CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Turns out that L girls mate was actually her sister who spent the night at their brothers, just around the corner from us.

I sometimes wonder how stupid I was at that stage of my life. At the time, I thought I had my shit together, but my decision making skills and the complete lack of thought I put into them were obviously something I had yet to master.

We picked L girls sister up and drove out towards my parents’ place with the girls on the back. It felt good. It was a Sunday afternoon and the traffic was light. Living the life that we do, the freedom of the open road—no cameras, no fans—just complete anonymity was something to savour and I decided as we drove, that that was something we should make time to do more often.

Maca was still not convinced that calling at my parents’ place was the right thing to do, but I reassured him that if G was there, then we’d just keep driving. I didn’t want to let him know that she wouldn’t be and burst his bubble.

I left him at the gate while I went and checked if Georgia’s car was on the driveway. As expected, it wasn’t.

I signal for Maca to follow me down to the house. Parking our bikes and removing our helmets, Maca asked, “You sure about this, Marls? If Bailey’s there, I don’t think he’s gonna wanna see my face while he’s eating his Sunday roast.”

“It’s after four o’clock, Mac. Dinner’ll be done, and everyone but my rents will be in the studio. Anyway, Bails’ll be fine.” I tried to reassure him, knowing all the while that Bails would probably not be fine and would have a few choice words to say to Maca, as he did myself after the Paris incident; most of those words being a variation of stupid, little, and cunt. But hey, I survived, and I’m sure Maca will too. 

“Who’s Bailey?” L girl asked.

“My older brother.” I told her.

“And I just happen to not be his favourite person.” Maca added.

“Aw, is the big bad rock star scared?” The sister, whose name had escaped me, chimed in. Maca shot her, then me a look, which I interpreted as, ‘shut her the fuck up.’

“Chill, dude.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one about to be fed your own dick for Sunday lunch.”

I threw my head back and laughed at that statement and opened the door to the studio. I felt like every muscle in my body disconnected itself from my brain. I remained standing, but was paralysed, unable to move another step.

My eyes didn’t leave my sister’s. I watched a spark of something flare in her eyes for a few seconds before a look of complete heartbreak marred her features as she took the four of us in. All too late, I realised once again what an almighty fuck up I had made, and that once again, I had caused my sister pain.

“No, oh God, no.” Georgia sobbed quietly.

“Fuck, Gia.” Maca said from beside me before making a move towards her.

Bailey started shouting at Maca to get out, while Maca begged George to give him chance to talk.

I watched my sister’s eyes roam over the face of the man that I knew, that we all knew, that she loved.

“What d’ya want me to do, George?” I heard Bailey ask, the room silent. All eyes were either on Maca or G.

I silently begged my sister, with everything I had in me, I begged her to just give him a chance, to please hear him out.

Georgia had been my best friend from the moment she was born, I’d always felt responsible for her, was raised to always protect her. Until the last few years, I’d spent more time with G than I had with any of my other siblings and I knew every expression that girl could create. And I knew, in that moment, she was about to tell Maca to stay. I’d witnessed the hard look in her eyes leave, to be replaced with only love, shining brightly in them as she looked across to my mate.

As much of a pussy this might make me sound, I’d readily admit that I wanted to cry. Watching two of the people I loved most in the world, finally come face to face again, knowing the heartbreak they had both endured whilst apart, was finally about to be over. I stood there, rooted to the spot and held onto my tears, willing my sister to just do the right thing.

And then it all fell apart.

“Who the fuck’s she, Maca?” L girls stupid, stupid sister asked.

Georgia’s eyes moved to take in the girl now standing right beside Maca and I knew in an instant what was going through my sister’s mind. It had gone through mine when we picked her up. She was short and curvy, with big tits and blonde hair.

Haley White.

She looked like Haley White. I saw it and G sure as fuck saw it too. Whether Maca did, I’m not sure, but he shouted at her nevertheless.

“Get out!” he roared, making her flinch. “Get out. Get out. Get out.”

