I had the dream again last night. It was the same dream I always have. Caleb was there with Homer, and they were waiting for me. But this time Nolan was there, too. He held out a hand to me. Caleb did the same. I looked at him and at Nolan. Then I took both their hands and let them lead me forward. I’m not sure exactly what I’m supposed to take away from this version of the dream, but apparently I have room enough in my heart for both of them.
—From the diary of Hannah Abbott Guthrie, age thirty-five
The next day was a frenzy of activity that began with a quick breakfast with the team before they headed to the track for a day of time trials and testing of upgrades they’d recently made to the car, thanks to the sponsor money that had rolled in after Nolan led them to five wins last season.
After he got Hannah and Homer—who’d come despite Nolan’s suggestion he remain in his crate in the motel room until they broke for lunch—settled in the bleachers, where she could see all the action but remain close to the crew, he donned his protective gear and got down to business. It took a huge effort to focus on what he was doing when he wanted to constantly check to make sure she was still there.
While they ran safety checks and went over track conditions, he couldn’t help being distracted knowing she was watching him. It gave him a thrill to know she cared enough to want to be part of this important aspect of his life—and that she’d put aside her fears about him being hurt to come here and see what it was about. He loved her for that as well as so many other things.
“Nolan,” Skeeter said under his breath. “Quit staring at your lady and pay attention.”
“I’m not staring at her.”
“Yes, you are. Now knock it off, and get your head in the game.”
They were sharing the track with five other teams who had agreed to participate in a practice race.
Nolan winked at her before he put on his helmet and got into the car. The minute he was strapped in, he pushed every other thought out of his head to concentrate fully on the task at hand. One wrong move behind the wheel could spell disaster for the team, not to mention what it would mean for him. And with Hannah watching, he wanted only to show her the thrill of the chase without any undue drama.
They took a couple of practice laps, each car jockeying for position. As he pressed the accelerator and made a move to pass the car in front of him, a kick of adrenaline shot through him. Only one other thing in this world could fire him up the way racing did, and she was sitting in the stands watching him. Determined to give her a good show, he pressed the pedal to the floor on the straightaway.
Hannah’s mouth was dry and her hands were damp as she watched Nolan’s white car, with the large number 18 painted in red on the side, dart between the others at what seemed like a thousand miles an hour. He couldn’t possibly be going that fast, but what did it matter? At that speed, the slightest miscalculation would result in certain death.
He was going to die. The feeling came over her like a tidal wave, drowning her in unspeakable fear. She couldn’t do this again. No way would she survive it a second time.
Homer squirmed in her lap, disturbed by the high-pitched whine of the engines as the cars roared past them. Gas fumes and dust filled the air as the cars briefly disappeared from view as someone waved a green flag. And then, impossibly they were moving even faster than they’d been before.
Nolan shot out to an early lead, his car literally flying around the curves of the oval track and passing her again in a blur of speed and color and exhaust.
Hannah couldn’t breathe. Fear riveted her to the aluminum bleacher seat. She wanted out of there, immediately, but that would require moving, which she couldn’t seem to do.
He was going to die, and she would see it happen. At least when Caleb died, she hadn’t been there to watch it unfold before her.
Her hands were shaking, and only when Homer let out a yelp of discomfort did she realize how tightly she was squeezing him.
Skeeter landed next to her. “Ain’t he something? Look at him go! He’s a natural.” He looked at Hannah and did a double take. “Honey, what’s wrong? You’re white as a sheet after it’s been bleached.”
“I, um . . . I . . .” Before she could say the words, the car in front of Nolan’s seemed to spin out of control in slow motion, going airborne. A scream got caught in her throat when she watched Nolan dodge around the car before it flipped over twice and landed on its hood in the infield.
A yellow flag was waved as people and rescue vehicles and trucks raced to the hobbled car.
“Please,” Hannah whispered. “I need to get out of here.”
To his great credit, Skeeter didn’t say a word. He simply rose and took her hand and led her out of the bleachers to a side exit she never would’ve noticed had he not been leading the way. Once they were in the parking lot, he stopped, still holding her hand. “Where do you want to go?”
“Could I please go back to the motel?”
“You don’t want to wait for Nolan?”
She shook her head. “Not here. I can’t be here.”
“Whatever you need, honey. I’ll take you back myself. Let me just get my keys and tell the guys where I’m going.”
“You don’t need to be here?”
He smiled at her. “Nah, they only need me when the car gets smashed up, which hardly ever happens with Nolan at the wheel. He’s really good. That’s my truck. I’ll be right back.”
Hannah had seen with her own eyes that Nolan was a really good driver, but the feeling of absolute certainty that had come over her watching him race had left her panic-stricken. Somehow, someway she’d managed to survive losing Caleb. If she knew anything for certain, she knew she’d never survive losing the man she loved again.
While she waited for Skeeter, she put Homer down so he could pee and then picked him up to nuzzle his sweet face. He licked at the tears that flowed freely down her face when she realized the future she’d wanted with Nolan wasn’t to be if it meant living with this kind of fear on a regular basis. She’d already done that during Caleb’s deployments, and she’d discovered that was no way to live.
Skeeter emerged from yet another door and jogged over to her, unlocking his truck and holding the door for her. “Sorry it isn’t cleaner. I wasn’t expecting guests.”
“It’s fine,” Hannah said. “I appreciate the ride.” They drove the short distance to the motel in silence that was only broken by an occasional yip from Homer.
As Skeeter pulled up to the door to the room she was sharing with Nolan, he put the truck into park. “It’s none of my business, Hannah, so tell me to stuff it if I’m totally out of line here, but that boy . . . He’s crazy about you, and if you asked him to give up the racing, he’d do it in a second if it meant he got to keep you.”
