What I learned this year about boiling: If the trough bubbles like fish eyes it’s not ready; if it bubbles like sheep eyes it’s syrup.
—Colton Abbott’s sugaring journal, after the boil
The unease stayed with Lucy all the way to Burlington and throughout the festive party at the lake house that evening. Gathered around a bonfire on the beach, the Abbott family and their friends were in high spirits and looking forward to the wedding the next day.
Sitting on Nolan’s lap next to the fire, Hannah looked serene and happy. The peaceful aura that surrounded her was contagious, and for a short time, Lucy nearly forgot to be worried about her own situation. But then she would think about the flight back to New York that was booked for Sunday, and she’d remember that she had just two more nights with Colton before they’d return to their separate lives.
“Are you ready to go?” Colton asked her.
“Any time you are.”
“I’m ready.” He stood and held out a hand to help her up from her seat on a blanket that had been spread out on the beach.
“Can I hitch a ride with you guys?” Nolan asked.
“Me, too,” Hannah said.
“Where are you going?” Molly asked her daughter.
Hannah used her thumb to point to Nolan. “With him.”
“But it’s bad luck to see the groom before the wedding.”
“I’ve used up my lifetime share of bad luck,” Hannah told her mother. “I’m taking my chances.”
“Nolan,” Molly said. “Do something!”
“Sorry, Molly,” Nolan said as he put his arm around his fiancée, “but I’m with Hannah on this one.”
“Of course you are.”
Hannah bent down to kiss her parents good night. “I’ll be back in the morning, and you can fuss over me to your heart’s content.”
Molly tugged on Hannah’s long hair. “I’ll look forward to that.”
“Nolan,” Lincoln said, “take good care of my daughter and get her back here on time tomorrow.”
“You have my word.”
After they’d said their good nights to the rest of the group, the four of them headed up the stairs to the house, where they collected their belongings. Hannah let out a squeal and jumped onto Nolan’s back.
He grabbed her legs to keep her there. “Christ, woman. Don’t break me before the honeymoon.”
“I expected my mom to put up a much bigger fight about me leaving.”
“Let’s get these kids back to the inn so they can have a good night’s sleep before their big day,” Colton said to Lucy.
Hannah nibbled on Nolan’s ear. “Sleep is highly overrated.”
Colton put his arm around Lucy. “I couldn’t agree more.”
“You two are so cute together,” Hannah said. “I predict you’ll be the next to tie the knot.”
The statement hit Lucy like a punch to the gut, making her gasp. “What? We aren’t getting married.”
Hannah shrugged off Lucy’s protest. “Call it a hunch.”
“You’re wrong.” She looked to Colton, hoping he would back her up, but his expression was unreadable.
Lucy and Colton traveled the short distance to the inn in silence as Nolan and Hannah whispered and giggled in the backseat. Lucy envied them. All their questions had been answered, and their future stretched out before them bright with promise and all the joy they both deserved.
The more Lucy thought about the many unanswered questions in her life, the more exhausted she became.
They parted company with Hannah and Nolan on the second-floor landing. Hannah hugged them both. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”
Colton gave his sister a second hug and a kiss. “Happy for you, Hannah Banana.”
“I’m happy for you, too.”
Colton smiled but his eyes were sad. “Get some sleep.”
“Uh-huh,” Hannah said.
With his hand on her lower back, Colton guided Lucy up one more flight of stairs. Inside the room, they took turns in the bathroom. Lucy put on the new silk gown before she brushed her hair and teeth. When she emerged from the bathroom, Colton was already in bed. The covers hugged his waist, leaving his muscular chest bare to her hungry gaze. Would she ever look at him and not want him? Probably not.
Lucy got into bed and turned on her side to face him. She expected him to turn to her, but he stared up at the ceiling for a long time. “What’s wrong?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
He sounded truly upset. “What do you mean?”
“We aren’t getting married. As if it’s the most preposterous thing you’ve ever heard.”
“You’re mad about that? We’ve never even talked about getting married and your sister is predicting we’ll be next. What was I supposed to say to that?”
