Chapter Fifteen
Anders groaned and tried to swallow around the cotton filling his mouth. He blinked against the harsh sunlight and lifted his hand to shield his eyes. Sitting up, he looked around the room in confusion. It was vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it. A beeping sound drew his attention to the floor where his phone lay.
“Oh, fuck,” he exhaled, his pulse quickening. He reached for it, the sudden movement causing the room to spin. He was fairly certain he was still drunk. As soon as he unlocked the screen, his stomach dropped. Three missed calls from Josie and one voice mail.
The night before came rushing back. He knew where he was and it was the last place he should be. He patted his pockets for his keys, then grabbed his shoes and started for the front door.
“You’re leaving without even saying goodbye?” Aubrey asked, tightening the belt of her robe.
“I figured after you slapped me, I wouldn’t be asked to stay for breakfast.” He didn’t bother to hide his anger or sarcasm.
Aubrey pulled her hair over her shoulder and dipped her chin, her expression contrite. “I shouldn’t have hit you. I had way too much to drink last night, and you embarrassed me. I say we just write the entire night off as a drunken mistake and move on. No hard feelings.”
Anders inhaled and shook his head in annoyance. It didn’t matter how she felt. She wasn’t important. “Yeah, whatever. I gotta go.”
“You realize you’re supposed to be at the studio in forty-five minutes, right?”
“Fuck.” Anders didn’t bother to say anything else before yanking open the front door and heading to his SUV. Aubrey followed and leaned on the doorframe, her arms crossed under her breasts and a satisfied smile on her face.
Anders ran a hand through his hair and tried to figure out how he was going to get out of this mess. As easy as it would be to lie, he didn’t want to. The only thing he was guilty of was drinking too much.
He looked at his clothes. His white button-down was untucked, wrinkled, and reeked of stale alcohol. His best bet would be to get to the studio and jump in the shower before anyone saw him. With a final nervous exhale he climbed behind the wheel. Starting the engine, he pulled out of Aubrey’s drive, unaware of the camera snapping his picture ever since he walked out Aubrey’s front door.
Anders, I texted you earlier and called a couple of times. I’m not sure what’s going on. Why won’t you answer? Are you okay? I’m starting to worry. Call me. Please.
Anders’ hand tightened around the steering wheel until his knuckles whitened as he listened to Josie’s voice mail. Opening his texts, he read her message. His heart thumped as anxiety began to creep across his skin. She’d called and he’d ignored her. She’d texted and he had been too messed up to even realize it. He’d managed to make an already tense situation so much worse. Turning into the studio, he composed himself. He needed to pull himself together. Everything would be fine.
While Anders tried to flatten his hair and calm his nerves, Josie sat at her desk twirling a pencil between her fingers. She looked at the clock for the twentieth time in as many minutes before deciding to go look for Anders. Pushing away from her desk, she grabbed her phone and walked to his trailer.
Waiting a few seconds after knocking, she stepped inside. One look around the room and she could tell he hadn’t been there. Easing into the chair in front of the vanity, she let her head fall back and her eyes close. Memories of her first encounter with Anders flickered across her mind, causing a small smile to lift the corners of her mouth. She wasn’t sure how he’d managed to worm his way into her life and into her heart, but it had happened.
Her smile faltered as her mind drifted to their fight yesterday. She lifted her head and looked at her phone. Anders should have been there already. Fear caused her skin to prickle and her stomach to twist as scenarios of car accidents began to play out in her mind. She knew Anders had a nasty habit of driving after drinking. He could be in a ditch or in a hospital and she had no way of knowing.
Her hands shook as adrenaline pumped through her veins. She planted her feet on the floor to stand when the door behind her swung open. Surprised, she whipped around, her heart pounding when she locked eyes on Anders.
Relief washed over her. She jumped from the chair and started toward him. “Oh my God. You’re okay. I thought something...” Her steps slowed to a stop as she took in his appearance. He was the most disheveled she’d ever seen him. His clothes looked slept in and she could smell alcohol from where she stood. She began to fit the puzzle pieces together and a whole new set of emotions crashed over her: disbelief, hurt, confusion, and anger—white-hot, heart-pounding anger.
Anders’ throat bobbed as he watched a myriad of emotions flicker across her face. “Ivy.”