“I’d never do that, Skeeter. He loves it. I’ve seen that in the way he talks about it. I could see that in the time I spent with you all last night and today at the track. It’s in his blood.”
“So are you.”
“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I can’t ask him to be anyone other than who he is. He’d hate me for that someday.”
“I think you’re selling him short and vastly underestimating how far around the bend he is where you’re concerned.”
“Thanks for the ride, Skeeter. I really appreciate it.”
“You got your key?”
Hannah nodded and reached for the door handle. Every step toward the room where they’d known such bliss the night before felt like a thousand-mile march. Once inside, she curled up on the bed with Homer, willing her heart to stop pounding so fast she felt like she might hyperventilate.
No matter how slowly she tried to breathe or how hard she tried to think about something else, her brain was fixated on that moment of certainty that had come over her while she watched him race. Sobs shook her body at the thought of losing him, too, and she cried until there were no tears left.
When she heard Nolan knocking frantically on the door she realized she’d fallen asleep. “Hannah! Open up. I don’t have my key.”
Homer howled and yipped with outrage.
“Shh. It’s okay.” She patted him and got up, smoothing her hair as she went to the door and pulled it open.
“Oh God, Hannah.” He still wore the jumpsuit that had patches all over it and his hair was wild as if he’d pulled off the helmet and run for her. “You’ve been crying. I’m so sorry. Skeeter told me you were upset. I’m fine. Look. The car in front of me wrecked, but I’m totally fine.”
Even though he was fine—this time—she felt dead inside from the certainty that someday he wouldn’t be. “I know. I can see that.”
With his hands on her face, he forced her to look up at him. “What are you thinking? Please tell me. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it, but I can’t do a damned thing if you don’t talk to me.”
A sob caught in her throat as tears fell from her eyes. As much as she didn’t want to, she couldn’t help but cry at the thought of losing this wonderful, beautiful man who’d managed to make her fall completely and totally in love with him.
“Don’t cry, honey. I can’t bear it. I won’t race anymore if it upsets you this much.”
Hannah shook her head. “No. Don’t say that. You love it.”
Smiling, he shook his head with disbelief. “I don’t love it anywhere near as much as I love you.”
“I can’t ask you to give up something that’s such a big part of your life.”
“Hannah . . .” He closed the door that had remained open and took her into his arms. “The only thing I couldn’t live without is you. Don’t you know that by now? I was perfectly happy as one of the mechanics for the team, and I’ll be perfectly happy going back to that role if it means you never again look as wrecked as you do right now.”
“I’m a mess. I know.”
“Baby, you’re as gorgeous as ever, but it’s the wrecked look in your eyes that’s killing me.”
“I had this feeling, this utter certainty that you were going to die out there. It was so real and so profound.”
He encouraged her to sit on the bed and knelt in front of her, taking her hands and kissing each one of them. “I’m not going to die, Hannah. I’m going to live to be so old you’ll be wishing I was dead just so you can get rid of me.”
“Never.”
“I’m going to live that long just to prove you wrong, but I won’t race anymore.”
“But what about the team? They’re counting on you—”
He kissed her, keeping his lips pressed against hers until some of the starch left her spine. “Deke is my backup driver. With a little more practice, he’ll be every bit as good as I am.”
“And you won’t hate me someday for forcing you to give up something you loved?”
“You’re not forcing me to do anything. You’re just giving me a chance to prove there’s nothing I wouldn’t do if it means making you happy and giving you peace of mind.” He kissed away the tears on her cheeks before focusing again on her lips. “I understand where all this is coming from, honey. I get it, and I’m only sorry I didn’t anticipate how difficult it would be for you to see me doing something most people consider pretty dangerous.”
“Most sane people.”
That drew a laugh from him. “Stay there for one minute.” Still on his knees, he reached for his duffel bag and pulled it close enough to unzip a side compartment. He withdrew a small black box and turned to her.
“What is that?”
“Hold on a minute.”
“I don’t want to hold on a minute. I want to know what it is.”
Laughing, he leaned his head against her chest and then looked up at her, his heart in his eyes. “I can’t believe I’m actually going to take you on for life with your complete and utter inability to deal with surprises.” He opened the box and placed it on her knee. “Usually, the question comes first and the ring comes second, but in light of your issues, we’ll do it your way.”
Hannah gasped at the sight of an exquisite diamond in a vintage setting. She looked at the ring and then at him and then at the ring again. “Where did this come from?”
“It was my grandmother’s. I’ve had it for years waiting for the right woman to come along. For a long time now, I’ve known that the only right one who’d ever come along was you. I had no plans to propose to you in this tacky motel room, but I suppose this won’t be the last time things with you don’t go according to my plan. Hannah, will you marry me and have a family with me and grow so old with me that you’ll get sick of me?”
Once again she couldn’t seem to breathe as she looked down at him.
“You promised me I could count on your answer.”
“Yes,” she said, laughing through her tears. “Yes, I’ll marry you.” She combed her fingers into his hair and brought order to the strands that were in disarray from his helmet. “I never thought I’d have this again. I’d given up on so many things until you came along and showed me I still have my whole life ahead of me.” With her hands on his face, she brought her lips down on his.
“Your love has made me feel like the luckiest guy in the history of the world.” He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the bed when he stood and came back down on top of her. “Wait! The ring.” Lifting himself off her long enough to retrieve the box that had fallen on the floor, he removed the ring and slid it onto her left hand. “There. Now, where were we?”
“I was about to ask you how in the hell we get you out of this thing.” She tugged at the jumpsuit impatiently, which made him laugh loud enough to wake Homer, who came to with an indignant howling yip that sounded anything but fierce.
Hannah and Nolan dissolved into laughter, and the overwhelming joy she felt at that moment obliterated the fear from earlier. She’d gotten her second chance, and she planned to enjoy every minute of it.