“Hold your horses, I’m waddling your way,” Gus shouted toward the front door in response to the doorbell followed by an inpatient knock. It was going to be lonely without her sister in this world, but Jan deserved it for knocking at the door and ringing incessantly. “Jesus, for a little thing, you sure have a giant pair of…” She trailed off when she snatched the door open to reveal not January, but Andy and Marco laden down with gifts and flowers.
“A giant pair of what, Gus?” Andy inquired around the white bag bearing the logo of the local pharmacy he had clenched in his teeth. Next to him stood a giant arrangement of wildflowers surrounded by bags of groceries, hanging from tanned arms.
The flowers spoke, “No one has ever accused my cariño of being a little thing before.” Marco’s head emerged from the side of what appeared to be black-eyed susans. “Are you going to invite us in so I can set these lovely things down and get my hands on that even lovelier belly?”
“Of course, come in.” Gus moved to the side to make room for the two men and all their gifts. “Sorry, I was expecting my sister. She’s usually the only one that impatient. I am so glad you’re finally here. I don’t want y’all to miss one more minute of this pregnancy.”
As soon as Andy’s arms were free, he wrapped them around Gus. She sighed and leaned into his embrace. The baby instantly started moving about, like Butterbean could tell that was daddy. “Oh, Augusta, have I told you how much I love you, we love you. And not just because of the pregnancy.”
Marco’s embrace came from behind and encompassed them both. “Yes, little mama, what he said. We love you so much.”
There was sympathy lacing his words, both their words. Andy and Marco were amazing men—gentle and kind, intelligent and funny, but fiercely loyal and protective. They were going to be the best fathers a kid can have. Their concern was genuine, and truly not just because she was carrying their child, but because they cared about her beyond what she could do for them.
“Ohh.” Gus untangled herself from their arms and grabbed each of their hands and placed them on her belly. “Butterbean is doing summersaults to welcome y’all.”
The look on their faces made every minute of this worthwhile. Nothing mattered in that moment but the experience and the love Andy and Marco were reveling in. Nothing, not even John.
Gus was blown away by that thought. It was the proof she needed that she could move on. As much as she loved John—and she did, deeply—nothing would be worth regretting one second of this pregnancy for, even if it meant she would never experience the kind of mutual love all the couples around her had.
Gus was all cried out. She’d spent the better part of the last twenty-four hours wallowing in self-pity and a half-gallon of Bunny Tracks and whining to her cats about how she couldn’t go on without John in her life and how she was broken beyond repair. She even thought of moving away after the baby was born to avoid the awkward barbecues and Sunday gatherings. But as she stared down at the top of the heads of the two men who had dropped to their knees and were cooing at her belly, she realized she wasn’t broken.
Her heart had taken quite a blow, and she believed she could never love the same again. But she could still love. It would just be different than the deep love she held for John. She could be loved, too. Maybe not Marco and Andy kind of love, but the couples around her were anomalies anyway.
Most people didn’t get a fairy tale love, they got an average kind of love and were happy to have it. I am not some simpering fainting lady, I am Augusta Rain freaking Thorne. My actions may be flawed, but that doesn’t mean I am broken. I am stronger than my pain. That was the first time in a long time she told herself that and actually believed it.
It struck her as ironic that she could build other people up all day long, but she doubted her words when directed inward.
Both perceptive men noticed her little mental vacation, because they rose, led her to the couch, and started pampering her…and pumping her for information.
She rested her head in Andy’s lap, and he pet her hair like a cat while Marco had her feet in his, rubbing and kneading her aching arches. She could drift off into the sand man’s realm so easily…if they didn’t both start giving her advice and asking her questions at the same time.
“Man, you guys really know how to ruin a good foot rub.” Gus tried to right herself, but Andy shushed her and gently encouraged her to leave her head where it was. After a few moments of blissful silence and amazing pampering, Gus let her eyes shutter closed and relaxed—truly relaxed for seemingly the first time since she opened her womb for rent.
Gus was enjoying the respite—that beautiful groggy place between wake and sleep. She was aware of her surroundings, but she was boneless enough not to give a crap. Of course, when Andy and Marco started discussing her love life, or lack thereof, it perked her up quickly. Dang it, I know they mean well, but couldn’t they have at least waited until I started to drool? Even though she was slightly annoyed, she hoped to maybe grab a pearl of wisdom from their conversation when it wasn’t directed at her.
“It’s déjà vu all over again, huh, Marco. A pregnant woman we care about, pining away for a man she could have if she only opened her heart and mind, and trusted in her feelings.”
“It sure is, only this time, it’s our child she’s carrying, and John may just be more bull-headed than Walker. Wait, what am I saying, that’s impossible.” The two men shared a strained chuckle. “At least Augusta is more logical about things than Erika will ever be.”
“This is true, this is true. But, sometimes emotions and logic get jumbled when dealing with matters of the heart.”
“Well then, carino, what are we going to do to bring John, that self-denial devil, to our ever-optimistic angel here?” Gus’ breath caught at the question. She peeked through her lashes as Andy leaned over, meeting Marco halfway for a quick kiss. After considering each other’s eyes for a moment, they returned to their positions, but each left one of their hands intertwined on the back of the couch while continuing their ministrations with the other.
Snapping her lids closed before they could notice, Gus feigned a deeper relaxation than she was experiencing. She wanted to hear Andy’s answer desperately.
“We are not going to do anything, my love. This is between the two of them.”
“But, they are miserable. She is miserable, and carrying our child. For that alone, she deserves to be showered in all the treasures life has to offer, including a love like ours. How can you just sit there and do nothing?”
Gus couldn’t believe her ears. Andy wasn’t going to get involved? He was involved in everyone’s relationship. He was like a non-bearded version of Dax; he saw deeper than most people—the gay Dr. Phil. When Gus cracked her lids once more to observe Andy shrug, she couldn’t hold her tongue any longer.
