Chapter Twenty-Two
Anders flexed his fingers around the steering wheel. Shifting in the seat of his rental car, he cursed the weather. He’d hoped to catch the next flight to LA, but every flight was delayed for hours. He couldn’t stand the thought of sitting in the airport, so he rented a car. He needed to be moving. The weather and the obstacles it created were enough to make Anders want to hit something. The addition of Nathan berating Anders did nothing to lessen those urges.
“I told you to keep your cool, Anders.” Nathan sighed in exasperation. “My phone has been ringing off the hook since your little stunt. Clarence has called a dozen times. Livestream, Anders. Everyone saw what you did.”
“I don’t give a fuck,” Anders spat, his jaw tight. “She fucked me, Nathan. She ruined everything. That bitch gave Josie’s name to the paps. I don’t owe her shit. And the studio has no reason to be upset. I kept the entire thing about me and Aubrey. I dare her to fucking challenge me. She has no idea how much worse I can make things for her.”
The line was silent for several seconds before Nathan spoke. “So this is about Josie?”
“Does it matter?”
“I’m just trying to understand. I’ll do whatever you want, but I have to ask. Are you…are you still hoping to make things work with her?”
Anders blew out a heavy breath and gripped the steering wheel tighter. “I want…I just need…” Anders wrestled to get the words out, but his head was too full of thoughts of Josie and what happened with Aubrey to be coherent. “I need you to fix this fucking mess and not worry about what I’m doing in my personal life.” Anders knew Nathan was only trying to help, but he had no idea what the fallout would be from his annihilation of Aubrey.
Remembering the shocked faces of the press and fans caused a smile to spread across his face. Mad as Clarence might be, Anders never mentioned the studio’s involvement. If anything, Clarence should thank him. The amount of attention he created would spike interest in their movie even more.
Nathan cleared his throat, the sound pulling Anders from his thoughts. “Don’t worry about anything. I’ll take care of it. And Anders, if this girl means as much to you as it seems, you better get your shit together.”
Anders knew what Nathan meant. He had to trust her, let her in. The idea of laying everything on the line still scared him, but he wasn’t going to back down again. “Are we done? Nathan? Hello?” Anders looked at the black screen of his phone and groaned. He’d left in such a hurry that he hadn’t thought of pulling his charger out of his bag before he threw it in the trunk. He turned up the radio and relaxed back in his seat. He had a tank full of gas and no intentions of stopping until he reached LA.
The rain fell in sheets. Thunder and lightning rumbled and lit the darkened sky. The slickened roads and low visibility had slowed traffic to a near crawl. His hope that the weather would clear once he was south of San Francisco vanished when an alert on the radio informed him the storms were moving in the same direction as him.
Resigned, he spent the next several hours alternating between fear and excitement. He didn’t know how Josie would react to him showing up, plus it would be late, close to midnight. He couldn’t wait another day to see her, though. He wanted to see her face, touch her skin, and hear her voice. If it pissed her off that he didn’t call first, then she could yell at him. He needed to see her tonight.
By the time he made it to her neighborhood, his hands were shaking. He turned onto a side street, flinching when he met blinding, flashing lights. Men wielding chainsaws braved the pouring rain as they worked to remove a large tree that had fallen into the street. There was no alternate route to her house. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel for a moment then blew out a gust of air.
“Fuck it.” He pulled the rental car to the curb and killed the engine. He made it this far and he’d be damned if a fallen tree was going to stop him now. Exiting the car, he took off in a jog, the heavy rain biting into his skin.
When he reached Josie’s street, his clothes were clinging to his body and his shoes were full of water. His entire body was taut with anxiety. Soft light filtered through her windows, and he hoped that meant she was awake. Pulling in several deep breaths, he climbed the porch steps and knocked.
He strained to hear any sign of movement. He pressed his ear to the door, stilling when the sound of the lock disengaging broke the silence. A breath later, the door swung open, and Josie stood before him. Everything he’d planned to say was forgotten the moment their eyes connected.
“Anders?” His name was no more than a whisper from her parted lips.
He couldn’t speak. The lump in his throat trapped the breath in his lungs. Instead, he catalogued every single part of her body. He scanned her face, her arms and legs, and then did it all over again.
“Anders. Are you okay?”