“I don’t know, but your emphatic denial makes me wonder what the hell we’re doing here.”
His words filled her with fear. “You want to talk about getting married when we can’t even figure out a way to be in the same place at the same time for more than a few days.”
“We’ve just put together two full weeks.”
“And now what? Now I go home the day after tomorrow and see you again when?”
“The following weekend?”
“And then what?”
“I don’t know! I don’t have the answers you want. All I know for sure is if we give up now we’ll never know what could’ve been. You’re giving up. I’ve felt you pulling away from me for days now, and then you say something like that to my sister, and . . .” He blew out a deep breath. “It’s got me questioning everything.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. She caught me by surprise when she said that.”
“It sounded to me like you’d given the matter some considerable thought and already made up your mind that it’s never going to happen.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?”
Her throat tightened and closed, making it impossible to speak over the lump that settled there.
“Thought so.” He turned on his side, facing away from her, and turned off the light.
Lucy lay awake for a long time, staring into the darkness, wishing she could find the courage to stay the course and hope for the best, but she just wasn’t built that way. Tears slid down her cheeks and dampened her hair. She tried to be quiet in her misery, but a sob escaped anyway.
Colton turned over and put his arm around her. “I’m sorry, Luce.” He kissed her shoulder and arm. “Please don’t cry.”
“I wish I was different.”
“What? Why would you say that?”
“Because I’m not courageous the way Hannah is. I’m not strong or resilient like Cam. I hurt easily, and I wish I didn’t. I’m afraid if I don’t stop this now, it’ll ruin me later.” The darkness that surrounded them made it possible for Lucy to speak her truth, to say the words that had been in her heart all week.
He slid one arm under her and put the other around her middle, pulling her in tight against him. “I happen to love you exactly the way you are, tender heart and all.”
Surrounded by him, warmed by him, her body shook with sobs. “I’m sorry, Colton. I’m so sorry. I kept telling myself just one more weekend, just one more . . . I never should’ve let this happen.”
“Please don’t say that. Don’t have regrets. The time we spent together has been the best time of my life.”
“I’ll understand if you don’t want me to come to the wedding. It’s such a special day for your family. I wouldn’t want to do anything to take away from it for you. Or them.”
“I’d really like you to come with me.”
“Okay.” After a long silence, she said, “I really am sorry, Colton.”
“So am I, honey. So am I.”
In the pearly predawn, Hannah slept in Nolan’s arms, floating in that narrow space between wakefulness and dreams. Her one conscious thought was that she would marry Nolan today and begin her new life with him. Warm and cozy, she drifted, letting the dreams carry her for a while longer.
He came to her then, in that in-between place, brushing the hair back from her face and kissing her forehead. He lingered for a long moment, his lips pressed to her skin, his fingers stroking her hair.
She held her breath, waiting to see what else he might do, but as quickly as he’d come he was gone again.
Hannah opened eyes that were filled with tears. Had she been dreaming? She reached up to touch the place on her forehead that still tingled from the touch of his lips. In all the years since she’d lost Caleb, it was the most vivid dream she’d ever had about him. She hadn’t seen his face or touched his skin, but she’d felt his presence as powerfully as she ever had when he was alive.
Why today of all days would she feel him so potently?
Nolan’s hand shifted from her hip to her belly, pulling her in closer to him as his lips touched her shoulder.
Hannah covered his hand with hers, holding on tight to him.
“What’s wrong, babe?”
“Nothing.”
“I can feel how tense you are. Are you having cold feet?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Would you tell me if you were?”
“I’m not, Nolan. I promise.”
“Then what is it?”
After a long pause, she said, “I had a dream. At least I think it was a dream. Caleb was here. He . . . He pushed the hair back from my face, and he kissed my forehead. It was only a few seconds, but he was here. I’ve never felt him like that before.”
“He was wishing you well, love. He was letting you know he’s with you always, even today. Especially today.”
“It was just a dream.”
