When we return to the house, I hurry to the privacy of the spare bedroom, needing a little space from the incredibly talented and devastatingly attractive Josh Holland. For the longest time, I lie flat on my back on the bed and stare at the ceiling, mulling his words and that drawing over in my head.
Eventually, I glance at the clock and see it’s after six, and Josh had told me we’d be leaving at six-thirty to go to meet Clare and Todd. I remove the dress and underwear from the bag and lay them on the bed. It’s the prettiest dress I’ve ever seen, and I can’t wait to try it on, desperately hoping it fits. After a quick shower, I pull it over my head and let it glide over my body. The hem, collar, and sleeves are bordered by tiny green gemstones that catch the light as I move, and I hope it’s not too dressy for the pub. Applying lip gloss I had in my bag and putting my hair in a quick braid over my left shoulder, I allow a few strands to hang loosely around my face. It’s Ki’s favourite hairstyle on me, and I feel a nasty twinge of guilt for hoping Josh likes it, too.
“You ready?” Josh calls from the hallway.
When I open the door, Josh’s eyes widen before raking up and down my body with obvious appreciation. When he meets my gaze, his emerald orbs are now a darker shade of green, and the only word that springs into my head is lust. Josh is lusting for me, and the beast that’s awoken inside me roars in delight. Since I met him, I’ve been unable to deny the chemistry between us. I have no doubt he can see my own lustful thoughts dancing in my eyes.
Swallowing hard, I run my sweaty palms over my hips, smoothing the fabric that isn’t wrinkled. “It fits,” I whisper.
“It most certainly does,” he says, stepping forward into my personal space.
My breath hitches as he captures my face in his large palms. “You are breathtaking, Emerson.”
I am rendered mute, unable to tear my eyes from his as he runs his thumbs across my cheekbones. I want to step closer and eradicate the small distance keeping our bodies apart, but I don’t. I just stand there, enjoying his touch, revelling in his closeness and being tortured by my secret. This man wants me, and something tells me he isn’t into one-night stands or no-strings-attached flings. He strikes me as the long-term relationship kind of guy who isn’t afraid of commitment. In different circumstances, perhaps I could be his happily-ever-after, but the fact is I am forever spoken for by another man. I don’t know what game I’m playing at here, but I know I rolled the dice when I delivered those cupcakes to the gallery, and I’ve made increasingly strategic moves ever since.
“Thank you,” I say eventually, but I sound croaky, and he must know how his touch, his gaze, and his words affect me.
Taking a step back, he lets his hands drop from my face. “Let’s go.”
I’m a little disappointed that the moment is over, but relief is the dominating emotion.
We drive in the opposite direction to the way we’d travelled to the markets earlier today, but it takes us a similar amount of time to reach the pub. I’m really looking forward to seeing Todd again. Clare gave me a strange vibe, so I’m interested to see if it was because she was stressed or because she is protective of Josh. When we get there, I’ll put her mind at ease that we’re just friends.
Harrigan’s is an authentic Irish pub located in a small township. It’s welcoming and warm, just like the company I’m keeping. Casting my gaze around the busy room, I see around ten tables and a few booths along the back wall, all full. Todd and Clare sit opposite each other in one of the booths, and Todd waves enthusiastically when he sees us.
Josh acknowledges them with a wave, then turns to me. “What would you like to drink?”
“The red you gave me last night would be great if they have it. Or something similar. Thank you.”
We walk to the bar, and he orders a red for me and a beer for himself, then carries them towards the booth where his friends are waiting. We have to jostle between the many patrons out for a good time at this very popular establishment.
“Damn, girlfriend,” Todd says, standing up and hugging me. “I knew you were gorgeous, but you look radiant in that dress.”
My cheeks blaze. “Thank you.”
“Hi again,” Clare says, remaining seated but shifting along, no doubt hoping Josh will sit beside her.
“Hi, Clare,” I say, sitting down next to her. “Good to see you again.”
Josh confirms they’re both okay for drinks before sliding in next to Todd. “So how did the rest of the day go at the markets, Clare?”
“I sold out,” she replies, with a wide grin on her face. “Plus, I got several additional orders and requests for my business card.”
