Waking with Ella tucked up against him, Gavin replayed the night before, picking over every detail and every minute they’d spent together. What she’d said to him about Caleb and how he was left to live for both of them had struck home. It was true and something he’d been aware of for quite some time, while he tried to find a way through the relentless grief to get back to living.
He could barely remember what his life had been like before the day that shattered all their lives. In the ensuing years, he’d put himself back together as best he could, but none of the pieces fit quite the way they used to. He was like the old ceramic vase his mother had treasured until he and Caleb had knocked it over while wrestling one day and then attempted to cover up their crime by gluing the fragments back together.
The vase had never been the same, and neither had he after his brother died. He’d coped, of course. He’d had no choice but to carry on. He had parents who needed him, a business that had been new to him at the time of Caleb’s death, and with everything he had sunk into it, letting it founder wasn’t an option. In many ways, the business had saved him by giving him something to focus on.
Last night Ella had shown him in only a few hours that there was a huge difference between existing and living. He felt more alive and aware and alert with her in his arms than he had in years. The constant, relentless pain that held him in its tight grip had lessened at some point, and he had her to thank for that.
She was taking a huge gamble with him. He hadn’t been joking when he called himself a fixer-upper. Disaster area might be a better term. But he was determined to be worthy of her, even if his better judgment was still telling him he ought to leave her alone.
After what happened last night, however, leaving her alone was the last thing he wanted. Though he’d gotten up and changed into clean underwear and flannel pajama pants, his hand had once again ventured inside the open front of the shirt of his that she wore. Her skin was so soft and her hair smelled so good. Like fresh air and sunshine and happiness. Ella was the most joyful person he knew—always smiling and happy and laughing.
It would kill him if any of that changed because of him. I can’t let that happen. She’d already nearly killed him once when she asked him to promise that he wouldn’t hurt her. It would ruin him if he ever hurt her, so he made a silent vow to be careful with her, to treat her like the most fragile, important, priceless thing in his life. Because she was. The way she’d come riding to his rescue more than once and kept coming back even after he’d sent her away was evidence of her commitment to him.
She stirred, mumbled something he couldn’t hear and then opened her eyes.
He got to watch her initial surprise at seeing him and then felt her relax when she remembered why she was there with him.
“Morning.” He kissed her forehead and ran his fingers through her hair.
“Morning.”
“Did you sleep okay?”
“Uh-huh.”
So she wasn’t particularly chatty in the morning, or perhaps she was rethinking her decision to spend the night with him. He couldn’t say he blamed her, but he really hoped that wasn’t the case.
“I . . . um, I should get going.” Clutching both sides of the unbuttoned shirt, Ella turned over, dislodging the hand he had on her ribs. She got up from the bed and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
Suddenly, Gavin was panic stricken at the possibility that she had regrets about what had happened last night. He couldn’t let her leave without making sure she was okay. Moving quickly, he got up, found a T-shirt and went straight to the kitchen to put on coffee and mix pancake batter. By the time she emerged from the bedroom fully dressed, he had pancakes cooking on the griddle and coffee ready.
He poured her a cup and pushed it across the counter to her along with the cream and sweetener she preferred.
“You didn’t have to do all this.” She focused on the coffee rather than him as she spoke.
“Seemed the least I could do for you after you came to my rescue last night.” Gavin put the first two pancakes off the grill onto her plate along with two sausage links. He slid it across the counter to her along with a knife, a fork, a tub of butter and a jug of her brother Colton’s syrup.
He could almost see her internal debate. Stay and eat or get the hell out of there. Until she decided, he poured more batter on the griddle and bit his tongue so he wouldn’t try to talk her into staying if she really wanted to go.
When she finally took a seat at the bar and began to spread butter on her pancakes, Gavin breathed a sigh of relief. He took his own plate and coffee to join her. They ate in silence for a few minutes before he couldn’t take the quiet any longer.
“What’s wrong?”
She looked up at him, seeming surprised. “What? Nothing is wrong.”
“Something is different this morning. Are you sorry you stayed? Sorry we did what we did in bed? Sorry you ever took that call last night?”
