Chapter 27
I brought Charlie with me up to the roof with the hope that holding his warm, furry body would settle my rattled nerves. We walked silently as we ascended the staircase leading to the roof and took seats on the outdoor furniture. I tried to sit on a single chair, but Abraham took my hand and led me to the plush sofa. He pulled me down next to him and wrapped his arm around my shoulders once we were settled.
I took a deep breath. “I don’t even know how to tell you this,” I admitted.
Abraham squeezed my shoulder. “Just start at the beginning. I’ll listen to anything you want to say.”
I let out a gust of air and stroked Charlie’s back. This was much harder than when I’d had to retell the story in court. Then, I wasn’t concerned with what the lawyers and judge thought of me. I was rebellious and angry and nothing anyone said could penetrate that.
Here, though, I felt vulnerable. Like I’d be opening up a part of me to Abraham that I hadn’t ever shown anybody before. I didn’t know what would happen when I revealed that piece of me. I could only hope he’s still holding me like this when I’m done.
“I was fourteen,” I began softly. “I was dating this guy Tyler, and he talked me into breaking into this old abandoned house. It was in our neighborhood and we’d never seen anyone come or go from there before, so we thought it was empty.
“He picked the lock on the back door to let us in. The first thing we did was knock over any breakables we could find. Nothing was too big or too small to escape our destruction. Finally, we made our way to a living room and Tyler convinced me to make out. When things got heavy, I told him we had to stop. That I didn’t want to go that far with him yet. It made him so angry.”
I took another deep breath. “There was a huge china cabinet in that room. Tyler ripped it from the wall and it crashed to the floor making this God-awful noise. I’d never heard anything so loud. He just stood there, a wild glint to his eyes I’d never seen before. I watched him surveying the room for something else to break when we first heard him.”
“Heard who?” Abraham asked quietly.
“The old man who lived there,” I whispered. “He must have been upstairs asleep and got woken up by all the noise we made.”
I wiped my sweaty palm on my jeans and absentmindedly scratched behind Charlie’s ears. “All we heard at first was this creaking thumping noise coming down the staircase. We didn’t know what it was, so we were both frozen in place until he came through the doorway.”
My hands clenched, and I must have made Charlie uncomfortable because he hopped off my lap.
Abraham’s deep voice pierced through the memories I was lost in. “What happened when he saw you?”
I took a shaky breath. “He froze. His eyes widened, and his mouth fell open. He was shocked to find us there. Which was completely understandable. It had to be after midnight at this point.
“Tyler grabbed the old man who suddenly gasped and gripped his shirt. His face went completely white, and he fell to his knees. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what and I didn’t know what to do.”
Abraham rubbed soothing circles on my shoulder. “You were just a kid, El. You can’t beat yourself up for not knowing how to help him.”
“He wouldn’t have been in that situation if we hadn’t broken in,” I argued back.
Abraham bit his lips and I continued with my story.
“Tyler starts yelling that we need to leave, but all I could do was stare at the old man on the ground who I’m pretty sure had passed out by then. Tyler even tried to drag me away, but I resisted him. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do, but I knew I had to do something. So, when Tyler threatened to leave without me, I ignored him. Instead, I pulled my phone out and dialed 9-1-1.”
“Did Tyler leave?” Abraham asked, his voice deep and gruff.
“He did. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t just leave that old man there to die alone. So, I did what the operator told me to do and waited for the paramedics.”
“You must have been so scared,” Abraham commented softly.
“I’ve never been so scared in my life.” I paused. “Well, until recently.” I didn’t want to talk about when I was attacked, but Abraham nodded with wary eyes, so I knew he understood.
Abraham nudged my shoulder. “So, what happened when the police got there?”
I let out a deep breath and rubbed my nose as it started tingling with the threat of tears. “They questioned me of course. I’d been so worried about the old man, I hadn’t even thought up a story that explained why I was in his house. Not that it would have mattered much. It was clear by the mess we’d made that I’d broken in and wrecked the place. The old man was bruised, and the police wouldn’t believe me when I told them I hadn’t hurt him.”
“But you weren’t alone. Did you tell them about Tyler?”
I shook my head. “What was the point? He came from a rich powerful family, no one would ever believe me if I named him. Besides, I thought he loved me. I was trying to protect him.”
Abraham’s jaw ticked. “So, you just took all the consequences yourself? That doesn’t seem fair.”
He was right.
And yet, it didn’t matter.
“I didn’t deserve anything less, Abraham.” I turned to face him. “He died that night. The paramedics were never able to revive him.” My voice was hollow as I recounted the hand I’d had in ending a man’s life.
A single tear streaked down my cheek as I remembered the look on the old man’s face and how powerless I’d felt as I waited for the ambulance to show up.
“You were just a kid. It was an accident.”
I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter how old I was. I broke into a man’s house and he died of a heart attack because of it. There’s no other way to spin that. It’s black and white.”
Abraham grabbed my hands and squeezed. “You’re wrong. There’s plenty of gray in that story. You didn’t act alone, in fact, it seems like it was mostly Tyler’s idea. And it wasn’t your fault that the old man died of shock. Obviously, his heart wasn’t healthy to begin with or it wouldn’t have stopped so easily. Those are trumped up charges. You never should have been on trial for them.”
I heard Abraham’s words, and I tried to believe them. I really, really did. They were the same things I’d whispered to myself over and over again. But the other voices in my head were much louder, and they played my sins and mistakes on repeat.
“It doesn’t really matter. What’s done is done.” I took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes. “Now do you see why I have to go?”