Whatever I thought that I’d witnessed in Georgia’s eyes a few moments ago was now gone, replaced by a cold hard stare of indifference as she looked at Maca.

“G, please baby, just talk to me. I miss you so much, so fucking much.” His begging tone hurt my heart because I knew my sister and I knew he had no chance of making her waiver from whatever decision she had now come to.

“Go,” she whispered.

“No, G, no. Please, just five minutes. There’s so much I need to tell you. I love you so much, Gia.”

“Go Sean,” she screamed back at him.

Len and Bailey moved. Everyone shouted. There was chaos all around me as my brothers dragged my best mate out onto the drive as he called my sister’s name and she just sat with her arms wrapped around her knees, which were pulled up to her chest, and cried. She cried the cry of someone broken, damaged, and in so much more pain than any human should have to bear, and it was all my fault. Once again, I’d fucked up and was the cause of my sister’s heartbreak, and the devastating sound of my best mate calling her name.

I don’t know what part of my stupid, stupid twenty something year old brain thought it would be a good idea to bring Maca here with two girls in tow. Two girls that meant absolutely nothing to either of us. One of them we’d only just met. I wasn’t an idiot, so what part of my brain thought that that would be okay? To this day, I have no idea ... no fucking idea, but I knew I had to put it right.

No matter how many times I tried to explain to my family that it wasn’t Maca’s fault, that it had all been my idea, they wouldn’t listen. By the time I’d headed outside, Len was pulling Bailey and Maca apart, and my mum was trying to get between my dad and the three of them.

By the time the shouting was over, there were ripped clothes, split lips, and bloody noses. My mum had put the girls in a taxi and sent them on their way. I was convinced we would be reading about this little debacle in one of the tabloids over the next few days, but was surprised to this day that those girls chose not to run to the papers about our not so friendly family Sunday.

Georgia had been given a valium and put to bed. I went up and watched her sleep for a while. I told her I was sorry, that I loved her, and hoped that one day soon she’d be able to forgive me for the fuck ups that I’d made, but which had impacted her life.

My mum put ice on Maca’s bruised cheek and my dad and Bailey finally listened to our side of the story, but my mum and dad refused point blank to let him anywhere near my sister, even if she was sleeping.

After handshakes and manly back slaps all round, we finally drove home and went straight to bed, ready for our early morning flight to Ireland the following day.

I knew Maca was pissed off with me, but I wasn’t expecting to be totally blanked for the following few days.

He was moody and distant. He insisted on having a room to himself and returned to it after every appearance that we made. He turned up, smiled for the cameras, said what needed to be said, and left. I tried over and over to tell him how sorry I was, but he looked right through me without saying a single word.

Lennon had told me that George had met someone new and being the coward that I was, I just let Maca continue to ignore me. It was easier than facing him and having to explain that this time, it really was over between him and my sister.

I’d never been in love at that stage, so I had no idea what he was going through, but could only imagine that once he found out George had finally moved on, it would feel a whole lot worse, and I didn’t want to be the one to tell him, or even be around when it happened.

I’d called my mum daily to see how Georgia was doing and felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world when she told me that the doctor had described her condition as a ‘minor nervous breakdown.’ I really was the worst brother and best friend on earth. I felt even worse when she told me Maca had been calling every day, but my dad wouldn’t let him talk to G. He’d sent her flowers daily too.

We had a break Wednesday evening from the TV, radio, magazine interviews and appearances we’d been doing, so I got Len to book me a flight home and a driver to collect me from the airport and take me to my mum and Dad’s place.

I arrived just after eleven. My mum was at the front door, saying goodbye to a girl who she explained was a friend of Georgia’s and worked for them at one of their shops. She was gorgeous—long blonde hair, sweet curve to her hips. Under different circumstances, I would’ve taken some time to say hello, but I didn’t have long and I was there to see just one person. 

I nodded my head and smiled hello, kissed my mum on the cheek and headed straight up to my sister’s room, where I found her curled up and sleeping on the top of her bed.

