Chapter 26
To my surprise, dinner went pretty smoothly.
Most of that probably had to do with the fact that Peyton and I were at opposite ends of the table. Unfortunately, the table wasn’t big enough that I couldn’t hear her from where I sat.
“Nana, I’m so glad you’re here. It seems like it’s been more than a month since you came for a family dinner,” she said in her high-pitched voice.
Nana nodded. “Well, last month was a little tricky.”
My face was already warming because I knew what Peyton was getting at. So, when she shot a look my way, I made sure to avoid her gaze.
“Yes, I heard there was an… issue with the last family dinner.” Her snotty tone said everything she wasn’t.
The tremors started in my hands and I didn’t even notice until my fork started clanking against my plate. I set my silverware down and took a deep breath.
In, one.
Out, two.
“It’s such a shame when one person ruins something for everyone else,” she went on.
In, three.
Out, four.
“In fact, Elizabeth, I heard something interesting recently that pertains to you.”
I opened my eyes to see the whole table focused on me. I ignored them and zeroed in on Peyton. Her smile was smug and the look in her eyes was dangerous. I had a feeling that whatever was about to come out of her mouth would be nothing good.
I swallowed harshly. “I don’t know how you’d have any information on me, Peyton, but you’re probably wrong.”
Peyton’s smile widened as she shook her head. “Nope. This comes straight from the source. And court documents don’t lie.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m an attorney. It’s not a great revelation that you found my name on some court documents.”
Her smile only got wider and less friendly. “Well, these particular documents are pretty old. So old, they were probably from before your days as an attorney.”
I felt all the blood drain from my face in an instant.
There was no way.
No.
Way.
Those records had been sealed since I was a minor at the time. There was no reason that Peyton should have anything like that in her possession.
Was she lying? Could she be making this all up?
Her demeanor was calm and controlled. Two things I was completely lacking at this point.
What do I do?
Ask her where she got them?
No, that would admit I knew what she was talking about, and I couldn’t do that.
I turned to Abraham and saw he had the same confused look on his face as everyone else at the table.
“Plus,” she went on, “you were the defendant in these files. Pretty sure they have nothing to do with you being a lawyer.”
How the hell did she find those?
I shrugged a shoulder, trying to pull off nonchalance, but I had a suspicion I was failing miserably. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m sure the rest of the people here don’t want to hear about it.”
Peyton sat up straighter in her chair. “But that’s the thing, I think everyone here should know what’s in those files. Shouldn’t you all know who you invited into this house? Our pack? Don’t you want to know who you’re having dinner with?” she asked everyone at the table with mock-innocence lacing her voice.
“Peyton, that’s enough,” Abraham growled from beside me.
“I want to hear what she has to say,” Beatrice piped up from the other end of the table.
I looked up to find her eyes wide with anticipation and a small smile on her face. Betrayal burned its way down my throat as I trained my eyes back on my plate. I didn’t disillusion myself enough to think that Beatrice and I were friends or anything, but I’d thought we’d come to a mutual agreement of peace.
Apparently, I was wrong.
I took a quick peek around the table at everyone else here.
Nana’s face was lined with what looked like worry, Callie and Del had wide, fearful eyes, and Evey seemed sad, while Clyde looked bored and Calvin had confusion in his eyes.
Finally, I looked at Abraham and I almost wish I hadn’t. His eyes were on Peyton, not sparing me even the smallest of glances. He was sitting right next to me, so there’s no way he didn’t know I was looking at him. He was avoiding me and that turned my stomach.
Peyton narrowed her eyes in Abraham’s direction. “You of all people should want to hear this, Abey. Don’t you think it’s important to know you’re sleeping with a murderer?”
Gasps rang out around the table followed by a stunned silence.
“I’m not a murderer,” I whispered, my eyes on my plate again.
Peyton shook her head with fake sadness. “That’s not what the file said. I think they called it manslaughter. Did I get that right?” I knew she was directing the question at me, but my tongue was limp in my dry mouth. But, she wasn’t right. It was involuntary manslaughter, but that hardly mattered now.
“Because someone did die, didn’t they, Elizabeth?” She didn’t wait for me to answer. Not like I could have, anyway. “You broke into someone’s home and they wound up dead, isn’t that right?”
Shame leaked from every one of my pores.
It was true.
All of it.
And there was nothing I could do to change it. Nothing I could say to take back my actions from that one night. A night that completely changed the course of my life.
The urge to flee was zipping through my veins. I clenched my fists and fought to stay seated, but I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t sit here any longer and wait for the news to catch up with everyone. Because when they had time to really think about everything they’d heard, they’d want nothing to do with me.
They’d push me away and disown me like my parents had.
I stood up abruptly, my chair scraping against the floor loud in the quiet room.
With my head down, I stood in front of everyone for a long moment. My hands were shaking, and I fisted them tightly. I opened my mouth to say something, anything. To explain myself, to apologize, to tell them I’d been young and dumb and a follower back then, but all that came out was, “I have to go.”
With that, I dashed from the dining room and up the stairs to Abraham’s room. I probably only had minutes before he came up here demanding answers and I needed to be packed by then.
I jerked my suitcase out from underneath his bed and began tossing clothes inside. I’m not even sure if I was grabbing my things or his, but in my frenzy, I didn’t care.
Charlie meowed from behind me, but I couldn’t stop to greet him.
I needed to go.
Now.
The door creaked open and my hands froze in mid-air. I held my breath as Abraham’s steps thumped quietly across the carpeted room. When he was close enough that I could feel the heat of his body, he finally spoke.
“Where are you going?”
I put my shaking hands back to work and dropped another pile of clothes in my suitcase. “I’m leaving.”
I’m running.
I’m escaping.
Like I’ve been running and trying to escape from my past for more than half my life.
