LUCY

 

I knew it. Of course, I knew it.

He was a man. I was a woman. Sex was always on the table.

But it hurt.

I felt like a fool because for one second I thought Killian meant everything he said at his penthouse. All my talk about kindness and thinking he got me…what a joke.

“You dress me up, feed me, and then I’d go home with you because I owed you something. Do I have the right of it?”

Killian put his hands in his pockets. His lazy slouch said he didn’t have a care in the world. “No.”

“Tell me how I’m wrong.”

“What difference does it make? You’ve already made up your mind.”

“I want to know.”

“What do you want me to say, Lucy? Do you want me to deny it? I won’t. I want to sleep with you. Of course, I do. You’re beautiful and sexy. What man wouldn’t want you?”

Disappointment caved in all my expectations.

“I should’ve known you weren’t being nice.”

“I’m never nice.”

“Well, I finally believe you.”

Killian’s jaw popped. “Why’d you ask me to lunch?”

“Because I wanted to talk to you.”

“About?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t believe you. You asked me to lunch because everything between us is all wrong.”

I crossed my arms. “It didn’t have to be.”

“Sure it did. We were all wrong as soon as you started working for my grandfather.”

“You’ll never forgive me for it, will you?”

“Why should I?”

Why indeed? Nothing I said or did could erase why I was in his life. Worse? I couldn’t blame him. I used to hold grudges for a lot less. But my compassion eroded beneath hurt feelings.

Beauty was dangerous and Killian was the most dangerous of all. Why? Because he made me think I could be like everyone else. That my past could be forgotten, buried as if it never existed.

“There was no point to today. Ice cream, Lanita, dinner—none of it mattered.”

Killian took a step closer. “I wouldn’t say that.”

“What would you say then?”

“I’d say it doesn’t matter how any of this started. We’re here now. Together. That’s the way I want it. And I know it’s what you want too.”

My heartbeat drowned out the nighttime hum. With those words, we were the only two people in the city now.

“Because you want to sleep with me.”

“I’m not going to apologize for finding you desirable, Lucy. I don’t feel shame in sex.” He shrugged, looking at me as if I was the one with the problem.

Killian didn’t know shit about my past and that was how it was going to stay.

“Lucky you.”

He snapped to attention. “Something did happen then.”

“No. Look, it’s not important. All I’m saying is you’re right. I asked you to lunch…dinner…because I wanted to know what changed between us. We’d gotten closer and then you shut me out.”

“And you want to fix it.”

Another step. Just a few more and he’d be close enough to touch. I looked away, fisting my hands because they knew exactly how wide his shoulders were and how soft his hair felt.

“Yes.”

“How is walking out on me fixing anything?”

“It doesn’t.”

“You’re warning me off. Why? There’s attraction between us and if you deny it, I’ll know you for a liar too.” His voice softened, coaxing me to prove him right. “Go on. Deny it if you can.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. The sharp pain cleared all my denials. “You know I can’t.”

“Yes, I know, but do you?”

One more step, bigger than the rest. He was right in front of me. Killian’s regard was like the sun coaxing a flower to bloom. I couldn’t fight instinct or keep myself from leaning into the palm cupping my cheek.

“Killian, I’m not like the other women you’ve been with. Sex matters to me.”

“And marriage somehow makes it matter.”

“You’re insulting me.”

“I’m not. Lucy, exchanging vows doesn’t mean it’ll last forever. It just makes things more traumatic when it finally comes to an end.”

“Just because you hold a bad view of marriage doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

“Really? Did happily-ever-after come for your parents? Because it sure as hell didn’t come for mine.”

Killian’s claws scored true. They cut me open, tearing black memories free. My dad yelling at my mom, punching holes in the wall while she threw dishes at him. Money and the lack of it shattering my family apart until the only person left was me.

My mom never wanted to marry my dad. She only did it because she got pregnant with me. But somehow her reluctance turned into love, a deep, destructive kind that ended up killing her.

No, marriage wasn’t a cure-all but it was the only defense I had against the common warfare between men and women. I wasn’t going to let anyone use me. Or treat me like a whore.

Not ever again.

Besides, it would be different. I’d make sure of it. A man who married me would do it because he loved me, not because he wanted something from me, or because he was obligated.

Nope. My marriage would last forever as would my love. I believed in that with all my heart.