The words burned on their way out, but I felt like I needed to say them. I needed to give Abraham an out if he wanted one. It would kill me, but the only thing that could make me walk away from him was protecting him. It would be the most painful thing I’d ever done, but I’d do it for him in a heartbeat.
Abraham made a disgruntled sound in the back of his throat and pulled me onto his lap. One of his arms wrapped tightly around my waist while the other held my hand.
“You’re not going anywhere,” he said, his voice serious and gravelly.
I sighed. “Abraham, it’s for the best.”
“No. It’s not. Being with you is always what’s gonna be best for me. No matter what happened in your past, it doesn’t change what I know about the beautiful woman sitting on my lap. It doesn’t make me look at you any different or love you any less. Nothing could do that.”
The tears I’d been fighting sprang free and raced down my face. I covered my eyes with my hands, sure I must be dreaming. There’s no way I just confessed my darkest secret and Abraham still loved me.
What had I ever done to deserve that kind of devotion?
I wanted to tell him what his words meant to me. How deeply they’d impacted my heart and how strong his love made me feel. But, the tears wouldn’t stop, and my tongue couldn’t form the words I needed to say.
“Can I ask you something?” Abraham said softly.
I nodded and tucked my head beneath his chin, struggling to gain some form of composure.
“Why do you keep saying you want to leave? Are you not happy here?”
I pulled away from him with a small gasp and turned to look in his eyes. “I’ve never been happier, Abraham. Why would you question that?”
He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. “You keep saying you have to leave, and I don’t understand why. If you’re happy here, you should be here. It’s as simple as that.”
I shook my head with a laugh. “Nothing is ever that simple. And I keep saying I need to leave because I don’t want my past to darken your present or worse, your future. I want to do what’s best for you, and that usually means leaving.”
He frowned and used his calloused thumbs to wipe away my tears. “What do you mean by that?”
I looked down at my hand still cradled in his in my lap. “When I finally left the police station, I came home to find my room already packed.”
Abraham stilled beneath me. “Why would your things be packed?”
I let out a shaky breath. “My parents decided to send me to boarding school.”
“And you didn’t have a say in that?”
I shook my head. “No. The decision had already been finalized, transportation arranged, and my things packed. There was nothing I could do but go.”
“But, why? Why would your family send you away like that? Did you get in a lot of trouble before this?”
“I hadn’t been an angel, of course, but I hadn’t gotten in trouble before. That was my first run-in with the police.”
Abraham shook his head angrily. “Instead of sending you away, your parents should have been trying to understand why you were acting out. Helping you at a time when life’s really hard and confusing for a young woman.”
I laughed humorlessly. “If they wanted to find out why I was acting out, all they had to do was look at themselves. I was so sick of being invisible in that house, I decided to make myself as visible as possible to everyone else. I wore loud, provocative clothes, I hung around kids I knew were trouble, all so I could get some of my parents’ limited attention.” I waved a hand and heaved a sigh. “That’s what I’ve figured out by now, anyway. My motives weren’t as clear to me when I was younger.”
Abraham cracked a small grin. “Hindsight’s twenty-twenty they say.”
I pursed my lips. “I think I’ve heard that one before,” I said wryly.
He smiled back, but soon, his face morphed into one of concern. “Is that why you were so upset that day I packed your things?”
I frowned. “What are you talking about?” I asked as I ran my fingers through his thick hair.
“Before your shift. I got really upset, and you found me packing your things, so we could go back to Raleigh. You had such a stricken look on your face. It didn’t make sense to me until now.”
I ducked my head under his chin again and nodded. “Yeah, that brought back some memories I thought I’d buried deep enough to forget.”
His big hand stroked soothing circles on my back. “I’ll never send you away, El. Never. You’re mine and I’m yours and there’s nothing that can change that.” He shifted my body until he could look in my eyes again. “I love you.”
His words were so sincere, the color of his eyes so clear and beautiful that it took my breath away.
The words were on the tip of my tongue. So close to the surface, it would only take a tiny shove for them to tip over the edge and fall into the silence between us. But, I wasn’t sure I was ready.
I still didn’t know what love was.
Abraham was showing me every day though. Every time he held me or soothed my fears or told me he loved me, it made me see what it could be. What we could be. How love could transform this thing between us into something impenetrable and indestructible.
But, I wasn’t there yet.
So, I cupped my hands around his handsome face and kissed him. I put all of my thoughts and fears and feelings into that kiss and hoped it was enough for him for now.
I hoped one day I’d be able to give him everything he deserved, but that day wasn’t today.
When we finally pulled apart, there was a smile on Abraham’s lips.
“What was that for?” he asked, his eyes still a little dazed.
“That was for loving me,” I told him honestly.
His eyes sharpened to focus on my face and he reached up to tuck some hair behind my ear. “I truly do. And I always will. Never doubt that.”
“Okay,” I whispered, afraid that anything louder than that would shatter this delicate moment between us.
But the quiet peace between us was broken anyway by Abraham’s ringing phone. He pulled it from his pocket and I moved to get off his lap, but he held me firmly as he answered the call.
“Yes,” he said gruffly. As the other person on the line answered, I felt Abraham’s body stiffen beneath me. “I’m not sure. I’ll talk to her and get back to you.” With that he hung up his phone and tossed it onto the seat next to him.
He leaned back and tipped his head up to the clear night sky before pinning me with a tortured look. “Wyatt wants to know when you’ll be ready to leave.”
And, just like that, the entire weekend came crashing down around us. We’d lived in this sacred bubble where nothing could touch us, and the realities of our lives didn’t matter. But, it was Sunday, and I was due at work tomorrow. There was no way around that. No ignoring the date any longer. Time had passed without our permission and now we had to face it.