Gavin went with her to the grocery store, where they picked out things they both liked for breakfast, lunch and dinner. More than once Ella wanted to fan her face just from having his extreme hotness close by, debating the merits of ham sandwiches versus turkey and wheat bread versus white. She let him win on the ham when she’d rather have turkey, but she refused to back down on the bread.
“You’re thirty-four years old. There’s no way you should still be eating white bread.”
“Why not? I like it.”
“It’s bad for you. It’s all flour and sugar and nothing much of anything else. You may as well be eating your sandwiches with cookies on either side of them.”
“That actually sounds pretty good.”
“Gavin,” she said, laughing, “I’m serious!”
“Am I allowed to buy cookies? Because I do like my cookies.”
“Only if you get some fruit, too.”
“You’re kinda mean, like my mom was when I lived at home.”
Ella hip-checked him as they turned a corner, nearly sending him into the row of mac ’n’ cheese.
Naturally, he zeroed right in on that. “Oh, I love orange cheese food. Can we get some of that?”
“Keep walking, Guthrie.” Never had grocery shopping ever been this fun or romantic. Not once had she ever gotten giddy over bread or deli meat, but she had never bought enough for two either. This was happening. It was actually happening, and it was all Ella could do not to break out in song right there in the meat aisle, where Gavin was pondering the difference between two kinds of pork tenderloin.
“That one,” Ella said, pointing.
“Are you going to cook this for me? Because you basically saw the outer limits of my culinary prowess this morning.”
“I’ll cook it for you.” I’d do anything for you, she thought but didn’t say. Dangerous thoughts. All the giddy hopefulness was messing with her better judgment where he was concerned. A tiger’s stripes didn’t suddenly change overnight, despite what the tiger would have you believe.
“What’re we having with this tenderloin?” he asked, snapping her out of her grim thoughts.
“My grandmother used to make these baby potatoes that I love and her own applesauce.”
“Am I drooling?” He pointed to his chin. “That’s drool, right?”
“Attractive.” They went back to the produce area to pick out the fruits and vegetables they needed.
Gavin got some bananas that met with her approval. “You’re going to be a good mom someday, Ella.”
She nearly buckled under the weight of that statement, coming from him of all people, the only man she could imagine fathering her imaginary children. On top of everything else that’d happened, it was almost too much to take in one twenty-four-hour period.
“El? Hello?”
“Um, oh, sorry. Those.” She pointed to the apples she needed to make her grandmother’s recipe.
“Was it something I said? About kids, perhaps?”
Ella shrugged, reluctant to let him see her emotional reaction to the subject of children. On their first official day together, he didn’t need to know how she’d once dreamed of having a big family like her parents had. Now at thirty-one, she would be perfectly thrilled to have one baby.
“We need ice cream.” She took off for the far end of the store without waiting for him. If they were going to talk about kids, she needed the kind of fortification only Ben and Jerry could provide.
Gavin caught up to her, reached around her and plucked a pint of Cherry Garcia from the cooler, dropping it into the basket. Then he went back and grabbed a container of Cake Batter for himself.
“You’re like a twelve-year-old.”
“Thank you.”
“You would take that as a compliment,” she said laughing.
“I was a cute twelve-year-old.”
You’re a cute thirty-four-year-old, too, she thought.
He trailed behind her as they headed for the checkout and nudged her aside when it came time to pay, sliding his card through the reader before she could reach for her wallet.
“I don’t expect you to pay for my groceries.”
“They’re our groceries, and you can pay next week.”
How could she argue with that? Even as her heart did a happy little leap at the mention of next week, his comment about kids and her future as a mother had popped Ella’s giddy balloon, leaving her out of sorts and not at all sure what she had to be out of sorts about. It was a nice thing for him to say, and it wasn’t his fault—entirely—that she didn’t have kids yet when she’d always hoped to be a young mother.
But wasn’t it his fault in a way? After all, she’d been waiting for him, whether actively or passively, for years. There’d been other guys. A few that might’ve been serious if the specter of Gavin Guthrie hadn’t hung over everything, larger than life and exactly what her heart desired, even when he didn’t seem to know she was alive.
No other man had a chance against the possibility of Gavin. How many times had she ended fledgling relationships with the words It’s not you, it’s me? And Gavin, she should’ve added, because he was always smack in the middle of her relationships even if he never met the guys she dated.
