My fingers trace my lips, remembering the way Heart’s mouth felt against mine. That was nothing like anything I ever felt with Brad. With Brad it was all stress and usually insults if I didn’t do something the way he wanted. But with Heart…it felt nice. It felt like how it was probably supposed to feel.

For some reason, my mind wanders to the man at the bar—Lucky. I wonder how he kisses. Nice like Heart? Nicer? Hotter? More aggressive like Brad? Would he be patient like Heart? Probably not, most people aren’t. Which is why I need Heart to teach me how to be good at all this stuff. He can make sure my skills are up to scratch before I kiss someone else again. Plus, Heart is really fun to kiss. My stomach flutters remembering the way it felt to have Heart’s hands and lips all over me. Well, not all over me. Maybe next time. My whole body heats at the image.  

My phone vibrates on the couch next to me, and I reach for it absently, still imagining what it would be like to have Heart’s lips everywhere.

Unknown: Hey

Mason:  Who is this?

Unknown: It’s Lucky. We met at the club Friday. I was really handsome and charming?

I chuckle, and my stomach does a funny little flip. He’s really texting me after I made such an ass of myself?

Mason: Oh yeah, hey. I’m surprised you’re texting me

Lucky: Why are you surprised?

I groan at myself. Lack of confidence is not sexy. Way to already mess this up, Mason, I chide myself.

Mason: Just because you had to leave so fast. I hope everything was ok with work?

Lucky: Yeah, that happens sometimes unfortunately. I was wondering if you’d want to grab a bite together?

My heart hammers in my chest. He wants to grab a bite? Like a date? What about Heart? I know we’re not dating or anything, but is whatever we’re doing supposed to be exclusive? Not that we’ve done anything more than kiss, but there was the implication of more to come. Not to mention, it’s not exactly exclusive anyway since he’s a porn star, but outside of that are we not supposed to hook up with other people? Is that what Lucky even means? Maybe he just wants to hang out and talk about video games and stuff. Maybe he wants to be friends like how I’m friends with Troy and Heart…well, maybe not like how I’m friends with Heart.

Mason: Like a date?

Lucky: Yeah, if you’re up for it.

Dang, okay, I need to figure out the protocol here before I mess things up. My hands shake as I pull up a new message for Heart, but my hands are shaking too badly to manage to type it out, so instead I hit the call button.

“Hey, what’s up?” he answers after the second ring.

“I have like a weird question.”

Heart’s warm chuckle gives me goosebumps and makes my shaking hands worse as I clutch my phone harder in an effort not to drop it.

“You sound nervous. Is it a sex question?”

“Kind of. The thing is, Friday night I went to Bottoms Up with Troy, and I met this guy.”

“Ooo, this is getting interesting quickly. Was he hot?”

I let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah, like crazy hot. We talked for a few minutes, but then he had to leave for some work emergency, and I kind of figured that was a polite way of blowing me off. But he did ask for my number, and now he’s just texted me,” I confess.

“That’s awesome,” Heart says. “If your question whether you should hit that, I think you already know the answer.”

“I just wasn’t sure if…you know, after the other day…I mean, you and I…”

There’s a long pause, and I pull the phone away from my ear to make sure we haven’t been disconnected. When Heart speaks again, there’s a slight strain to his voice I’m not used to hearing.

“Babe, listen to me; you and I are friends. There’s no reason going on a date has to change anything about our arrangement unless you want it to.”

“So you and I aren’t like exclusive or anything?” I check.

There’s another long pause on the other end of the phone.

“Mason, I really like you as a person, so I’m going to tell you something. I’ve been really hurt before and because of that, there’s absolutely zero chance I’m going to date anyone ever again. You and I are going to have some fun, and I’ll make sure you’re confident when the time comes to jump into bed with this hottie or the next one who comes along. And then you and I will go back to just being friends. Okay?”

My heart sinks a little. This isn’t news. I mean, I didn’t know for sure that Heart never wanted to date anyone, but he definitely gave off that vibe so it’s not surprising to hear. This means I can accept the date with Lucky. So why do I feel bummed about it?

“That’s great. I guess I’ll tell this guy that I’ll go on a date with him.”

“Can’t wait to hear all about it. I’ve gotta get on set, so I’ll talk to you later.”

“Later.”

I take a deep breath to try to calm my shaking fingers and manage to type a reply to Lucky.

Mason: Yeah, that sounds great

Lucky: Awesome. You had me nervous for a second with how long it took to respond. I thought you were trying to think of a way to tell me to fuck off.

Mason: No, I just had a call from a friend. But I’d love to go on a date.

Lucky: How’s Friday at six sound? I’ll pick you up?

Mason: Perfect

I set my phone down, and an excited squeal escapes me. Aside from Brad, I’ve never had a date. And Lucky is about a billion times more attractive than Brad. Not to mention, Lucky is an adult. He has a job that’s important enough to warrant emergencies. Oh god, that means I need to figure out something to wear that won’t make me look like a nerdy kid.

I get up and go to my closet to see if I have anything remotely suitable for a real date with an actual adult. I flip past all my graphic tees and find a few button-up shirts that I absolutely hate, and that’s literally it. Ugh, this is why never dating again seemed like such a good idea. If I stay home every weekend alone and spend my time playing video games and jerking off to porn, there’s no stress, no opportunity to make an idiot of myself. Once you start adding extra people to your life, everything becomes so much more complicated.