CHAPTER NINETEEN

1989

I didn’t want to park right outside my sister’s shop and draw attention to myself.  Maca was holed up in the flat above with Georgia, so I parked in a car park up the road and pulled my hat down low as I walked along Brentwood high street. I was planning on going around the back and through the tradesman’s entrance, but as soon as I turned into the alleyway at the rear of the shops, I could see a couple of photographers lurking.

The press had no hard evidence at that point that Maca and G were back together, but the rumour mill was undoubtedly in full flow.

I ducked between some vans and then through a narrow walkway that lead me back to the front of the shops and headed straight through the door of ‘Posh Frocks,’ my mum and sisters little empire.

Everything about the place screamed high-end, and I felt a surge of pride at what Georgia and my mum had managed to achieve in our little corner of Essex. Their shop would have looked good on 5^th Avenue, Knightsbridge, or Rodeo Drive.

The place was all creams and golds. A couple of French looking sofa things sat facing each other with a marble coffee table in between. On that sat a huge vase of cream coloured roses and some other flower—lily’s I think, the type George liked. Above that hung a large crystal chandelier, and against the wall, a huge gold framed mirror rested. It wasn’t hanging, just leaning back against the wall. ‘Cool’ I’d thought and nodded to myself. Again, feeling impressed with what my mum and sister had done with the place.

“Can I help you, sir?” I jumped as a woman of about thirty asked me.

As I looked up to meet her gaze, I spotted Ash over her shoulder. She was standing with another woman in front of a full-length mirror and was helping her try on hats.

Looking at her made both my heart, and my belly, feel weird, but not in a good way. In a way, that made me feel panicky. I didn’t like it.

The girls who worked here were obviously expected to dress in a certain way. Everything about their outfits screamed money and class. Ashley was wearing a pair of navy, wide legged trousers, a silky cream top type of thing, and a pair heels. Her hair was pulled back off her face and as she turned to adjust the hat on the woman’s head, I could see that it was sort of folded in on itself at the back of her head. Her makeup was a bit too heavy for my liking. She looked stunning when she woke up at my place Sunday morning and she wasn’t wearing any then.

I’d been staring at Ash for just a few seconds, but was acutely aware of the fact that I’d taken in everything about her.

I was either about to grow a vagina, or I was getting twisted up in knots by the girl. Neither option really appealed to me. I’d never considered myself a control freak, that was Len’s job, but I was hating how out of control of my feelings were around Ashley.

“Sir?” The woman asked me again.

“Oh, yeah. No, no. I’m good, thanks.” I stumbled over my words.

She stared at me with big brown eyes, as if I were a little odd, and then I caught sight of myself in the huge mirror. I was wearing jeans, a pair of high top Chucks, and a Rolling Stones T-shirt, the one with the tongue. Also, a Boston Red Sox cap and a pair of mirrored aviator sunglasses. I probably wasn’t their usual kind of customer.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah, sorry. I mean, I’m just waiting to have a word with Ashley.”

She looked over to where Ash was at the till, ringing up her customers purchase.

“I’ll let her know you’re here,” she said and went to step away.

“No, no, that’s fine. I’ll just wait till she’s free.”

I liked watching her. Was that creepy? Oh well, fuck it. Creepy, not creepy. I was still watching her.

“Can I get you anything while you wait, sir? Tea, coffee, water?” The woman interrupted my creepy watching.

“No, thanks. I’m good.”

I looked back to Ash as she closed the sale and said goodbye to her customer. As she held the door open for her, her eyes swung across to look over my face. Her mouth dropped open as recognition hit. Even through all that make-up, I could see first her cheeks, then her chest turn pink. And then she was there, my Ash, with her sexy smile and that sparkle in her eyes, which were definitely blue that day.

She moved from the door and walked towards me. I couldn’t move. My entire blood supply had left my brain and diverted its way down to my dick, causing the signal to move one leg in front of the other and towards the sexiest thing I’d ever seen, to get lost somewhere in my chest cavity and instead, caused my heart to feel like it was pogoing around.

“Rock Star, you came,” she said with a smile on her face.

“Not yet I didn’t, baby, but I think there’s still hope for us.” She closed her eyes for a few seconds, as if that thought turned her on as much as it did me.

