Chapter Nineteen
Levi shifted his weight and pushed his long blonde hair out of his face as he tried not to steal another peek at the brunette across the room. Nodding in thanks as the barista handed him two cups of coffee, he pulled in a deep breath and crossed the room.
“Here you go.”
“Thanks.” Josie smiled, taking the cup from his hand. She took a tentative sip of the steaming liquid before setting it on the table between them. “I…I didn’t get to thank you that day. I’m grateful for what you did. And of course for this,” she added, gesturing to her wallet lying beside her cup.
Levi shrugged. “It was no problem. I’m glad I was there to help.” He meant that too. He’d received the same text as everyone else about her location. He told himself he wasn’t going to get involved, but something made him go anyway. Standing on the other side of the parking lot smoking, camera packed away in his car, he watched as she emerged from the fabric shop. He assumed it would be bad, but the way they swarmed her was beyond what he had imagined. When he realized she was heading toward the street, his gut told him something awful was about to happen. He’d been right. Had he not taken off in a jog, he might not have made it to her in time.
“Me too. The roadkill look isn’t in style these days.” She tried to joke to wipe away the memory of how terrified she’d been. One minute she had been falling into the street and the next she was being propelled back onto the sidewalk. Shaken, she just grabbed her bag and ran to her car, not realizing her wallet had fallen out. Craig had called the next day and told her some guy had her wallet and had left his contact information.
Levi cracked a grin. “I suppose not. I was surprised when you called. I was beginning to think you weren’t.”
“I wasn’t ready,” she admitted, her eyes drifting to the window. “I haven’t been out very much.” Josie tugged at the edge of the cardboard wrapped around her coffee cup. Other than going to work, she’d only left Madison’s house twice in the two weeks since that day and both times had been a disaster. Although, the last time hadn’t been as bad as the first two. She was sure Anders’ recent activities were the reason.
Levi drummed his thumb on the table, nervous and on edge. Guilty. He wasn’t sure which part he felt guilty about, but the girl sitting across from him was the reason. “Are things better?” He already knew the answer. While the attention on her had eased a bit, nothing about the story had died down. Was it not for Anders being papped with Owen three different times in the last week, she would have caught a lot more heat.
Shrugging, Josie took another sip from her coffee. “I’m paranoid every time I go out in public. But I’ll get over it. I bought a can of mace. If those guys ever come near me again, I won’t hesitate to set their eyes on fire.”
Levi laughed, surprised by her sudden feistiness. “That’s one way to get the message of ‘no comment’ across.”
“I thought so too.” Josie grinned, enjoying the lightened mood. As of late, everything was so damned depressing. It had taken Anders two days to respond to her texts, and even then it was with a text of his own asking if she was okay and saying how sorry he was. He’d tried so hard to convince her to be with him, but the moment their relationship became public knowledge, he did what she’d always expected: he bailed. He went right back to being the person he was before without a care in the world. Which was why she never responded.
“If you need to run some errands or something, I’d be happy to tag along, so you’re not caught off guard alone.”
Josie studied him for a moment. There was nothing pressing, but she’d be lying if the thought of doing something normal wasn’t appealing. “I don’t have any errands, but I’m kinda hungry. Would you like to grab some lunch?”
“Lunch sounds great.”
After leaving the coffee shop, the pair walked down the street to a small diner. Levi talked about growing up in England and his family. He kept the conversation flowing, firing off questions to Josie and never leaving an opening for questions he wasn’t sure how to answer. When they parted ways, he found himself unable to stop from asking her if she wanted to see a movie.
Josie’s first instinct was to refuse. However, when she caught sight of the newspaper stand across the street, the glossy magazine covers reflecting the sun, she changed her mind. She knew who and what covered those pages. No doubt there were more pictures of Anders partying with his best pal, Owen.
“Sure.” After they made plans and said goodbye, Josie climbed into her car and drove to Madison’s. As she sat in front of the house, she came to a decision. It was time to go home.
“Maddie? You home?”