“I’d like to believe it was more than that. I’d like to think he was actually here and that he knows you’re all right. I’d like to believe he knows I’m taking care of you for him.”
Needing to see his face, Hannah turned over.
He wiped away her tears with the gentle stroke of his finger on her face.
“I love you,” she whispered. “Thank you for letting me share that with you.”
“I’d never want you to feel you couldn’t share something like that with me. Believe it or not, it brings me some comfort to know he was here, that he knows about us, that maybe he approves.”
“Of course he would approve. He loved us both.”
Nolan gathered her in close to him, tucking her head under his chin.
She breathed in the fragrance of soap and clean skin that had become so familiar to her in the last few months. It was the new scent of home. “I’m glad I was with you when that happened. It might’ve messed me up if you hadn’t been here to tell me it was okay.”
“I’m glad I was here. I’ll always be right here, Hannah. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be in this entire world than right here with you.”
“In that case, what do you say we make it official?”
He grunted out a laugh. “I say you’re on.”
Hannah looked stunningly gorgeous as she came down the stairs to the beach, accompanied by her parents. Her dark hair was piled on top of her head in what some might call a messy bun, but on her it was nothing short of glamorous. She wore a simple off-white silk dress, carried a bouquet of wildflowers and was chased down the stairs by her overly excited puppy, Homer.
Molly and Lincoln were teary-eyed as they delivered their eldest daughter to her groom, who had been riveted by the sight of his love coming toward him as their friend Jack played his guitar. He only took his eyes off Hannah long enough to bend and scoop up Homer Junior, who sported a black bow tie collar for the occasion.
Nolan wore a white dress shirt with a blue tie and khakis. Hunter stood beside him, while Ella, Charley and Cameron were Hannah’s attendants.
Both the bride and the groom were barefoot, a touch that Lucy found particularly perfect. Standing in front of Colton to watch as his grandfather officiated the ceremony, it was difficult to wallow in her own misery while watching two such deserving people get their happy ending.
It was excruciating to know that she and Colton wouldn’t have a day like this. They wouldn’t have any more days after today, and it was all because she was too afraid of what might happen tomorrow to enjoy today. Knowing what Hannah had endured to get to this moment in her life made Lucy feel ashamed of her own inadequacies.
As she listened to Elmer talk about the incredible journey Hannah and Nolan had traveled to reach this day and heard them pledge their eternal love to each other, Lucy yearned to someday say those same words to Colton and to hear them from him. She yearned for the forever they weren’t destined to have. Maybe he was feeling the same way because his hand found hers and held on tight. It was the first time he’d touched her all day, and she clung to the welcome feel of his hand in hers.
After Elmer declared Hannah and Nolan husband and wife, a cheer went up from the friends and family who surrounded them, including the Guthries, Caleb’s beloved Sultans and Nolan’s racing team. The group tossed rose petals at the bride and groom as they went up the stairs to the house where the reception would take place.
“So beautiful,” Cameron said as she wiped tears off her face.
Will put his arm around her and drew her into his embrace.
“Incredible,” Colton agreed. He continued to hold Lucy’s hand as they made their way up the stairs and only let go to hug the bride. “So happy for you, Han.”
“Thank you.” Hannah glowed with happiness as she stood next to Nolan on the deck, accepting hugs and kisses from everyone. She hugged Lucy as if they’d been friends for years rather than months. “So glad you were here with us today.”
“Me, too,” Lucy said sincerely. It was comforting to know that sometimes things worked out the way they were meant to. She followed the crowd inside where Molly was supervising the caterers. Despite her depressed state, Lucy was swept up in the party atmosphere as everyone ate and drank and celebrated the happy couple.
The effort to hide her own pain in the midst of such incredible joy was exhausting, but Lucy kept a smile on her face, determined to get through this day and night so she could go home and lick her wounds in private.
Outside on the deck, a trio provided music that only added to the festive atmosphere. She was standing with Colton, Will, Cameron, Ella and Charley when Hunter took the microphone from the singer and waited for the group to quiet down. Then he turned his attention to Hannah and Nolan.