“What can I do for you?” She asked before realising the many comebacks her question could present. Se blushed, licked her lips, and again closed her eyes for a second, but this time it was because she was waiting on, possibly dreading the response she would receive.

I think I came in my boxers a little bit and had to actually control the shudder that rocked my body at her words.

“So much, baby. Where should we start?” I couldn’t resist.

She tilted her head, still smiling. “What do you want, Marley?” 

“You, Ashley. I want you.” I told her honestly.

“Well, I’m working right now. It’s this thing that poor people have to do so that they have a bed to sleep in at night and don’t starve to death.”

That pissed me off a little bit. Was she implying that what I did wasn’t work?

“Oh, I know what work is. I’ve done plenty of it in my time.”

She studied my face for a few seconds, but because I was still wearing sunglasses, she obviously couldn’t see my eyes. She seemed a little unsure of what to say next, which was most unlike her.

“I didn’t mean ... I meant ...” She trailed off and looked down at her feet. I felt like an arsehole.

I lifted her chin with two of my fingers and took off my glasses with my free hand. “I came to see if I could take you for lunch today.”

“Me?” Her eyes widened as she asked.

“No, the bird that works in the hairdresser’s next door. Yes, you. Are you free?”

She looked around to where the other woman was unpacking scarves and hanging them up and called out, “Hey Lorna, mind if I take first lunch and go now?”

“Go for it.” Lorna called out without looking up.

“Give me a minute to grab my bag,” Ashley said before dashing off towards a door.

I met Ash for lunch on Tuesday, and Wednesday too. I also took her for dinner each of those nights. Each time she insisted that I pick her up from the shop and that she got a taxi home, alone. I’ve had a few theories as to why this was, but I didn’t want to embarrass her by bringing them up.

When I took her out on Wednesday night, she complained of a headache and sore throat, so she left early. I turned up at the shop to meet her for lunch on Thursday anyway, but Lorna told me that she called in sick and left a message for me to say she’d be in touch.

I didn’t think she was blowing me off, at least I hoped not. We’d been having a good time. I’d done something I’d never done before, I dated a girl. Every time I’d tried to convince her to come back to my place, she’d refused, so we’d had dinner and done a lot of talking. Well, I’d done most of the talking, she asked a lot of questions.

She had admitted to having no contact with her parents, but not the reasons why. And she also told me that her brother was a drug addict and was constantly in and out of prison. She told me that she lived with him while she was at college, but he was always stealing from her, so as soon as she was able to get a full-time job, she’d found her own place to stay.

I wasn’t sure what kind of wages my family paid her, but I knew how expensive rent was in the area we grew up in, and if she was living near the shop, she wouldn’t have been leaving herself a lot to live on once she’s paid out rent money.

This worried me. I hated the thought that she might have so little when I had so much, and I was only too happy to share it with her. She didn’t have a car either, and I wanted to change that. I’d known Ash less than a week, but I knew for a fact that if I was to turn up with a car for her one day, she’d probably run me over with it.

I slipped out the back doors of the shop and up the stairs to Georgia’s flat. I’ve not seen Maca since last Saturday night, and had only spoken briefly to either of them on the phone.

I pressed the intercom and stood and waited like a lemon for someone to answer.

It’s George. “Yeah?”

“It’s Marls, let me in.” I replied self-consciously into the machine. I hadn’t noticed any photographers outside, but you never knew where those slippery little fuckers could be lurking.

The door opened and I walked along a short corridor. As the front door opened, Maca was standing there, grinning at me. He was shirtless and wearing a pair of jeans that were undone. His hair was a long, ratty mess, and his beard needed a sort out, but it was the happiest I’d seen him looking in years. I couldn’t help but smile back at the wanker.

“Dude.” He pulled me in as I held my hand out to shake his and slapped me on the back.

“How’s it going, Bro? You moving in here permanent or what?”

He sat himself down on the sofa, still smiling. “Nah, we’ve been out looking for a new place of our own, but haven’t found anything yet.”

“What, you’re leaving me? I’m heartbroken, seriously heartbroken.” I tell him.

“Yeah, well, it had to happen one day, mate. I hear you’re gonna be moving Ash in soon anyway.” He winked.