“Kitchen!” Madison yelled.
Josie leaned against the doorframe and watched as Madison unloaded the containers of food Holden had sent home. “I got my wallet back.”
“Yeah? I told you I’d go with you. The guy wasn’t a creeper, was he?”
“No. He was nice. He, uh…he asked me if I wanted to catch a movie with him.”
Madison’s brows shot up in surprise. “Wow. Boy has some brass ones, doesn’t he?”
“What do you mean?”
“Come on, Josie. Your life isn’t normal right now. The media just outed you for dating one of the hottest guys in Hollywood. Either he’s the most confident fucker on the planet, or he has an agenda.”
“We were only fucking, Maddie, remember? Just a fling. At least that’s what all the magazines say. We’re the only ones who know it wasn’t like that. Hell, after the way Anders has acted, I can’t help wondering if the whole thing was an act.”
Madison’s face softened. “If all that was an act, he deserves a fucking Oscar. I just…I don’t know what the hell he’s doing right now. Do you honestly believe it was an act?”
“I don’t know what to think, but it’s obvious he isn’t concerned about me anymore. He’s back to being Anders fucking Ellis. It makes me want to vomit. I feel like such an idiot.”
“So where does this guy fit in?” Madison refused to let Josie beat herself up over something she had no control over.
“He’s nice.”
“Nice or nice looking?”
The corner of Josie’s mouth twitched at Madison’s tone. “Both.”
“Then I say go. Maybe if you’re seen with another guy, they’ll lose interest and this whole thing will blow over.”
“Yeah.” The thought of being followed by more paparazzi made Josie’s shoulders bunch with tension. If she was being honest, though, she’d already considered what Madison suggested.
Sighing, she told Madison her other news. As expected, Madison tried to convince her to stay awhile longer but eventually conceded. After packing the few things she’d brought and promising to call later, she drove home.
The next several days were uneventful, much to Josie’s relief. She stayed busy with work, and while gazes still lingered in the halls, no one commented. She hoped it was the beginning of things returning to normal, or at least a semblance of normal. Levi texted a few times, somehow managing to add dinner to their movie plans. She didn’t protest. He wasn’t Anders, but he wasn’t Philip either. He reminded her of a cleaned up version of Kurt Cobain. With his lean frame and messy blonde hair, she couldn’t deny that he was attractive. He was more her type, even if she wasn’t ready for more than friendship. They decided to meet for an early movie when it would be less crowded, then catch a late dinner. Maybe flipping things around would make them less likely to be hounded.
On the day they’d planned to meet, Levi arrived at the theater a little early to purchase their tickets. Leaning against the brick front of the building, he drummed his fingers on his thighs as he watched Josie park. He couldn’t help the way his eyes lingered on her body when she stepped out of her car. She looked good. Really good.
Shame washed over him when the thought crossed his mind. It was just another reminder of how messed up it was to be anywhere near her. After all, he was the reason for her current situation in the first place.
Levi grinned and pushed off the wall as Josie approached. He tried to shut out his thoughts as they exchanged greetings, but the nagging feeling that he should come clean about his connection to Anders wouldn’t subside. Throughout the movie his mind wandered to the different reactions she might have. He never expected to care, but since the day they had met for coffee and the few times they had texted and talked, something shifted. He wanted her to know, if for no other reason than to tell her before someone else did.
By the time they reached the restaurant, his leg bounced with anxiety and his palms were sweating. Josie eyed him with suspicion. He was not the charismatic guy she’d chatted with during the last week. For all she knew, this was how he always acted and their last meeting had been a fluke. If that was the case, it would be the last time they’d hang out. She didn’t care how much being seen with another guy might help her situation. Shifting in her seat, she took another sip of her drink and glanced at her watch.
“I need to tell you something,” Levi blurted out.
Josie’s eyes widened, and her drink sloshed over the side of her glass as she jumped in surprise. “Okay,” she choked.