She held up her hand and shook her head. “Are you hurt?”
His voice was low and strained when he spoke. “No.”
“Have you been in jail?”
“No.”
She sucked in a lungful of air, and when she spoke, her tone was razor-sharp and stone hard. “Have you been home?”
Anders swallowed and balled his hands into fists as he shook his head.
Josie’s vision swam as tears gathered in her eyes. She gave a tight nod and wiped under her eyes. Her muscles bunched and her stomach knotted. “Of course not.” Shaking her head in disbelief, she shrugged and threw her arms out wide before letting them fall to her sides. “Of course not.”
Anders’ shoulders straightened and his posture became defensive. “It’s not what you think. Don’t start jumping to conclusions.” His body revolted against the sudden rush of adrenaline. The hangover made him sluggish, and the combination caused his stomach to churn and sweat to gather at his temples.
“Okay.” Josie nodded. It was too late, though. She’d already convinced herself of where he’d been and what he’d been doing. Or better yet, whom. She suddenly felt exposed, vulnerable. She crossed her arms over her chest in an attempt to create some kind of barrier between the dull ache forming around her heart and the person who’d caused it. “Tell me what happened.”
Anders remained silent, the mounting tension making his tenuous grasp on fighting the urge to vomit slip.
“Tell me!” she screamed. His silence reinforced her belief. He was hiding something and gearing up to cover his tracks. She deserved answers, no matter how much the confirmation would rip her to shreds.
A loud knock startled them from the suffocating silence. “Fifteen minutes!” a man called from the other side of the door.
Without taking his eyes off Josie, Anders yelled, “I’ll be right there!” He waited until he was sure they were alone before he spoke again. “Meet me at my house after work.”
“No way.” Josie’s tone left no room for argument. She wasn’t putting herself in that position again.
Anders could see resolve settling in her features like concrete, but he wasn’t letting it go this time. If he told her the whole truth―that he’d passed out at Aubrey’s―there would be no chance of getting her to his house. So he told her what she needed to hear. He’d tell her the rest later.
“I didn’t fuck her.”
“Where have you been, Anders?”
His heart hammered as his lips parted. He didn’t want to lie, but he wanted her to stay even more. So again, he did what was necessary. He looked her square in the eye, and with a low exhale, he told her a deceptive half-truth. “I was with Owen.”
Josie had never hated herself more than she did in that moment. Every instinct told her to bail―to escape while she still had a shred of dignity―because he was lying and they both knew it. The problem was she wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe she hadn’t become so lost in her feelings for him that she was blinded to the point of idiocy. “Don’t play me for a fool. I deserve better than that.”
Anders stepped forward until they were chest to chest. His keys dug into his palm as his hands balled into fists. “I’m not trying to play you. Please, Ivy. Please just trust me one more time.” He pulled his house key off the ring―the same key he’d given her before―and pressed it into her palm. “I promise. I’ll never do anything to make it necessary for me to ask that of you again.”
“No.” Josie tried to pull her hand away, but Anders held tight. He balled her hand around the key and squeezed.
“Don’t do this again. Don’t be so fucking stubborn. We need to talk, Ivy. We have to communicate.”
Josie’s mouth dropped open in disbelief. “You’re joking, right? You are the master of avoidance and deflection, but now that the shoe is on the other foot, I’m supposed to be understanding and do whatever you say?” While she agreed they had a tendency to fly off the handle and leave things unresolved, she wasn’t going to shoulder all the blame.
Anders was out of time. He still needed to pull himself together and get on set. So he told her the one thing that was sure to buy him some time. “I told Aubrey it’s over. No more fake relationship. I’m out.”
Josie reacted as expected. Her lips parted from her rough inhale and her eyes widened in surprise. “You did what?”
Anders shook his head. The small amount of relief he felt was tainted by the fact that he was manipulating her. “I don’t have time to tell you everything right now. Please. Come to my house tonight. I’ll tell you then.”
Josie hesitated, but she wanted answers and he was the only one who could give them to her. “Okay.”
Anders’ shoulders sagged with exhaustion. “You’re leaving here after lunch today, right? That’s what you said earlier this week before…before everything.”
“Yeah.”
“Go to my house. Relax. I’ll come straight home when I’m done.”