I took off my cap and raked my hand through my hair. “Chance’d be a fine fucking thing right now. I can’t even get her to come back for a coffee.” I admitted. “Where’s George?” I wasn’t sure of how much I should confess to in front of my sister. I know I can tell Jimmie anything, but I’m not sure about Georgia. Her and Ashley were pretty close, and I didn’t want her running back with all my secrets, yet.

“She just jumped in the shower. We were still in bed when you buzzed.” Maca explained.

“Yeah, I didn’t really need to know that, dude, like ever.” I shuddered to express my point.

“Get used to it, Marls. The Georgia and Sean show is back on in full blown colour.”  He was smiling his big, cheesy smile again.

“I’m pleased for you, mate, really pleased, but I don’t need to hear about the sleeping arrangements.”

“You want a drink? Tea, coffee, beer?” He asked as he moved over to the kitchen area. The place wasn’t huge, but because the kitchen, dining, and living area were all one big space, it felt bigger than it was. I followed Maca and sat myself down on a stool at the bench top.

“I’ll have a beer if there’s one going.”

He leaned against the kitchen bench top, sipping on his beer before asking, “So, Ashley. What’s the go there?”

I took a long swig of my own beer before letting out a long sigh. “I like her, Mac. She’s a great girl. We’ve had lunch every day this week, and dinner every night.”

“So what, you’ve been going back to hers?”

“No, mate. I’ve been going back to mine ... Alone.” 

His shoulders moved as he gave a little laugh. He studied my face for a few seconds before he worked out that I was serious.

“Seriously? You’ve been ... you’ve not?” He just stood there with his bottle raised to his mouth, but neither took a swig, nor said any more, just stared.

“Just lunch and dinner, dude, nothing else.” I admitted.

He finally took a mouthful of his beer and leaned his elbows down on the work top.

“I actually don’t know what to say. I mean...” He shrugs and looks around, then runs his fingers through his hair.

“Well shit, I’m really pleased for ya, mate. Really pleased.” He told me and I knew that he meant every word. One of the reasons I loved that bloke so much was because he was straight up. He didn’t lie or bullshit about anything. He was lost and heartbroken when he was away from my sister, and he didn’t care who knew it. He wore his heart on his sleeve and told the world. Now that they were back together, I’m sure he would be shouting it from the rooftops about how in love they were.

I gave my shoulders a little roll. “Well, we’re not a couple or anything yet. It’s still early days, but I like her a lot.”

He simply nodded his head.

“Big brother Marley.” I heard from behind and turned to see Georgia approaching. She was wearing a Nirvana T-shirt and a pair of black skin tight trouser things. Her hair was up in one of those messy birds nest things like Ashley’s was over the weekend, but G’s doesn’t look sexy coz that would just be weird, right?

She wrapped her arms around my neck from behind me and kissed my cheek.

“Little sister Georgia, you smell lovely.” I told her. She laughed and walked around, into the kitchen to kiss Maca on the cheek, then leant her elbows on the work top next to him. They grinned and stared at each other, giggling like a couple of kids.

“What are you two so smiley about?” I asked.

“Nothing,” Georgia said, but still smiled big, looking guilty as sin.

“See, I’m on the outside here. You used to let me in on your jokes. How times have changed. I’m gonna end up with abandonment issues.” I shook my head and feigned sadness.

“Dude, seriously. You would not want to know. Trust me on this one.” Maca said, but I was curious then and wanted to know what they were finding so amusing.

“Please ya selves.” I told them with a shrug, obviously sulking.

“If you really wanna know, I told her to go shower because she smelt like fresh fuck. You saying she smelt good was funny because you wouldn’t have said that if she still smelt—”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it, Mac, thanks. Sorry I fucking asked.” I interrupted him.

“I did warn you, dude.”

“Whatever.” I sound even sulkier now.

“So what you doing here Marls? How’s things with Ash? Hope you’re looking after her?”

I studied my sister for a few seconds before I answered. Her eyes were clear, bright, and blue, and I couldn’t help but notice how good they looked together.  Her and Maca I meant, not her eyes. No wonder the magazines were all after the first photos of these two as a couple.