“Sorry.” He reached out and dabbed the back of her hand with his napkin before dropping it on the table. Scrubbing his hand over his face, he sighed. “There’s no way to tell you this without you thinking I’ve misled you on purpose, which is what I’ve done, but it’s just…well, I didn’t expect you to be so nice. To be honest, I thought you’d be a complete bitch. When you weren’t, I―”
“Excuse me? Did you just say you expected me to be a bitch? What the hell?” Josie stared at him, her eyes narrowed and shoulders stiff as she waited for him to answer.
“Shit,” he groaned. “That didn’t come out how I wanted. What I mean is, you were hooking up with Anders Ellis. And he’s…well, he’s a dick. I never expected someone decent to put up with his shit.”
“And how would you know anything about Anders?” While Josie agreed, it pissed her off that he’d pegged her as a bitch by association.
“I know Anders well enough.”
Josie took a sip from her water, hoping it would relax the sudden tightness in her throat. “Oh?”
“That’s what I want to tell you. I…” Levi paused to take a sip from his drink and gather his thoughts. “Listen, I just want to be honest with you. I was wrong to assume things about you because of who you spent time with. That was unfair, and I apologize. It’s just, Anders and I have history.”
“History? I don’t understand.”
“I can see that.” Levi shook his head. “Wow. I’m sorry. I’m having a hard time processing that you have no idea who I am. Did Anders tell you anything about him and Eva?”
Josie’s entire frame stiffened. Her conversation with Madison played in her head, and she wondered if this guy wasn’t working an angle after all. “If you’re fishing for information―”
“I’m not,” Levi interrupted, shaking his head. “There’s nothing you could tell me that I don’t already know because I was involved.”
Josie’s face heated as she fought back angry tears. It was yet another reminder of how much Anders had kept from her. Hurt and embarrassment burned through her, making her feel insignificant all over again. “It’s obvious I don’t know anything. Anders’ past isn’t any of my business.”
“Fair enough,” Levi conceded. “But I need to be honest with you about who I am.” Again guilt ate at him for telling her half-truths. “I was the pap who exposed Anders’ ex-girlfriend. I crossed a lot of lines and did things I shouldn’t have. Believe me, I’ve paid for it.”
“You’re a pap?” The room started spinning when a wave of dizziness washed over her.
“Was. I was a pap. I’m done with that shit.”
Josie pressed her palm flat against her forehead and swore under her breath. “Jesus, I have the shittiest luck in the world,” she mumbled. “I need to get out of here. This is too much.” Grabbing her bag, she moved to stand when a thought hit her. With narrowed eyes, she dropped her bag and turned to face him. “Why were you at the fabric store?”
Levi held up his hands. “I wasn’t there to take your picture. I’ll admit, I received a message from the guy who contacted all those assholes to mob you. But I wasn’t part of that. I’m not even sure why I was there. Curiosity maybe? Which I realize is messed up, but I’m trying to be honest. When I saw what they were doing, I left my car and got to you as fast as I could.”
“You’re telling me that one guy contacted the rest of those cockroaches to do that to me on purpose?” Josie didn’t bother to hide the look of horror on her face.
“I’m afraid so, but I haven’t been a part of that sort of thing since the incident with Anders.” Levi didn’t bother to add that it was because almost every magazine in LA had blacklisted him. Even now, the pictures he took at Aubrey’s behest were submitted under an alias.
“Look, I’m grateful you kept me from getting hit by a car, but you understand why I’m not comfortable with this, right?”
Levi shrugged and looked at his hands. “Guilty by association. Once a cockroach, always a cockroach.”
Josie frowned. She’d just been angry with him for doing the same thing, making assumptions about her, but she needed to get the hell out of dodge. “I’m not trying to judge you for your past, but my life is complicated enough. I don’t need the added stress.”
“I understand. Another time, another place, maybe we could have been friends.”
“Stranger things have happened.” Josie reached for her bag again as Levi’s hand shot out and grabbed her wrist.
“Wait. I get why you’re leaving, but let me pay the tab and walk you to your car. It’s late. I want to make sure you get to your car safely.”