In the parking lot, Gavin loaded the bags into the back of his truck, which they’d retrieved from the biker bar, while Ella went around to the passenger side and got in. She watched him stow the cart in the corral before he got into the truck. For the longest time he sat there, looking straight ahead.
Ella was on the verge of saying something—she wasn’t sure what—when he turned to her.
“Tell me what I did wrong in there.”
She’d been unprepared for such a blunt question. “You . . . I . . .” Jesus, Ella. Get it together. “Nothing.”
His eyes flashed with the starting of what might be anger. “Don’t do that. Don’t say it’s nothing when it’s clearly something. I told you I’d give this my all, Ella. You’ve got to do the same. You gotta meet me halfway.”
He was right. She couldn’t even try to deny that he was absolutely right. But how was she supposed to broach this particular subject on day one of the relationship she’d dreamed about having with him?
Reaching for her hand, he curled his fingers around hers. “Talk to me. I want to understand. I want to fix whatever I did.”
“You didn’t do anything. You struck a nerve that you didn’t know was there.”
“The kid thing is a nerve?”
She was on the verge of saying sort of or kind of, but that wasn’t the truth. It wasn’t what he deserved from her. “Yes.”
“How come?”
In for a penny . . . “I used to think,” she said with a sigh of resignation, “that I’d have a lot of kids, the way my mom and my aunt Hannah did.”
To his credit, he didn’t blanch or recoil or jump out of the truck in horror. Rather, he calmly said, “A lot, huh? Like ten?”
“Aunt Hannah only has eight.”
“Not much difference between eight and ten.”
“Most people only have two kids. They’d tell you that’s a lot.”
“Do you know that in all the years since Caleb died, neither of my parents has ever reminded me that I’m their only hope for grandchildren?”
“Oh,” she said, caught off guard by the change in direction. “That’s nice of them.”
“My mom would be an awesome grandmother, don’t you think?”
“They’d both be terrific, and you know Hannah’s children will consider them grandparents.”
“I do know that, and so do they. However, the continuation of the Guthrie name? It’s all on me.”
“That’s a lot of pressure.”
“They’ve never pressured me, but I’m aware of it. I don’t want the Guthrie line to end with me.”
“That’s not a good enough reason to have kids.”
“I know it isn’t, and until recently, I’ve been too unsettled to even think about having a family. But now . . . Now, it doesn’t seem so far off in the distant future.”
“Now . . . What does that mean?”
“Now that there’s an us and the possibility that you could be their mother—”
“Gavin, please. I have to stop you right there. It’s way too soon for us to be having this conversation, and frankly, my fragile heart can’t take it. I just can’t allow myself to go there. Not yet.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to poke at a nerve or your fragile heart.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m glad to know you aren’t totally opposed to having kids someday, but I can’t talk about that someday today.”
“Fair enough.” He started the truck and drove them back toward her place in town, where they’d dropped off her car on the way to the store.
They were quiet on the short ride, and Ella wished she could know what he was thinking. Her thoughts were all over the place, scattered and unorganized. He was saying—and doing—everything she could possibly want him to, but she was still wary. She wanted so badly to believe everything was possible for them, but until last night he’d not given her any reason to have one ounce of faith where he was concerned.
Hearing he could picture her as the mother of his children made her want to say to hell with caution and get busy making babies. More dangerous thoughts . . . She’d reined him in, but she needed to do the same to herself. Jumping ahead to someday wasn’t wise when today required all her focus and attention.
Gavin followed her up the stairs to her apartment, each of them carrying grocery bags. This would be the first time he saw her home, and the thought of that made her oddly nervous.
She was so rattled she nearly dropped her keys. The door swung open and the scent of the sage candle she’d burned last night greeted them.
“Smells good in here,” he said as he followed her into the kitchen in the back of the small apartment.
“My favorite sage candle.” She loved being able to share even the simplest of things with him, such as her favorite scent and where she kept her cereal. Ella loved stashing his Cake Batter ice cream next to her Cherry Garcia. She loved knowing his favorite kind, and that he loved cookies, ham and white bread, as gross as that was.
Ella was reaching for the cabinet over the stove when his hands landed on her hips, making her forget what she’d been about to do.
He gathered her in close to him, his chin on her shoulder. “Sorry, but I couldn’t stand to go another second without touching you.”
She closed her eyes and focused on continuing to breathe as his nearness overwhelmed her.
“Did you need something up there?”
Gavin’s question didn’t compute until she realized he meant the cabinet. “I don’t remember what I was doing.”
