Chapter Forty-Two
Kane
I opened the door for her when she knocked, and she stood there, her eyes wide as she stared at me. She looked near panic, and I started to panic too. This wasn’t supposed to be panic inducing—not right now.
Her focus traveled down to my neck, and her eyes finally softened as a quiet laugh escaped her lips. She reached out and touched the knot of the tie I was wearing. It was dangling loosely from my neck over the T-shirt I still wore. She finally looked past me and into the dimly lit living room. It was still empty, of course, but I’d started a fire in the fireplace that cast a warm light across the room that flickered softly.
“Sweet Hell,” I said as I stepped back from the door.
She stepped in, smiling tentatively. She walked to the center of the room, turning in a circle and crossing her arms on her chest nervously. “You flunked the test,” she said quietly.
I smiled, stepping up to her, and I pulled her arms apart. “But did I pass you?”
She watched me for a moment, but she nodded. “Yes,” she whispered.
I leaned down, kissing her forehead. When I pulled back, I started undressing. Her eyes bulged for a moment, but she watched. I slipped my T-shirt off over my head, fishing the tie through the neck opening and leaving it on. Her lips pulled up at that, but then she was too busy biting her lower lip to smile when I undid the button and lowered the zipper of my jeans. I pushed them down along with my underwear, and I kicked them off to the side.
I reached for the wide belt on her dress, unbuckling it as she watched, and I tossed it on top of my clothes before trailing my hands back to the zipper and lowering it. I undid her bra, and as I pulled the straps over her shoulders, I caught the dress as well and lowered it down to the floor. She stepped out of it, and I scooped it up quickly and tossed it aside. I walked to the fireplace and grabbed the corsage that was sitting on the hearth. It was made up of small yellow flowers. I had no idea what kind they were, but they were yellow. That’s all that mattered.
When I turned back toward her, her eyes were studying my ass, and I chuckled as her attention quickly shifted up to my face. She saw the corsage in my hands, and she swallowed over a lump. Her lips trembled for a moment, and then she clamped them closed.
I leaned to her ear when I reached her. “I want my homecoming dance with my homecoming date.”
She nodded, and her fingers clutched at my waist. When I pulled back, she had tears in her eyes. It was just a teary-eye sort of day. That wasn’t terribly shocking. What was shocking was that she was still here. I was putting my Hell through hell, but she was hanging tight right there with me to the end. I ran my thumb under her eye, brushing away a tear, and then I kneeled in front of her. I slipped my fingers through the elastic wrist band of the corsage, and I opened it wide enough to slip over her slim wrist. As my hand slid the corsage in place, my mouth kissed her stomach, and my other hand inched her underwear down her hips.
The moment the corsage was on, I used both hands to slide her underwear the rest of the way down as my mouth kept kissing her lower belly. Her fingers stroked through my hair, and when I glanced up at her, she was watching me. I helped her step out of her underwear, and I tossed them aside as I stood back up.
I turned back to the fireplace again, and I grabbed my cell phone. “I searched on popular songs from back in the day,” I admitted as I pulled up my iTunes. “And I picked the most appropriate ones for us.”
Her lips pulled up sweetly.
“We now have our very own homecoming playlist.”
“What’s on our playlist?” she asked quietly as she twisted her fingers together demurely in front of her.
“Well … only four songs actually. The Reason by Hoobastank—”
“You always said their name sucked,” she interrupted.
I chuckled quietly. “Their name does suck.” I smirked. “The second one is If You’re Not the One by Daniel Bedingfield. If I recall you used to love that song.”
Her smile widened. “And I recall you saying his voice was too high.”
I bobbled my head as I hit play and set the phone back down. “I used to be a bit of a dick.” I smirked. “Then I searched for that lullaby you were singing Sienna, downloaded it which of course brought me to By Your Side by Sade too, so I had to add that one to the list as well. I’ve been very busy,” I said as I pulled her into my arms.
The sound of the most poorly named musical group in all of history filled the living room. I reached for Helene’s cheeks and held her face still as I looked down at her. Her hands gripped my lower back. The dancing aspect ended up lost on us when I got busy staring at her eyes before I’d even taken a step and her hands found my butt cheeks. We stood there staring at one another, and her palms moved over my buttocks, her fingertips grazing gently down between my cheeks.
My eyes didn’t leave hers for the entirety of the first three songs, and her fingers ran gentle, soft trails over my backside and lower back. But when By Your Side came on last, her teeth gritted, her lips trembled, and she lowered her forehead to my chest. The words of the song were a bit too perfect not to cause some reaction, and I gave Helene a few seconds to recover before I pulled her chin up to look at me. My eyes teared too as I watched her struggle, and she shook her head in what looked like frustration as she smiled and Sade sang to us.
“Tell me you’re not leaving,” she whispered.
My brow furrowed, and I shook my head. “You know I can’t do that—”
“You’re just going away for a little while. Can’t you tell me that?”
I nodded. “Yes. Just a little while,” I whispered just as softly as her voice. I was still holding her cheeks, and I brushed more tears away as I watched her.
“Tell me you’ll come back to me after it’s over.”
I smiled, but it crinkled my eyes and a tear ran down my cheek. “I’ll come back. I’ll stay back.” I studied her for a moment. “You own this life, okay? I just need you to let it go for a little while. Then it’s yours again for however long you want it.”
“Forever?”
“Forever.”
She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. And then her hands moved again, gently gliding lower as her fingers toyed between the cheeks of my bottom.
“It’s okay. You can touch.”