Without breaking their gaze, he crossed the threshold and slammed the door. His body trembled as he wrapped his arms around her, his fingers digging into her flesh. Dropping his face to her neck, he inhaled. Her familiar scent caused his chest to expand and his eyes to sting. Holding her again gave him a completeness he’d never experienced. She felt like home.
With his face pressed to her neck, he spoke, his voice muffled as his lips moved against her skin. “I know there are things that need to be said. Things I need to tell you. But can I just hold you for a minute? I’ve missed you so fucking much, Ivy.”
She nodded, and a broken sob left her body in a shuddering sigh. “Yeah. I’d like that.” Tears welled in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she weaved her fingers into his hair and held him tighter, closer. Cocooned in the sound of falling rain, they stood in an intimate embrace. Chest to chest, they could feel the thump of the other’s heart pounding. The pain of being apart for months began to melt.
Josie shivered and loosened her grasp. “You’re getting me wet,” she mumbled.
Reluctantly, Anders slid his hands from around her and laced their fingers. He moved back just enough so their clothes were no longer touching. His eyes drifted to her tank top and shorts. He bit back a groan when he noticed the thin material had become very see-through. “Don’t I always?” he joked, his eyes widening when he realized what he’d said.
Josie’s mouth fell open in shock. She wrenched her hands free and smacked his chest. “Oh my God,” she gasped, a smile forming on her lips before she burst into a fit of giggles. “Some things never change.” She clutched the front of his shirt, fresh tears brimming in her eyes. “Thank God.”
Anders barely had time to brace himself before Josie crashed into him. She twisted her hands in his shirt and kissed him so hard their teeth knocked together. Anders bent his knees and in one swift motion grabbed the backs of her thighs and hoisted her over his hips. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her fingers dug into his shoulders as he walked them to the closest wall. Josie’s back hit with a thud as he fell into her, pinning her body against the wall.
Their mouths moved frantically as they kissed, every inch of their bodies fighting to consume the other. “Fuck, Ivy.” Anders panted, his lips moving down the column of her throat. “I can’t…I never…I never thought I’d get to do this again.”
Josie moaned when his teeth scraped over her skin. She was on fire. “How―what are you…”
Anders rested his head against her neck while he tried to slow his racing heart. “I have a lot of things to tell you. And while kissing you is much more appealing, we need to talk.”
Josie nodded and loosened her grip. Easing her to the floor, Anders cupped her cheek, his thumb sliding across her skin. “I have missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
Intertwining their fingers, Anders tugged her toward the couch. “C’mere.”
“Wait. Let me get you some dry clothes. I think I have some of Holden’s things here.”
Anders looked at his soaking wet clothes and nodded. “Yeah. That would be great. I’ll be in the bathroom.”
Josie changed out of her wet shirt and grabbed a pair of basketball shorts and a T-shirt for Anders. She tapped on the bathroom door, pushing it open when Anders told her to come in.
“This isn’t helping with the whole ‘we should talk’ thing.” Josie smiled and handed Anders the clothes, trying to stop her eyes from lingering on his towel-covered lower half.
“Get out of here, pervert.”
Josie gasped, her hand flying to her chest. “I never.”
“Yes, you did. I know your secret.”
Josie’s smile faltered and Anders dropped his eyes. They both knew she wasn’t the one with secrets. “I’ll be out in a sec.”
“Okay.” Pulling the door shut, Josie walked into the living room and eased onto the couch. Her entire body vibrated with nerves and curiosity.
“Hey.” Anders sat beside her and grabbed her hand. “You okay?”
“I don’t know what I am. Confused? Happy? Scared? I’m kind of a mess right now.”
“I know the feeling.” Anders leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “I owe you an apology. I owe you a lot of apologies. I pretty much sabotaged us from the very beginning.”
Josie gave him a half-smile and shrugged. She wasn’t going to argue. She might not have been perfect, but Anders’ inability to trust her had doomed them from the start.
Anders let out a humorless chuckle at her nonverbal confirmation. She never did pull any punches. Pulling in a deep breath, he locked eyes with Josie. “Why didn’t you tell me about Aubrey?”
Josie stiffened but didn’t move away. There was no accusation in his voice, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t annoyed about having the ball thrown in her court when this was his show. She thought about how he must have left the conference early and come straight to her. How he held her so tight she could barely breathe and it still wasn’t tight enough. Now wasn’t the time to point fingers, and she didn’t want to either. If he was going to give, then she had to as well.
