LUCY

 

Sinning didn’t feel terrible at all.

In fact, it felt glorious.

No—addictive.

Killian’s large body pressed against mine. I tasted the faint copper of his blood. What should’ve disgusted me, or at least filled me with shame, excited instead. I craved more. The violence, something I abhorred in myself, brought this whirlwind of passion.

How could I regret it? Especially when he circled his fingers around my neck, pressing just enough to send a thrill straight to my core.

“Fuck, Lucy! What are you doing to me?” Killian groaned long enough to press a series of sharp kisses along my jaw before returning to my mouth. “Whatever it is…don’t…fucking…stop.”

“I don’t…want…”

Killian pulled the base of my ponytail. The hard yank snapped my attention to his absence.

“What don’t you want, Lucy? You don’t want me?”

My lids dropped until I could barely make out his sinfully beautiful face. “I do want you.”

“Say it again.”

Curling against his body, seemingly without control, I gasped my truth. “I want you.”

I’d barely finished the last word before Killian possessed me again. Unfortunately, reason filtered through between each sweep of his talented tongue and growl of my name.

I did want him. I wanted him from the moment I first saw him. I wanted him so much that I was kissing Killian King. My boss’s grandson.

The man I was supposed to be helping.

What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?

Yes. Yes.

Reluctantly trying to break off the kiss, I lasted only for a second. It hurt too much. Helpless, I kept going back. Killian’s lips were soft. I never imagined a man’s mouth could be so delicious.

I wanted to kiss him forever.

He’ll never have you for a month, much less forever. You know the world and you don’t belong in his.

But I wanted to. Badly.

Aroused and horrified by my newfound hunger, I finally broke free. We stared each other down, mouths bruised and eyes heavy with lust. I couldn’t catch my breath fast enough to keep me sane because I’d absolutely climb Killian given half a chance.

What was I thinking?

This was why I’d never dated. Kissing led to sex, sex led to loss of freedom. I saw it firsthand and it was enough to keep me alone. I’d worked so hard to make something of myself. I couldn’t just throw it away over some boy.

But Killian King wasn’t just some boy. He was a man. A gorgeous man who delighted my mind as well as my body.

I want him.

Yes, I wanted him. All his kisses. More so, I was infinitely drawn to his pain. I wanted to help him heal. Kissing Killian wasn’t part of that plan.

It could be…

Killian’s blue eyes lost their glazed look. The mask returned. He stared at me, daring to smirk. “Well, well, well. This is quite the surprise. I wonder what Gramps would say if he’d walked in on that.”

No! He wasn’t going to seize control by throwing me under the bus or diminishing what we’d just experienced. I wasn’t alone in this. Not by a longshot.

“You kissed me first.”

“You kissed me last.”

True. I craved to kiss him again. My first kiss couldn’t be my last with this man. Life couldn’t be that unfair to me. Not when I was an especially patient woman with this devil brat.

Killian visibly enjoyed my inability to argue back. I’d still be kissing him now if my conscience hadn’t decided to show up. However late.

“What is this blessed sound? Did I just dropkick Lucy into silence?”

My mouth itched to remind him I was almost always quiet. There was no point though. Killian wanted to rile me up for a reason and push me further away while he was at it.

Very well. I just had to play it cool. For however long it took me to get it together.

Change the channel, Lucy. Far, far away from the “After Dark” section.

“That was unexpected, Mr. King.”

He raised a brow. “I’m no longer Mr. Killian or just Killian? I thought we’d gotten closer than that, Lucy.”

I loved hearing my name on his lips. Those very same firm yet soft, deliciously masculine lips. Sweet like candy. Dangerous like heroin.

“Have we though? Gotten closer that is?”

“What do you think?” Killian tilted his head, studying me beneath a sultry stare. “I can still taste you on my lips.”

My lower body clenched. Walking down the street guaranteed I’d heard all matters of verbal perversions. All of Killian’s words were G-rated but never had I been affected like this.

Words from a girl I knew back in high school suddenly thundered over me. “Lucy, ain’t you ever had a dick that was so good you couldn’t live without it?”

My answer then was a loud “No!” If she asked me now though…I had a strong suspicion Killian King might just have what I needed and never let myself crave.

What kind of dirty thoughts am I thinking?

I looked away, backing down for the first time in forever because I couldn’t push for what I desperately wanted. Not and be able to meet Mr. King’s eyes. He brought me here to help Killian. Not to kiss him until I lost all sense.

Or my virginity.

“Lucy—this is the part where you ask me to take you to dinner and the latest word in nightclubs.”

Blinking rapidly as if coming out of a deep trance, I just stupidly croaked, “What?”

Killian ran a hand through his hair, tousling it so that it lay in a sexy sprawl across his temple. “You. Me. Dinner. Clubbing. Then…well, we’ll let the night decide what comes next. What do you say?”

