs and felt invigorating on my heated face.
I can’t even really explain what happened next. Ryle led me to a dark corner of the field by my hand, where a motor home and a few campers lined up along the edge of the stream, neither of us speaking a word. For a second I thought we were going up to the fall, but then from out of nowhere, he spun me into a lonely camper. His hands grasped my wrists firmly and he held them over my head, kissing me fervently, wildly, and with tangible emotions I could feel passing from him to me, and me to him.
Passionately, Ryle held my wrist with one hand, ran the other one down my side, my ribs, and below my shirt. His knee kicked my leg out and before I even knew what was going on, the snap in my jeans was released and his hand was in my pants. Music in the distance, faraway voices, and the noisy stream were my permission to moan. Not that I could have helped it had I tried.
“Don’t move your hands,” he growled while biting hard on my bottom lip, his hands sliding me out of my jeans.
I didn’t move them for a few moments, but that’s about it. As soon as I felt his lips kiss the pulsating between my legs, they dropped to my sides all on their own. Ryle’s tongue was magic, cosmic, and explosive. From back to front, he stroked, sucking, biting, and pulling on the one part of me I couldn’t seem to control. Barely holding on to reality, I let him move my right leg over his shoulder, feeling at least two fingers mix with the sucking and licking. Ready to topple over, one hand grasped a handful of his hair for needed support.
“Oh, God. Oh, fuck, Ryle. Ahhh, ohhh, ohmmm,” I moaned, unable to find words, my whole world collapsing all around me. The heated energy inside my body started with the tips of my toes, my fingers, and even my ears. A warm liquid took over the blood in my body, sending a warm sensation to every inch of my body, a feeling I’d never witnessed before with anyone. Ever.
It wouldn’t end and I suddenly knew exactly what Keisha was talking about. This was a whole-body orgasm, and it took me in a spiraling vortex like something out of this world. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any more intense, Ryle came to his feet, lifting me to his waist. One hand flattened on the borrowed camper, and one flattened on his chest, but not from the pleasure. This one was from the pain.
Once he was half way in me, he decided to ask if it was okay. Stopping, he held me still, his words spoken between kisses. “Are you okay?”
The taste and scent of myself between us, the way our bodies seemed to become one, and the amniotic nature sounds surrounding us, put me in a whole new playing field. His, not mine. I slid down a little more, devouring his mouth with mine and then confessed. “I’m fine. I just forgot about these things coming in different sizes.”
Ryle’s warm laugh was felt on my lips. “That all?”
Even though I knew it was a little late, it still needed to be said. “I’m not looking to catch anything.”
Again, Ryle chuckled, his hands slowly moving my hips into him. “You’re the first girl I’ve been with in almost two years. You don’t need to worry about that. What about babies. Are you protected?”
I wanted to ask why he hadn’t been with anyone, but the rocking of my body into his and the building felt once again in my toes, kept me from it. A whimper mixed with words assured him I was okay in that department. Daniel wasn’t about to take any chance, and of course he was just too busy to do it. It was best that I took care of that part. “No, I’m good there.” Except for the moans. Within moments, I was right back to the top, and I couldn’t get enough. There were no cares. Not in this world. His exploring hands were magical on my body, his size hit places I didn’t even know were there, and his lips chilled my spine. But those were only the physical effects. This other connection couldn’t be missed either. A warm, glowing light I wasn’t sure was really there or not, enveloped us both. I could see it, I could feel it, but I wasn’t sure if I was in it or it was us. Regardless, something was there, something I couldn’t have denied had I put all my effort into it. It was there. It was enchanted. It was real. It was love.
Once again, I was sure time stood still. Moments became minutes and we did the unthinkable. Holding on to a place where we became one, in the now, just Ryle and me, we froze time. Irrefutable evidence I didn’t understand took over my entire existence. Not only mine, but his as well. I felt it. I felt it in my stomach, I felt it in my chest, I felt it in my blood, but mostly, I felt it between my legs.
“Come with me, baby.”
Yeah, I didn’t have a problem with that. Especially when I was sure I’d been stuck there ever since he’d slid his hands in my jeans. “Mmmm, okay,” I panted, my head briefly dropping to the back of the camper.
Ryle held my hips, rocked them into his, and pumped, fast, hard, and wildly, his breaths doing that fire breathing thing again. And that was it. Explosions went off all around my head, bright, colorful lights flickered behind my eyes, and sensations sizzled inside me like I’d never felt before. There was no denying the intensity going on between us, and I knew Ryle couldn’t deny it any more than I could. It was there, it was real, and it was love. There were no other words to describe it. An immense, powerful force held us together, two worlds collided and became one, a new galaxy was created just for us, and I knew it wasn’t the end. Far from it. This was the beginning. The beginning of a new chapter and all I had to do was turn the page, but would I? Could I? Should I?