More than an hour after Gavin left, Ella emerged from the shock to discover she was angrier than she could ever recall being with anyone. More than anything, she was confused. She couldn’t sit still, couldn’t stop pacing the length of her small apartment, like a pent-up animal looking for a way to escape its confines.
Except there was no escape from this untenable situation. There was nowhere she could go to hide from her own feelings. But she didn’t have to face them alone. She needed someone who understood Gavin. She needed Hannah. Without a thought to the time, she picked up the phone and called her sister.
Hannah answered on the third ring, sounding sleepy.
“Hannah.”
“Ella?” Now wide awake, Hannah said, “What’s wrong?”
“I know it’s late and you’re tired and pregnant and . . . But could I come over?”
“Of course. Come over. I’ll put on the light.”
“Thanks. I’ll be right there.”
“Are you okay to drive, Ella?”
“Yeah, I’m okay to drive.”
“All right. I’ll see you in a few.”
Ella hung up the phone and ran for her bedroom to pull on yoga pants and an old UVM sweatshirt that dated back to her college days. Jamming her feet into moccasins, she grabbed her purse and keys and was out the door two minutes later. The night was foggy and murky, so she took her time driving to Hannah’s, aware of her own disquiet and not looking to bring any further disaster upon herself by ramming into a tree or a moose.
At some point in the last few months, she’d begun to think of Nolan’s house in the woods as Hannah’s place, too. It had been oddly strange and emotional to help her sister move out of the home she’d shared with Caleb and into her new home with Nolan. She could only imagine what that had been like for Gavin, who’d pitched in with the guys to help move some of the bigger items.
“You’re not thinking about him anymore,” she reminded herself, laughing out loud at the preposterous thought. She’d have to be dead to not think about him anymore.
She pulled up to Hannah and Nolan’s home and cut the engine, taking a second to gather herself before she went inside.
Hannah waited at the door, wrapped up in a plush robe that was tied over her protruding midsection. The first thing Hannah did was hug her. “What’s wrong?”
“He’s an ass.”
“I assume we’re talking about my lovely brother-in-law?”
“Who else?”
“Tell me what happened.”
“Where’s Nolan?”
“Asleep. I wore him out.”
“I’m so sorry to barge in on you guys. I know I got you out of bed—”
“Ella.” Hannah led her to the sofa where they sat together. “Tell me.”
Ella replayed the disastrous presentation of her gift trip to the wedding and told her sister what he’d said and done. By the time she was finished, she had new tears on her cheeks and fresh anger in her heart. “I knew it was a gamble, that he would be worried about work, but for him to end things with me over it. That I just don’t get.”
“He’s running scared, Ella. You caught him off guard, and he’s running.”
“He said he wouldn’t do that. He promised to give us a real, honest chance, and it was going so well. Why would he do this?”
“I don’t know, honey. I honestly don’t know. He’s got all these dark corners inside him that he doesn’t let anyone see. It’s hard to know what goes on in that brain of his.”
“What do I do, Hannah? How do I fix this? I told him we don’t have to go on the trip if he really didn’t want to, but he left saying I deserve better and how he was bound to disappoint me sooner or later, and it was better it happen now. Did he go into this expecting it to end?”
Hannah mulled that over. “It’s possible he went into it expecting to eventually disappoint you, and this felt like a self-fulfilling prophecy or something.”
“It was only intended as a surprise to get him away from it all for a few days, so we could spend time together and he could go to his friend’s wedding. That’s all it was to me.”
“It was obviously something much more complicated for him.”
“I should’ve listened to him when he said he didn’t want to go, but Amelia was all for the surprise and Bob . . .” Ella shook her head, still trying to process how it had gone so terribly wrong.
“You did a really nice thing for him, Ella. No matter how he took it, the gesture was a lovely one.”
“For all the good it did me. Now we’ve apparently broken up and any chance I had with him is lost. No good deed goes unpunished.”
“You want to know what I think you ought to do?”
“That’s why I’m here.”
“Go on the trip. Take a break from him, from work, from everything and have a nice, relaxing vacation. We’ll be there, Will and Cam, Hunter and Megan, Bob and Amelia. We’ll all make sure you have a great time.”
“Gee, that sounds fun. A romantic getaway with my siblings and their partners as well as the couple I’d hoped might one day be my in-laws. Woo-hoo, sign me up.”
“You’ve already made the arrangements, and it’s too late to back out now without losing the money. Why let it go to waste? Maybe some time apart will help Gavin get his head on straight when he realizes how much he misses you.”
With her elbows on her knees, Ella let her hair cover her face. “I don’t think I can go back to him after this. I told him if he left it was over, and I think I mean that.”
Hannah put her arm around Ella’s shoulders. “Nothing has to be decided tonight or even tomorrow. Come with us on the trip, and we’ll figure it out when we get back. Let him miss you.”