Josie looked toward the door and shifted her weight. She didn’t want to go out there alone. It was already dark, and with her luck as of late, she was sure to be ambushed. “Fine.” She grabbed her drink and took a generous swallow before settling in her seat.
An uncomfortable silence settled over them as they waited for the check. It made her antsy. “So if you’re not chasing celebrities around LA, what do you do?”
Levi’s eyes widened. He wasn’t expecting her to make conversation, and her question caused him to freeze for a moment. “Um, I still take photographs. Just not of celebrities. I’ve sent a couple of portfolios to National Geographic.” He skirted around the fact that only recently had he found himself in a financial position where he could afford to cut ties with that part of his life.
“Really?” Josie’s shock was genuine. “Why did you choose that?”
“It’s why I moved to LA. Becoming a pap was never part of the plan.” Taking advantage of the opening, Levi felt compelled to tell her how it had all happened. He wanted Josie to understand that he wasn’t really a bad guy. “One day I was out snapping pictures of this elderly couple sharing an ice cream when all these camera flashes started going off around me. It turned out there was an argument happening between a celebrity couple, and they happened to be standing in the frame of my lens. A guy told me I could get a good price for the pictures. I was broke, so I sold them. The money was good. I got the idea I could do it for a while until I landed my dream job. The more time that passed, the more distant I felt from those dreams. I became one of those guys. After Anders sued me and took out a restraining order, I had no choice but to stop. No one would buy pictures from me anymore.”
Josie kept her face blank, hiding her surprise. In a matter of minutes, she knew more about Anders’ past from a stranger than she did from Anders after months of dating. That knowledge caused the bitter taste of resentment to coat her tongue. Still, no matter how much Anders had hurt her, she wouldn’t sell him out.
“Well, I hope everything works out for you.”
Levi accepted the receipt from the waitress without removing his eyes from Josie. He stared at her for several seconds, his jaw set and his lips pursed in concentration, before nodding. “Yeah. Me too.”
The pair pushed away from the table and gathered their belongings before heading to the front of the restaurant. As soon as they stepped outside, the sound of rain pelting the awning above greeted them.
“Ah shit,” Josie groaned, looking at her shirt. “Well, this is perfect.”
Levi grimaced. “I take it your shirt isn’t meant to get wet?”
“No. This freaking sucks.”
“Here.” Levi shrugged out of his lightweight jacket and draped it over Josie’s shoulders.
“Thanks,” Josie mumbled, shoving her hands through the sleeves.
“Go ahead and get your keys out. We’ll get you inside as fast as possible.” Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, they ducked their heads and took off running while a guy sat in his car across the lot snapping picture after picture.
Josie spent the next several days trying her best not to think about Anders and the things Levi had told her. Anders, however, did nothing but think about Josie. The last few weeks had been hell, and the strain was beginning to take its toll. Twisting his neck from side to side and rolling his shoulders, he pulled his shirt over his head and smoothed down the front. He didn’t want to go out. He hadn’t wanted to go out since he got back, but this wasn’t about him.
Grabbing his phone from the side table, he sat on the bed. He swept his thumb across the screen and sighed. He was unsurprised to see he had no new messages, just as he was unsurprised by the disappointment that followed.
He’d warred with himself about staying away from Josie. It didn’t matter that he understood why Nathan had suggested it, logic and emotions didn’t always see eye to eye. After returning to LA, he’d lasted one day before breaking down and sending her a text. When his first text went unanswered, his stomach twisted and his muscles clenched, but he made a promise to her and intended to keep it.
Anders knew the most effective way to take the attention away from Josie was to put it on himself. With a weight bearing down on his shoulders and a bone-crushing pressure on his chest, he called Owen. He put himself front and center in the spotlight. He hit all his old stomping grounds, putting on a show for the same people who’d mobbed the girl he loved. It made him sick.
