Liam
His head was killing him, and he wasn’t about to turn down a home cooked meal, so he dug in and had his dinner eaten in no time at all. He took the tray out to the hallway table but didn’t feel right leaving dirty dishes there all night. Not really knowing if he was welcome in the kitchen, he made the decision to take the dishes down there anyway and get them washed.
After leaving the dishes in the drying rack—god knows he couldn’t put them away, lest the man think he stole them—he decided to walk towards the front of the house to try to find his car in the street so he’d know where it was. He walked through a huge dining room with a table that could seat twenty and a fireplace on either end. Shaking his head at the luxury, he walked to the windows. Granted, it was dark, but with the fancy streetlights, he could see there were no signs of his car, anywhere.
Worried now, he traced his steps back to the kitchen, through the mudroom, and on into the garage where he stopped short in surprise at seeing his car in the garage bay, the motorcycles having been moved aside for it. He didn’t know what to think about that. He supposed he could give the guy a break. He realized it was most likely a thoughtful gesture, so the car wouldn’t be freezing when he got in it, rather than an asshole gesture of embarrassment for an old beater being left in the driveway. He admitted the car probably couldn’t even have been seen from the street with all the bushes along the drive and walkway.
Not knowing quite what to think of the man who’d shown two very different sides of himself in the span of twenty minutes, he walked back upstairs to the guest bedroom and realized he was tired enough to fall asleep after such a long and emotional day. He got out his toothbrush, not wanting to use anything he didn’t have to because he was feeling guilty enough about being there in the first place. He set the alarm for five, hoping it would be early enough and promptly fell asleep.
When his alarm went off, he looked around, disoriented as to where the hell he was. The night before came crashing back, and he was up like a shot. Getting dressed quickly, he stripped the bed of anything he used. The bottom sheet, top sheet, and pillowcases went into the fanciest laundry hamper he’d ever seen beside the large, ornately carved armoire. He found clean sheets in the linen closet and remade the bed as closely as possible to the way it looked before he’d gotten in it.
He had the crazy urge to wash the sheets, but he knew from talking to Tommy that Cash had a house cleaner that did the laundry. Besides, he hadn’t seen a washing machine, and he wasn’t about to roam around trying to find it. He looked around and made sure everything he owned was packed then walked to the bathroom. He opened the linen closet again and pulled out some cleaning solution, sponges, and paper towels.
He took a piss, brushed his teeth with his own toothbrush and toothpaste he’d left there the night before, and began painstakingly cleaning away every remnant of his stay. Not a drop of water in the shower, not a stray hair left behind. He wasn’t about to inconvenience the man further. He cleaned the toilet and the sink as well and put the lone towel he’d used in the hamper with the sheets. He looked around one last time and made sure he got everything.
He realized as he picked up his backpack that he should probably at least leave a note to thank the man for dinner and a place to sleep for the night. He’d saved on hotel fare, and for that, he was grateful. He pulled out a notebook and pen from his backpack and scrawled out a note of thanks, making sure to explain that everything he used was cleaned, and that he was grateful for the meal and for a place to stay.
He told Cash to tell Tommy there were no hard feelings, but he felt it was best if they didn’t talk again. He left the note on the freshly made bed. His heart hurt, and he felt like he’d lost his best friend. Sighing, he grabbed his backpack and suitcase and quietly made his way down the stairs, hoping like hell Cash was still asleep and letting out a relieved breath when he saw there were no lights on in the kitchen. He flicked them on just to get him from the stairs to the mudroom without making any noise.
He hefted his suitcase in the car. The car was full of everything he owned that meant anything to him. He’d believed Tommy’s every word, and finding out he couldn’t trust Tommy after everything that happened was actually the worst thing to come from the whole debacle. Sure, he’d hoped everything would work out with Cash, but there was a niggling voice in the back of his mind from the beginning that always reminded him that Cash may not want him, and he may have to return home.
It didn’t matter that he was more than half in love with the man before he ever met him—it was hard not to be after learning everything he learned about him from Tommy—but who the hell knew how much of it was the truth. Shaking his head, he walked back into the kitchen to double check everything was as clean as he could make it and turned off the lights, crossing his fingers as he pushed the button to raise the garage door in hopes he’d be able to get out of there without having to disturb the man further.
He pulled out of the garage then left his car running while he ran back in to shut the automatic garage door. Leaving from the small side door, he climbed back in his car and drove away with a feeling of relief. He’d chalk the last month up to the biggest mistake of his life to date and get his life back on track. He figured at least two of the three jobs he quit would take him back, and if he begged, the third might too. Feeling better than he had the night before, he got himself out of Boston and back on the freeway home.