Her fingers trembled as they moved lower, but then she was there, softly brushing over that part of me. I let my forehead drop to hers, and I closed my eyes as I released a deep breath against her lips.
I kept my forehead to Helene’s, letting her touch me. She was so exceptionally good at touching. It was always perfect, always gentle, always intentional and with purpose. She was the only person in the world I wanted to touch me inside and out, and I let her willingly now.
I didn’t open my eyes until Sade’s voice drifted off into silence. I kissed her, running my hands down her shoulders to her back and then farther to her bottom. I lifted her to straddle my hips, and I walked toward the bedroom. She clutched at my shoulders, and I could feel her breath on the side of my neck.
I laid her on the bed, putting her under me. She clung to my neck for a moment, holding me there, but the second she let go, I pushed up and kneeled between her legs, giving myself a moment to let the panic pass as I sank back to sit on my heels. I looked down at her, and she studied me patiently.
I laughed nervously even as my fingers fidgeted with the tie still hanging loosely around my neck. “God, I feel like such a kid with you,” I breathed out the words as I stared at her. “Figuring out how to fuck all over again.”
She sat up, resting her hands on my hips, but she didn’t pull me toward her. She kissed the center of my chest, placing one kiss after another on my sternum and then over to my nipple. It was gentle, sweet, the innocent type of kiss that could soothe as much as incite. When she kissed up higher to my throat, I bent down, resting my lips to the top of her shoulder. She let her lips brush and linger gently against my earlobe, and I closed my eyes tight as I listened to her breathe.
“I’m ready,” I finally said. “Lay back.”
I watched as she did, and she parted her legs even wider. My knees were wedged under her thighs, and I ran my palms over her raw and scraped kneecaps. She looked away for a moment, but when my hands grazed over the insides of her thighs from her knees toward her pussy, her attention returned to me.
She was glistening pink, and when the path of my hands brought my fingertips to her lips, I parted them farther, studying the way she looked. I could see where I’d been eleven years ago. I could see what I’d hurt. It was also exactly where I was going to be now, and it amazed the hell out of me that I had her permission, her desire even—that I’d somehow earned it. The arousal of seeing what I was going to invade—the very spot I would stretch open with my cock—mixed with the emotional aspect of what this meant for us, and it was so fucking intense. She always winced and whimpered when I penetrated her, but her legs were still parted wide, unafraid of whatever that pain felt like, and I knew she felt all of this just as powerfully as I did. How fucking incredible was that?
I leaned over her, and my body trembled pathetically like a leaf ready to crumble and break apart into a million pieces. God I wanted this, but there was something about seeing her hair splayed out messily around her on the bed, something about the firm surface behind her body, and something about the way her eyes watched mine that sent a chill up my spine even as my body begged to invade.
I nudged, using my hand to guide my cockhead to that spot I’d been staring at so intently moments before. I nudged harder, feeling the bulbous tip pop past her tight skin. And there was the wince. I stilled for just a second, and then I watched her lips part as I pushed in and she cried out quietly. The warmth and wetness were consuming me, and when I was fully seated within her, I let my head drop to her shoulder.
Her hand was upstretched near her head, and mine was holding her wrist, toying with the small flowers there as I waited and breathed against her neck. Her fingers stroked slowly over my back, and she nuzzled against my ear, humming warmly. “You were my flower too,” she whispered. “My warmth in the cold, my beautiful thing in all the ugly. You don’t have to be afraid of this.”
I nodded even as I kept my face against her neck and touched those fucking little flowers on her wrist. And then I humped gently. It was slow at first, and her free hand continued to coax me as it ran over my back, finally moving up to clutch into my shoulder. She held me tight as my hips moved, driving my cock deep into her and then retracting. She gasped the quietest sweetest sound with every invasion, and as I listened, my need to fuck with abandon grew.
It was a very Kant-unapproved drive that was building within me. I was losing myself in her. But her hips were rising up to meet mine, and as my thrusts sped, she reached both hands down to my bottom. Her nails dug harshly and painfully into my cheeks, and she pulled me against her. One of my knees was wedged up higher under her thigh, as though I was practically trying to crawl within her with every thrust.
I gripped the top of the mattress just beyond her head, and then I pulled back, looking down on her face. I paused for a half a second, and she stared at me as her chest rose and fell rapidly. When her nails dug into my ass just slightly deeper than they had been, I hissed and then I fucked. I pounded, snapping my hips hard between her legs and listening to the sound of skin on skin as my body smacked into hers.
Her eyes were open, so open and alert, and I studied them as I slammed into her over and over and over again. I was gritting my teeth against the need to come, and I set my body loose the very second I saw her start to wilt. She cried out, her nails practically piercing my skin as she clutched at me, and I stilled deep within her, spasming and grunting through my orgasm as she trembled underneath me.
“I love you, Hell,” I whispered against her ear.
“Stop calling me Hell,” she whispered back.
I laughed as I pulled back to look at her. She smiled, and she reached for the tie that was still around my neck. Her fingers stroked over the material, and I reached for her forehead, brushing her hair back. I stayed there inside her, looking down at her face, and when I finally pushed myself up, I dropped down beside her on the bed. I pulled her into my arms, and I sighed as I relaxed. I wasn’t going to fall asleep though. I wasn’t going to give her up for even one second before I had to go. But she looked so tired, and I yawned at the sight.
She kept opening her eyes wide as she fought to stay awake, and eventually she lost the fight and I did too. Her breathing slowed as mine did, and I watched her lazily and tried to soak her in. Her eyes would open randomly as she still fought sleep, and she moaned in frustration.
“It’s okay,” I whispered.
And then I was asleep.