His low rumble of laughter sent goose bumps down her arms and backbone. “How long do we have until we have to head to your parents’ house?”
“About forty minutes.”
He brushed aside her hair and began placing kisses on her neck that made her legs go weak under her. Fortunately, he had an arm locked around her waist to keep her from sliding to the floor. No man had ever had such an effect on her, and she was wise enough now to know that no other man ever would. He was it for her. He always had been, which was why the stakes were so high in this new game they were playing.
Then he was turning her and she couldn’t spare the brain cells to think about the high stakes or the game. Not when Gavin Guthrie was apparently planning to kiss her. He moved slowly, cupping her face in big work-roughened hands and gazing into her eyes.
She wanted to kiss him—badly—but more than that she wanted to know his thoughts. “What’re you thinking right now?”
“About how much I want to kiss you. I’m asking myself if this is real, if I really get to kiss Ella Abbott any time I want to. I’m wondering how I got lucky enough to have someone like you care so much about someone like me.”
She curled her hands around his wrists and felt his pulse hammering under her fingers. “What does that mean? Someone like you? What’s wrong with you?”
“Everything,” he said softly. “Every freaking thing is wrong with me, but for the first time in a long-ass time, I want to make what’s wrong about me right. For you.”
Ella went up on tiptoes to join her lips to his. Like him, she couldn’t believe she was now allowed to kiss him any time she wanted to. She was going to want to often. She hoped he was prepared for that. Judging by his enthusiastic response, he was more than prepared.
His hands slid down to cup her bottom, and then he was lifting her.
Ella curled her legs around his hips, bringing his hardness against her softness and drawing gasps of pleasure from both of them. Then he was lowering her to the sofa and coming down on top of her, all without losing a beat in the tongue-twisting kiss.
This kiss made the one they’d shared last summer at the beach in Burlington seem like child’s play in comparison. She’d spent all the months since thinking she knew what it was like to kiss Gavin. She’d known nothing. The kiss on the beach had been just the start of what they were capable of together.
His hand slid under her sweater and came to rest on her ribs, making her skin burn under the heat of his palm. He broke the kiss, looking down at her as if to gauge her reaction. Then he pulled back, taking his nice warm hand with him.
“I’m sorry.”
Ella covered her face with her hands.
He tugged on them until she gave way. “What did I do this time?”
“You stopped!”
“Because we have somewhere to be.”
She glanced at the clock on her cable box. “In thirty minutes.”
“That’s not enough time for what was going to happen on this sofa if I hadn’t stopped when I did.”
Her heart beat erratically. “What was going to happen?”
“Clothes were going to start coming off.” He leaned in to tug on her sweater. “Starting with yours.” His lips were swollen from kissing her, his jaw was covered in stubble, and brown plaid flannel had never been so sexy. She could lie there staring at him until tomorrow morning, and it wouldn’t be long enough to absorb the fact that Gavin was sitting on her sofa looking at her like he wanted to eat her up.
Not that she would say no to that . . .
“Quit looking at me like that,” he said gruffly.
“How am I looking at you?”
“You know. I’m trying to be honorable by not jumping you the first chance I get, and you’re lying there looking all sultry and sexy.”
“Am I?”
“Ella! Stop it.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“You’re breathing. That’s enough for me.”
“I keep thinking I’m going to wake up, and it’s going to be Saturday night and my Cherry Garcia would’ve melted during the time I had this amazing dream about sleeping with Gavin and grocery shopping with him and making out with him.”
“You’re not dreaming, and neither am I. For the first time in a very long time, I’m having a really good day, and it’s all because of you.”
“Thank you.”
“Do not thank me. All the thanks goes to you, my little bulldog.”
“Um, is that supposed to be a compliment?”
“Yep. You were tenacious like a bulldog, never letting me get away with anything and calling me out on my shit. You have no idea how much I needed someone to do that.”
“I’m glad I helped, but let’s retire the bulldog analogy.”
Smiling, he tugged on her hand. “Let’s get going to your parents’ place so I can talk to your dad about the work he wants done before dinner.”
Reluctantly, Ella let him help her up, but she wished they had nowhere to be so they could continue with the kissing. The kissing was good. Very, very good.
“Is it okay with your mom if I come to dinner?”
“Oh yeah. She makes enough to feed an army every week. I think my aunt Hannah and cousin Grayson will be there today, too. I heard he was in town visiting his mom this weekend.”
“I haven’t seen him in years. He’s in Boston, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Did he ever get married?”
