It felt weird that she didn’t feel weird about this whole thing. She had a baby, but it wasn’t hers. And as attached to Cephina as Gus was, and as much as she loved her, it wasn’t motherly. “Does that make me a bad person?” she asked the counselor who came to the hospital the next day to visit with them.
It was her idea to bring in a counselor for this whole situation. The four of them—Gus, Andy, Marco, and Erika— had been meeting with her weekly to just discuss things—the way they were, the way they wanted them to be, and the way they might go. Sometimes Walker joined them, sometimes Frank and Francis. But this time, it was just them.
Andy and Marco were amazing, beyond gracious throughout the whole process, but it seemed there was always a lingering question in their minds of how Gus would react once the child was born. There was the possibility of her over-attachment that seemed to be a small wedge.
She had reassured them as best she could, but she admitted that until she had the baby, she didn’t know exactly how she would feel. It was the same with Erika. After all, she shared half of Cephina’s DNA. The difference was Erika’s relationship with the fathers. It boiled down to trust. Gus understood and didn’t take offense. Erika and Andy had history; he and Gus didn’t.
“I can see your relief, Andy, but I also don’t want you to think I am a cold person.”
“Augusta…” It was one of the rare times when Andy seemed stumped and at a loss for words, which never happened.
“It’s okay, I don’t take it personally. To be honest, I was a little worried myself. I didn’t know how I would react either, and I would never want to hurt any of you.”
The relief from the three people sitting on the couch was audible. Gus was glad to be propped up in this hospital bed and not sitting directly across from them.
Although she was a major hugger, and this seemed like a perfectly huggable moment, for once, she enjoyed the distance. They were all feeling so many strong emotions, ones she couldn’t even begin to comprehend, and she was sitting there crashing under a hormonal wave.
She did feel super powerful. She had just grown a human being and pushed it into the world, but sadly, or luckily, depending on perspective, she didn’t feel any more motherly toward Cephina than she did any other baby.
The motherly genes she possessed were polluted, but she knew when it was her own, she would be able to do way better than her mother had. It was a strange contradiction. She wanted to coo and ahh over all babies, including Cephina, and even wanted to have children of her own and soon, but she had always thought of Butterbean as someone else’s, and she still did.
Gus was so busy reassuring everyone else that she didn’t think about reassuring herself. She was so concerned with their feelings, she not only forgot about hers, she had put John’s on the back burner, too.
“What if John thinks I’m cold. What if I am?” Gus thought as she rubbed her belly. Even though she was no longer pregnant, it was habit. Maybe just a little bit was emptiness, too.
Erika grabbed her hands and sat on the bed next to her. “You listen to me, Gus, you are not cold. Not even close. Hell, you are the furthest thing from cold there is. Would a cold person still harbor guilt over just looking at a man with lust in her heart? And not even lust for his body or him but for an inner light that she saw? Would a cold person offer her body to people whom she didn’t know for a long time in the grand scheme of things, even at the cost of a relationship she hoped for?”
Andy cut in as he approached her bed, too.
“And would a cold person be sitting here the day after giving birth worried about everyone else’s happiness above her own?” Marco joined Andy at her bedside. Reaching over, Gus brought one of Andy and Marco’s hands to her and Erika’s. Everyone added their second without prompting, like a go-team cheer was about to take place.
“You guys are the best family Cephina could have, along with Frank, Francis, Tori, Walker, etcetera, etcetera.”
“Don’t forget John and you. You two have a very important role as Godparents.”
Gus found comfort in this little circle, a kinship that was different than she shared with everyone else. She figured they had a unique bond, one that would last forever. No matter where they went or what else they did, these four people had made a child together. They would forever be connected.
She drank in their faces, their joy. This was the third time in her life she’d witnessed this rare glimpse into another’s uncloaked soul. Not only did she get to see it, in a way, she got to touch it. But this time counted as so much more as there were four souls singing in harmony.