After a shaky nod and a quick kiss goodbye, Josie left Anders to strip out of his clothes, jump in the shower, and race to the set. He wasn’t looking forward to dealing with Aubrey. He also needed to call Nathan. Sighing, he shook his head and walked toward the director. The day had been pure hell from the moment he opened his eyes and he didn’t expect it to get any better.
Anders wasn’t the only one dealing with the lingering effects of his late night. Having woken up throughout the night to check her phone, Josie’s eyes sagged with fatigue and her shoulders slumped with the weight of their situation. Heaving her bag over her shoulder, she grabbed her keys and with a final glance around the room walked out of the studio.
She drove in silence. Her thoughts bounced between colors and fabrics to nightclubs and a very determined actress. She didn’t want to think about Aubrey. She didn’t want to imagine that Anders lied and hadn’t been with Owen. It wasn’t like she could ask Owen even if she wanted confirmation. She was certain he would corroborate whatever story Anders gave her. She’d been on the outside looking in since the very beginning.
Pulling in his driveway, she killed the engine but remained unmoving. She stared straight ahead, looking at the manicured lawn and large house. Never once had she felt intimidated until now. Her eyes tracked the iron fence surrounding the perimeter of the property. It wasn’t a high fence. The wide slats and flat caps would do little to deter someone if they wanted to climb over. Of course, the fence wasn’t meant to serve as a barrier in the literal sense. Its purpose was more figurative. It served to remind those on the outside that they didn’t belong. Even if they did breach the barrier, they’d never fit in.
Josie rolled her eyes and huffed out a disgusted laugh. She couldn’t believe she’d let her insecurities become so bad she was comparing her situation to a wrought iron fence. Shoving the car door open, she grabbed her things and walked to the front door.
The familiar smell of Anders’ house surrounded her when she stepped inside. Pulling in a deep breath, she kicked off her shoes and trudged into the living room. She sat on the couch and rummaged inside her bag for her latest project. Not long after she started reading, the words began to blur and her eyelids grew heavy. Knowing it would to be impossible to concentrate, she traded out reading for mind-numbing television.
Lying across the couch, Josie zoned out for the next several hours. She was in the middle of an old Hitchcock movie when her phone rang. Her brows dipped in confusion when Madison’s name flashed on the screen. Muting the volume of the television, she grabbed her phone.
“Hey.”
“Josie, where are you?” Madison’s voice sounded off, edgy and panicked.
“I’m at Anders’ place. Why? What’s going on?”
Madison fell silent before pulling in several deep breaths. “Have you seen the pictures?”
All traces of the haze that had cocooned Josie for the past several hours vanished. With a hesitant shake of her head, she answered. “No. I…I’m not so sure it’s a good idea. Not after yesterday.”
“Did Anders tell you anything about last night? Where he went after the club?”
“Not in detail,” Josie said, confusing twisting her features. “I know he didn’t go home last night. He said he was with Owen. That’s why he looked like shit this morning. Why?”
“Ah, fuck,” Madison choked, her voice shaking. “Can you come home? Please?”
Josie’s throat tightened and her heart raced when Madison’s voice broke. She only ever sounded like that when she was on the verge of tears. “Why?”
“I don’t want to talk about this over the phone. Please, Josie. You just gotta trust me.”
“Maddie, tell me what this is about. If it’s the pictures from last night―”
“Not last night,” Madison interrupted. “Just come home. I’ll tell you then.”
Josie gripped her knee and squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m not going anywhere until I know what happened. Just tell me. If it’s not last night, then...” Realization hit Josie like a bucket of ice water.
“Josie.”
“This morning. There are pictures from this morning, aren’t there?”
The deafening silence that followed caused a choked sob to rip from Josie’s throat. Tears spilled down her cheeks as Madison’s nonverbal confirmation cracked and splintered something inside her chest. “He…he wasn’t with Owen, was he?”
“No.”
Josie’s nose burned and her chin quivered as she rocked forward. She pressed her forehead against her knees and wrapped an arm around her middle. “Please don’t tell me he was with her. Please.”
“I’m sorry.”
A cold numbness spread over Josie. It caused her tears to freeze and her skin to pebble. Pulling in a sharp breath, she straightened her back and smoothed down her hair with her free hand. “I have to go.”