The only thing other than Josie that could possibly offer him any relief, any happiness, was finding out who had outed them. Much to his dismay, Nathan hadn’t been able to dig up anything. The more time that passed, the more Anders wondered if he ever would. Grunting in frustration, he pushed off the bed and headed toward his car to meet Owen.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Walker drawled, taking a pull from his cigarette.
“Walker.” Anders nodded and moved to the opposite side of the table closer to Owen.
“I wasn’t sure if you were coming,” Owen joked, bumping fists with Anders.
Grabbing the bottle of rum sitting on the table, Anders smirked and filled the glass in front of him. Downing the amber liquid in one gulp, he refilled the glass and sat back in the booth. “I was detained.”
“Nice.” Walker laughed as Owen’s brows shot up in surprise.
“Is that so?” The corner of Owen’s mouth lifted in a half-smile.
Instead of answering, Anders turned his attention to Walker. “So how are things with you? Sobriety’s treating you well, I hope?” Anders’ eyed the drink in Walker’s hand.
“Spectacularly,” he exhaled, a huge smile on his face.
The mood seemed to lighten after that. Anders wasn’t sure if he was the one who loosened up, or if their attention shifted when Walker and Owen started doing shots. Either way it didn’t matter to Anders. The drunker they were, the less they would bother him.
As the night progressed, alcohol flowed. Girls came and went, each one a little bolder than the last. Anders played his part. He flirted when he should, dismissed before things got out of hand, and remained detached. The occasional flash of a camera phone would brighten a corner of the room, and in a matter of hours his picture would hit the Internet. Everyone would see he was the same as before: unattached and unattainable.
He poured another glass of rum, spilling a good portion before setting it back on the table, when a girl slid into the booth next to him. Her fake blond hair matched her fake breasts and plastic smile. He noticed her watching earlier and each time she had a fresh drink in her hand. She was no doubt piss drunk at this point.
When she palmed his dick, his reaction to the contact was instantaneous. “Get the fuck off me,” he snapped, knocking her arm away.
“I just want to make you feel good,” she slurred, her lids heavy.
“If I want to feel like I’m fucking something plastic, I’ll jack off wearing a condom. Now fuck off.” His face twisted with disgust as he stared at her with condescending eyes.
“Asshole,” she muttered and stumbled away from the table.
“What the fuck was that?” Owen demanded, pointing in the direction of the girl.
“That was me telling that bitch to move the fuck along. What the hell did you think that was?”
“Oh, I know what that was. I just want to know why. You’ve turned down every piece of pussy thrown at you lately.”
“What? Come on―”
“Cut the bullshit, Anders,” Owen interrupted. Leaning forward he lowered his voice and continued. “I see right through your fucking act. Christ, you played this shit off better after that bitch Eva fucked you over. I never thought I’d see the day you let it happen again, especially not with a bitch who would use the same fucker involved last time. You sure can pick ’em.”
Anders sat stone still as Owen’s words filtered through his alcohol-clouded brain. Owen was calling him out about not hooking up, but the rest lost him. “What the fuck are you talking about? What does Eva have to do with anything?”
Owen cocked his head to the side and studied Anders. A chuckle bubbled from his chest as his face colored with understanding. “Fuck man, you’re always the last to know just how much you’ve been fucked over. Your makeup girl? It seems she’s moved on. Got herself a new guy. One you know very well.”
Anders’ heart picked up speed as anxiety and adrenaline crashed through his veins, wrecking his nerves and setting him on edge. “Don’t fuck with me right now. It’s obvious I have no idea what you’re talking about. Stop with the dramatics and spit it out already.”
Fishing out his phone, Owen opened his browser and moved his fingers over the keys a few times before sliding the phone across the table. “They look pretty cozy to me, wouldn’t you agree? Like they’ve known each other for quite some time.”
Anders held his hand steady as he reached for the phone. For a moment, he imagined this must be how Josie felt whenever she looked at pictures of him with someone else. Of course that sentiment faded when he focused on the screen. His throat tightened as jealousy, anger, and betrayal ate through him like acid.