He pulled into the first truck stop he could find and grabbed some breakfast at the fast food joint there. He’d call his sister in a few hours. She told him to call him once he got on the road, and he didn’t want to worry her. They’d figure the rest of their shit out as soon as he got home. He was going to ensure she accepted the offer to attend Northeastern. She’d have room and board as part of the scholarship package, so he figured he could move to Massachusetts and live as close as he could afford to live without paying Boston prices. He wanted to be within close range of her so they could see each other when she had time, and she could stay with him on her breaks.
It was probably the best he could manage, and he wouldn’t lie, the fact that she’d be attending such a great school and would have such a great start in life made him feel proud of himself. Because the reality was, he’d done that. He’d taken care of her for years and ensured that her needs were met, above all others. They’d be okay. He knew they would be.
He’d get over the last month’s fiasco, and they’d laugh about it one day. That day probably wouldn’t be anytime soon, but eventually it would come. He rubbed his chest, realizing his heart was aching, hoping “eventually” wouldn’t take too long in coming. He turned on the radio to drown out the noise in his head and settled in for ten hours of self-reflection he didn’t really need right now.
He was just shy of five hours into the trip home when he realized he was hungry again and needed gas. He didn’t see a rest stop sign and finally just got off the highway at the next exit for Lebanon, New Jersey, where there were fast food signs and gas station signs aplenty. He grabbed gas first and used the bathroom. He wandered around a bit to stretch his legs then called his sister a second time and let her know he was just about halfway home.
When he tried to start his car to drive over to the fast food joint, it wouldn’t start. His heart lodged in his throat, and he sat, doing his best not to panic. He tried the ignition again and nothing. His hands started to shake and tears filled his vision. He didn’t know how much more he could take. He was hanging on by a very thin emotional thread and pretending everything would be okay didn’t work when everything that could go wrong went wrong in the span of less than twenty-four-hours.
Taking several deep breaths, he sat and calmed himself. He blinked back the tears and opened up the glove compartment, pulling out his insurance card and placing a call to get a tow truck. As he was just down the street from a tow truck company, they were there in less than thirty minutes to take him to the closest auto repair place.
Another hour later, he was checking into the hotel down the street with the assurance that the part would be there the next day, and he’d be able to leave before noon. He wasn’t holding his breath. He’d probably be there for a week. The cost of the part and labor was going to eat up most of his remaining savings. He’d left everything else for his sister to live on. Let alone the hotel charge, the tow truck charge, and the gas money for the remaining ride home. He was pretty much fucked.
He knew he’d be home soon, and the money he’d given to his sister to live on would then be money for him to live on as well, but it still made him nervous as shit to not have a backup plan if the car was more expensive than they quoted, or the stay ended up longer. He could get his sister to send him money, but he didn’t want to have to do that. He knew he’d be working again probably no more than a day or two after he got back, but until that time, his stress levels were through the roof.
Feeling utterly defeated, he made a call to his sister and filled her in. The fact that she was nearly crying for everything he’d gone through made him feel worse, not better, and he got off the phone assuring her everything would be fine without any real faith that it was the truth.
Cash
He woke up at eight feeling rested and in a better headspace than the night before. He brushed his teeth, took a piss then a shower, and was dialing Tommy before eight thirty.
“Cash! Hi, there! I’m so happy to hear from you. How did your first night with your new boy go? Looks like he got there around seven thirty.”
He growled and said, “Boy, if you were here, I’d tan your hide.”
“Aww, Dad… I mean Cash, don’t be like that. He’s perfect for you, you’ll see. Isn’t he just the sweetest, and so pretty! I have a good feeling about this.”
“I didn’t read your letter until last night, after he arrived.”
“Oh, fuck.”
“Language.”
Tommy snickered, and Cash rolled his eyes at his own automatic admonishment. Tommy asked, “So, how did that happen?”
Cash went on to tell him everything that had happened since he’d left. When he was done, Tommy’s voice was rightfully concerned. “So he thinks I lied to him? Sir, I’d never do that.”
Cash sighed. “I know, kid. I know you wouldn’t hurt a fly. I just. . . Tommy, you should have spoken to me about this. I don’t know if I’m ready. And on top of that, is the boy even legal? He could pass for sixteen!”
“Yes, he’s legal! He’s twenty, Cash, almost twenty-one.” The boy’s voice was plaintive when he said, “Cash?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re ready. You’re ready and so is he. I know you like no one else knows you, and I’ve gotten to know him nearly as well. You are perfect for each other. You need to stop making excuses and take a chance. He’s so worth it.”
Cash heaved another sigh and said, “I know you meant well. I really do. I have to give it a bit more thought. Maybe we could start off like you and I did.”
“Sir, why put restrictions on it from the beginning? We only did that because we met on your app and had agreed to that before we even met. It only stuck because we both realized we were great together, but not meant to be. Don’t start off what could be a wonderful relationship with stipulations and doubts.”