“Are you coming home? I can be there in―”
“I’ll call you later. I promise.” Josie hung up and rose to her feet. She pinched her bottom lip with her fingers and paced the length of the room, slow and unhurried. She wasn’t going to fall apart. There was a chance it was all a mistake. Maybe someone was trying to pass off old pictures as new ones. It wouldn’t be the first time something like that happened.
Determination set in her features as she walked into the dining room where Anders’ computer sat on the table. She stared at it warily, as if any sudden movement would cause it to detonate and blow her apart. A humorless chuckle bubbled up from her chest when she realized that was exactly what it could do.
She lifted the top and swept her finger over the mouse pad to bring the screen to life. Leaning forward she typed the password Anders had given her weeks ago and opened Google in the browser.
Biting the inside of her cheek, she typed the web address for a Hollywood gossip site and took two steps back while the page loaded. As expected, the latest news was about Anders and the headline attached made Josie’s face crumple.
“Nothing shameful about this walk. After partying with friends until after 2 a.m., Anders and Aubrey head back to her place for some quality time alone.”
Heat crept across Josie’s skin as she tried to grasp ahold of her emotions. Hurt made her breathing falter, embarrassment made her cheeks burn, but the anger she felt pushed her forward. She reached for the keyboard, her finger pressing the down arrow a little harder as each new picture was revealed.
Tears dripped from her chin and pooled on the table unnoticed as Josie stared unblinkingly at the images—pictures of Anders and Aubrey arriving at the club, groping each other as they danced, and leaving hours later smiling and laughing. As painful as those were to see, the one that twisted the steel blade into her stomach was of Aubrey in her robe, smiling at Anders as he walked to his SUV this morning.
“Fucking asshole,” she spat pushing away from the table. With gritted teeth, she wiped the tears sticking to her skin. Her emotions were all over the place, jumping from one extreme to the other. She fought to hang on to the anger seeping from her pores, but another look at the screen decimated the last of her resolve. Her shoulders slumped and jerked as the pain of Anders’ betrayal ripped body-wracking sobs from her chest.
Bending at the waist, she dug her elbows into her knees, hoping the physical pain would distract her from the ache inside her chest. She tried to focus on her breathing, but the burn in her throat from each ragged breath expanding her constricted lungs was crippling. Lost in her pain, she didn’t hear the key slide into the lock or the turn of the bolt as it disengaged.
Anders tossed his keys on the table and let out a tired sigh. Dark circles marred the puffy skin under his eyes, and his body ached from fatigue. Dragging a hand down his face, he walked toward the living room. He’d taken three steps when he heard the sound of Josie crying coming from the dining room. Turning to the left, he stepped through the doorway and froze.
“Ivy, what happened? Are you okay?”
Every muscle in her body tensed at the sound of Anders’ voice. She released her hair and straightened her back before her red, swollen eyes locked with his. The anger that had slipped through her fingers like sand moments earlier came rushing back. “What happened?” she croaked, a mocking sneer twisting her features. “I’ll tell you what happened. I let myself get involved with a lying asshole who doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself.”
His voice was even and controlled when he spoke, conveying none of his swelling emotions. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you being a liar. Or are you stupid too?” Josie shook her head as a tear rolled down her cheek. “No, I’m the fool here.”
“Well, why don’t we pretend for a minute that I am stupid so you can explain why I’m a lying asshole.”
“Are you going to stand there and pretend you have no idea what I’m talking about? Pretend you didn’t look me in the eye this morning and lie?”
Confusion flashed across Anders’ features, and for a split second hope stilled the breath in Josie’s lungs. The moment his lips parted and his eyes widened, however, any traces of doubt that the pictures had somehow been wrong vanished.
“I didn’t lie to you this morning.” Anders wracked his brain trying to figure out how she would know anything about what happened last night. His eyes drifted to his open computer and the sight caused a rock to settle in his stomach.
“Bullshit!” Josie screamed, her voice bouncing off the walls as her hands tightened into fists. She’d never wanted to hit anyone as much as she wanted to hit him in that moment.
Anders stepped forward and wrapped his hands around the top of the chair in front of him. “So what? You know everything about last night?” He jerked his chin toward the computer. “You’re gonna look at those pictures and the shit they print and believe it like it’s the fucking gospel? Jesus fucking Christ, Josie, I thought you knew better than that by now.”