“I planned to when you got back. That’s why I sent you that text. I’m guessing you already know, though.”
“I don’t know everything, but I know enough. Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve believed you. You know that, right?”
“I know you would have.” Josie nodded, a small smile on her lips. “I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. I worried what you might do to Aubrey.”
Anders’ jaw slackened. “You were worried about Aubrey? Why the fuck would you care about her?”
“I don’t care about her, but I do care about you. I worried you’d do something drastic.”
“Ah.” Anders huffed out a laugh as his hand found his hair. “Well, your worry wasn’t unfounded.”
“What happened?” Josie watched him with wide eyes, a million scenarios running through her head.
“I’ll tell you. I promise. But will you tell me how you found out? What you know?”
“Levi. That’s how I found out. He told me everything.”
Anders’ teeth clamped together at the mention of Levi. “Why would he do that?”
Josie shrugged. “Guilt? A newly-developed conscience? At least that’s what he said. I haven’t given him much thought since I found out the truth. I was too busy thinking of all the ways I could murder Aubrey.”
“Considering she showed up at the convention, it’s obvious you didn’t go through with your plans, but you did talk to her. What happened?”
Josie recounted her confrontation with Aubrey, not leaving out a single detail. When she finished, Anders was stone still. He knew Aubrey was involved, but the realization that she was behind all of it was more than he expected. With his jaw clenched, Anders tried to breathe through the rage starting to boil in his veins.
“Anders?”
“Give me a second,” he said as he digested this new information.
“This is why I didn’t call you,” Josie mumbled. “You would have ended up in jail.” Pushing her foot against his, she tried to pull him from whatever dark place his mind had drifted to. “You’re too pretty for jail.”
Anders’ eyes snapped back to Josie. Her small grin and soft eyes caused his shoulders to drop as some of the tension left his body. “I am too pretty for jail.”
“You are.”
“You’re also right. I would have done something stupid. Much worse than what I did.”
“Of course I’m right. Wait, what did you do? How did you even find out?” Josie asked.
“Aubrey. She outed herself. I’m guessing she thought you already told me and just flipped out. I didn’t have all the details, but she said enough for me to piece it together.”
“Wow. I can’t believe someone so sneaky could be so stupid.”
Anders shook his head. “Knowing what I do now, I’m shocked too. But I’m glad she did.”
Josie eyed Anders. “What did you do?”
Anders straightened his shoulders, his expression blank, emotionless. “I returned the favor.”
Confusion pulled Josie’s brows together. “What?”
“I might have outed her in front of a lot of people.”
“Anders,” Josie exhaled. “You didn’t.”
Anders gave her a tired smile and leaned back against the sofa before recounting the events that had taken place at the convention.
“Everyone saw?”
He nodded. “Livestream made sure of that.”
“Do you think you’ll be in trouble?”
Anders swallowed and rubbed his hands over the tops of his thighs. “The only person I give a fuck about upsetting is you. Everyone else can go to hell.”
“Me? Why would I be upset?”
“Because I brought you up. Not by name, but it won’t be hard for people to put two and two together. You’ve been through so much because of me. Christ, you almost got hit by a car, and I never even asked if you were okay. I’m such an asshole.”
“You can be an asshole. And if I’m being honest, I am worried about what’s going to happen next. As you pointed out, I almost got hit by a car. Anders, that was terrifying. What’s worse is that you weren’t even around. Everything you worried about while we were dating was happening, and I had to go through it alone. Seeing you out partying while I felt trapped in my house? That hurt. It validated every fear I had about you. About us.
“I tried to tell myself it would get better, but you hurt me so much. And as much as I hated it, I missed you. I didn’t, and still don’t, understand so many things, like why you chose to date Aubrey for publicity when you didn’t need to, why you never told me about your history with her, or why you would never let me in. But what confuses me the most, what I can’t figure out no matter how hard I try, is why you keep coming back. Why won’t you just let me go?
“Every time I think we’re done, I turn around and there you are. What do you want from me? Because what you see is what you get. If that wasn’t enough before, it’s not going to be enough now.”
Anders slid his hands over her bare thighs, his fingers wrapping around her skin and anchoring her to him. His eyes were the softest Josie had ever seen. “You said to me once that you hoped I’d be able to find someone I could let in. Someone I could trust.” He shook his head and leaned forward, raising one hand to cup the back of her neck while the other cradled her jaw. “I don’t need to look for someone. I’ve already found her. I just want you, Ivy. You’re so much more than enough. You’re everything.”