She opened her eyes and sat up, or at least tried to. Andy helped, and she crossed her arms over the top of her belly and under her breasts. It was the only place she could do so at this point. “Yeah, Mr. ‘I’m involved in everyone’s relationship,’ how can you just sit there and do nothing?” When the only answer that came her way was a raised eyebrow, Gus almost lost her mind. “You have no problem helping everyone else, why not me?”
Gus wanted to smack the amused grin right off Andy’s perfectly chiseled face. “How long did you think you could lie on my lap and me not notice you were awake? Feel your breath hitch at the mention of John? Or see your jewel-toned eyes peeking through your luxurious lashes?”
The way he said it was smug and superior. Very lawyer-like. It just irritated her more. She got up and headed toward the kitchen to find a vase for her flowers, and to occupy her hands and mind before she gave Andy a piece of both.
Andy and Marco joined her, helping put away groceries and busying their hands…and their mouths. “Augusta, listen, everything I would say to you isn’t something you haven’t run through that pretty little head of yours. And, John is…well, John. Any interference from me, and he will shut down. You know this. If he asks me for advice, I’ll joyfully give it, but any unsolicited words would have the opposite effect of what is desired.”
Gus knew the wisdom of Andy’s words. John was a complicated man and wasn’t one to be swayed by others. He was a strong and independent being; he’d always had to be. Even though what she was offering him could change that, he had to let go of the protection his fiercely independent nature offered him and take a risk.
“I will offer you this, however. Don’t sit around and wait for him to come to you. I’m not saying chase his ass down either. That will work about as well as me going in there to snuggle Skynyrd. He will claw me to bits. But, if I sit here petting Lyn and ignore Skyn, he will eventually find his way under my touch for a few pets before retreating. Each time I visit, he accepts a little more attention from me. Eventually, he will be rolling over in my lap and exposing his belly demanding rubs. And do you know why?”
“Because there isn’t a male on this planet that can resist your charms?” Marco piped up. The blush and shy smile that graced Andy’s face was a thing of beauty, a testament to deep and lasting love. The look they shared made Gus blush. It was like peeking into someone’s windows and observing the true them.
“Not that your statement isn’t accurate, but no, it’s because he witnesses the way I am with Lyn. He is too afraid to come to me and develop that trust the way most animals do, through personal experience, I suppose. Instead, he uses Lyn’s reaction to me to form his theory. He observes Lyn’s condition after an encounter and sees that he is content with his treatment. He wasn’t harmed by it.”
“I thought you were a lawyer by day, not Jackson Galaxy’s understudy.”
“Part of being a good litigator is reading people, so if I apply that to cats, then so be it. As I was saying, Skyn has lived a hard life, been through things we can only imagine. It’s made him, let’s say, cautious. So, he doesn’t put himself out there to be hurt; he leaves that to Lyn. After a while of Lyn being consistently okay with my treatment, he will test it himself. Plus, like all males, he is envious of the other male’s attention, and of course, a little jealousy and envy are amazing motivators.”
“Are you actually suggesting I set out to make John jealous? Isn’t that against the bro code or something? Besides, John is not a man to be manipulated. However, I have thought about putting myself out there. I may be hopelessly optimistic as Stacy says, but I am also a realist. John isn’t ready for me or a relationship with me for whatever reasons. I want to believe it’s just the pregnancy, but it may not be. I may deliver this baby in a week or two and nothing will change between us. I can’t just sit around like a lump on log waiting to see if he will come around.”
Andy displayed a split second of utter shock at her words before he schooled his features, but Marco’s jaw was practically on the tile. Gus enjoyed their surprise for whatever reason. It was rare she was unpredictable, especially to Andy.
“Pick your handsome jaw up off the floor, sweetheart, you’re catching flies,” Andy said lovingly with a light touch to Marco’s jaw, before turning to Gus and dropping a kiss on her forehead. “I think that is a wonderful idea, Pixie. John is a good man, and I know you care deeply about him, and while I believe he cares deeply for you, no one should put their life on hold for another person.”
His words touched her, so Gus threw herself into his arms. Not because she hadn’t thought the same thing, but because it was a relief to hear from Andy. It was like he was giving her his blessing to pursue whatever would make her happy. Not that she needed it or that he thought he had the right to grant it, but she was carrying his child. So in a way, she did look to him for permission.
“Besides, any man who is willing to give me a chance while I’m pregnant has got to be worth something.” Gus had no designs on falling in love or even starting a serious relationship, but why should she be totally alone just because she wasn’t in the market for forever. Having a male companion to eat dinner and catch a movie with sounded good. Hell, just to sit on the couch with a man who enjoys my company as a woman and binge watch my latest obsession with me sounds like Heaven.
“And like my cariño said, a little jealousy goes a long way.” Marco’s voice broke through her thoughts. Shaking off her little mental vacay, she noticed the men readying to leave.
“You have to go already? You just got here.”
“Yes, Pixie, the vans will be here any minute now, and Marco is peculiar about where everything must go. Besides, you will be sick to death of us by the time this baby is weaned, so enjoy the fact that we are leaving without you forcing us out.”
Gus escorted them to the door and said her goodbyes. “And for the record, I’m not open to dating to make John jealous. I’m doing it to set us both free.”
After they left, she pondered her own words. It was true, as much as she saw affection in John’s eyes, she was pretty sure it wasn’t love. Not that it couldn’t be, it just wasn’t yet. If she allowed herself to stagnate and pine, John would shoulder the guilt like it was his fault. That misguided sense of guilt would likely force him to make a move he wasn’t ready for. That was something she would never allow. The one thing worse than unrequited love is being trapped by someone else’s love for you.