Josie bristled. “I’m not a fucking idiot. I’m also not blind.” She stepped to the laptop and in one angry move, spun it around until the screen faced Anders. “This looks a hell of a lot more like Aubrey Nash standing in her robe than Owen. But that’s not possible, right? Because you weren’t with Aubrey, you were with Owen.”
Anders’ knees buckled from the weight of shock and dread that fell over him. He reached forward and dragged the laptop across the table, scanning the pictures of him leaving Aubrey’s house. He’d been certain the pictures were of the night before, when they’d danced or left the club. He could explain those. He had every intention of telling her about the rest of the night, but he wanted the time and privacy to do so. But this? There was no way she’d ever believe him. Not now. Still, he had to try.
“I know this looks bad, but I can explain. I didn’t lie to you this morning. I just didn’t tell you everything because I knew you’d be pissed.”
Josie’s mouth fell open with disbelief. She thought for sure he’d throw in the towel and admit what he’d done. She never imagined he’d try to keep the charade going. “You…you’re still going to deny that you lied? Do you have any respect for me at all?”
The obvious truth in her words caused her eyes to shimmer with tears and her lip to tremble. From the beginning, she’d expected to be the one turned to ash when they caught fire. What she hadn’t realized, what she couldn’t have prepared for, was just how much it would hurt when it happened.
“Of course I respect you. Look, everyone wanted to hang out a little longer, and things seemed okay. Aubrey had kept her distance, and I was too drunk to drive, so I went along with it. We all went back to her place to chill, but she started her shit again, so I told her I was done. Fuck, the bitch slapped me and stormed out of the room. I was going to close my eyes for a minute then call a cab. The next thing I knew, it was morning, and I was still on her couch. She caught me at the door, spewing some shit about being sorry and drinking too much. Honestly, I wasn’t listening. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there.”
Josie thought about the pictures of them dancing and the way Aubrey’s arms wound around his neck as he gripped her hips. They looked comfortable, familiar, intimate. Then she remembered the satisfied smile on Aubrey’s face watching Anders leave her house. She didn’t look like a rejected woman, not even a little. Josie shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”
Anders flattened his palms on the table and dropped his head. He pulled in a deep breath before lifting gaze. His eyes were hard and guarded as his anger simmered just below the surface. “What don’t you believe, Ivy?”
With her face wiped clean of emotion, she met his gaze without hesitation. When she spoke, her voice was flat and lifeless, just like her eyes. “Any of it.”
“Goddamn it!” He picked up a chair and hurled it against the wall. The sound of splintering wood, cracking drywall, and panting breaths echoed around the room. “Why the fuck are you even here? If you’re never going to believe anything I say, what’s the point?”
Josie flinched as her heart hammered. She took two steps back, her eyes wide with surprise. “There isn’t one. That’s why I’m leaving.” She turned toward the hallway but hadn’t even taken a step before Anders locked his arms around her waist from behind.
“You don’t mean that,” he whispered, his voice rough.
But she did mean it, and they both knew it. “Let me go. I need to get my things.”
“No.”
“I don’t want to be here,” she cried, wrenching free of his grasp. “I’m tired of feeling like shit about myself. I’m tired of ignoring my feelings for yours. I told you I’d never back burner myself, but I did. And I’m done.”
“What about me? Do you think I’ve done nothing for you? For us? You’re not the only one who’s out of their comfort zone. None of this is easy for me, but you don’t care anything about that, do you?”
“Here we go, right back to you and what you’ve given up, what you’ve sacrificed. I promise you”—she choked, her eyes stinging—“what I’ve lost, what I gave you, was more of a sacrifice than anything you’ve done. And you ruined it. You broke everything.”
Anders swallowed around the lump in his throat and remained still as Josie stormed out of the room. Her angry words slammed into his chest like a sledgehammer, reinforcing the reasons he guarded himself in the first place. The wall he’d spent years erecting began to harden and mold over the cracks his relationship with Josie had caused. He let the weight of its protection slide over his shoulders and fortify around his heart once more. With his mouth set in a hard line, he walked into the kitchen and pulled a beer from the refrigerator.