Ella pushed her feet into the moccasins that had fallen off when he carried her to the sofa. “Nope, but you can hardly blame him after what he went through with his parents.”
“No kidding.”
Ella’s uncle Mike had walked away from his wife and eight children when the older kids were in high school and the youngest ones still in elementary school. “A lot fell to Gray as the oldest. He really stepped up for his mom and siblings. He probably has zero desire to have his own family after all that.”
“Do they ever hear from their father?”
“Occasionally, but it’s nothing regular.”
“Can you imagine a man leaving his wife and children like that?”
“No man I know would do something like that, but then again, we never thought Uncle Mike would either. He loved family life and his kids and Hannah. They were a true love match, or so we thought.”
Gavin held her coat for her before donning his own coat. “Did you ever find out what went wrong?”
“Not really. My mom suspects he had some sort of breakdown or something happened with his job. But I’ve never heard the full story. I don’t know if even my mom has heard the whole thing, and Hannah is her sister.”
“And Hannah never remarried?”
“To be honest, I don’t think they ever got divorced.”
“Wow, and how many years ago was this?”
“Well, let’s see, Gray is the same age as Hunter and Hannah, and they’re going to be thirty-six in December, so almost twenty years ago, I’d say.”
“Twenty years. How’s it getting to be almost twenty years out of high school for us?”
“Don’t say us. I’m quite a bit younger than you.”
“Ha-ha,” he retorted. “Only a few years.”
“I’ve only been out of high school thirteen years, so speak for yourself.”
“I’m at seventeen, so not a geezer quite yet.”
“But getting closer every day.”
Laughing, he said, “You’re full of beans today, Ella. I like you that way.”
“Got to keep you on your toes.”
“That you do.” He held the passenger door to his truck for her and then leaned in to kiss her as he belted her in. “Kissing you is becoming my favorite thing to do.”
Ella ran her hand over the delicious stubble on his jaw. “Mine, too.”
He kissed her again. “To be continued. Later.”
“Can’t wait.”
“Mmm,” he said, his lips vibrating against hers, “me either.” He pulled away reluctantly, or so it seemed to her.
She watched him walk around the front of the truck and get into the driver’s side. It was such a strange feeling to be free to look at him any way she wanted, to let him see the full extent of her desire for him, to not have to hide it anymore the way she had for so long.
He backed out of her driveway and headed in the direction of her parents’ home. His hand found hers on the seat, and the brush of his skin against hers was all it took to set off a reaction that registered in all her most important places.
Good God . . . She had to get it together before she forgot her plans to be cautious, to take this slowly, to protect her heart. If all he had to do to make her forget about being careful was hold her hand, she was in bigger trouble than she’d thought.
After a quiet ride through Butler, they pulled into her parents’ driveway and their yellow labs, George and Ringo, came bounding across the yard to greet them. Ella got out of the truck and bent to give each dog some love. She couldn’t wait to have a home of her own someday so she could have dogs again. They’d always had dogs—all of them named John, Paul, George or Ringo—and Ella missed having pets, but that was the one thing her landlord didn’t allow.
“Where’s Mom and Dad?” she asked the dogs.
George barked and darted toward the house. The dogs rarely left her father’s side, so she took George’s word for it and followed her inside. Yes, George was a girl. It didn’t matter to Ella’s dad whether the dogs were male or female. They were all named after his favorite band of all time. He was a little over the top when it came to the Beatles, but his children indulged his obsession after being weaned on Beatles tunes growing up.
In the mudroom, Ella hung her coat and Gavin’s on the hook with her name on it. Will’s hook was to the left of hers and Charley’s to the right. The symbolic act of hanging Gavin’s coat on top of hers made Ella’s belly quiver with excitement and joy before she remembered that she was trying not to get ahead of herself. Whatever. What was that old saying about once the genie gets outside the bottle there’s no putting her back in? That about summed up her situation with Gavin. The genie was so far out of the bottle she’d never get back in at this rate.
Smiling, she glanced at Gavin and reached for his hand to lead him into the kitchen, where her mom was standing watch over something on the stove, and her dad was standing watch over her mom, hands on her hips, head tilted forward, saying something in her ear that was making Molly giggle madly.
I want that, Ella thought. To be married nearly forty years and still be giggling with the man I love. She cleared her throat. Loudly.
Lincoln Abbott turned, his face lighting up with pleasure at the sight of her and then zeroing right in on the fact that she was holding hands with Gavin Guthrie. “Hey, El, Gavin. Look, Molly, Ella’s brought Gavin.”