Ella leaned into her sister’s comforting embrace. “Okay. I’ll go.”
“Are you packed?”
Nodding, Ella said, “I packed two days ago because I was so excited.”
“Then stay here tonight. We’ll run by your place in the morning to pick up your bag before we go. How were you planning to get to Boston?”
“We were going to drive.”
“Then you can come in the car with us. It can take ten and we’re at eight.”
Ella wiped away more tears that kept coming at the thought of going on the trip without him. “Everyone will know that he shot me down.”
“That’s on him, not you.”
“I played this all wrong, Hannah.”
“You played it just right. What you did was done out of love for him. No one could ever blame you for caring too much.” She kissed Ella’s cheek. “Let me get you a pillow and blanket. I’ll be right back.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind me bombing in on you guys?”
“Don’t be silly. I already rocked Nolan’s world. He’s out cold until the morning, and we won’t have time for anything then. Our pickup is at six.”
“In that case,” Ella said with a weak laugh for her sister. “I’d love to stay.”
“Great. I’ll fix you up with something to sleep in and a toothbrush. I’m glad you called, Ella. There’s no need to go through this by yourself. I just wish I had more insight into why he would’ve done such a thing.”
“So do I.” While Hannah was off gathering what Ella needed for a sleepover, it occurred to Ella that she might never understand why he’d reacted the way he did. And wouldn’t that be awesome? To have the rest of her life to try to figure out what had gone so terribly wrong with the man she loved beyond all reason. That thought was the most profoundly depressing of the many thoughts she’d had since it all went bad earlier.
Hannah returned with clothes, a toothbrush, a pillow and a blanket. “Make yourself at home. Anything you need.”
“What if Nolan wakes up, and I scare the hell out of him?”
“He was awake just now, and I told him you’re staying.”
“Thanks again, Hannah.”
“Any time. This is what big sisters are for.”
When she was settled on Hannah’s comfy sofa, Ella stared up at the dark ceiling for what seemed like hours. She had no way of knowing for sure how much time went by, but sleep remained elusive. She must’ve drifted off at some point because the sound of someone pounding at the door woke her up.
For a moment, she couldn’t figure out where she was. But then she remembered coming to Hannah’s and spending the night on her sofa. She also remembered the disaster with Gavin and began to ache all over again.
She heard movement in Hannah’s room and heavy footsteps leading to the door. It opened, and she heard Nolan’s tense voice along with that of another man.
“What’re you doing here?” Nolan asked.
“Came to see my boy for the holiday. Ain’t that allowed?”
“It’s the middle of the night. Have you been drinking again?”
“You ever get tired of being so high and mighty, boy?”
Feeling as if she were intruding in her brother-in-law’s business, Ella wanted to shrivel up and disappear.
“Are you awake?” Hannah whispered.
“Yeah.”
“Sorry about the disturbance.”
“What’s going on?”
“Nolan’s father. He comes to visit every now and then.”
“In the middle of the night?”
“Always in the middle of the night.”
Listening to Hannah, Ella realized everyone had their own burdens to carry. Some were just heavier and more obvious than others.
“Messes him up for days afterward.”
“Should I go? I could sneak out the back door. If you guys need some time alone . . .”
“No, it’s fine. We have to get up soon anyway.”
Nolan came back in a few minutes later, wearing only a pair of sweats that showed off his muscular shoulders, chest and abdomen. He went directly to Hannah. “Why are you up?”
“Just checking on you. Is he gone?”
“For now.”
“What did he want this time?”
“What does he always want?” Nolan asked with a weary sigh. “Sorry about that, Ella.”
“Please don’t apologize. I’m grateful for the loan of your sofa.”
“Our sofa is your sofa.” His arm around Hannah, he said, “Come on, honey. Let’s get you back to sleep. You promised you’d take it easy if I agreed to the trip. I’m going to hold you to that.”
“Yes, dear,” Hannah said. “We’ll see you in a couple of hours, El.”
“I’ll be here.”
They went into their room and closed the door, but Ella could hear them whispering. She wanted what Hannah had—a man who cared so much about her that there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her or let her do for him. She wanted the love, the commitment, the promise of forever. Unfortunately, the only man she wanted all that with was eternally unavailable to her.
She’d meant what she said earlier to Hannah. After what happened tonight, she wasn’t sure she could allow him back in again. It hurt too much—more than ever this time after what they’d shared over the last couple of weeks. Here she thought they’d made so much progress. But they’d never gotten past the starting line if it had come undone so easily.
Hannah was right about the trip. It would do her good to get away for a week, to give them both some space to think about what’d happened and what, if anything, they were going to do about it. Right now, in this moment, she didn’t believe anything could be done. Maybe she’d feel differently a week from now. Only time would tell for sure.