“Anders.” Her lips trembled as she clutched his wrists. “Don’t say things you don’t mean. Please don’t break my heart. Not again.”
“I don’t want to break your heart, baby. I want to fix us. Will you let me explain why I acted the way I did? It’s not an excuse, but I’m asking for your understanding. I’m asking for a chance. When I’m done, if you want me to go, I’ll go. I’ll leave you alone.”
Anders clenched his jaw and tightened his grip as his eyes drifted to the floor. He pressed his lips into a thin line and shook his head as the thought of walking away from her settled in his chest. “You know what? Fuck that. I won’t walk away. I’ll fight. I won’t let you give up on me, on us. I need you to understand. I need you to forgive me. Because being without you has been the worst experience of my life. I’m not going to feel that way ever again, not without a fight.”
“What are you saying?”
“I want to tell you everything. I want you to know me. All of me. I want you in every part of my life.”
Fat, salty tears rolled down Josie’s cheeks as relief washed over her. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted from you.”
Anders pulled in a cleansing breath, his legs bouncing with nervous energy. He felt exposed and raw and he’d yet to utter a word. Focusing his eyes on his hands, he began to speak. “I wasn’t always like this. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never been the nicest guy in the world, but the guy you know, he used to be okay. Sort of.”
“Way to talk yourself up. You’re great at selling yourself.”
Anders narrowed his eyes, but Josie’s over-the-top innocent expression caused his lips to twitch. “Shut up.” He chuckled. “I suck at this shit, okay?”
“No arguments here.”
“God, you’re such a smart-ass.” Anders rolled his eyes but couldn’t help feeling relieved at her attempt to make him more comfortable.
“I had a pretty normal childhood. My parents did the best they could, I guess. We weren’t wealthy, but I think we did okay. The neighborhood I grew up in didn’t have a lot of kids. It was mainly older couples whose kids had already moved away. All except one.
“I remember the first time I saw her. She was this scrawny thing with long dark hair tangled in knots and legs covered in bruises. She introduced herself as Eva and said I was going to be her friend or else.” Anders shook his head at the memory, wondering what had happened to that girl.
“Of course, I told her I didn’t hang out with girls and to get away from me. There might not have been other kids in the neighborhood, but no way was I going to play with a girl. When I got home later that afternoon, there she was. Her parents went to school with mine, and they’d just moved back from a mission trip. My mom scolded me and said she’d taught me better than to be disrespectful to a girl, which is a fucking lie, but whatever. Anyway, Eva refused to go away, and over time we became friends. She became my best friend.” Anders peeked at Josie and found her expression etched with concern.
“All through middle school we were inseparable. Then one day I noticed the color of her eyes. I noticed how her face had slimmed and her body had changed. I didn’t see her as the same annoying brat I met all those years ago. It was our freshman year of high school when I kissed her. Nothing spectacular, just the fumbling attempts of a teenage boy. The transition from friend to girlfriend just happened. It felt so natural. She was my first everything.”
Raking a hand through his hair, Anders sighed and closed his eyes. It hurt him to remember those days when they were young, stupid kids who thought they were invincible.
“Our junior year of high school, everything changed. Her dad decided to take another mission trip. Egypt. She was moving to Egypt. She begged her parents to let her stay with my family, but they wouldn’t budge. A few weeks later, she left. I’d never felt so lost and alone in my life.” Anders’ eyes caught Josie’s, his expression so open, so soft. “At least at the time.” His meaning was clear and Josie’s eyes stung as she nodded in understanding.
“We kept in touch for a while, but like most things, life got in the way. My mom worried I was moping too much, so her solution was for me to audition for a local commercial. It surprised us both when I got the part. That was sort of the beginning of the end, if that makes sense. Everything I thought I wanted to do with my life was out the window. I loved acting. I loved the camera and the atmosphere. Over time I forgot about what I had lost and instead focused on what I’d found. My parents supported my decision not to go to college when I graduated. I’m sure that had something to do with the extra money I was bringing in and the money they wouldn’t have to fork out for college, but at the time I was blind to all that.
