Chapter 41
When we made it to the middle of the dark kitchen, I turned to face him, hands fisted on my hips. “When were you gonna tell me?”
He frowned. “Tell you what?”
“About the alpha thing? Were you just going to keep it a secret until I had no other choice?”
His frown deepened. “El, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He reached out to touch me, but I took a step back. “What’s going on?”
Finally, it all became too much. The rage that had been bubbling in my veins boiled over and it exploded out of my mouth. “Why did you never mention that I’d be expected to be the alpha of this pack with you? Don’t you think that’s an important thing to tell someone? Preferably before they begin a relationship with you?”
Abraham reached up to rub at the back of his neck. “El, we haven’t even really talked about being mated.”
“But you said we already are mated!”
He sighed and took a step closer making me back up again. “We are, but we aren’t. You made it pretty clear you’d prefer to have the choice.”
“Of course, I want a choice! That’s what this whole thing is about!”
“El, I thought it would be obvious to you what would be expected once we were mated.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, noticing for the first time that my whole body was shaking with the need to shift. “Why would that be obvious to me? Did I grow up as a damn werewolf?!”
Abraham winced as the sound of my voice rose in pitch. He held out placating hands. “El, it’s not something we need to discuss now. There’s plenty of time.”
I shook my head. “You know they won’t accept me, so why are we even going there?”
He frowned again. “Who won’t accept you?”
“The rest of the pack.”
“Why wouldn’t they accept you?”
“Because I’m a human.”
“But, you’re not a human any–”
“I know that!” I yelled, interrupting him.
Abraham took another step toward me, but I continued to back away. I didn’t want him close right now. Couldn’t bear the thought of his hands on me at this moment.
“El, the pack loves you.”
I scoffed. “They might love me as a fellow pack mate, but they’ll never accept me as their alpha, will they?”
Abraham’s jaw tightened the slightest bit. “We don’t know that.”
I rolled my eyes and turned to pace away from him. “We do know that. And more importantly, you knew that the whole time.” I took a deep breath and let out a growl. “You knew all along that we didn’t have a future and you led me on, anyway.”
“Woah, El, slow down. Of course, we have a future. We’re fated.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “That’s a mistake too! This is all a mistake.”
He took a step back instead of forward this time, almost like my words had physically pushed him away. “We’re not a mistake. What we have is rare and beautiful, El. I know you see that.”
I had. Before I found all this out, I thought we had a real shot at forever. Now I knew the truth.
I shook my head sadly. “It doesn’t matter, Abraham. We don’t have a future beyond what we are now. Maybe it’s better we just cut our losses.”
Abraham’s whole body tensed at my words and I could feel his anger reverberating in the air between us. “You want to break up?” he asked, his voice quiet and incredulous.
I didn’t.
The last thing I wanted to do was be away from him. My body ached just thinking about it, but what choice did I have? They would never accept me as his mate and he’d never give up his pack. We were at an impasse.
I shrugged a shoulder and looked away. “We don’t have a future. Why prolong the inevitable?”
Abraham stormed across the distance separating us and grasped my arms. “What is inevitable is us. Why are you giving up before we’ve even had a chance?”
I still couldn’t meet his eyes. I knew if I saw the despair there that I heard in his voice that my will would crumble, and I’d let this go.
But I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t shove my head in the sand and pretend I didn’t know where this relationship was heading.
“Abraham, I don’t want to be an alpha and your pack won’t want me either.” I took a deep breath and pounded the final nail into our coffin. “I need to go.”
Abraham released me like he’d been burned. “You’re leaving again?”
I took a shaky breath. “I think it’s for the best.”
Abraham spun around and paced the floor in front of me. I peeked up through my lashes and watched as he ran his hands through his hair and tugged on the ends roughly. Finally, he turned back to me and let his arms drop at his sides.
“You know what, El? Maybe you should leave.”
I tried to hide my wince but wasn’t sure I was successful. His words hurt more than I thought they would considering he was telling me to do what I’d been asking for. He was letting me go and my heart was wailing in my chest.
