Ninety-Two
Perhaps Harry was right. Perhaps Ruby needed to rethink.
She sat on her bed fiddling with the puzzle of her phone until the broken parts slotted together. The screen lit up, and she went to send a text to Harry.
But she couldn’t help seeing how many alerts she had from social media.
She shouldn’t open them. She should ignore. Stay strong.
Her thumb moved anyway. Like she had no control over it. Her eyes read. As if they had a life of their own. Her brain rebelled and screamed. But her body was silent as it absorbed the pain.
‘Slut. Whore. Smelly. Bitch. Fat. Stupid. Ugly. Freak.’
These were her gifts. The texts were the worst. The messages from an unknown number that had become so familiar to her now that even when she closed her eyes it seemed tattooed on her lids. Blazing; goading her.
‘Everyone would celebrate if you fucked off & died. Even your family hate you.’
Ruby tried to dam the tears with closed lids. Breathing slowly, until she had control. She knew what she had to do. She refused to suffer any more.
No more bullying. No more pain. She chose freedom. And when she went, she would make sure she was not alone.
There, the decision had been made.
Ruby felt strangely calm. For the first time in many years, she was peaceful. She brushed her hair free of knots. Pulled out her nose stud. Replaced her skull top with a plain jumper.
Went downstairs.
‘Merry Christmas, Ruby,’ shouted Mouse, hugging her. ‘Want to pull a cracker? Mummy says we can pull one today.’
‘Why not?’ she nodded.
Mouse won, eagerly putting on the paper crown. Her little sister, who would soon no longer be part of this world. She could be annoying, but she was so innocent and quirky. Could Ruby really hurt her, let alone take her life? Surely not.
‘Why did the turkey join the pop group?’ read Mouse.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Because it was the only one with drumsticks.’
Even Dad laughed. He seemed more relaxed than he had in months. Ruby looked around and mentally said goodbye, feeling strangely fond of everyone when she had thought she would be filled with burning anger and hatred. She had learned in geography about how volcanoes are at their most dangerous and most likely to erupt when they have been dormant for years. The pressure building inside them, but the outside giving no clues, until one day the force could no longer be contained. A deadly explosion. That was how she felt now. This was the calm before carnage.
Tomorrow would not be a problem. Tomorrow she would no longer feel pain. Everything would be gone, and the peace she felt right now would last for ever. Not just for her, but for everyone. She couldn’t wait.
Mouse climbed into bed, cuddled Ted and screwed her eyes tight shut. She’d had such a lovely night, with all the family together exactly the way she had hoped. Tomorrow was going to be brilliant.
Now, she had to go to sleep, otherwise Santa wouldn’t come. She hoped she’d been good enough to get her iPhone, and books.
She was too excited. No way was she going to ever sleep again.
But then she wouldn’t get any presents.
A great big sigh of frustration shook her little body, and she turned on her bedside light. She would read for a while, even though it was almost ten o’clock.
She was a fast reader, the best in her class, and had already reached her favourite bit of The Last Battle. The bit where everyone was dead, but happy they were dead.
With each blink, her eyes took longer to open. The book fell to one side, but she didn’t move. Mouse was fast asleep. In her dream, Aslan walked beside her, telling her to have courage. She wrapped her fingers in his golden mane and felt his courage tingling up her arm and filling her up.
‘I’ll try to be a brave girl,’ she promised.
Dom lay in bed, thinking. Thumped her pillow, turned it over to the cold side, and settled onto it once more, hoping sleep would come, but her thoughts refused to quiet.
What was she going to do?
Ruby had seemed better tonight, at least. There had been a glimmer of her old self; she was more relaxed, even smiled a couple of times. Hopefully, she was accepting that not seeing Harry was not the end of the world. She didn’t need that boy.
But did Dom need Benjamin?
No.
She did want to save her marriage, though. For the sake of the children, and past good times, she was willing to try if Benjamin was. She thought of her family. Seeing Ruby smile for the first time in ages; the squeak Mouse always gave when excited or scared; even the desperation that had made Benjamin’s voice hitch during their argument. She studied them all, and smiled. Perfect in its imperfection, it was worth fighting for. She had spent too long hiding away from reality.
Her marriage might still fail. If it did, she would walk away guilt-free, knowing she had done everything in her power to save it. The rest was up to Benjamin. Hopefully, he would put in the effort, too. If not, that was his decision.
But he had seemed different tonight, more like his old self. It gave her hope.
She would tell Benjamin in the morning. She would tackle everyone about their secrets and get them out in the open. She would fix her family.
She turned over, happier now, and went through the ritual of playing the dream through her head. Determined there would be no nightmare.
The noise was laughter. Ruby was wearing a red dress. The rifle was a broom…