Georgia had never carried much weight. She used to remind me of a foal when she was about eight or nine and started to grow head and shoulders above the other kids her age. She was all arms and legs, always walking around with her head down, probably hoping that it would make her look shorter. Somewhere between the age of nine and ten, her boobs started to grow. I hadn’t noticed, she was my skinny little sister. I knew what boobs were, but I had no interest in hers, and it wasn’t until my mates started to comment that I told my brothers that they needed to tell my mum to get her a bra. It was only about a year after that our parents sat us three boys down and told us that George was growing up and becoming a woman, and that her privacy needed to be respected. I had no idea what the big deal was until I walked into the local corner shop the following Sunday afternoon and my little sister was in there buying a box of tampons that the penny dropped.

I felt so sorry for her when she turned around and saw me pretending to flick through a car magazine. Perhaps if it’d been a music mag, she wouldn’t have blushed so much because we both knew that my knowledge and interest in cars was less than zero at that time of our lives.

“Marls,” she’d said, whilst rushing past me.

There was no such thing as google or the internet then, but I was a pubescent boy and was fully aware of the facts. My little sister was all grown up and could now potentially get pregnant, and there was no fucking way that was happening on my watch.

I’d always been protective of her. My dad had drummed it into us boys that it was our life’s mission to look after our little sister and despite the few years that I failed big time, it’s what I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to do.

I laid down on the bed next to where she was sleeping, stretching and crossing my legs out in front of me. I laced my fingers and placed them behind my head. “I’ve missed you, George. I feel like part of me is missing, not having you in my life.” I turn my head to look at where she’s still sleeping soundly. The landing light was shining in through the bedroom door and I could see her long lashes fanning out on her prominent cheekbones. Her face was drawn and gaunt looking, her dark skin paler than I’d ever seen it. I swallowed down the lump in my throat, caused by the knowledge that my actions on Sunday had done this to her. Whatever happiness she may had been experiencing with that new boyfriend, my thoughtlessness had caused her four years of misery, and I knew for a fact that whoever this new bloke was, she would never have with him what she had with Maca.

“I’m so sorry about Sunday, G. Those girls, they meant nothing. Maca was just doing me a favour and giving a lift home to the sister of the girl I’d brought home the night before. I fucked up, George. I always seem to fuck up where you and Maca are concerned.” I take in a deep breath, trying to ease the tightness in my chest.

“I love you. You’re my little sister and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, but I seem to do it so often that you must think I’m on a mission to keep you and Maca apart, when nothing could be further from the truth.” I move my hands from behind my head and lace them over my chest.

“He loves you. I mean, really fucking loves you. I’m not an expert or anything, but fuck.” I shook my head as I tried to come up with how to word it without it causing any more damage than I already had.

“He’s Sean McCarthy, George. Do you have any idea what that means now? Do you have any concept of how big Carnage has become? We’re not just a bunch of kids playing the local pubs. We sell out stadiums. We have two platinum albums under our belts and untold awards. I’m twenty-two-years-old ... hang on, am I? Fuck, I’ll have to ask mum, I’ve lost track.” I laughed out loud as I gave up trying to work out in my head how old I was.

“That’s how insane our lives are, George. I can’t even remember how fucking old I am right now, how mad is that? But anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that despite all the fame and success, all the awards and the money in the bank, I know that Maca would give it all back, give it all up in a heartbeat to have you by his side again.”

I licked my dry lips before continuing. “Now don’t go throwing one of your little hissy fits when I say this, but the amount of women we have throwing themselves at us nowadays is just insane. I mean it’s great ... it’s fucking superb. We could have a different bird to shag every hour of every day and we still wouldn’t get through all of them that would be in the queue, but you know what? Maca, he don’t see any of them. He’s taken out models, actresses, royalty even, and he couldn’t give a fuck about any of them and ya know why, G? You wanna know why? Because they’re not you, and you’re all he wants.”