“Nothing you say will make me change my mind. I won’t sleep with you tonight. Or any other night—no matter how many dresses you give me.”

“Ever?”

“It might as well be never. Like you said, everything about us is all wrong.” My chin wobbled. How humiliating! “Actually, there isn’t any ‘us’, is there? I work for Mr. King and as long as I’m at King Cosmetics, you’ll never me see as anything but a symbol of betrayal. You’ll never see me. You’ll only see the problems you have with your grandfather.”

Killian’s full lips tightened into a hard line. I expected him to drawl fancy denials into my ears. Instead, he chipped away at my heart.

“You’re right, Lucy. As always.”

Killian’s hand fell away. My cheek throbbed as if struck. I had a crazy feeling he would never touch me again, that our world was about to rip apart and all I could do was witness its destruction.

I didn’t want to quit, but we couldn’t go back to where we were. I couldn’t keep pretending I could work with him and not want him intensely.

Killian King made me question my values on a daily basis. Worse—he made me wish I didn’t have them.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help you, Killian. I really wanted to, more than anything actually.”

He smiled, a tender thing. “I know you did. It’s the only reason I didn’t run you out.”

“As if I would’ve let that happen.”

Killian laughed and said, “You know, you’re probably the only one who could go the distance.”

Our smiles faded away.

“I still want to.”

Killian shrugged, beautiful in the illusion of not giving a damn. I knew it because of what he said next.

“Just so you know, if I ever would consider marriage, you’d be the only reason why.”

This wasn’t a bat to the stomach or a brick to the head. This was something better and worse at the same time.

“Killian, don’t say things you don’t mean.”

A bittersweet grin broke free. “I know.”

“I—”

“Fucking Killian King in the flesh! I thought I saw you running on the streets like a little bitch!”

The connection severed as a man stumbled into view. White shirt unbuttoned at the neck, stained red at the collar with lipstick, and gray eyes glassy from too much alcohol, drugs, or both, he would’ve been stupidly handsome if it wasn’t for the cruelty in his lean face.

“Carter.”

The blond man leered at me while blocking the sidewalk. He ignored the grunts and curses of “Get the fuck out of the way” and instead said, “So this is the hot piece of ass you chased after. Nice.”

Killian clenched his jaw. “Carter, watch your fucking mouth.”

Carter looked at both of us with a nasty smirk. “I can't say I blame you. She is gorgeous. Looks a lot like someone I know.”

This snagged my attention. What was he talking about?

Killian took a deep breath and visibly fought to keep his composure. “You’re drunk and embarrassing yourself. Why don’t you go home and sober up?”

The smile fell off Carter's face. “Why don’t you mind your own damn business? I don’t need you telling me shit about how I should behave or what I should do.”

My instincts, ones I hadn’t had to seriously use in years, let me know that things were about to get dangerous. Aggression crackled, stinking up the air as two alpha men faced off.

“How much?”

“How much what?”

“How much for her?”

Shocked, I rocked back. This man thought I was a prostitute!

Killian placed his arm in front of me, as if guarding me. “Do you want to keep your teeth? If not? Keep talking shit, Carter. Give me a reason.”

Carter laughed. It was an ugly, desperate sound.

“I’d say you owed me a favor, buddy. I let you take my helicopter on short notice and you didn’t even tip the pilot. Poor manners, old friend. Very poor manners. Have you even fucked her yet?”

Killian’s entire body turned to stone. Hard. Unforgiving. If this was the kind of friends he kept, no wonder he could be so nasty.

Carter assessed us both, his gaze gleaming silver with obvious spite and certainty.

“No, you haven't fucked her yet. Amazing. What kind of man are you? You can’t even close the deal." His expression turned crafty. “Or maybe she just doesn’t want you. That’s probably it, isn’t it? She’s got good taste. Let’s see if she can improve on it.”

Carter took a step towards us, swaying as if the entire world had taken a violent turn.

That was how I felt.

I wasn’t a thing to be traded or bargained away. Adrenaline rushed out, sending spurts of warning.

“Why don’t you get back into your limo and drive your happy ass outta here?”

He blinked owlishly, as if my words couldn’t form into the proper order for comprehension.

“Who are you again? What’s your name?”

“None of your business.”

Carter closed his eyes, swayed on his feet, and then snapped, “Shut up.”

Okay. It was going to be that kind of night.

I was more than ready.