Chapter 21
“Elizabeth! Wait up.”
I turned to find Calvin racing toward me. When he reached my side, he held up a set of keys with a smile. “Need a ride back to the lodge?”
My shoulders deflated with the huge breath I released. “Yes, please.”
He smiled and jerked his head toward the parking lot. “Let’s go.”
We were quiet as Calvin directed us through the maze of cars with a light hand on my back. My phone buzzed in my clutch, but I ignored it. It was probably Abraham and I couldn’t deal with him right now.
We finally reached a black SUV and Calvin raced ahead to open the passenger door for me. I thanked him as I carefully pulled myself into the big vehicle. When we were settled, he started it up and maneuvered us out of the packed parking lot and onto the highway.
“So,” he said.
I sighed. “So.”
“What happened back there?”
“I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“Aw, come on. I rescued you. Don’t you think I deserve some explanation for having to leave the concert early?”
My chest constricted with guilt. “You didn’t have to leave early to take me back, Calvin. I just needed some air.”
He shrugged. “Nah, you looked like you needed to get away.”
Honestly, he wasn’t wrong.
“So, did you have a fight with Abraham?” he asked, his voice light like we were discussing the weather.
“Kind of,” I admitted.
He nodded. “Are his alpha duties getting in between you two?”
I sighed. “Kind of,” I repeated.
He nodded again, fingers tapping against the steering wheel to the low music coming from the radio. “You know, that’s kind of what you signed up for, right?”
“I didn’t really sign up for anything.”
He tilted his head to the side. “I guess that’s true.”
We were silent for a while before the words bubbled up and spilled out of me.
“I’m just so sick of feeling like I’m always on the defensive. Like if I don’t watch myself and check around every corner, there’ll be someone there to stab me in the back.”
He hummed quietly. “So, you’re feeling defensive.”
“I have to be,” I practically yelled. “There’s always someone gunning for my position.”
“You mean with Abraham.”
“Yeah, mostly.” But it was also true at work. No matter where I was, I couldn’t relax because I had people hoping and waiting for me to fail.
“So, I’m guessing Peyton got to you tonight.”
I laughed humorlessly. “Yeah, you could say that.”
He was quiet for a while before he spoke again, and I almost wished he hadn’t. “You know it’s always gonna be like this. He’s always gonna have to put the pack first. That won’t change no matter how important you are to him.”
And that, right there, was the basis of all my deepest fears. That nothing would change. That I’d always be fighting for my spot next to him. And at this point, I wasn’t sure I was up for the challenge.
We spent the rest of the ride in silence. Which was good because I was done talking. I felt like I’d already said too much, been told too much, and had too much to deal with as it was.
Calvin pulled to a stop by the garage doors and I unbuckled my seat belt.
“Thanks for the ride.”
He smiled, the chip in his tooth on display. “Anytime, Elizabeth. I’m glad I could be there for you.”
He seemed a little too happy for someone who’d had their night cut short, but I was too tired to question it. I was just thankful to be away from Peyton and Abraham. If I had to watch her touch him with her slimy hands one more time, I would have lost it in there. I know I would have.
My phone vibrated again for the fifth time since we’d left the venue and just like all the other times, I ignored it.
I opened the door and slid from the seat before turning back around to Calvin. “Thanks again.”
His smile lit up his whole face. “No problem.”
I gave him a half-hearted smile of my own before closing his door and making my way toward the lodge. Trudging up the stairs on autopilot, I walked right past my old bedroom door and straight to Abraham’s. Once inside, I realized my mistake.
I didn’t want to be in his room right now. Didn’t want to smell his addicting scent everywhere, didn’t want to be in here when he came home.
I could feel that altercation brewing like a storm in the distance and I was already tired.
“Charlie,” I cooed. “Where are you, Bubba?”
My black and brown tabby peeked his head out of one of the hidey holes in his cat tree, his green eyes reflecting the light.
“There you are! Are you likin’ your new place?” I asked as I walked over to scratch his head.
He purred loudly, and I picked him up, cradling him against my chest. I buried my nose in his soft fur and took deep calming breaths. Charlie had been a constant source of comfort for me. A friend when I had none, a companion when I’d been so alone.