“You’re running again?” he asked, practically reading my mind.
I nodded. “I need to go.”
He walked around until he was in my face and I had to step around him to reach my suitcase. His big hands grasped mine before I could pull away to grab more clothes. “El, talk to me.”
“What is there to say, Abraham?!” I screamed, the emotions swirling inside of me finally breaking free. “Like Peyton said, I killed someone. Doesn’t look good for the pack alpha to date a murderer, I’m sure.”
He shook his head. “She said it was manslaughter. I don’t know as much about the law as you do, but I know that doesn’t make you a murderer.”
I laughed humorlessly. “The man’s still dead, isn’t he?” My voice was shaking as hard as my hands as I tried to swallow down the tears that were fighting their way out of me.
This was literally my worst nightmare.
I never wanted Abraham to know about that night. Never wanted to think about it again myself. Yet here we were.
And even worse, all the McCoy’s knew about the darkest stain on my past too.
They’d never accept me now.
The friendships and relationships I’d worked to build here were all gone. No one would be able to look at me the same way if they could look at me at all. His sisters would steer Abraham away from me, like they should. Even his grandma knew about my past now. A lovely old woman that I was hoping would become a fixture in my life too.
All of it was gone.
And the wound that cut the deepest, wasn’t the friendships I was losing, it was Abraham. I didn’t know how I’d go on without him. How I’d rearrange my life again, only this time back to an existence of solitude. I didn’t know how I’d live through this separation, but I knew I didn’t have a choice.
“But why are you leaving?” Abraham’s voice broke me out of my thoughts.
I shrugged out of his hold and stalked across the room to grab more clothes. “I don’t belong here. No one wants me here now.”
Abraham stepped into my path. “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”
I looked up at him incredulously. “What are you saying?”
He grasped both my arms and looked deep into my eyes. “I’m saying, stop running away from me. Stop running from us. Take the time to explain to me what Peyton was talking about. Stay and fight.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I was shocked completely speechless. There was no way Abraham was still looking at me the same way he had this morning. No way he wasn’t turning his back on me, ashamed to have anything to do with me.
“Will you tell me what happened?” he asked softly.
Despite his quiet words, I flinched. I didn’t want to go back to that night. Didn’t want to relive the worst of my memories. The ones that plagued me in my darkest hours, the ones that kept me up at night, or worse, woke me with their gruesome retellings.
I shook my head. “I can’t.”
His hands tightened around my biceps. “Can’t or won’t?”
I couldn’t speak those words again. Hadn’t had to retell this story since I told it in court all those years ago.
And I wouldn’t, because I didn’t want to watch that spark in his eyes dim. I couldn’t bear to watch his love for me fade from his beautiful blue gaze. If he knew what I’d done, the full extent of my past indiscretions, he’d never forgive me.
Just like I can’t forgive myself.
I pulled out of his grasp again. “Both,” I said to carpet between our feet before stepping around him to zip up my suitcase.
“So, that’s it? You’re running away again?”
I shrugged as I stood there facing away from him. There was no way I could look him in the eye at this point. No way I could bear to see the anger I could hear simmering in his voice.
He should be mad at me. I’d done terrible things. I’d hurt someone. A man’s dead because of the stupid decisions I’d made when I was too weak to stand up for what I knew was right.
“It’s for the best that I leave, Abraham. I don’t want to bring you any more trouble than I already have.”
I pulled my suitcase off his bed and turned to walk past him. I didn’t get far though because he reached out and grasped my arm again. “Elizabeth don’t do this. Don’t run again.”
My emotions had finally reached max capacity. There was nothing more I could take in that moment. My suitcase fell from my fingers as I covered my face with both my hands. “Please let me go,” I sobbed. “I just want to leave.”
Abraham pulled me hard against his chest and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “Never, El. I’ll never let you go. I told you this was forever. That didn’t just mean forever when things are easy. It means forever through anything.”
I looked up at his face. I couldn’t help myself. I needed to see his expression in that exact instant. There was probably makeup and God-knows what else streaming down my face, but I had to.
What I saw took my breath away.
His deep ocean blue eyes were warm with love but creased in the corners like he was wary of something. Or bracing for something. I couldn’t tell which and I was afraid to find out the answer.
“Please, El. Stay with me,” he begged.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Why?” I whispered. “Why aren’t you telling me to leave? Why are you still looking at me like you love me?”
He placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “Because I do love you.” He kissed me again. “Because we don’t give up on family.” Another kiss. “And that’s what you are, El. You’re my family now.” He pressed his lips to my head again, but this time he left them there. “Why did you think I’d want you to leave? Don’t you know by now that I always want you?”
I sniffled and tried to compose myself. “Usually when someone finds out I’m a murderer, they don’t stick around for long.”
“You’re not a murderer. Stop saying that.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He pulled back and speared me with a look. “Then tell me.”
Such a simple request.
Could I do it? Could I lay out my past for him? Was I strong enough to face the consequences if he decided it was all too much for him? Could I survive that?
But, the more important question was, did I have a choice?
Abraham wasn’t asking for much. All he wanted was an explanation. To hear my side of the story.
How many people had actually asked for that in my past?
Most just believed what they heard and turned their back on me. My parents did, my friends at the time did, the rest of my family did. The only person to stick by me was Gran, but that was so long ago, it’s getting hard to remember what that felt like.
I took a deep breath. “Okay, I’ll tell you.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “I think I need to.”
His hands flexed where they held me. “Let’s go up to the roof. I think you could use some fresh air.”
He was right. I was hot and sweaty from my dash up the stairs and my packing frenzy. Some fresh air could do me some good and maybe help clear my mind. And if I was lucky, it might infuse me with the strength I needed to get through this. Now I just had to trust in everything he’d told me and hope he really meant it when he said forever.