“I started getting more and more parts. First commercials, then TV shows and small indie movie roles. That’s when I met Nathan. He’d taken an interest in me, and my parents were more than happy to sign him as my agent. It meant more exposure, which translated to more money. I moved out on my own, got a shitty studio apartment in West Hollywood, and thought it was the big time. But no matter how much I worked, no matter how many jobs I had, I never seemed to make ends meet. I finally went to Nathan because nothing added up. After a little digging, we found out why. My parents were skimming. Well, skimming is putting it mildly. They were draining my account. Taking every penny they could. I couldn’t believe it. They were my parents, and they were stealing from me? I didn’t want to believe it, but it was all right there, every withdrawal, every purchase, every vacation.
“I confronted them. They couldn’t deny it. They didn’t even try to explain themselves, so I cut them off. I closed any account with their name on it and changed my phone number. I was done with them. Nathan helped. He supported my decision. He was more of a parent to me than my own had been in years. It helped, but I was alone all over again.
“When I was twenty-one, I met Owen.” Anders chuckled at the memory and shook his head. “He was just as fucking crazy then as he is now. We became friends immediately. He didn’t want anything from me. He had his own money. I trusted him. He was genuine. About a year later, I got my break. I scored the lead role in a movie that no one thought would amount to anything, but it surprised everyone. Suddenly I was relevant. Everywhere I went, people surrounded me. They all wanted to be my friend, but it felt so fake and manufactured. I’d never been surrounded by so many people and still felt so alone.
“That’s when things changed again. My parents begged for my forgiveness. They wanted to be a part of my life and promised they didn’t want anything. They said they missed me. I was skeptical. I didn’t trust them. Then one day after filming, I came home and my world was turned upside down.
“Sitting in front of my door with a small bag was Eva. Even though I hadn’t seen her face in six years, I would have recognized her anywhere. It was surreal. She was an untainted connection to my past that filled a hole I didn’t even realize existed. She told me she was modeling. A struggling model, but a model nonetheless. I understood. I’d been there. When she said she missed me, that she’d thought about me all the time, I didn’t hesitate to pick up where we left off. She asked if I could help get her foot in the door with some modeling agencies and I agreed without question. Owen hated her. I thought it was because I stopped going out with him. I never considered it was because he saw something I didn’t. It was one of my many mistakes back then.
“She moved in with me. Then one day I came home and found her with this guy. She told me his name was Nicholas and he was her friend from Egypt, that he’d come with her to America and they were just friends. Alarm bells went off in my head. I felt on edge, like something wasn’t right. But then he spoke and he was so feminine. He asked me if I could hook him up with Owen. I remember laughing in his face, part incredulity but mostly relief. We became friends and the three of us did everything together. Our lives seemed perfect.
“Eva begged me to talk to my parents. I should have said no, but my relationship with her had softened my anger toward them. When she suggested we all have dinner, I agreed. It was awkward at first, but over time we began to rebuild our relationship. They seemed different, sincere. They never asked for anything. When Eva suggested I buy them a new car, I didn’t hesitate. When she thought sending them on a romantic vacation was a good idea, I agreed. I even bought them a new house. I was such a fucking fool.
“I’d just bought a house for myself when my latest movie hit the promotion stage. That’s when everything began to spiral out of control. We had no privacy, no freedom. People followed us everywhere. Eva seemed unphased. Actually, she seemed to enjoy the attention, but I hated it. I tried not to feel bitter, though. It was better than not having anyone care about the movie at all, right? That was until Levi came into the picture. He was everywhere. It was like he had nothing better to do but follow me and Eva around. We had words more than a few times, but there wasn’t anything I could do, ya know? He wasn’t breaking any laws, just my balls.
“When I left LA for my interviews, it was a relief. I wanted to get away from the hassle of the paps. I thought once I left, they’d leave Eva alone. I was wrong. Levi became obsessed with her, with us. He followed her everywhere. Then one day I got a call from Nathan. He told me things were about to get ugly. In all the scenarios I had imagined, I never in a million years thought that it would be what actually happened.” Anders chuckled, the sound humorless and hollow.
“Turned out Nicholas wasn’t so gay after all. As a matter of fact, he was so not gay that he was fucking my girlfriend, and Levi had gotten pictures of them together. They’d played me. My girlfriend―my best friend―and the guy I’d thought was my friend too. He was never my friend. He was an opportunistic asshole who let the woman he claimed to love fuck me night after night so he could reap the benefits.”