I let out a long breath and stared up at the ceiling. “I know after all the trouble I’ve caused you, you owe me nothing, but please, please would you give him a chance? Please just sit down and talk everything through with him. I know you’re with someone else now, and even if there is no chance for you two, just give him the chance to explain what happened in that hotel room, would ya? Just hear him out and let him tell you exactly how he feels and if after that, you still don’t wanna be with him, well, at least then you’ll both have some closure.”

I leaned over my sister and kissed her temple before making my way downstairs to my mum’s kitchen, in search of a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit. 

I ended up raiding my mum’s cupboards for all my old favourites, making myself a tinned corned beef and tomato sandwich. I layered each of the four slices of bread with salad cream and added a bag of Walkers cheese and onion crisps to the mix. I grabbed a bag of pickled onion monster munch, a breakaway, a blue riband, and a packet of McVities dark chocolate digestives. I carried my stash over to the dining table, moving endless vases of flowers out of the way so that I could sit down. When I got back to put milk in my tea, I spotted a packet of penguins in the fridge and grabbed one of them, just in case I was still hungry after my man-sized snack. I turned back to the table with my tea and almost jumped out of my skin when I saw my dad standing in the doorway, watching me.

“You hungry, boy?” He asked me in his gruff voice.

“Starving.”

“Don’t they feed you at these interviews you do? Looks like you ain’t been fed for a week.”

“Yeah, but it’s not proper food like this. I feel like I’m six again when I open mum’s cupboards. They’re always full of my favourites. You wanna cup of tea? Kettles just boiled”

“Yeah, go on then.” He replied while pulling out a chair and sitting himself down opposite where I’d set out my picnic on the table. He too rearranged the florist shop going on all over the house.

When I headed back to the table with his drink, he was shoving a half of one of my sandwiches into his mouth.

“What the fuck you got in there, crisps?” He asked through a mouthful of food.

“Yeah, cheese and onion.”

He smiled and shook his head. “You’re as bad as your sister. She always puts crisps in her sarnies.”

“Yeah, I know. It was me that introduced her to that culinary delight.” I admitted before taking a bite of my sandwich.

“How’s she doing?” I asked him.

He lets out a long breath and shakes his head again. “She’s not left her room all week, son. She scares me, I gotta tell ya. She’s needs to get over him and move the fuck on.” He was quiet for a few seconds, so I offered him another half of my sandwich, which he took.

“It’s not just her though, Dad. He hasn’t moved on either, and he obviously wants to let her know how sorry he is.” I gestured with my chin to all the flowers.

“It’s getting on for four fucking years. They were kids. What the fuck is wrong with the pair of them?” My dad questioned, ignoring the fact that I’d just mentioned how sorry Maca was.

“I don’t know, Dad. Apparently love can have all sorts of effects on people.”

“Well, it’s affected them two all right. I ought to bang their fucking heads together. Perhaps that would knock some sense into the pair of them, and then hopefully, we’ll all get some peace.”

I watched as he broke a chocolate biscuit in half and dunked it into his tea. “You not got a bird?” he asked.

“You’re joking, right? After seeing how fucked up things are with my sister and best mate? No thanks. I’ll keep on fucking then forgetting them for a few more years yet, if it’s all the same to you?”

“As long as you’re being careful, son.”

“Always Dad, always. My dick never gets wet, it’s always wearing an overcoat.” I reassured him.

“That’s good to hear ... good to hear.” He pushes up from the table and stands. “Clear up your mess, else your mother’ll go mad in the morning. How long you here for?”

“I’m on a flight out of Gatwick first thing.”

I stand and move around the table, where my dad pulls me in for a blokey type of cuddle.

“You need to sort things out with your sister, and you need to come home and show your face around here a bit more often, son. I know you’re a big star these days, but you’re still our little boy and we miss you.”

This was so unlike my dad. He never said shit like that and I fought to swallow down the big ol’ lump that I had in my throat.

“I know, Dad, but it’s been hard, ya know. What with work and Georgia not wanting to talk to me, and I feel bad—so fucking guilty for all the shit I’ve caused her and Maca— but I will sort it, I promise. It’s why I’ve come home tonight. She’s gonna have to talk to me before I leave. I’m not giving her a choice.”