“No, none of that,” she said, but her face flushed with a rosy color that only added to her natural beauty.
“Then what? You’re having morning-after regrets of some sort.”
“I’m not.”
Gavin knew something was afoot, but he couldn’t very well drag it out of her. He ate his breakfast and drank his coffee and tried to figure her out.
“It’s terrifying,” she said after a long period of awkward silence.
“What is?”
“This, you, all of it.”
“Terrifying?”
She nodded and seemed to force herself to look at him. “The little taste I had of what it might be like . . . If you change your mind—”
“I’m not going to change my mind.” Turning his body so he faced her, he reached for her and when she leaned into him, he wrapped his arms around her. “I have no idea what’s going to happen with us, Ella. Maybe after all these years of wondering, we’ll find out we’re better as friends than we are as lovers. Maybe we’ll give it our very best effort but it just won’t work out for one reason or another. Maybe it’ll be the best thing to ever happen to both of us, the forever kind of love people dream about. I don’t know how it’ll unfold. But I promise you this—you’ll get my very best effort. I’m in this with you. I have been for a while now, and I’m not going to change my mind, especially not after having the exquisite pleasure of sleeping with you in my arms. I can’t wait to do it again.”
“I slept better last night than I have since before Hannah’s wedding.”
“So did I.” Brushing her hair aside, he kissed her face, her neck, and nibbled on her ear. “You know what that means, don’t you?”
“What?” she asked, sounding sort of breathless, which made him smile.
“We ought to do it again tonight. Maybe tomorrow night, too.”
“You think so?”
“I do. I definitely do. We’ve got a lot of sleep to catch up on after months of sleepless nights.” He drew back so he could see her face and the lovely eyes that gazed at him with such adoration, even when he didn’t deserve it. “Don’t be terrified. Not of me. I couldn’t stand to make you feel that way.”
“I’ll try not to be. You’re filling me with giddy hope, something that’s been in short supply where you’re concerned.”
“You’re filling me with hope, too, which has been sadly lacking in my life for far too long.” Because he couldn’t resist the sweet temptation of her lips for another second, he kissed her, hoping he’d earned the right to with his reassurances.
She relaxed into his embrace, her arms encircling his neck as she fell into the kiss, her tongue stroking against his. God, she was so sweet and so sexy.
“You taste like maple syrup,” he said, his lips still touching hers.
“So do you, but that’s what we’re supposed to taste like. We’re from Vermont. It’s in our DNA.”
He smiled down at her. “What’re you doing today?”
“I need to hit the grocery store before dinner at my parents’ house at three.”
“Dinner is at three?”
“Every week. Why?”
“It’s just kind of odd that your dad asked me to stop by there today—around three—to look at some acreage he wants me to clear for him.”
“My dad called you and asked you to come on Sunday at three to look at trees?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I don’t believe it! They’re out of control.”
“Catch me up. Who’s out of control?”
“My dad and my grandfather. They’ve been up to no good for a while now trying to get us all married off by interfering and butting into our lives.”
“How do you mean?”
“Take Will and Cam, for example. They hired her to build the website hoping she’d fall for one of my brothers, and we all know how that worked out. They actually messed with Hannah’s battery so Nolan would have to come to help her. Can you believe that? They sent poor Colton to a sex toy conference in New York so he’d be able to spend more time with Lucy. My grandpa bought the diner to keep Megan in town because Hunter was in love with her.”
Gavin rocked with laughter. “They sent Colton to a sex toy conference? Seriously?”
“Yes! Totally serious! They’re crazy!”
“Um, I hate to point out they’re also crazy successful.”
“And getting more brazen by the minute if they’re inviting you to come to the house on ‘business’ at a time when they know I’ll be there.”
“So you think they know about us then? That something has been brewing?”
“Oh, they know. No doubt about it. They don’t miss a thing. We had no idea how closely they pay attention until recently.”
“What if we beat them at their own game?”
“How do you mean?”
“Invite me to dinner at your folks’ house, Ella.”
She studied him for a long moment before a smile stretched across her face. “Gavin, would you like to come to dinner at the Abbott asylum?”
“I’d love to. I thought you’d never ask.”