“What the fuck?” His voice was low, his words spat through clenched teeth and a jaw set in stone. Sliding his finger over the screen, bile rose in his throat as he read the caption.
Words like “moving on,” “secret lover,” and “a new man” burned into his mind and caused a searing pain in his chest. It wasn’t the words that caused him to shove away from the table and bolt from his seat, though. It was the pictures of Josie and Levi talking outside a theater, having dinner together, and his arm wrapped around her as they ran through the rain that caused Anders to lose sight of reason. “I’ve gotta go.”
Owen realized his mistake too late. He was in no shape to reason with Anders. “No, man. What are you going to do? Confront her? What good will that do? Sit down. Pour a drink. Smoke a joint. Relax and fuck some of the uncomplicated pussy around here.”
Anders shook his head. Locked in a defiant stance, his entire body screamed stubborn determination. “Fuck that. I can’t sit here.” Tossing Owen’s phone on the table, he took two steps before pausing and looking over his shoulder. “Keep that close.” Anders nodded to where he’d dropped the phone. “I might need you to bail me out of jail later.” Then he left, ignoring his friend’s protests.
Slamming his car door, he gripped the steering wheel and pulled in a deep breath. He couldn’t understand why Josie was with Levi. Why she was with one of the people instrumental in the biggest betrayals of his life. She wouldn’t do that to him. Josie was different. She was better.
He thought about the times he’d disregarded her feelings. How he’d pushed her away and treated her like she didn’t matter. Was this revenge? Had he hurt her so much she’d become someone else? It wouldn’t be the first time something like that happened. He was proof of that.
A growl of frustration rumbled in his chest as he banged his forehead against the steering wheel. Doubt crept up his spine, and even though he tried to beat it down, the seed had been planted. He needed answers, and Josie was the only person who had them.
He dialed her number, his teeth grinding together when the call went to voice mail. A dozen reasons why she wasn’t answering flitted through his mind, each scenario worse than the last. He imagined her with Levi. Touching. Kissing. The moment the image entered his mind, all reason left. He was in a black cloud of rage, despair, jealousy, and regret.
Throwing his phone into the passenger seat, he didn’t give a second thought as to the repercussions as he took off in the direction of Josie’s house. The pictures of Levi and Josie played like a slide show, each pass becoming more distorted, intimate, painful. By the time he pulled onto her street, anxiety and aggression locked his frame. The emotions intensified when he realized the house was dark and her car was missing.
His eyes drifted to the clock, and he cursed when he noticed it was already after midnight. Snatching his phone off the seat, he dialed her number again. His heart sped when it didn’t go to voice mail. It rang three times before an unfamiliar voice floated across the line.
“Josie’s phone,” a soft feminine voice sang.
“Who the fuck is this?” Anders spat.
“Excuse me?”
“I need to talk to Josie. Now.”
“Josie’s busy, but I’d be delighted to take a message for you.” The saccharine sweet, albeit sarcastic edge to her tone told Anders that no message would be delivered.
“Just tell me where she is. It’s important.” He managed to soften his tone with a bit of effort, but the desperation in his voice took no effort at all.
“She’s at the studio. We’re having a night shoot, and there were some issues―”
Anders disconnected the call before she could finish. He got what he wanted. He knew where to find her.
Lori looked at Josie’s phone and scowled. She clicked on the screen to see the name that went along with the voice and couldn’t help but laugh when the name Asshole popped up. “Appropriate,” she mumbled, dropping Josie’s phone on the desk and grabbing the items she’d come after. Hesitating, she reached for a pen and scribbled on a Post-it before sticking it to Josie’s phone and leaving her cubicle.
While Anders drove to the studio and Lori took off in search of Madison, Josie added sugar to her second cup of coffee. She hadn’t planned on working so late, but last-minute changes and new interns left her with little choice. After chatting with a couple of people and grabbing a snack, she headed back to her department.