I couldn’t tell if Killian was mocking me or if he was 100% serious. The fact that I didn’t know proved how off I was. All this week I’d known when Killian was throwing up barriers or being dismissive because his feelings were too close to the surface. I recognized his nastiness for what it was.

I didn’t know this side of Killian King. Charming. Blunt. Alluring in his vulnerability.

The urge to flee suddenly hit me like a brick to the back of my head. “No.”  

“No?”

I’d offended him if Killian’s haughty tone was any kind of proof. Thankfully, it gave me what I needed to get my head on straight.

“No. I don’t know what exactly happened here but we can’t do it again.”

“What exactly happened here was you sucking my tongue like a lollipop while rubbing against me like a cat in heat. I could’ve had you against the wall in a minute flat—if I wanted.”

My temper flared back up. How could I have considered breaking my lifelong chastity streak with this man for one second?

“First—you’re wrong. Second--weren’t you jabbing your tongue down my throat?”

He smirked. “I don’t jab my tongue, querida. I slide it wet and slow until neither of us can take it anymore.”

This was the perfect cue to slap Killian for…for…for making me want him like this. Despite his ugly words. My hand flew up but this time he caught it and shook his head slowly.

“No, no, Lucy. You get one because I deserved it for calling you a bitch but never again. Understand? You keep your little hands to yourself unless…” Killian leaned down, nuzzling the tip of his nose against my ear. “My God you smell divine. What are you doing to me? I’m so fucking hard for you right now.”

My breath sounded choppy and loud to my over-sensitive ears. “I’m not doing anything to you.”

“Liar. You’re fucking up my life.”

I tried to pull my hand free. Killian tightened his grip. Shaking, I said, “I’m not here to mess your life up. I’m here to—”

“Help me. Yeah, you’ve told me a time or two. But here’s the thing, querida, you’re not helping. You’re distracting me day in and day out. How can I work when you’re right there stealing my mind? Gorgeous little thief…”

I licked my lips, having difficulty swallowing past the knot of excitement in my throat. “You don’t mean a word you’re saying. You’re just trying to throw me off-balance.”

“Is that right?” Killian feathered a kiss right along my jaw. “Then why am I the one who can’t find his footing? Hmm? Can you find the answer in that oversized heart of yours?”

I couldn’t. I didn’t want to because I wanted his words to be real.

What if he wasn’t making fun of me?

What if he actually meant it?

What if Killian King actually saw something beautiful in Lucy Martin? Something he wanted more than for a night?

What if he saw the same demons in me I saw in him and actually wanted to free us both? Could this be the true reason Mr. King crossed my path?

Because I suffered but no one ever saw it…

“Lucy, ask me to take you out tonight. Ask me to buy you all the beautiful clothes, shoes, and jewelry your sweet little heart desires. You want to and I need you to do this for me.”

“Why?”

“Why?” he drawled syrupy-sweet. “Don’t you own a mirror? You’re so fucking gorgeous I can’t help but want to have you. Every bit…”

Closing my eyes, I gasped when he bit down on the nape of my neck. Shudders rocked my body. My knees weakened. But my resolve hardened.

He didn’t see me. Nor my demons.

Killian didn’t scratch the surface. He just saw something shiny and new. I’d be tossed away once the shine wore off and it would. Lust burned bright like a sparkler and died just as quickly.

“I cannot be bought.”

He froze. I was sure I angered him when I heard his soft laughter. “Don’t be silly, Little Lucy. Everyone has a price. Even me.”

“No! Not me.”

Killian pulled back, putting his gorgeous face in front of mine. “That sounds like a dare.”

Fear licked at my heels. I resisted the urge to make the sign of the cross. Not because I feared Killian, but because I feared this devil was right. I’d gone my whole life not really being attracted to any boy or man and the first time in a long time that I was out of my neighborhood, I wanted to be with the boss’s grandson.

I didn’t like what that said about me.

Deliberately, I took several steps back until Killian let me go. Reluctantly, if the lingering sweep of his fingertips were any indication.

Clearing my throat, I met his gaze. “It’s not a dare. It’s just the truth. I didn’t come here for money—”

“But it helps.”

“It does, but that’s not my motivation.”

Killian turned away with an aggravated sigh. “That Angel of Mercy crap is getting old—fast. Can it, Lucy. No one is that selfless.”

I watched as he went back to his board. Resuming his writing, Killian effectively shut me out. That was okay because I needed my own way to handle this difficult puzzle of a man.

And the pain I felt for not being seen either.

Throwing myself onto a chair, I flipped open my book and wrote furiously until my hand just about cramped. Soon I felt his shadow loom over me. I slammed the journal shut.  

Killian’s gaze brightened with curiosity while his still-swollen mouth turned down into a sulky frown. He gestured to the notebook. “Do you share that with my grandfather?”

“No. It’s for my eyes only.” Today this was my much-needed therapy to help me deal with such a disagreeable yet incredibly sexy man.

Don’t forget insensitive jerk. Devil brat. King of all brats that have ever been or ever will be.

He rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

I knew he was pricking me with that viper’s mouth, but I couldn’t let this opportunity pass. Flipping my book open, I let it fall onto the last entry.

YOU CANNOT TAKE KILLLIAN KING TO THE GROUND AND KICK SOME SENSE INTO HIM. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HIT HIM. SMACK HIM. TAP HIM. NO. MATTER. WHAT.

I wrote this over and over again, taking up the entire page. It was my turn to smirk when I saw how flabbergasted he was at my messy scrawl.

“Kick some sense into me? Hardly.”

A tiny smile ghosted across his mouth. It was genuine, nothing nasty or snide about it.

And just like that my hurt feelings melted away.

I wanted to laugh and spin around the room with him. Finally, I made some progress. He believed me. Just that bit was enough to make me bury my hurt feelings and brooding demons.

“Yeah, it wouldn’t work. You’re too stubborn, Killian.”

“Yes, but you’re stubborn enough to try, Lucy.”

“That’s why I just wrote it versus doing it.” Coughing while fidgeting a bit, I said, “And, uh, I’m sorry.”

His focus sharpened. “For what?”

“For slapping you. You shouldn’t have called me a dirty word, and I’d do it again if you do it again, but I don’t like hitting anyone. Even you.”

“Even me?”

Especially you.

This man had turned my world upside down and with just a kiss. No. Make that two kisses. Frustrated, I warned, “Just don’t do it again, okay?”

Killian took my snapping in stride. Instead of firing back at me, he just said, “You have my word.”

This was unexpected.

“Thank you.” Unable to help myself, I smiled. Things were turning up. Killian pinned me with his laser stare until my smile faded along with my confidence. “What is it?”

“Not boring. Not boring at all.”

He said it so softly I was sure I wasn’t meant to hear it. Then he pivoted.

“Hoochies, Lucy? Really?”

“Just calling it like I see it.”

“Someone’s been a nosy girl, hasn’t she? Google isn’t always your friend, Miss Martin.”

Color flirted across my cheeks. Not much I could say there. Silence was my only out.

“Besides if they’re hoochies then what does that make me? I’m not an indiscriminate slut.”

“So what does that make them?”

“Women who happened to have a momentary lapse in judgment when they met me.”

I didn’t want to be charmed by his rakish smile and lazy shrug. Nor did I want to admire the sentiment behind his words that confirmed what I already knew—he was a decent guy.

It was too late.

Suddenly wanting to drag my fingers through his hair while I kissed him again, I looked at my watch and said in a bright, cheery tone, “It’s quitting time.”

“So it is.” Killian put his hands in his pockets. “Do you need a ride?”

I arched a brow, wondering if he was saying more than that. His expression remained relaxed, if not slightly guarded. No dirty, double-talk then.

“Remember it was a one-time offer?” I reminded him. Although my easy drawl didn’t betray me, I still felt the sting when he turned on me so abruptly that first day. I wasn’t eager for a repeat performance.

“Yes, but I reserve the right to change my mind.”

“Well, unchange it back.”

“Final word?”

“Final word.”

“Very well then. Have a good weekend, Lucy Martin. No need to walk me to the car today. I’m having dinner with Grandfather. Although if you come along, I’m sure he’ll invite you too.”

While I would’ve loved to have spent more time with Killian, this wasn’t the way to do it. Even so, I wished I had a good reason to stay. I also wished I could kiss him again.

“Don’t.”

Surprised, I blinked quickly while trying to figure out what I did wrong. “Don’t what?”

Killian closed the distance between us. He cupped my chin, gentle but firm. “Don’t look at me like that. If you keep it up then I’ll abandon everything and throw you over my shoulder. Then I’ll kiss you until you want me as much as I want you.”

Too late.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

Our conversation in reverse.

“Don’t say things in the heat of the moment. Because once you say it, you can’t take it back.”

“Duly noted, Miss Lucy.”

He watched me gather my things, standing so still I thought he was already somewhere else mentally. Except when I looked back at him. Killian’s gaze burned with the same fire I kept trying to extinguish.

“Be a good girl this weekend, Lucy. All that’s pure and sweet.”

“You too,” I said inanely.

Killian grinned. “Hardly. I’m going to go through a box of tissues this weekend. All. Because. Of. You.”

Gasping, I wrinkled my nose and swiftly made my exit. Too bad I wasn’t nearly as outraged as I pretended.

In fact, I found myself wanted to sin all weekend with Killian King.

And that’s a bigger problem, Lucy. You can’t have what you really want. You never could.

The cruel reminder served its purpose. The fire Killian ignited in me turned to cold ash.

Some people were born under a blessed star. They got to have a normal uneventful life, free from suffering and unfair burdens. If things got sticky, these special humans had a never-ending supply of second chances.

I wasn’t like those people. 

Anyone I truly loved and needed died. Lost in grief I stepped off the path and society branded me for it. I’d spend the rest of my life working to prove my worth, but some things could never be forgotten.

Killian King was not for me.