He nods his head and pats me across the back with his big hand. “I understand, son, but just so you know, despite all the bullshit that’s gone on with your sister and that dickhead thing you and your bushy eye browed mate did in France, I’m proud of you, boy, very proud.”

I fought to control the wobble of my chin and didn’t even bother battling the two fat tears that rolled down my cheeks.

“You hear me? Me and your mother, we’re both very proud of what you’ve achieved.”

I nodded, because talking around the tennis ball sized lump in my throat was proving to be impossible.

“Love you, boy. G’night.”

“Night, Dad. I love you too.”

I cleared away my mess and headed back upstairs to change into a pair of jogging bottoms and running shoes, thinking that I might have to go for a run before I could get any sleep that night. I splashed my face with water and cleaned my teeth before going to check on Georgia. I sat in the chair near her bed and watched her sleep for a little while. She talked in her sleep, but I couldn’t quite make out what she was saying—something about Sean and a tiger? Well, as long as it was Maca she was dreaming of and not this new bloke, there was still hope, I thought to myself.

Her eyes opened and she shivered.

“Marley George Layton, would you please get in here and give me a cuddle? I’m freezing my fucking tits off.”

I didn’t even attempt to hide the smile from my face. It made my cheeks ache it was so big, but fuck it, my sister wanted a cuddle from her big brother, and world famous bad boy of rock or not, I was over the fucking moon.

“Fuck, it must be cold, coz you’ve got some fuckin’ tits to freeze off there girl.”

She shook her head in my general direction, obviously not finding my joke about the size of her boobs funny. I toed off my trainers and climbed into bed beside her. She climbed under the duvet and pulled my back into her front so that she was spooning me.

I was assaulted from all directions by the smell that was so uniquely Georgia and once again, I felt like a six-year-old as I swallowed down the lump in my throat. I’ve missed this, I’ve missed her, so fucking much.

“Don’t you dare fart on me,” she warned.

“Oh please, George, don’t make out. We all know that you’re the farter of the family.” I wondered if she could hear the smile in my voice as I spoke.

“Yeah right, Marls.” She comes back with a sarcastic tone. “Anyway, at least when I fart, it smells of roses. Yours smell like something crawled up your backside and died.”

She digged me in the ribs as she talked.

“Hark at you, fuckin Avon arse.” I responded.

There was a long moment of silence. It hung heavy in the air. Despite the feeling of dread over the conversation we needed to have sitting on my chest, I couldn’t wipe the shit-eating grin off my face.

I was there with my sister, and no matter how uncomfortable the next few minutes were about to become, I was just so fucking happy right then.

“Marls?” She said quietly, her breath making my hair move as she spoke.

“Porge?” I replied.

“I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I’m so glad you wanted me here.” I told her honestly. I hated that there’d been this rift between us. I know I caused it, but fuck, I really thought that she would’ve forgiven me sooner.

“Let’s never not talk again,” she whispered.

“No problem ... Porge?”

“Marls?”

“I’m so sorry, for everything.” I think that was the most honest thing I had ever said in my life at that point.

“I know you are, Marls, let’s go to sleep.”

I listen to my sister’s breathing even out, her heart beating into my back, and feel happier than I had in a long, long time.

Fuck the fame, fortune, and fake aspects of my life. This was so much more important. Loving and being loved felt so much better than achieving a platinum selling album. I was acutely aware in that moment of just how miserable Maca must’ve been. I knew he loved my sister in a different way than me, obviously, else that would just be weird. But I thought, right then, that I could understand a little better what he had been going through.

I slid out of my sister’s bed, grabbed my overnight bag and headed downstairs to wait for the car service to come and pick me up. I had a flight at seven thirty, so I was hoping they’d be there by five. I felt bad for leaving before everyone was up, so I left a note on the side, explaining my early flight and promising my mum that I’d be back soon.