Falling into her chair, she let her head fall against the back. Her eyes drifted shut, and she knew if she didn’t keep busy, she’d be asleep in minutes. With a sigh she leaned forward, bracing her elbows on the edge of her desk. Her eyes landed on the bright sticky note stuck to her phone and it caused her breathing to falter.
“Asshole” called. ―Lori
As Josie tried to fight against the avalanche of emotions crashing over her, Anders made his way toward her department. He’d worked himself into a frenzy of suspicion and doubt. The lingering traces of adrenaline had burned away and dulled, causing the excessive amount of alcohol to hit him full force.
When the door came into sight, he struggled to control the same sense of recklessness that overcame him at the club. He pushed the door open and slammed it shut as soon as his eyes landed on Josie.
His heart clenched and his chest ached when he saw her. For a split second all he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms. He wanted to bury his face in her hair and press his lips against hers until her taste lingered and her scent clung to his body. But when she spoke, the sound of her voice broke the spell, and Anders remembered why he was there.
“Anders? What are you doing here?”
He raked his hand through his hair and let out a humorless chuckle. “What am I doing here?” he repeated, almost as if he was asking himself the same question.
Josie stared at him, her stance rigid, her brows pulled together in confusion. “Anders.”
His eyes snapped to hers, and his hand fell to his side. “How could you do it?” He sounded almost manic, like he was teetering on the edge of a cliff. Josie had no idea what it would take to tip him over the side, but the moment she processed his words, she didn’t care. The scene was too familiar, too recent, and the wounds too fresh.
“Don’t,” she threatened. “Don’t you dare come into my place of work and start your bullshit again. I have no idea what you’re accusing me of, but I’ll be damned if you’re going to attack me when I’ve done nothing wrong.” The thrill that shot through her when his jaw flexed and his eyes tightened around the corners made her wonder if she’d lost her mind.
“Haven’t you?” he taunted. “Was that not you I saw in half a dozen pictures with Levi?”
Josie gaped at him. She wasn’t sure what pictures he was talking about, but that wasn’t important. “Who I spend my time with is none of your concern. We’re not together anymore, remember?”
“Unbelievable.” He shook his head and scrubbed a hand over his face as he tried to withstand the ache that surged through him. Her words made him feel vulnerable, exposed. “Did you play me? Did you set me up from the start?”
A laugh bubbled up in Josie’s chest, erupting from her throat harsh and biting. “All those women you’ve fucked lately have turned your brain to shit. How could I play you, Anders?”
“Because you were with him!” he roared. “I saw the two of you at the movies and dinner. I saw his arms around you. How could you fucking do that to me?” His voice, which had started off so strong, so angry, ended in nothing more than a broken gasp.
“Everything’s not about you!”
“You’re not that fucking stupid, are you? This is absolutely about me. He doesn’t give a fuck about you, Ivy. Unless you’re in on it, he’s using you to get to me.”
“You’re never going to change. You’re never going to stop being a self-absorbed asshole.” Josie shook her head in disgust. “This is the second time you’ve accused me of doing something to hurt you. You’re just as wrong now as you were then. Do you realize if it wasn’t for Levi, I would have been hit by a car? He saved my life!”
“And he ruined mine!” Hearing Levi’s name fall from Josie’s lips caused Anders to break. “Did you know that? Do you have any idea what he did to me?”
“How would I? How would I know anything about your past when you never bothered to tell me?” That same hurt she felt when Levi had brought up his history with Anders resurfaced.
Her words stunned him into silence. In that moment his shoulders slumped. She was right. “So you’re telling me you have no idea who he is?”
“Oh, I do now. You know why? Because in the little time I’ve spent with Levi, he’s told me more than you did the entire time we were together. A perfect stranger thought he should be honest with me. Unlike you who pretended I meant something more when it was all a lie.” A tear rolled down the side of Josie’s face and she wiped it away in one swift motion, angry with herself for letting him see how much she still hurt.
Anders’ fists clenched at the accusation in her voice. “It wasn’t a lie. You did―you do―mean more.”
