CHAPTER TEN
HOPE
I begin to notice a cycle start to form around me.
The same cycle that happens every day, every hour. I have no idea how long I have been here. I have no concept of time except the fear of more food being forced down my throat. Mark comes in with his friend and I stand my ground when he expects me to eat or drink from the floor.
I can’t do it.
I’m not doing that to myself again.
I won’t do it and belittle myself so much.
I’m worth more than this.
Everyone is and I’m a Bryant, I’m stronger than they think I am. I try to believe every word that enters my consciousness, but visions of Mark’s hard cold eyes try to pull me under the depths of my own madness. I pull and scratch at the collar around my neck, the heaviness of it weighing me down with the new life it represents. I scratch at my skin because maybe, just maybe, if I have marks then hopefully they won’t want me anymore. Mark comes and goes, a bowl of bread and water in his hands and when I refuse to eat like the dog they want me to be, they try to suffocate me until I open my mouth and they can force the bread in my mouth and get me to swallow it. Sickness and the cold and blackness are all I’m aware of. I’m still naked, every time Mark comes in he can see me, all of me and I hate it. I want to scratch his eyes out, so he’ll never be able to see me again. His laughter as he looks at me sends new shivers of dread down my spine. The only way I have been able to have a little more drink is when Mark comes in and tries to force me. After he’s forced a mouth full of bread down my throat he does the same with a bottle of water. When he’s satisfied he takes a drink in front of me and then pours the rest on the ground in front of me before he’s gone again. I manage to judge where the puddles are after the blackness cloaks me again and I manage to lap up some liquid from the floor. I can’t believe I’m doing it, but Mark can’t see me. As much as I hate myself for doing it, it does nothing for the thirst that keeps building inside me, the hunger that joins it, but I will not do what they say, at least not where he can see me.
I will not.
I will not but I have to try and survive this, so I can make it back home.
I would rather die than do what Mark wants and I can only hope that my family won’t let it get that far.
Please find me. Those words become the damn mantra of my life as I just sit and wait for whatever is going to happen next. I’ve never been so cold, so hungry and thirsty, a new sense of pain claims me as each hurt intensifies tenfold.
I hear the creak of the door and before it starts to open I crawl to the corner so I’m further away from him. I keep my head down, shielded by my arms as I hear his footsteps get closer to my corner.
“A new lesson today.”
I feel his breath rain down his disgust, but I don’t look up, I won’t give him the satisfaction.
“What every dog should know. How to please her master.”
“I am not a dog.” I say, making sure to keep my head up and look him in his eyes.
“I’m no dog.”
I say again and this time he just gives me a sinister look and I look on in slow motion as his hand moves back and then swings back colliding with my cheek and eye. He retreats backwards, and my eye feels like it’s going to pop right out of my skull. I look at him with so much shock that he only laughs back at me. That laugh again, and I wish I could knock it out of him. With that a hand grabs my short hair and forces my head up. Mark isn’t as close now as I thought he was but that doesn’t seem to matter because the hand pulls me up on to my knees and forces me forward on all fours until I reach him. I kneel at Mark’s feet, the hand keeping my head up, so I have to look at his face like the good dog I am meant to be. I can only laugh, this is what he wants me to be so why is he looking so disappointed. I’m suddenly rendered speechless when he starts to take off his pants. I keep my mouth closed.
I can’t let him take me like this. I thrash around the hold that has me held in place and I can feel Mark’s warm breath against my neck as he leans closer. I manage to move my face away from him, but he quickly takes my chin and forces me back, so I have to look at him again.
“It’s a very good game you’re playing, my love.” He looks at the man behind me.
“But we all know you really want my cock.” I shake my head, I won’t let him do this to me, I won’t. The thought of him inside my mouth is a repulsion that won’t go away.
“Yes, you do.” He stops for a moment.
“Shall I tell you why?”
I shake my head, I don’t want to hear another word that comes out of his sick mouth. I don’t want to be anywhere near him and before I can stop myself I attempt to reach forward so I can attack him with my nails. Take away those evil eyes that have tricked me for too many years, taken me away from my family, my life. If I can no longer be happy, if I have to live a life in this type of pain then why can’t he? He deserves to suffer for what he’s put me through. I hate him, I really hate him at that moment and to think I once loved him. I want to laugh at the mere thought of it. Love. It sounds so stupid now.
“Because you’re a dog. A pet. My pet and all good pets want to please their masters.”
“I’m no dog and I’m no pet.”
“But you are and right now you’re my pet. Right now I’m your master and pets do what their masters want. So if I say suck my cock you fucking do it.”
“You put that inside my mouth then I’ll use my teeth.”
“You think you’re so fucking clever. Try it and see what happens. See what will happen to you after.”
He slaps me again on the same cheek, my eye is ready to explode as my lids puff into balloons.
“Just remember my love that I can control where you go from here and maybe if you carry on like the little bitch you are at the moment I’ll sell you to someone who will make me look like a saint.”