“Okay.”
He huffed out a breath. “I think you need some time to get your head on straight. All you ever do is run away from me and this time, I’m letting you go.”
My heart was actually burning right now and I felt sure that if I placed my hand over it, my skin would be hot to the touch.
“Okay,” I repeated. I was incapable of saying anything more.
I’d gotten my wish. Abraham was letting me go without a fight and suddenly, all I wanted him to do was fight me. To tell me how much of a mistake I was making. To assure me that the pack would love me, and I’d be a great alpha with him. But he did none of that.
Knowing there was nothing else to be said, I turned around and slowly headed up the stairs to the bedroom I’d been sharing with him.
I pulled out my suitcase and began to fill it with all my belongings as a sick sense of déjà vu washed over me.
Abraham was right.
I was always running.
Maybe that’s because deep down I knew this would never work. That we’d never work. We were doomed from the beginning, and I was just thankful things hadn’t gone any further between us before now.
My heart ached as I remembered the magical night we’d had. How sure I’d been that I was in love with him.
Not that it mattered now.
I zipped up my suitcase and went to collect Charlie. He was napping in one of the hidey holes in the cat house Abraham made him, and I had to sniff to hold back my tears. I ran my fingers across the soft carpet covering the structure before turning away to put Charlie in his crate.
I stood up with my arms full of all my belongings and turned to the door when a sudden thought struck me.
I was stranded here.
I’d let Wyatt drive me to Asheville on Friday because it didn’t make sense to take two cars. Now I was deeply regretting that decision.
With a sigh, I left his room and walked down to the main floor, resigned to the fact that I’d have to walk into town and call an Uber or a taxi to take me back to Raleigh. I didn’t even want to think about how much that was going to cost me.
I walked to the side door and stepped out into the muggy June night. In the distance, I could hear that the festivities were still going on and I wondered where Abraham was.
Had he gone back to the party?
Was he chatting with Will?
Was he as devastated as I was?
Any of those options hurt, and I shook my head to clear the thoughts. If I was going to make it through the next couple of hours, I needed to be strong and to keep my mind clear. I needed to focus on getting back to Raleigh. I could fall apart later.
I was about half-way down the gravel drive when I heard the unmistakable sound of someone running toward me.
I didn’t turn around. If it was Abraham, there was no way I could face him again without breaking down and I didn’t want to do that.
“Elizabeth! Wait up!”
I frowned and turned to find it was Calvin who was running after me. When he caught up, he immediately took my suitcase from my hands, not the least bit out of breath from his jog.
I grabbed the suitcase and tugged, but he wouldn’t let go. “Calvin, I’m leaving. Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
He shook his head and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “I figured you could use a ride home,” he said softly.
I relaxed into his hold and breathed a sigh of relief. “That would be great, actually.”
He gave me his gap-toothed smile. “Anything for you, princess.”
For the second time today, I felt the tug on my memories. There was something about what he just said that struck a chord within me. I tried to grasp at it, but it was like trying to hold smoke, it just dispersed between my fingers.
We walked back up the drive and Calvin set my suitcase at my feet. “If you wait here, I’ll grab my truck and we can leave.”
“That would be great, thanks.”
He smiled and shot me a wink before he jogged off, presumably to his vehicle. I found it a little odd that he was so chipper, but then I had to remind myself that he wasn’t the one who’d just had their world tipped upside down. He wasn’t the one whose insides were being shredded. He had no reason to feel the hurt and upset that I felt.
The crunching of gravel distracted me from my thoughts and I watched Calvin’s dark blue SUV pull to a stop in front of me. He hopped out of the vehicle and snagged my suitcase before I had a chance, placing it in the backseat and leaving the door open so I could put Charlie back there too.
Once we were settled inside, Calvin silently drove off and I tried not to think about everything I was leaving behind.