Molly turned down the heat under the pot on the stove and turned to hug and kiss both of them. “This is a nice surprise, Gavin.”
“Hope you don’t mind me crashing Sunday dinner.”
“Of course not. You’re always welcome here. You know that.”
“Thanks, Molly.”
Molly took a good long look at Ella before she enveloped her in a hug. “Keeping secrets, my love?” she whispered for Ella’s ear only.
Ella pulled back and smiled at her mom.
“Do we have a few minutes before dinner, Mol?” Lincoln asked.
“About twenty.”
“Let’s go look at those trees then, Gavin.”
“Sure thing.” He squeezed Ella’s shoulder and then followed her dad to the mudroom.
Ella watched them go, focusing in on the excellent fit of Gavin’s faded Levi’s jeans. Yum.
“Ahem,” Molly said the moment the door closed behind the men and dogs. “Something you want to tell me?”
“There’s been a bit of a development.”
“So I see.” Molly checked the pots on the stove and then returned her attention to Ella. “Care to share?”
“He . . . We . . . We’re giving it a whirl.”
“Well, that’s a huge development. What brought this on?”
“It’s been kinda happening for a while now.”
“I’d noticed that, but I wondered if it was somewhat one-sided.”
“It’s not one-sided.”
“Oh no?”
“No.”
Molly wiped her hands on a dish towel that she had tossed over her shoulder. “May I speak freely?”
“When have you ever not spoken freely?”
“When what I have to say might hurt one of my precious children. I tend to be a little more circumspect in those situations.”
“Whatever it is, just say it.”
“You know I love Gavin. I love him as much as I loved Caleb, and as much as I love Bob and Amelia. The Guthries are family to us.”
“I know.”
“That said, I worry about whether Gavin is in the right place, emotionally, to be what you need.”
“He’s well aware of his issues, Mom. I’m well aware of them. We’re working through them together.”
“As of when?”
“Last night.”
Molly folded her arms and leaned back against the counter. “What happened last night?”
Ella debated whether she should tell her mother the whole story. “He had a situation . . . And, apparently, I was listed in his phone as his ‘in case of emergency’ contact, so they called me. I went there—”
“Where is there?”
“A place called Red’s.”
“The biker bar on 114?”
“Yeah.”
“Eleanor Abbott! Are you telling me you went, alone, to a biker bar on a Saturday night to bail him out of yet another scrape?”
“He was there.” Ellie was determined not to squirm. “I wasn’t alone.”
“Honestly. And he condoned this?”
“He didn’t know they were calling me.”
“I don’t like this. Not one bit. Is this how it’s going to be? You bailing him out of ‘scrapes’ in bars?”
“No, that’s not how it’s going to be. He’s determined to turn things around and to make a go of it with me.”
“What if he can’t turn things around? What if he only wishes he could and you get swept up in the mess he’s been making of his life lately?”
“I don’t know, Mom! I don’t know what’s going to happen or if he’s going to be able to be what I want and need. What I do know is that I’ve wanted a real, legitimate chance with him for years, and now that I finally have one, I’m not going to squander it by worrying about what might happen.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt, Ella.”
“I don’t want that either, but I refuse to spend the rest of my life wondering what could’ve been because I was so afraid to get hurt that I didn’t even try.” She swiped at her face, angered by the tears that wet her cheeks. Why was she crying?
Molly drew her into a hug. “Sweetheart, listen to me. No one wants you to be happy more than I do. I know how much you care for him. Anyone can see that. It’s just that he . . . Well, you may not be able to fix what’s broken inside him, sweet girl.”
“I can at least try, can’t I?”
“Of course you can. I just want you to be careful to protect yourself, and I don’t want you going to biker bars alone. You got me?”
“I’m thirty-one years old, Mom. If I want to go to a biker bar, alone or otherwise, I will.”
“I don’t care if you’re thirty-one or a hundred and one, you’re still my baby.”
“You’re planning to stick around until I’m a hundred and one, aren’t you?”
“You bet I am. This family would go to hell in a handbasket without me.”
“That’s the truth.” Eager to change the subject, Ella said, “What’s for dinner?”
“Roasted chicken and all the fixings.”
“Sounds good. What can I do to help?”
With the dogs running ahead of them, Gavin walked with Lincoln across the yard to the tree line.
“Couldn’t help but notice you happened to be holding my little girl’s hand when you came into the house.”
