CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

HAZEL

I blinked. 

I felt utterly confused. For a moment I felt like I discovered an affair or at least serious dishonesty but I didn’t even know if those were the right feelings to have.

Was I completely wrong to feel safe around him? 

To feel like I loved him? 

Liam approached me slowly and sat on the edge of the bed. He patted the space next to him, inviting me to sit. 

“I’ll tell you everything. Just give me a chance to explain.”

Tentatively I sat on the bed a few feet away, my eyes wide and watching him cautiously. 

He gave me a pained look. “I’m not a danger to you, Hazel. I won’t hurt you and I never… directly hurt her. I didn’t kill her but I do blame myself for her death.” 

“What do you mean?” I asked. 

He sighed deeply and looked at his hands folded in his lap. 

“Katie died three years ago. I was a rookie cop on the San Francisco police force back then. I was young, gung-ho and a fucking idiot. I put myself in harms way unnecessarily because I loved the adrenaline rush. If I had the slightest chance of taking down a bad guy, I’d do it in a heartbeat.” 

He let out a dry bitter laugh. 

“I kind of romanticized the job, I guess. But as it turns out, you need to use your brain in police work too. Sometimes it’s better for the greater good to allow some level of organized crime to remain in order.” 

“How can that be?” I demanded. “And how would that contribute to your fiancee’s death?” 

“It’s not something most people think about until they’re dealing with criminals on a daily basis,” he said. “It’s almost like… a parallel universe. They have their own laws, their own order of things in terms of business and loyalty and relationships. Especially here in California, with so much gang activity. There are so many groups and they’re very well organized.”

“Okay,” I said, despite still not completely following him. 

“So, as you can imagine,” he continued. “Some of these gangs are at war, others have peace agreements. Some have been allies since the dawn of time, some have been mortal enemies because one soldier gave a boss a funny look one day.” He swallowed and looked off into empty space. “When war breaks out, it doesn’t matter who gets caught in the crossfire. Anyone and everyone can become a casualty.”

He paused for such a long time and seemed lost in another world, another time. 

“Is that what happened to Katie?” I asked. 

His eyes closed gently and he nodded. 

“Two San Francisco mob families were doing business together. We found out who was selling, buying, and who the contacts were. We set up a perfect ambush, got a lot of powerful criminals arrested, and confiscated over five million dollars worth of cocaine.” 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” I said. The story still wasn’t making sense to me. His tone didn’t match at all with the words he said. 

“Oh, the department was ecstatic,” he replied flatly. “We were over the moon. Partying for days and feeling like heroes. I was thrilled to be a part of it as such a young cop. But,” he paused again, looking at some far off place. “We didn’t think ahead to what the consequences would be.”

For the first time since we started the conversation, I put my hand on his forearm, the muscles knotted and tense.  

“You stopped a major drug deal from happening. You arrested dangerous people and took them off the streets! I don’t understand how that contributed to someone getting killed.” 

He gave a hint of a smile and put his hand over mine. 

“Yes, and that caused the other side to not get product that they paid a lot of money for. When it wasn’t delivered, they retaliated.” 

Liam closed his eyes again, this time squeezing them shut as a vein pulsed in his temple. 

“They took to the streets, encroaching on their opponent’s territory. At first, they just targeted the other soldiers but it got out of control quickly. Lots of innocent people were caught in the crossfire. Dozens of injuries. Three deaths.” 

He opened his eyes and looked at me directly. 

“Katie was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I arrived at the scene too late and she died in my arms from gunshot wounds.” 

His eyes were cold and dark but surprisingly, they didn’t appear to be sad. 

“I’m so sorry,” I said quietly. “I can’t imagine a worse way to lose someone.” My hand squeezed around his forearm gently. “You have to realize it wasn’t your fault.” 

“I played a part in it. There’s no denying that.”

“You were doing your job,” I argued. “There’s no way you could have known.”

Liam smiled as he intertwined his fingers with mine, as if something about the situation was absurdly funny. 

“You know what I feel the worst about?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get married to her.” 

I narrowed my eyes. “What? She was your fiancee.”

“I know,” he sighed. “We were together a long time. I did love her. I missed her terribly and grieved like hell after she was gone. Losing her was the main reason I got the hell out of San Francisco. But I also had my doubts about marrying her that I never told her. She died without knowing my true feelings and that’s what really guts me.” 

“Then why did you propose to her?”

“Because I was young and idiotic,” he admitted. “I figured it was the next logical step but I didn’t really think it through. As we got older and started planning for the future, I realized our life goals and values didn’t align.” 

He nudged me gently with his forehead and snaked an arm around my back, gently pulling me in closer. 

“Since I met you,” he said in a low, quiet voice. “I haven’t thought about her once. In the five years she and I were together, I never felt the way I do with you. You set me on fire Hazel, like no one else ever has.” 

I allowed myself to lean against him, feeling his heart beat a comforting rhythm under my cheek. I wanted to believe him with every fiber of my being. It made sense. And yet still, I was falling for him hard and couldn’t help but feel hurt and suspicious at finding another woman’s photo next to his bed. 

“So you’re over her?” I asked cautiously. “I don’t mind you having memories of your past, especially since she was taken away from you, but is it just that? A memory?” 

He cupped my chin and made me face him, looking into his handsome face as he ran his thumb over my lip. 

“She’s nothing but a memory,” he said solemnly, looking straight into my eyes. “You are the present. You’re real and here. And you’re mine.”

His kiss captured my mouth like it would never let me go. All my fears and doubts melted away as the taste and touch of him filled my senses. We remained sitting on the bed but I felt like we were floating.

By the time we both came up for air, I sat straddling his lap and his thick cock grew hard between us. He smiled wickedly, all the dark seriousness gone from his eyes as he fisted my hair at the back of my neck. 

“Anything else I can do to reassure you, beautiful?” 

“Unless you have anything else to tell me,” I grinned back. “The best thing to do would be fucking me in that bath you started.” 

With no hesitation he stood up, holding under my ass with the strong corded muscles in his arms as if I weighed nothing and headed straight for the bathroom.

“Anything you desire,” he growled into my neck. “Because you’re mine, Hazel. All mine.” 

Happiness swept over me like the luxuriously warm bath water I was about to soak in and I hoped it would never end.