“Really? I mean more? Well, you sure have a fucked up way of showing it. I promise you, I’m not getting any pleasure out of all those women you’re sleeping with.”
“I haven’t fucked anyone. I haven’t laid a hand on another person since you. Everything I’ve done since I came back from Arizona has been for you.”
Josie scoffed. “How does being out with other women benefit me in any way?”
“Because to be with you would make it worse!” Anders’ voice shook and his hands trembled as he remembered the pictures of Josie being shoved around. “I saw those pictures of you being mobbed. I saw your face, your tears. If I’d done what I wanted, if I’d gone straight to you, it would have been ten times worse. The paps would have been relentless. So I did the only thing I could. I diverted the attention. Not that I expect you to believe me.”
“When have you given me a reason to?” she cried, her fingers twisting in her hair. “All I ever wanted was you to let me in, to show me you cared half as much for me as I did for you, but you couldn’t do that. You’re so fucked up. You think everyone is out to get you.”
“Don’t you understand? That’s exactly how I feel. Everyone I’ve let in has fucked me over. It’s not like you trust me either. You wouldn’t even entertain the idea that I didn’t fuck Aubrey. I don’t know why I thought this would be any different. Now on top of everything, Levi has fed you a bunch of lies.” Rage surged through him as he thought about Levi revealing that part of his life to Josie.
“Then tell me the truth! Tell me what happened. What made you so jaded that no matter what I did to prove you were all I wanted, it was never enough?” Her voice was pleading and broken.
Anders stood stoically as his heart pounded and his mind screamed to release the words trapped in his throat.
Josie let out a sharp exhale. “That’s what I thought.” Pinching her eyes shut, she steadied herself for a moment before meeting his gaze. “The truth is, I stopped Levi from telling me the whole story. I didn’t want to hear from him what you were never willing to. Other than his involvement landing him with a restraining order and restitution, I know nothing. Don’t worry, Anders. Your secret’s still safe from me.”
Anders’ face twisted with pain. “Ivy.”
The door behind him swung open and Madison stepped inside before slamming it. Her eyes darted between the two of them. “Are you okay?” she asked, stepping closer to Josie.
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.” Her eyes flicked to Anders. “Neither of you.” She ushered the two of them into Craig’s office and shut the door. “There are about six people lingering in the hall outside. Two people screaming at each other tends to draw attention.”
“Fuck,” Anders spat, lacing his fingers on top of his head.
“Here.” Madison opened her bag and tossed Anders a hat and blond wig.
“What am I supposed to do with this?”
“Put it on, dipshit. With the wig and hat you could be mistaken for a guy with long blond hair.” Madison didn’t need to spell it out. The idea of pretending to be Levi set Anders on fire.
“Stay away from him, Ivy.” His voice was low and rough as he stared at her. “If you’re telling the truth, you have no reason to see him again.”
“Are you insane? I don’t take orders from you. I’ll see whoever I want.” Even though Josie had no intention of hanging out with Levi again, she wouldn’t let Anders think he had that kind of control over her.
“That’s how it is?”
“It can’t be any other way. You made sure of that.”
“Ivy.”
“Just go. There’s nothing left to say.”
“But―”
“No,” she interrupted. “I can’t.” Lifting her eyes to his, she gave him a sad smile. “For your sake, I hope one day you’re able to let someone in, that you find someone you can trust, because your life is going to be sad and empty until you do.”
Anders’ shoulders slumped as he blew out a defeated breath. He’d done it again. He messed up everything. She deserved better. “I’m sorry.” He tossed the wig on the floor and pulled on the hat. No way would be pretend to be that bastard. He turned for the door when the sound of Josie’s voice caused him to freeze.
“For the record, I wish I could have been enough.”
Anders dropped his head and pulled in a shuddering breath. She had been enough. He’d just realized it too late. Without another word he left, ignoring the curious stares as he pushed open the door and exited the building. As he sat in his car trying to make sense of what had just happened, one thing became painfully clear. His life wasn’t going to be sad and empty. It already was.