I know what he’s doing, but it’s not going to work. He can dangle names in front of me all he wants, but I’m not going to let myself care about this baby.

It would be so easy to fall in love. I can see myself as a mother, and I know it would be so fucking hard, but it would also be amazing. I’d have my own baby to raise and love and teach. I’d have my own little family, even if that family does include such a self-righteous ass like Aaron. If I let myself care, I’d never be able to give up this baby.

I can’t afford that. All of my hopes and dreams, everything I’ve worked hard to achieve this far in life, I can’t risk losing it all just because I had one stupid night of mistaken passion.

No, I’m not going down that route. I know what Aaron’s trying to do, and it’s not going to work. I don’t care if he makes me smile, and all I want to do when I’m around him is kiss him hard on the mouth. I don’t care how stupid and giddy and excited he makes me.

I worked hard to create new designs and improvements on traditional solar panel technology, and I want to follow that through. I can help change the world and make it a better place if my technology pans out, and I want to make sure that happens. A baby was never part of the plan.

I keep thinking about that conversation all day long, even though I try not to. When I get home, I pour myself a glass of wine before I remember I can’t even drink it, and end up dumping it down the drain regretfully. I pour out the rest of my wine, just to make sure I don’t forget again and do something stupid before heading over to my couch and crashing down on it with a very unlady-like grunt.

As I go to turn the TV on and prepare to turn my brain off, my phone starts ringing. I check the caller ID and it’s my brother. I hesitate a second, not sure if I should take it, but I know this is the perfect opportunity.

“Hey, Davis,” I say, answering after a big, deep breath.

“Hey yourself, Riley, how’s it going?”

“Good, good. How are you?”

“Oh, the usual crap. Marine is pulling the usual shit again.”

“Really?” I ask with a grin. “What this time?”

He launches into a story about how his nutso girlfriend, Marine, this French model girl he met at school, maxed out one of his credit cards buying a bunch of dogs. She planned on reselling them, but now he’s making her return them all. She’s constantly doing crazy shit like that, and I don’t know why he keeps her around.

Actually, I know exactly why he keeps her around. She’s short, has big boobs, is skinny, blonde, and pretty. I bet she’s great in bed and he can’t help himself.

Davis and I are pretty close. We talk on the phone frequently, and although he lives in LA, we try to have a real relationship. He’s always been a good older brother to me, but I’ve been a shitty younger sister lately, and it’s time to come clean.

“That’s insane,” I say to him when he’s done. We’re both laughing, although my laughter’s pretty hollow.

“Yeah, I know. I think the pet store’s gonna take them back, though.”

“Good! Those poor dogs.”

“They didn’t stand a chance.” We laugh again and there’s a short silence. “Anyway, how’s work?”

I bite my lip, hesitating a second, but there’s no point in putting it off. “Did I tell you that I work with Aaron Ward?”

His laugh is genuine and deep. “No fucking shit, Aaron? I haven’t talked to him in a couple years.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s pretty crazy.”

“What’s he up to?”

“He’s a public relations guy,” I say. “Although I think he’s really a salesman.”

“Man, he’s selling solar panels. Never would have guessed it.”

“He’s pretty good at it. We went to a conference together.”

He pauses. “You did? That conference like a month or two ago?”

“Yeah,” I say slowly.

“Why didn’t you tell me Aaron was going with you?” he asks.

“Well, something happened.”

He’s quiet for a beat. “Look, Riley, you’re grown up. You don’t have to tell me about that, I get it.”

“It’s not like that,” I say quickly, although it is. “I mean, it’s worse.”

“Worse?” He sounds genuinely confused. “What happened?”

“Shit, I don’t know how to say this, so whatever. I’m pregnant.”

He’s quiet for a second. “It’s Aaron?” he asks finally.

“Yeah,” I say. “I mean, it was a mistake. He’s stepping up or whatever, I mean, I don’t want to keep it. I’m going to put it up for adoption, or whatever, but he says he wants to keep it, and it’s a real mess. He’s being nice to me though, I guess.” I’m blathering on like a moron because I don’t know what else to do.

Davis is quiet for almost a full minute. I sit there frowning, staring at the floor, waiting for him to say something. As the tension builds, and I’m about to freak out, he finally speaks.

“I’m going to kill him.”

“Stop,” I say. “You don’t have to get angry.”

“The hell I don’t,” he says. “That bastard got my little sister pregnant!”

“I thought you said I was grown up now.”

“You’re not!” he says angrily. “He got you pregnant, right when your job’s going so good! That stupid asshole, I never liked that guy.”

I shake my head, smiling a little bit. “Davis, stop.”

“I’m going to kill him. I swear, I’m gonna do it.”

“Stop,” I say again. “What is this, the twelfth century? You’re pissed because he besmirched your sister’s honor?”

“No, I’m pissed that he saddled you with a baby you don’t want.”

“He’s offering to help,” I point out. “I’m the one that’s pushing him away.”

“I don’t care who pushes who,” he says. “That douchebag is dead.”

“Davis,” I say sternly. “If you contact Aaron, I swear to god, you’re the dead douchebag.”

“What am I supposed to do, sit here like an asshole while that guy gets my sister pregnant?”

“You already sat there while he got me pregnant,” I point out. “Look, there’s nothing we can do about it, okay? I’m handling it. Just don’t make it harder by being an asshole.”

He sighs, but I can tell he’s still angry. “What can I do for you, Riley? Jesus Christ. You’re pregnant.”

“Nothing,” I say. “Honestly, I have it under control.”

“I can come out there, really, if you give me a day to get some flight info—”

“Stop,” I say quickly. “Think about all the dogs in LA, okay? Marine’ll end up killing them all by mistake if you’re not there to stop her.”

He sighs but I can hear the smile on his face. “You’re probably right about that.”

“Just leave it, okay? I’m fine, I promise.”

“This sucks,” he says.

“Yeah, it really does.”

Another short silence before he sighs. “Who else are you telling?”

“If you mean mom and dad, fuck no. Not until I can’t hide it anymore and maybe not even then.”

“They’ll notice sooner or later.”

“We’ll see about that.”

He chuckles. “Well, I’ll help however you want. I’m sorry this happened, kid.”

“I am too.”

“And if you want me to kill Aaron, just shoot me a text.”

“Thanks,” I say, smiling and tucking that piece of info into the back of my mind. Maybe one day I really will want Aaron dead.

We finish up the call not long later, and I actually feel better. I mean, I haven’t solved anything, but I’ve finally told someone that isn’t Aaron.

Davis knows and the world hasn’t ended. Part of me thought I’d just explode or maybe drop dead as soon as he found out, but I’m okay. He didn’t take it great, but at least he took it and he’s not flying out here to murder anyone.

I put my hand on my belly, almost by instinct. I have this little miracle growing inside of me, and all I can think about is how it’s going to change my life for the worse. I’m so selfish and fucked up, and I don’t know what to do about it.

Tonight, I’m not doing anything. I kick my feet up on the coffee table, turn on the TV, and decide to push my problems off into the future. That’s the healthy way to handle all this, obviously.

Chapter Six; Aaron