“That’s fantastic,” Josh says, beaming. “Next stop: world domination.”
Clare smiles. “You know I’d be nowhere without you.”
“Who am I?” Todd asks, leaning forward and feigning hurt. “Chopped liver?”
“Oh, Toddy. I’d be nowhere without you either, little brother.”
Todd shakes his head. “Two minutes.” He looks at me and raises his eyebrows. “I’m two minutes younger.”
We all laugh and sip our drinks.
“Are you one of Josh’s students?” Clare asks, a wicked glint in her eye.
“Geez, Clare,” Todd interjects. “They’re not in high school. You make it sound so sordid.”
“Emerson and I were friends before she started coming to my classes,” Josh says, looking directly at me.
Breaking eye contact, I say, “I was meant to go back to the city last night, but my car got a flat tyre and ran out of petrol before I got far.”
I’m sure Clare just winked at Josh.
“I invited her to stay to see a bit more of the area,” Josh says. “Can you believe she’s never been down here before?”
“That is a tragedy,” Todd says dramatically. “I love the city, but you’re missing out if you don’t get out of the rat race from time to time.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I say.
When Josh and Todd go to the bar to order more drinks and some food to share, I’m left with Clare, and I’m certain I’m about to get the third degree about my intentions with Josh.
Sure enough, the second the guys are out of earshot, she starts her inquisition.
“What’s going on with you and Josh?”
“What do you mean?” I ask, knowing exactly what she means.
“Josh has never asked any of his students to stay at his place. Ever.”
I shrug. “Well I’m honoured to be the first, and it definitely wasn’t planned. Honestly, we’re just friends.”
“But you both want more, right?” she asks, and I can’t read her tone.
“Why are you asking?”
She chuckles, shaking her head. “I’m not jealous if that’s what you’re thinking.” She picks at the label on the cider bottle she’s holding. “Josh is a really special person, and I’m protective of him is all.”
Glancing towards the bar, Josh and Todd are having what looks like an animated conversation. “Have you and Josh dated?” I ask, returning my gaze to her.
She nods. “It was after Todd and I moved down here, and we were spending a lot of time together setting up my candle business.” She glances towards the bar, then back at me. “I thought we were going to fall madly in love, get married, and have a bunch of kids.” She chuckles, but there’s lingering sadness in her eyes.
“What happened?” I ask, rubbing at my chest
“Josh broke up with me saying he didn’t feel the same, but he did me a favour in a way.”
“He did?” I ask, my heart rate picking up.
“He’s searching for someone or something, and I think, deep down, I always knew I would never have been enough.” She takes a sip of her cider and sighs. “No one wants to be the consolation prize.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, hoping it sounds as sincere as I mean it to be. Clare is lovely and warm and was obviously very open to loving Josh. She’s the type of woman he deserves but not the woman he seems to want. I’m apologising not just to Clare, but to Josh, too, because what he seems to want can bring him nothing but pain.
She touches my arm. “Oh, please don’t apologise. It was years ago now, and I’m over it. I’m honestly so grateful to have him in my life, and seeing the way he looks at you makes me wonder if he’s found who he’s been looking for.”
My cheeks burn, and my skin prickles with discomfort. Before I can say anything in response, the guys return with more drinks and the subject is changed.
The noise level in the pub gets louder with every passing hour. I’ve just eaten the best fish and chips of my life and laughed harder than I have possibly ever. Todd is hilarious, and it isn’t just what he says. It’s his delivery. He could read a shopping list and have me in stitches. It might be the wine talking when I tell him I love him.
“Well of course you do, sweetheart,” he says, putting his arm around me. “I’m hot, funny, and unattainable.”
Throwing my arms around his neck, I agree with him on all three counts. We say our goodbyes, and I realise my inhibitions have decreased as my blood-alcohol level increases. Josh only had the one beer, as he’s driving, and I catch him gazing at me throughout the evening whenever I look his way. I can’t deny I like the attention and the way his lips curl upwards as our eyes meet. There is a connection between us, and it scares me as much as it excites me.
We remain silent on the drive home, but the steady beat of my heart is deafening. I want him and am beyond caring about the consequences. I want my mind to be silent so my heart can be open to what I think is about to happen.