I’d never expected Abraham to let me go like that, but that’s what I’d asked for, wasn’t it? It wasn’t fair to say one thing and secretly hope for another, but I guess I’d assumed he’d assuage my fears instead of just telling me we had time.
What would more time accomplish? We’d just fall further in love and make it that much more difficult when the inevitable came.
I wasn’t very good company on the four-hour drive back to Raleigh, but thankfully, Calvin didn’t seem to mind. He filled the silence with mindless chatter that I truly appreciated. It was easy to concentrate on his words instead of letting my own fill my head. That was a dark enough place as it was.
It was late when we got back to my apartment and I stifled more than a few yawns during the last hour of our trip.
“You tired?” he asked.
I nodded around another yawn. “Really tired.”
He pulled the car to a stop in front of my apartment, and I wondered for a second how he knew where I lived, but I shrugged the thought off. With how many pack members have come and gone from my place in the past month and a half, it wasn’t that odd that he knew.
“Do you need help inside?”
I shot him a look. “I’m as strong as you now, I’ll be fine.”
He laughed. “I’m definitely stronger, but I get your point.” He was quiet for a moment while he watched me. “Are you gonna be all right tonight? Do you want some company?”
That was the very last thing I wanted.
I shook my head and gave him a smile. “Thanks, but I just want to be alone right now.”
He nodded, but his eyes were still wary. “Okay, then. Get some sleep.”
I thanked him again and grabbed all my things from his backseat. With one last wave, I headed up the stairs to my apartment.
The inside was darker and lonelier than it had ever been, and I wrapped my arms around myself. I’d been so sleepy on the drive here, but now that I was home, I was wide awake.
I opened Charlie’s crate, and he stepped out, stretching his little body as he did. He sniffed the air a few times and twitched his tail before taking off for his furry purple flower house. I watched him go, wishing I could be as nonchalant about being back here as he was.
Knowing I wouldn’t get any sleep anytime soon, I decided to clean. First, I started on my kitchen, scrubbing and rinsing and wiping anything I could reach. Next, I tidied my dining room and living room, even running the vacuum despite the late hour.
Let the neighbors come up and complain. It might be nice to get mad at another person instead of directing all that anger toward myself.
Because the longer I cleaned, the more I realized I’d made a mistake. I ran again instead of staying and fighting like Abraham had asked me to do so many times. Why did I find it so hard to do that? Why was my first instinct to walk away? That wasn’t fair to him at all.
My heart clenched painfully in my chest as I thought about how he must be feeling right now. I’m not sure why, but the sickness that came with our separation was setting in sooner than it ever had. I already felt like I hadn’t slept in a week and like I’d just gotten over the flu.
Needing to keep my mind and body busy, I moved the cleaning campaign into my bedroom. Starting with my closet, I dug out all the overnight bags I’d partially unpacked from my many visits out to Asheville. It stung a bit to go through them in light of everything that had happened tonight, but it needed to be done and I needed to keep moving.
I unpacked bag after bag until I finally came to the first one I’d used when I’d gone on my solo vacation. It was incredible to think how much things had changed since then. How much I’d changed.
I pulled the wrinkled clothes from the depth of the bag before coming upon something I’d completely forgotten about. In the bottom of the duffel was my ruined camera. I pulled it out and tried to turn it on. I let out a little cry of excitement when the little light on top turned green, but my shoulders fell as the screen remained black. The stupid thing really was broken.
I sighed and set it aside to finish unpacking and cleaning. A little while later, I stood in the middle of the room, not knowing what else to do. I could go clean the guest room, but my limbs felt like they were being weighed down and every step was harder than the last.
Finally, my eyes landed on the camera and I had an idea.
I’d probably ruined the only relationship that had ever meant something to me tonight, but maybe I could do something productive. There might be a picture on this camera of the wolf that attacked me and if there was, maybe this would be the big break in the case we’d all been hoping for.
Maybe if I figured out who was killing women in Abraham’s woods, he’d forgive me for doubting us and running away from him again.
It was a long shot, but it was all I had.