“We’ll see. Look, it’s getting late and I told him I’d make him breakfast. He doesn’t seem the type to come down unless he’s told, so I don’t want him sitting up in the room starving, waiting for me. Give it some time before you give him a call. He seems like someone who will forgive you, but I think he’s feeling pretty raw right now.”
“Make things right, Sir. He deserves so much better.”
Cash nodded his head, agreeing. “Yeah. I will. I’ll talk to you soon and you can fill me in on how you’re doing.”
“Yes, Sir. Bye.”
“Bye, Tommy.”
He hung up the phone with a heavy heart, feeling worse than he had the night before, which was saying something. He headed down the stairs and into the kitchen to make breakfast for them. Rounding the island, he saw the cleaned tray and dinnerware from the night before. Chuckling, he thought about what Tommy said about what a perfect boy Liam would be for him.
For the first time, he felt just the smallest bit of hope. But Jesus, he’d royally fucked things up. Liam seemed like a great kid. Maybe giving them a chance was a good idea. He really had nothing to lose, and the boy seemed like a sweetheart. But he had a lot to make up for. He got out the ingredients and figured it was as good a time to start as any.
Twenty minutes later, he was knocking on the guest room door, the breakfast hot and on the table for them, ready to be eaten. His palms were sweaty, and he knew he’d have to start off with a huge apology. He didn’t hear anything and thought maybe the kid was in the bathroom. He knocked a bit harder and waited again. Still nothing.
He opened the door a crack, calling out the kid’s name. The light was off, and he thought at first Liam must still be asleep, but when he opened the door further, he saw the bed looked as if it had never been slept in. He flicked on the light and saw the note immediately.
With his heart flipping in his chest, he picked up the piece of paper and proceeded to read the saddest note he’d ever read. Full of thank yous for being kind enough to take him in, apologies for showing up the way he had, and reassurances that he’d basically left the place pristine, not wanting to put him out any more than he already had.
Fuck!
He didn’t know how he’d continued to fuck everything up, but he had. He ran to his office and pulled up his security feeds. He saw the kid come out of the bedroom at five thirty that morning. Five. Fucking. Thirty. There was no way he’d woken up that early accidentally. No, the kid had felt humiliated enough that he had to run out when it was still dark outside to avoid being hurt even more than he’d already been. Jesus, he felt sick.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Tommy again, worried beyond what was probably rational. Skipping pleasantries, he asked, “What’s the boy’s number?”
“What happened?”
“He’s gone. Left here at five thirty in the fucking morning. It was still dark out, for fuck’s sake. Left me a note apologizing profusely for showing up, thanking me for allowing him to eat a meal and spend a night here, and made sure I knew the bed was freshly made and everything he used was in the hamper. Oh, and he wanted me to tell you that he thinks it would be best if you all never spoke again.”
That was apparently the last straw for Tommy. His soft sobs tore at Cash’s already battered conscience. And the litany of apologies for fucking everything up nearly did Cash in. “Boy, stop. Stop now. This isn’t your fault, this is my fault. I lashed out and treated him poorly. I was an asshole for no goddamn reason. Granted, a conversation with you would have gone a long way, but in the end, I should have read your letter immediately when I got home. I don’t know how, but I’m going to fix it. I just have to find him. Do you have his address in Pennsylvania?”
The soft gasp Tommy let out set his heart to thrumming. “I have him on Life360.”
“Jesus, boy. I could kiss you.”
“Save that for your new boy.”
Cash chuckled. “That’s putting the cart before the horse. Now, where is he?”
“Hold your horses, I’m checking. I asked him to download the app and add me, let’s hope he doesn’t hate me enough to block me. Nope. I’m still there. He’s, well shit, he’s made good time. He’s nearly to New Jersey. You better get your butt on the road, old man. You’ve got a boy to catch.”
“Send me his address and his route if you can. I’m getting my shit and getting in the car.”
“You got it. Good luck.”
“Thanks, Tommy. Trust me to take care of it now. You’ve got work to do there, so put it out of your mind. I’ll be in touch.”
“Yes, Sir.”
He jogged upstairs, grabbed his wallet and keys and packed a bag in case they needed to stay overnight. He was in the car for three hours before he got another call from Tommy. “He’s been in the same place for an hour. When I zeroed in on his location, I have him at a shoddy hotel in Lebanon, New Jersey.”
“A hotel? Why would he stop this early?”
“I don’t know. I’ll keep an eye on him to see if he moves, but I’ll send you his location.”
“All right. Thanks for the help. I’ll let you know what’s going on”
They hung up, and Cash did his best to eat up some of the distance with speed. He didn’t know why the boy would have stopped, but it didn’t bode well. He had a couple hours to think up what he was going to say to the kid to make it up to him and convince him to come home with him to see what they could work out together.
He wasn’t sure he was emotionally ready to dive into a full-fledged relationship, but at this point, after everything that had happened, he knew he was at least willing to make an arrangement that worked for both of them for a time. He’d have to see where it went.