“Well,” the therapist stood, “I think we are done for the day. I’ll leave our month’s schedule flexible, so should anything come up, we can discuss. I must say, I am impressed with how well you all seem to have a realistic and joint approach to a very difficult situation.” When she opened the door to leave, she turned and added, “And for the record, Miss Thorne, your friends are right. I have seen many things in you over the last months. I have felt even more, and cold or detached was never one of them.”
And that was just the start of her day, so it seemed. The breast-feeding consultant alone took two hours, instructing them in proper pumping and storage techniques, heating instructions, and even a pseudo class on ways for Marco and Andy to feed Cephina while giving her the bonding experience. I could’ve gone a lifetime without that bit of imagery.
Of course, legal stuff…lots and lots of legal stuff. The signing of a million papers had started first thing in the morning. For a moment, she felt a touch of hurt by their need to legalize everything ASAP. Do they not trust me at all?
But after the millionth document, she remembered Andy was just very thorough about things. Anal is a better word for it. That turned out to be the most efficient part of her day, go figure.
Stacy had put her mind at ease about all the papers. “Stop frowning, Pixie Pants, this is just some basic stuff. The real paperwork will come later, no need to rush, y’all are family, after all.” Andy nodded in agreement but shared a look with Stacy that Gus couldn’t quite pin down.
“And, you know where I live,” Gus had quipped, but she also blindly signed every document they had put before her.
Now it was time to go home. She was just waiting on her transport. Baby Cephina was sleeping in her bassinette, with Andy and Marco chomping at the bit to pick her up. Hospital policy said she and the baby had to be wheeled out, so they all just sat around waiting.
John had texted and called. Not to mention, Andy and Marco had done everything but tell her exactly what he was doing. All she knew at this point was it involved her house and a surprise. The rest was a mystery.
“Knock, knock,” a familiar voice called as the door opened. “I just came to see how the love of my life is doing and to get my hands on the little one. The rumors of her beauty have made it all the way to anesthesiology. Naturally, since I am so beloved, I was tapped to come see if the rumors are true.”
“Cheryl, come in, come in,” Gus shyly invited her. How are you supposed to act after you profess your love to a total stranger who has seen you naked and who you called by the wrong name. Luckily, Andy stepped in.
Speaking all old-world, he bowed and announced, “Yes. Come ye, come ye. All people from far and wide are invited to bear witness to the beauty, nay, the radiance. A blessing upon the land know by the name of Franscephina. Come closer, so you may take word of this miracle back to your native land of Demerol and Vicodin.”
Apparently a good sport, Cheryl curtsied. “I thank you, good sirs, and I shall approach with honor and respect to bask in her beauty, nay, radiance.” That tattooed lady rose with the elegance of a queen and peeked into the bassinette. “Congratulations, she is beautiful. And by the way, I don’t pass out Demerol and Vicodin so much, that’s more of pain management’s land, and they are a territorial people. I come from the land of shit that kills celebrities who abuse it and makes pregnant women fall in love.”
Cheryl approached the bed. “You did good, little mama. How are you feeling today? Headache, pain where the catheter was? Do you mind?” Cheryl asked and indicated she wanted to look at the site.
“No, go ahead. And about yesterday…”
“Don’t sweat it. Everything looks good. You’ll get a sheet from me in your discharge papers with what to watch for and numbers to call. I can’t stress enough how important it is to be picky. Any little sign, take it seriously. The worst thing that can happen is we tell you you’re fine, send you home with some overpriced ibuprofen, and bill the man over there for the trouble. He looks like his wallet is just fine, so no hesitations, you feel me?”
Gus agreed, and after admiring Cephina one last time, Cheryl left. Andy seemed nervous, but who wouldn’t be taking a baby home from the hospital. There were so many things to worry about, and that’s just the drive over.
Another knock sounded at the door, but this time, the person didn’t enter, Instead, Andy rushed out the door like his pants were on fire. Right before the door closed, Gus caught a glimpse of Jesse. What’s a clerk doing here? The paper-work that could be done was already completed.
When Andy slipped back through the door, Jesse awkwardly waved. She felt bad about the way things had played out. Jesse was a nice guy, but…apparently, I’m not into nice guys. I’m into rough around the edges men. Complete with issues and fear of commitment. Not wanting to be rude, she waved back. If the look beaming from his face was any indication, that was the wrong move. I should’ve gone with rude.