Whoa, Gavin thought, we’re going to dive right into it, are we? “Yes, I was. She’s got very nice hands.”
“Everything about her is nice.”
“Yes, it is.”
“She’s far too good for you.”
“I’m aware of that.”
“Heard you got arrested a couple of months ago. Any truth to that?”
“Yes, sir. I got into a fight with a guy in a bar who said we’d wasted our time in Iraq.”
“Huh. Well, I hope you punched his lights out.”
“I did. Mr. Abbott—”
“Since when am I Mr. Abbott?”
“Since I started dating your daughter. Sir.” Gavin stopped walking and turned to face Lincoln. “I want you to know that I care about her. I have for a long time, but it was never the right time.”
“And now is the right time?”
“I don’t know. What I do know is I can’t fight what I feel for her anymore. I’m tired of fighting, in more ways than one. I can’t go on the way I’ve been.”
“So you’re looking to my daughter to fix what’s wrong in your life?”
“No. I’d never do that to her. What you said about her being too good for me. You’re absolutely right. She’s too good for most guys. But she makes me want to be good for her. She makes me want to be a better man so I’ll deserve her.”
“Not much I can say to that except ask you to take care of her.”
“I will.” Gavin was determined not to screw this up, which was actually a huge improvement over the months he’d spent not giving a shit about much of anything. He’d been going along, doing his thing, running his business, keeping his head down and soldiering on even though the pain of his loss was always with him. Then Caleb’s dog died. Good old Homer. He’d been part of so many of their adventures that losing him had been like losing Caleb all over again.
“Let me show you the trees I want to get rid of,” Lincoln said. “I’d like to turn them into firewood. I could use some of it here and send the rest up the mountain to Colton.”
“We can do that for you.”
They trudged deeper into the dense vegetation, where the height of the trees blocked the sunlight.
“I’m going to be keeping an eye on this situation with you and Ella. Just thought I should let you know that. You’re a good man, Gavin, and I think you might even be worthy of my little girl. But you’re going to have to prove that to me—and to others who’ll be watching, too.”
“I understand.” If Ella had been his daughter, and she was getting involved with the likes of him, he’d be concerned, too. But now Gavin had one more reason to make sure he did right by her. He liked and respected Lincoln Abbott. Letting him down was the last thing he wanted to do.
Ella helped her mother finish the dinner preparations and was setting the table when Hannah and Nolan arrived. Hannah’s baby bump was becoming more pronounced by the day, and her sister fairly glowed with happiness and excitement. It was nice to see after so many years of wondering if Hannah would ever bounce back from losing Caleb.
Nolan was perfect for her in every way and was obviously crazy in love with Hannah. Her sister deserved nothing less after all she’d been through.
“How’s it going?” Hannah asked when she came into the dining room to help Ella.
“I’m good. How’re you feeling?”
“Much better now that I’m not puking all day. Once in the morning, and that’s that.”
“I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“Me, too. Now I can really enjoy being pregnant.”
Ella was struck by a pang of envy that made her feel ridiculous, especially in light of her conversation with Gavin about kids. It had taken a lot for her to admit to him that she’d once hoped to have a big family. That didn’t seem to be in the cards for her anymore, but that didn’t give her the right to be envious of her sister.
“I happened to notice Gavin’s truck in the yard.”
“He’s outside with Dad.”
“I didn’t see your car, and yet here you are. Which leads me to wonder if you came with Gavin.”
“Maybe I did.”
“Something you want to tell me?”
“Not if you’re going to tell me all the reasons it’s a bad idea.”
“I won’t do that.”
“Promise?”
“Yes, Ella,” Hannah said, smiling. “I promise.”
“We’re . . . giving it a try, I guess you might say.”
“I’m happy for you. I know that’s what you’ve wanted for a long time.”
“Yes, it is.”
“The only thing I’ll say . . .”
“Ugh, I knew you’d have something to say.”
“Just be careful, El. That’s all. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“Does anyone think I want that? Honestly?”
“No, but . . . Sometimes love is blind. This is no time to put blinders on.”
“I know that. My eyes are wide open where he’s concerned. I’ve seen him at his best—and his worst.”
“I’m not sure that you have seen his worst.”
Ella wanted to ask her sister what she meant by that, but more than anything she wanted out of this conversation before Gavin returned. “You’ve done your job as the big sister. You’ve warned me.”
“Ella—”
“How’s the new house? All moved in and settled?”