Like now.
I looked around Abraham’s bedroom and my heart ached at his absence. Right now, the argument at the concert venue seemed so silly. Why hadn’t I let him explain? Why had I run when I should have stayed and fought?
I sighed and walked toward his bedroom door, ready to be out of his space and in my own for a little while. Not that my temporary bedroom really felt like my space, but it was the closest I’d get out here and I was desperately craving it.
When we’d made it to the bedroom door, Charlie began to squirm in my arms. I reluctantly set him down and he made a beeline for his cat castle.
“Charlie, don’t you want to come with me?” I asked him as he climbed to the top of the structure and sat there staring at me. I held out my arms, but he just blinked his big eyes. “Fine. Stay here,” I told him, the petulance clear in my voice.
I left Abraham’s room and stomped next door to mine, Charlie’s betrayal still stinging.
My phone buzzed again, and I removed it from my pocket to find a text message from Abraham.
Sexiest Man Alive: I’m on my way home. Don’t go anywhere.
Well, shit. That was ominous.
Deciding to ignore this text like the rest of them, I quickly stripped out of the ridiculous dress Evey had stuffed me into. Once I’d scrubbed the makeup off my face, I stepped into the shower and took my time, hoping the hot water would somehow wash away all the mistakes I’d made tonight.
I finished up in the shower and dressed in my comfiest pair of sweatpants and a tank top. Just as I was towel-drying my hair, I heard the door downstairs slam open and someone stomp in.
I gulped as I listened to the angry steps ascend the stairs and walk right past the room I was in. Another two doors slammed open one right after the other before I heard a low growl. The heavy steps stormed out of the room next door and my door whipped open to reveal a very angry and surprisingly out of breath Abraham.
“What the fuck, El?” he asked.
Suddenly the tiredness I’d felt to my bones transformed into irritation. I hopped off the bed and stood to face him. “I could say the same to you.”
He took a deep breath. “Why did you leave? Why did you run off again? I thought we talked about you not doing that anymore.”
We had.
And I hadn’t meant to run off.
All I’d wanted was some fresh air, but when Calvin presented me with the opportunity to escape, I’d gladly taken it.
“Calvin offered to drive me home. I wasn’t alone.”
He shook his head. “Why did you leave? I thought things were fine.”
I stood up straighter and placed my fisted hands on my hips. “I saw you with her, Abraham. You were holding her. Did you think I wouldn’t see? That you could get away with it in a crowd like that?”
Did I even mean the words I was saying?
“What are you talking about? Saw me with who?”
“Peyton, obviously!”
He sighed and ran a hand down his face. “I thought we talked about this.”
“We did! And I told you I don’t like her. That I don’t want her near you, that I don’t want her hands on you, and that I sure as shit don’t want your hands on her!”
“What are you talking about?” he repeated. “When were my hands on her?”
“Really, Abraham? What, you just touch so many girls you’re losing track of them now?”
I didn’t even know if my words were making any sense at this point. The anger was building and building in my system and my body was shaking with its force.
I looked up to find Abraham with a stricken look on his face. He looked like I’d hit him, and my chest constricted with guilt.
“El, Peyton was just asking me for a reference since she has to look for a new job. It was nothing.”
“Did she have to hug you to ask you?”
He let out a deep breath. “She wasn’t hugging me, El.”
I ignored him. “And did you have to hold her to listen?”
He sighed again. “I wasn’t holding her.”
“Then why were you embracing!” I yelled. It seemed the more defeated he became, the angrier it made me. I wanted him to fight with me. To yell and scream and feel as out of control as I did.
He took a step closer, and I stumbled backward. The devastation on his face was almost my undoing. “El, we’re werewolves. Haven’t you noticed we touch a lot?”
Now that he mentioned it, I had. It seemed like he always had his hands or lips on me. And even his sisters usually had an arm around my shoulders or their elbow linked with mine.
But, still.
“It’s different with her, Abraham. She’s all over you because she wants you, not because she’s a werewolf and she can’t help her roaming hands. I don’t like it and I’ve told you this repeatedly. Instead of honoring my wishes, you continue to let her touch you like that.”