“Anders,” Josie choked, her throat tight. “I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, I’m not done yet,” he interrupted, his words bitter and angry. “It gets better. When I confronted her, I found out she didn’t act alone. My parents, they were in some financial trouble. They met up with her when she moved back and told her how I’d cut them off, how I’d changed. They told her if she promised to repair our relationship, they’d tell her how to find me. They all played me, Josie. Everyone I’d ever loved fucked me over without batting an eye. You’d think surely that’s the worst of it. It can’t get any worse.” Anders scoffed. “It gets so much fucking worse.”
“I’d given her access to my accounts, and just like my parents, she’d taken everything she could get her hands on. When I caught on, that’s when things got nasty.”
“How could they have gotten any worse?”
“Because in my anger, I went after everyone. Eva, Nicholas, my parents, Levi. Everyone. You already know what happened when I took Levi to court. What you don’t know is what happened after. The media painted Eva as a whore and ruined her reputation, as it should have been. She had no money, no place to live, and without my cash flow, Nicholas had no use for her. She was alone. What I didn’t account for, what I never in a million years anticipated, was her and Levi joining forces.”
“No.”
“Yes. I’d fucked with his career. His livelihood. After I won my lawsuit, no one would touch him. Eva found him and they devised a plan. An alternate story, if you will. One where I was the bad guy. Suddenly I wasn’t the guy fucked over. I was a cheating, abusive asshole who manipulated the entire situation because I’d knocked up my girlfriend and didn’t want it to cramp my style. She told the media I set everything up and that when I found out she was pregnant, I beat her until she lost the baby and then concocted a story about her sleeping with her gay best friend. The media crucified me. People egged my house, posted signs in my yard calling me a murderer. I couldn’t walk in public without fear of some nut job shoving a blade in my back. But I’m sure you already knew about that part.”
Josie’s eyes widened. “I do remember hearing about that when I moved here. I was busy with school, though, and didn’t pay it much attention.”
Anders nodded in understanding. “After some digging, Nathan proved it was all lies. He cleared my name, but at that point I was already done. I didn’t want to waste another second on Eva, and there was nothing left to take from Levi. I decided then I’d never fucking trust another person as long as I lived. I’d treat the world as it had treated me. It worked for a long time. Until I met you. You fucking changed everything, and I hated you for it, but I couldn’t leave you alone. I couldn’t let you go, and I hated myself for that. Then one day you were gone, and I realized I didn’t know shit about pain. Losing Eva, my parents, my reputation, none of that shit came close to what I felt when you left. You made me see life through eyes that weren’t bitter and hateful. You made me want more, and you showed me what it feels like to really love someone. I’d rather relive my past a million times than go through another day without you. Because living without you, that’s real pain.”
Josie crawled over Anders’ thighs and straddled his hips. Pulling his hand between hers, she kissed him. “They never deserved you. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. I’d never hurt you like that, Anders. I’m not that person. Thank you for trusting me. But, and please don’t think I’m being insensitive or hurtful, where does that leave us? What do you expect me to be for you?”
“Everything,” he answered, his face open and earnest.
“I don’t know what that means. Are you saying you want a real relationship with me? You want to let the world know we’re together and not hide anymore?”
“Yes. I want all of that. I want any of that. I just want you. I don’t give a fuck about the rest of the world. I don’t give a fuck about anyone or anything except you.”
Josie shook her head and dropped her gaze. She stared at the white cotton covering Anders’ chest with an unreadable expression on her face. Anders’ hands tightened around her hips, his throat and heart constricting.
“Ivy,” he rasped, his fingers flexing into her sides.
“I can’t…I can’t give you that. Not all at once.”
Anders’ stomach turned and his chest heaved. “Ivy, please. I know I fucked up. I know I did. But please...don’t give up on me. Please don’t take this away from me. I know that sounds selfish. I know I have no right to ask for things I don’t deserve, but I’m begging you. The way I feel about you is like nothing I’ve ever felt. Not for anyone. It scares the shit out of me, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Let me feel it for a little longer. Please.”
“Anders,” Josie choked. “I don’t want to take that away, you stupid man. You have no idea how it makes me feel to hear you say these things, to know you want me like I want you. I’m just not ready to put our relationship out there. I’m not ready for the world to come crashing into my life. I want to try with you, but I want to do it without an audience. I want privacy while I get to know the real you. Warts and all.”