Hannah hesitated before she took the hint that Ella wasn’t willing to talk about Gavin anymore. “Getting there. We’re setting up the baby’s room this week.”
“Did you decide on your colors?”
“Since we’re not finding out what we’re having, we’re going with yellow and beige.”
“That’ll be nice. Did you fill out the registry yet?”
“Last night. It’s so hard to decide on everything.”
“Make sure you send me the link so we have it when we throw your surprise baby shower.”
Hannah laughed. “I’ll do that.” She finished placing cloth napkins at each place on the long dining room table. “Hey, El?”
“Yeah?”
“I only said what I did because I love you so much. I love him, too. I’ll be pulling for you guys to make it work, and you know where to find me if I can help at all.”
“Thank you,” she said, genuinely touched by Hannah’s love and concern.
The rest of the family began arriving a short time later, filling the house with noise and chaos that was reminiscent of when they’d all lived at home. Noise was the one thing Ella remembered most vividly from those days. It was happy chaos, but chaotic nonetheless.
She looked forward to seeing everyone at their weekly Sunday dinners but was always happy to go home alone to her quiet apartment. Gavin’s hand on her shoulder was a reminder that this week she wouldn’t be going home alone. She smiled up at him. “How was your walk with Dad?”
“Interesting.” He leaned in closer to her. “I’ll tell you about it later.”
Ella wanted to purr from the satisfaction of knowing they’d have time alone together later to talk, among other things. Her sister Charley came into the kitchen, her eyes widening when she saw Gavin standing so close to Ella.
Charley and Hannah were the only two who knew how much Ella had suffered over Gavin, so Charley’s wide smile was a welcome relief.
“Hey, guys,” she said. “Gavin, nice to see you here.”
“Nice to be here.”
“Someone has been keeping secrets from her sister.”
“It’s a relatively new development,” Ella said, leaning into Gavin because she could.
“I’ll expect a full report at work tomorrow, if not before.”
“I see how this is going to be,” Gavin said, his tone inflected with amusement.
“You have no idea,” Charley said before moving on to greet her parents.
“She scares me,” Gavin whispered.
“She scares all of us.”
That made him laugh, and Ella discovered that she quite liked the sound of laughter coming from him when he was usually so somber. He hadn’t had a lot to laugh about lately. She would make sure he had plenty to laugh about going forward.
Elmer Stillman came in, his face red from the chill of the mid-November air, his smile stretching from ear to ear as usual. No one loved Sunday dinner more than Ella’s grandfather did. The tradition had begun with him and his wife, Sarah, and their daughter Molly had carried it on after her mother died.
“I brought wine,” Elmer said. “One of every kind.”
Molly greeted her father with a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Hey, Gramps,” Ella said, returning his hug and kiss. “How are you?”
“I’m wonderful, and you?” He eyed Gavin suspiciously, and that was when Ella knew for certain that he too was fully aware of her ongoing affection for Gavin.
“I’m fantastic.”
“Gavin.” Elmer extended his hand.
Gavin shook hands with him. “Mr. Stillman.”
“Elmer. ‘Mr. Stillman’ makes me feel old.”
“We can’t have that,” Gavin said.
“No, we can’t. Nice to have you here.”
“Nice to be here.”
Ella’s aunt Hannah and cousin Grayson Coleman came into the kitchen next. Hannah closely resembled Ella’s mother, but Aunt Hannah wore an air of bitterness about her that anyone who knew her well could plainly see. According to Molly, Hannah had never gotten over the heartbreak of her husband leaving her alone to raise eight children. Who could blame her?
Grayson was as handsome and polished as ever. His dark blond hair was neatly trimmed, and he wore a white dress shirt under a navy V-neck sweater that looked like cashmere. He’d done well for himself as a lawyer in Boston, but Ella wondered if he was truly happy.
He hugged her and shook Gavin’s hand. “Long time no see, Gavin.”
“We missed you at Will’s wedding,” Ella said.
“I hated to miss it,” Gray said. “I was in Europe for work, and there was no way I could get out of it. They didn’t give us much of a heads-up before they got married.”
“No, they didn’t.”
“Speak of the devils,” Gavin said as the newlyweds came in wearing the big smiles that never seemed to dim now that they were officially married. They were so, so happy.
Ella adored her new sister-in-law, who fit right in with the Abbotts like they’d known her forever.
After they greeted Will and Cameron, Nolan came over to them and shook hands with Gavin. “What brings you to dinner?”