He flicked the cap onto the countertop and moved back to the dining room. Shoving his free hand into his pocket, he tipped back his beer and stared out the window. The sound of opening and slamming drawers in the bedroom as Josie packed the few things she’d left echoed through the house. He worked to keep his expression a mask of indifference when she let out a muffled curse.
Unable to remain still, he turned away from the window and winced when his eyes landed on his laptop. The dozen pictures of him dancing with Aubrey last night then leaving her house this morning were sure to have brought a fat paycheck to someone.
His lip curled in disgust as he thought about the paparazzi. They were always out to make a buck, not giving a shit whose life they screwed up in the process, not that Anders considered his life screwed up. Until all the drama had started with Josie, he’d been content, happy even. If Josie wanted to call it quits, then there was nothing he could do to stop her. He’d been fine without her before, and he’d be fine without her now. So be it.
When Josie walked into the room with a bag thrown over her shoulder, his stomach tightened and his indifference slipped. Her eyes were red and swollen, but it did nothing to put out the fire burning in her gaze.
For a moment, Josie hesitated. Her eyes raked over him before she made a sound of disgust in the back of her throat and turned to leave without saying a word. Anders’ jaw tightened at the dismissive gesture and he took off behind her, catching her arm and spinning her around to face him.
“So that’s it? You’re done? You’ve got nothing else to say?”
Josie jerked free and wrapped her fingers around the strap of her bag. “I think I’ve said everything I can.”
“Why won’t you fucking believe me?” he shouted. He didn’t know why he was bothering. She was done, and he was tired of defending himself. This was why he didn’t do relationships. Why he should never have broken his one and done rule. The moment the thought crossed his mind, something dark flashed in his eyes.
“Because you have a shitty track record? Because there are pictures of you two hanging all over each other? Because she’s wanted to fuck you since she walked on set? Or how about the fact that you didn’t come home last night?” Her chest rose and fell with each heaving breath and her body shook with anger.
Her refusal to believe him, to allow even a sliver of trust, made him snap. “I told you nothing happened. Do you want to know why nothing happened, Ivy? Because I have a rule. I never fuck the same woman twice. You are the only person I’ve even broken that rule for. Why the fuck would I ruin my relationship with you for a piece of pussy I’ve already had?”
He might as well have slapped her. His words stung worse than any physical blow he could have delivered. The flash of pain that crossed his face showed that he knew it too.
“What?” Josie could barely breathe. Every one of her muscles locked with tension.
“Fuck. I shouldn’t have said it like that. I should have told you. It happened before I knew you, when we auditioned. But telling you would have made things worse, and you already didn’t trust me. I would never fuck around on you, Ivy. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not that guy.”
Josie shook her head in disbelief. For months she had warred with herself, her heart and her head at odds. But for the first time since she and Anders had been together, they were both in agreement about something: he would destroy her. This life wasn’t meant for her.
He wasn’t meant for her.
There would always be an Aubrey in their lives. Even if people knew about Josie, it wouldn’t matter. Not when the prize was Anders Ellis. Even if he didn’t sleep with Aubrey, again, it would happen eventually. Guys like Anders couldn’t change. She was a fool for ever believing different.
“Just when I thought you couldn’t be more of a liar or hurt me any more, you prove me wrong. I shouldn’t be surprised. You’ve said yourself there are things you’ve lied to me about. I should have walked away then. I won’t make that mistake again.” She turned for the door and wrapped her hand around the knob.
Anders’ heart hammered and the walls around it squeezed mercilessly. Concrete settled in his stomach, and he knew if she left this time, it was for good. “If you leave, that’s it. There’s no coming back.”
Josie laughed, the sound harsh and hollow. Empty. She turned to face him, her hand still holding the handle. “That’s how breakups work. I leave and don’t come back. Oh wait,” she gasped in mock surprise, clinging to her anger and ignoring the feeling of her heart shattering. “We can’t break up. We don’t even exist. Have a nice life, asshole.”
Anders smoothed his face like the A-list actor he was. As the front door slammed, he lifted his beer in the air and saluted her before draining the rest.
“Well, that’s that,” he muttered. It wasn’t worth it. He turned back to the kitchen for another beer, not daring to acknowledge the stinging in his eyes or the searing pain carving a hole in his chest. It just wasn’t worth it.