Andy grabbed Marco with one hand and sheepishly walked toward Gus with a large manila envelope in the other.
Andy, sheepish? This must be a humdinger.
“Augusta Rain Thorne, we have a confession to make. With Stacy’s help, we slipped some other paperwork into the things you were signing this morning.”
What? Gus’ heart fell to her feet and shattered into a million pieces. They had tricked her, for what purpose, she didn’t know, but they had tricked her. And not just the two men she felt so close to earlier in therapy. She had glimpsed their souls and believed them to be the best of people. But even so, that wasn’t as devastating as Stacy. Her best friend. The one person she had always been able to be her weird dorky self around. Someone who knew all her secrets, her shame, and her fears.
She was heartbroken.
Devastated.
If she had been wrong about them…
Her mind was swimming in the bitter sea of deception, and she was going under, gulping great big lung fulls. What else had she misjudged?
Who else?
She felt light-headed. This couldn’t be happening. There had to be an explanation, there had to be. These are good people, damn it.
Her voice shaky, she had to restart a few times before she could form a sentence, “Andy, please explain what is going on because my mind is conjuring up some pretty horrific answers on its own.”
“Oh, my god, Gus. No.” Andy leaned down and thumbed her tears. “I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“I told you not to lead with that part, you fool,” Marco scolded. He sat beside her and wrapped her in his embrace. “Shush, it’s not bad, I swear to you. I would kick his sexy ass if his intentions were bad. I may kick his ass anyway, just because.”
Gus breathed a sigh of minimal relief. At least it wasn’t horrible, but she was emotional and hormonal, so she was already walking a tightrope.
“Let me start over. Augusta, we love you and could never repay you for the gift you’ve given us. I know you refused our money, and I would never insult you by paying you.”
“Good,” Gus interrupted. “Because I didn’t do it for that,” Gus declared as she sucked back her tears. Real lady-like, Augusta, she heard her mother’s disapproving voice in her head. Yep, hormones. God, I hate ‘em.
“I hope you hold to that as we give you this. It is NOT payment. It’s just…I can only explain it as overflowing with love. I, we, are so full of love, we are bursting. We want to share that love with you, and the only way I can begin to do that is this.” He gathered the envelope off the floor.
“If you don’t want it, it will break my heart, but it is yours, and there’s nothing you can do about that now but sell it. We love you, and we want you to be happy and, short of dragging John naked to the altar, this is the next best way we could think of.”
With jittery hands, Gus unwound the red thread and slid a pile of papers out of the top. Sure enough, there was her signature, along with ones she didn’t recognize. It was a purchase agreement of some sort, but she couldn’t read it, the words were blurred. “What is this?”
“It’s fifteen thousand square feet of whatever you want it to be. The property is on the edge of town. The contractor has been paid and is just awaiting your renovation instructions. You can open a gym and teach martial arts, get back to your roots if that’s what you want. Or, you could open an alternative therapy retreat; you always seem happiest when you’re helping people. Hell, Augusta, you can leave it open and let John build a damn plane in there, if it makes you happy. And if you decided to be stubborn and do nothing, then just leave the doors open and punks will show up with skateboards.”
Gus was taken aback. More than that, blown away was more like it. Andy sounded so passionate about gifting it to her, how could she say no? She should. Like her mother says, a lady sends the wrong message if she accepts large gifts from men. But her mother didn’t know Andy, she didn’t know Gus, and she didn’t know what was best for Jan. In short, her mother didn’t know squat.
It was the most generous thing anyone had even done for her, and it honestly seemed to make Andy ecstatic to give it. She threw herself into his arms and let her hug speak for her.
An orderly burst through the door with a wheelchair. “Your chariot awaits.” Gus released her hold on Andy.
“You’re the best, you know that,” she said while she sat and Marco lifted the baby into her arms.
Both men kissed her cheeks. Andy whispered, “No, Pixie, that would be you.”