Gavin nodded his head toward Ella. “I was invited.”
Nolan looked from Gavin to Ella and then back to Gavin again. “Oh. Oh! Wow, well, that’s cool.”
Ella laughed at her new brother-in-law’s lightbulb moment.
“Hey, did you get the invite to Dylan’s wedding in Turks later this month?” Nolan asked Gavin.
“Yeah, I got it. Are you going?”
“I don’t think we should, but Hannah wants to go.”
“She’s not even six months pregnant, Nolan,” Ella said. “She can still travel for a couple of months yet.”
“But is it safe? What if something happens while we’re there?”
Ella pinched her lips together to keep from laughing in his face.
Nolan scowled at her. “I can see you trying not to laugh.”
“Take your wife to the Caribbean, Nolan. Have a second honeymoon. Your lives are about to get crazy. Take the time for yourselves while you can.”
“What she said,” Gavin said, pointing to Ella.
“Are you going?” Nolan asked Gavin.
“Probably not. Hard to get away from work.” To Ella, he said, “I’m going to hit the bathroom. Be right back.”
After he walked away, Nolan lowered his voice and said, “He never goes to Sultans things anymore unless they’re here. Austin and Debra’s wedding was the one exception, but that was because he had to go as the best man.”
“Why do you suppose he doesn’t go?”
“I think it’s too hard for him without Caleb. He thinks of them as Caleb’s friends, but they’re his friends, too. Every bit as much his as they were Caleb’s.”
“I’ll talk to him and see if I can convince him to go.”
“That would be good. He always has fun when he’s with them, but he’s been weird about it since Caleb died. It would mean a lot to Dylan to have him there.”
Ella’s youngest brother, Max, came into the kitchen, looking tense and out of sorts.
“Hey.” Molly smiled up at her son as he kissed her cheek. “What’re you doing here? Thought you were spending the weekend in Burlington.”
“Yeah, so did I. Don’t ask.” He grabbed a roll from a basket Molly was filling and continued through the kitchen to the dining room.
“What’s up with him?” Ella asked her mom.
“Trouble in paradise with Chloe, apparently,” Molly said, her brows knitting with concern. “I’m surprised he’s here with the baby due any minute.”
“He told me last week she doesn’t want him around,” Nolan said quietly.
Molly pounced on her son-in-law. “When did he tell you that?”
“When he brought his car into the garage for an oil change.”
“Oh Lord,” Molly said with a sigh. “The poor guy. This has to be eating him up inside.”
Ella felt for her brother, who would soon become a father. He and his girlfriend, Chloe, hadn’t been together long when she got pregnant. Max had tried to stand by her during the last few months, but Chloe hadn’t made it easy.
Gavin returned to the kitchen and came over to her. “What’s up with Max? He seems kinda wound up.”
“Troubles with the baby mama, apparently.”
“Oh damn. That’s too bad.”
Lucas and Landon came into the kitchen, pushing and shoving each other the way they had since the day they were born. They always brought the comedy with them, and Ella adored them, even if she wanted to knock their heads together half the time.
“Knock it off, you two,” Molly said sternly.
“We haven’t even done anything yet,” Landon said.
“Preemptive strike,” Molly replied. “It’s only a matter of time before you do something.”
“We are so misunderstood,” Lucas said to his twin.
“Seriously.”
“You are absolutely understood,” Ella said, “which is why Mom feels the need for preemptive strikes.”
“And here we thought you were on our side, El,” Lucas said. “You’re one of the nice ones. Usually.”
Gavin laughed when her charming brothers planted kisses on their mother’s cheeks.
“Hi, Mom,” Lucas said with a shit-eating grin.
“Get out of here, the two of you, before I break out the rubber spatula,” Molly said, smiling despite herself.
The threat sent the twins scurrying toward the dining room.
Ella’s brother Wade came in, dropping a kiss on her forehead and then shaking hands with Gavin. “What brings you to dinner?” Wade asked.
“Ella did.”
“Oh. Is that right?”
“Uh-huh.” Ella gave Wade a little shove. “Now mind your own business and move along.”
“I’m an Abbott. Since when do we mind only our own business?”
“Wade . . . I expect better from you than the rest of the clowns.” He was the one brother who’d never pulled her hair or deliberately tried to rile her.
“All right. When you put it that way . . .”
Colton and Lucy arrived a few minutes later with Hunter and Megan in tow.
“Everyone’s here,” Molly said. “Let’s eat!”