Anders pulled her closer until their hips met. With his cheek resting against hers, he let his eyes fall shut as his shoulders sagged with relief. “I don’t have any warts,” he mumbled, his nose grazing the side of hers.
“Oh, I don’t know, every prince has his warts.”
“You think I’m a prince?”
“Well.” Josie grinned, her hands slipping under the hem of Anders’ shirt. “Only after the princess kissed you and changed you from a fly-eating frog.”
“And I suppose you’re the princess?” Anders chuckled.
“I damn well better be.”
“If you’re the princess, that means I get to kiss you.”
Josie hummed and leaned forward until their lips grazed. “Only if you’re worthy.”
Anders pulled back, the serious expression on his face caused Josie to frown. “I’m not worthy. I’m an asshole. I’m a frog. But Josie, for you, I want to be more. Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.”
“Whatever I want?” Josie asked, her brow lifting with curiosity.
Anders rolled his eyes. “Don’t get crazy. I know better than to agree to that. And don’t think just because I’m begging for your forgiveness and another chance that I’m going to act like a pussy and let you walk all over me. I’m still a man.”
“I’d be disappointed if you did.” Josie laughed, clutching the front of his shirt. “Never stop fighting with me. Never stop being you. It’s the part I love most. Now take me to bed because I’ve fucking missed you, asshole.”
Anders groaned and wrapped his arms around her back. Burying his face against her shoulder, he planted his feet and stood with her in his arms. Josie’s legs wrapped around his waist and her arms tightened around his neck.
“I’ve never been so happy to be called an asshole in my life.”
“‘Take me to bed or lose me forever,’” she sang, a cheeky smile on her face.
“Did you just quote Top Gun?”
“I did.”
“You’re fucking perfect, you know that?” A smile lit Anders’ face, not because of the cheesy line she quoted but because she got him. She was the perfect girl for him, and he had no intention of letting her go.
“That’s the rumor,” she whispered, touching her lips to his.
Anders rocked his hips. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”
Josie ducked her head and kissed the side of his neck. “Show me,” she mumbled, her lips pulling across his skin.
Without a word, Anders turned and walked toward her bedroom. He clutched her body against his as she breathed soft kisses along his neck. Hot breath touched his ear as her hands threaded into his hair, anchoring them together.
Lips pressed against his heated skin as he lowered her onto the bed. His hands skimmed her waist, traveling over her hips, stomach, and breasts as he sought purchase of her mouth. “Kiss me, Ivy. I want to feel your lips.”
Josie jerked, her entire body constricting from the emotions welling inside her. Without hesitation, their lips connected. Flesh to flesh, tongue to tongue, they reconnected. Each stroke was a promise, an apology. Every touch a vow of what could be and what they promised to leave behind.
Hands drifted and clothes disappeared as they peeled back the layers obstructing them, both literally and metaphorically. Each shred of fabric removed an emotional barrier between them until eventually both were bare, unarmored and at the mercy of the other.
Anders crawled on the bed, hovering above Josie. “Please don’t break my heart.”
Josie tightened her grasp on his shoulder blades. With tears in her eyes, she pulled him flush against her. “I would never.”
Anders flexed his hips and slid inside her. Harsh breaths and low whimpers echoed around the room as he made love to her for the first time. It was love and lust, apologies and acceptance. It was the past and possibilities coming together. It was hope for more. More of everything.
Anders squeezed his eyes shut as he gave every part of himself to Josie. He loved her. Oh, how he loved her. He didn’t understand how it had happened or where it would lead, but she’d changed everything in the most frightening and amazing way.
When her body started to shake and her nails bit into his skin, Anders swore under his breath. His muscles trembled and sweat dripped from his hair as he opened his eyes to see her face.
“Josie,” he pleaded.
“Almost.”
“Look at me.”
She opened her eyes, her breath leaving her lungs in a choked exhale when their eyes locked. Anders lowered his head until his mouth covered hers. Sliding his hands under her back, he hugged her to his chest while she fell apart in his arms. The tendons in his neck bunched and his muscles strained as his orgasm ripped through him, each pulse bringing a feeling of euphoria. Emotionally and physically spent, he collapsed on top of her. Soft touches and whispered promises carried them into the night until they both drifted to sleep wrapped in each other’s arms.