He stood there staring at me for a long time, his blue eyes full of so many emotions I couldn’t name them all. Finally, he sighed and ran a hand through his thick, dark hair.
“I don’t know what to tell you, El. I’m sorry you saw something that hurt you like this, but it was innocent. I don’t want Peyton. Nothing has happened between us and nothing ever will. Why can’t you believe that?”
And that was the crux of it, wasn’t it?
Why couldn’t I believe him? Trust him. Why couldn’t I accept what he was telling me? Why did I have to keep accusing him? Pushing him away from me?
I wanted to hear him. To let his words soothe the ache deep inside me. To step into his arms and let him hold me until this stupid night faded into the distance.
But, it felt like I’d already gone too far. That there were too many bad feelings between us to be erased by a simple hug.
I needed space. I needed time to think.
Away from him.
“I don’t know, Abraham. I just get a bad feeling whenever she’s around you. It feels like I always have to watch my back because she’s waiting for me to slip up, so you can be hers. I don’t like feeling like that. I don’t want to have to fight for your affection.”
He took a big step closer to me. “There’s no competition, El. You’re it for me. No one else even comes close.”
His words were like a bandage on a broken bone. It felt good for now, but it wouldn’t solve the problem. I didn’t know what could at this point.
I sighed and shook my head. “I need some time.”
He gulped loudly. “What do you mean you need some time?”
I looked away from him. “I need some space to think. Away from you.” The words burned on their way out, but I left them there.
He was quiet for so long, but I couldn’t bring myself to look in his eyes again. “Away from me? So, you’re leaving?”
I sighed again. “Just give me a night, Abraham. We can talk in the morning.”
He was so quiet and still, but I could feel the tension radiating off his body from where I stood. He wasn’t happy, and I couldn’t blame him.
“So, what? You’re gonna sleep in here tonight? You think that’ll fix things?”
I shrugged. “I just need some breathing room.” I instantly regretted the words.
“From me? You need breathing room from me?”
“Abraham, please.”
His voice was rough when he finally spoke again. “Fine. Goodnight, Elizabeth.”
I stood there staring at the ground as he spun around and left the room, closing the door softly behind him.
I almost wish he would have slammed it.
I walked back over to the bed on shaky legs and crawled under the covers. The lights were still on, but I couldn’t be bothered to turn them off.
I felt awful. Like I’d just spent a month away from Abraham. My chest hurt, my heart thumped pitifully, and my stomach churned as I went over the details of the night.
I might have overreacted.
I could admit now that I should have given Abraham the benefit of the doubt and let him explain himself.
The real problem here was Peyton.
If it had been anyone else, things wouldn’t have gone like this. Even if it had been another woman I’d found him holding, I wouldn’t have reacted like I had.
And had he really been holding her?
Looking back, I had to admit, that all I’d seen was him touching her arm. He could have just been bringing her closer, so he could be heard over the noisy room. It might not have been as bad as I’d made it out to be.
I rolled over in the fluffy bed with a huff.
Tonight, had been a mess, and it all boiled down to me. I could barely control myself and what little restraint I had always sailed right out the window the second I saw Peyton.
What was it about her that got to me so badly? Although my past boyfriends had been few and far between, I couldn’t ever remember acting so jealous. So possessive and crazy.
Was it because it was Peyton? Someone I knew was gunning for my spot next to Abraham. Someone who had known him for far longer than I have. Someone with a past with him I’d never be able to touch.
Or was it Abraham that was making me crazy? I’d never felt this strongly about another person before in my life. It was like I couldn’t breathe when he wasn’t around. Like he was my oxygen. Like I needed him to survive.
Maybe it was a mixture of the two. My deep dislike for someone who wanted to be in my position and my deeper feelings for a man I couldn’t live without.
What was I doing?
I had so little time with Abraham, and here I was, sulking in a separate bedroom.
Why was I pushing him away?
Why was I trying to ruin the first real and good thing in my life?
I didn’t know the answer to any of those questions, but after the past couple of hours of tossing and turning, I knew I needed to fix it.