SEVEN DAYS TO GO

Dominique blinked in confusion. Swayed slightly. Blinked again. Screwed her eyes shut for a count of three before opening them.

She was in the hall. How had she got here?

She lifted her bare feet then stamped them down again. They made a gentle slapping sound against the wooden parquet flooring in which she was reflected. This was real then. Not a dream.

Okay, okay, okay. Her heart ratcheted up a few more beats per minute, even as she tried to talk herself down.

It was happening again. It had been years. She had thought she was over it.

Maybe if she kept quiet and made herself calm down she would be all right. This time no one would get hurt.

Could she really risk it?

She looked guiltily around to make sure there were no witnesses to her shame, then scurried up the stairs, silk nightdress billowing around her ankles. She concentrated on feeling the material. On the sensation of her toes sinking into the deep pile of the carpet, reminding herself of the weeks of intensive searching it had taken to find the exact shade of golden cream she required. How important it had been to her to get something thick and luxurious so that the children could wander around barefoot without being cold or uncomfortable. It had cost a lot but it had been worth it. Losing herself in those details grounded Dominique.

She took comfort in the material things of life because they were real and solid, and would never let someone down. Because when she had gone through a terrible experience before, all those years ago, it had taken a lot to make her separate the dream from reality – and there had been terrible consequences.

Remembering the past made her shiver in fear. A conviction grew, making her heart pound. Something had happened to her children. She needed to see them – now.

Worried, she quietly opened Ruby’s bedroom door first. She was fast asleep, her face squashed into the pillow, lips pushed to one side, allowing her to breathe. She looked as if her face had been put on sideways. She wrinkled her nose in her dream and turned over, making Dominique retreat hurriedly in fear she might wake.

She crept into Mouse’s room. The little girl lay on her back, her slender face pale and angular like a medieval knight’s effigy on a tomb.

Her babies were safe.

Taking in every detail of her surroundings, Dominique climbed into her own empty bed. Crisp cotton sheets beneath her, the slight warmth still emanating from where she had lain previously; the soft pillow, comfortingly cool. All of it helped bring her back to reality and calm her.

But no sign of her husband.

She was grateful Benjamin wasn’t there to see what she had been reduced to. Almost. Despite everything, part of her longed for him to hold her tight and whisper that everything would be okay.

He was probably with his mistress, though.

Ice crystals formed on her heart, stabbing her painfully. Too scared to go back to sleep, in case she went walkabout again, all she could do was lie awake and accept the torment.

---

Finally, at around four, the bedroom door gave a guilty creak. Dominique kept her eyes closed and her breathing steady as Benjamin eased into bed beside her.

Out with his mistress, cuddling up to her, before slipping home like a guilty dog, to keep up appearances.

All Benjamin really cared about was the look of the thing, and she knew how perfect their lives looked from the outside. He would probably be happy to go on living a double life. But she wouldn’t let him. Despite what Ruby thought, Dom was no hypocrite.

But she kept the anger balled up inside. She wasn’t ready for a confrontation. Not yet. Almost, but not quite. Instead, she concentrated on the feeling of the light duvet over her body, the smell of the fabric conditioner on the fresh pillow cases.

I’m here. I’m awake. This is real, she told herself, silently, again and again. She fought the heaviness of exhaustion, scared of sleep – and what horror waking might bring. But in the end, it smothered her.

---

Kendra tapped on her teeth, as she always did when deep in thought.

It was three a.m. and there had been no calls, no texts, nothing from Benjamin. She hadn’t been able to settle all evening. Had eaten her body weight in chocolate to try to distract herself, flicked through television channels trying to find something to watch, jumped on Facebook. She couldn’t stand doing anything more than a few minutes before checking her phone again.

No messages. Full service.

Ben must have chosen his wife and kids. Fresh tears followed the tracks of old ones. She should walk away, start a new life. Perhaps move back to Edinburgh. That would show him.

Kendra missed her family, and her home city with its clean air, stunning architecture, and friendly residents. She had moved five years earlier, feeling she simply had to get away and have a change of scene. She had thought it would be for a year or so, tops, doing a spot of waitressing, bar work, whatever she could pick up. She had only been at that awards ceremony because her friend, Kim, was working behind the bar that night and had said it would be fun. She and Kim had arranged to go out on the pull after, but Kendra hadn’t made it that far. Because that night she had met the love of her life. The fact Kim no longer spoke to her because she felt ‘dumped’ by her friend didn’t bother Kendra at all – it showed how petty Kim was not to understand.

She couldn’t go home, though, and couldn’t give up on Ben. She would show him that she was a winner, exactly like him. That she would do whatever it took to get what she wanted, because she wasn’t a quitter. Only that way could she prove she was worthy of being his partner.

And she had to be. Because every time she considered life without him she felt panicky, as though someone was suffocating her with a pillow.

She might lose this gamble, though. The thought made her wrap her arms around herself, rubbing at the goosebumps blooming on her skin. Pushing things had been a long shot – she’d known it would be – but part of her had wanted to press the self-destruct button, because at least then something would change and she would finally know where she stood.

It had become increasingly clear, after four long years together, that Ben would never choose her unless given a nudge. That was all she was doing, she reasoned, as she once again had a moment’s panic over her actions. Nothing she was doing was that big a deal. It wasn’t evil. It was just a nudge.

A nudge for the greater good, she reminded herself.

Ben would be happy once he was with her. He was miserable at home, which meant he was also making his family miserable. They would be hurt, at first, when he moved out, but they would recover – it was like ripping a plaster off, they would gasp when the moment came but then it would all be over.

She had thought that moment would have come by now though. She had thought telling Dominique about them would tear their marriage to pieces.

A noise sounded outside her door. She jumped up. Was that Ben, turning up with his bags, ready to move in? No, it was her neighbour, Dawn Seward, by the sound of it, going into her own flat. She must have finished her nursing shift. Kendra considered nipping across the landing and seeing if she fancied a chat, but what if Ben tried her landline and she wasn’t in? Better if she waited here for news, even if it was killing her.

Was the landline still working? She picked the receiver up. Yes. Of course, it was.

Okay, okay, she just had to calm down and think rationally. Dominique wouldn’t confront Ben until he came home. Say six p.m.? There would be one hell of a row. Hours of shouting and recriminations. That would take them up to right about now, so it wasn’t necessarily a bad sign she hadn’t heard anything yet.

After the screaming, the two of them might even start working out the terms of their split. Ben was very practical and Dominique was clearly a cold fish, so it made sense that they would start thrashing things out immediately. Splitting their assets, working out access to the children, there was a lot to consider. It could potentially go on way past the small hours.

Kendra needed to be more patient; she would hear something soon. She gave herself a hug, poured a large glass of gin and tonic and settled down to watch P.S. I Love You.

And checked her phone every now and again.