“You’ll have to ask her about that, George, but I’m doing my best. Its Ash I came ‘round to see you about, actually. I’m after a favour.”

“What’s that?” George asked.

“Apparently, she’s sick. She wasn’t feeling well last night and she’s called in sick at work today. I was just wondering if you had her address so I could send her some flowers.”

George bit down on her bottom lip before asking, “Has she never given you her address? Have you never dropped her home there?”

“Na, she usually gets a taxi home. I always pay, but she always insists she doesn’t wanna put me to any trouble.”

“I’d actually be breaking the law if I gave her address out to you, Marls. Confidentiality and all that.”

“But I don’t want you doing it as her boss. I want you to be doing it as her mate. What about her phone number? Surely you can give me that?”

“All right, I’ll get you her address, but I’ll have to call down to the shop and get it. I actually have no idea where she lives.”

“What? How long have you been mates?” I asked. How could she not know where she lived?

“Since school,” She said. “I knew where she lived then, but I never went around there. Then she was in a flat over on the council estate with her brother. I lost track after that. I know she’s in her own place now, but I’ve no idea where. We usually go out straight from work so she gets ready here. I’m a bad friend, ain’t I?”  George asked.

“I just can’t believe you don’t know where she lives.” I replied.

Georgia made the call and ten minutes later, I’d said my goodbyes. I was in my car, trying to work out where the fuck I was going. In the end, I pulled over at a florist, bought some flowers, nipped next door to the supermarket and bought Lucozade, cold and flu medicine, sore throat drops, sweets, chocolate, and crisps. I left my car parked up in the car park and after signing a couple of autographs, I got the nice lady from the florist to call me a cab.

The house the cabbie dropped me at was a big ol’ place that looked like it should be pulled down. I felt a little confused as I walked up the driveway, then I realised that the place had obviously been turned into flats at some stage, and Ash must’ve been renting one.

I pressed the buzzer for her number, but got no response. I pressed again, and just as I did, two boys of about fourteen come barrelling out the door. I caught it just before it closed and made my way up the stairs.

Brentwood was, still to this day, a really nice area, but that place? That was bloody horrible, and not somewhere anyone would choose to live. There was no lift, and as I walked up the stairs, the smell of rubbish, weed, cigarette smoke, and piss, got right up my nose.

I eventually found Ashley’s door tucked into the corner of the second floor. The front doors on either side of hers were both boarded up, as were 85% of the rest of them in the building.

I knocked hard on the door, but got no answer. I went to knock again when I heard someone sneeze. I’d been worried at first that she was sleeping off her sickness, and that I would wake her, but then I was worried that she deliberately wasn’t answering. I banged again, harder and called out, “Delivery for Ashley Morrison. I need a signature.”

I heard shuffling and more sneezing, then the door opened as wide as the security chain would allow.

Ash blinked at me through watery eyes a couple of times before sneezing, then started to cough.

“Ash, open the door, babe. I’ve brought you some shit to make you feel better.” I called out as she shut the door in my face. “Ash?”

“What the fuck are you doing here, Marley? How did you get this address?” She called through the door, her voice sounding croaky.

“Ash, babe. Don’t be mad. Just open the door and let me in. I’ve got medicine and flowers.”

“Fuck off, Marley. You shouldn’t have come here. I’m gonna kill Lorna when I see her.” She starts to cough again.

“It wasn’t Lorna, now open the fucking door. You sound like shit and I’ve got stuff to make you feel better.”

“No, just go away. Go away and forget about me.”

What the fuck?

“Not gonna happen, Ash. You either open this door, or I start knocking it down.” I said while looking at the door and thinking that there was no way I’d even be able to rattle that thing, it was so solid.

“Yeah, good luck with that. I’ve got a security chain and three bolts on the inside. You could be a while.” She was probably right.

“Fair enough. I’ll just make some calls and get someone ‘round here to take it off.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Babe, you should know me well enough by now to know that I most certainly would.” Her reply was another coughing fit, followed by three sneezes.

“Come on, baby. Open the door, else I’m gonna have to go make some calls.” I pleaded.

“Fuck off and make your calls. I ain’t letting you in here.”

“Please yourself, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” I contemplate leaving the flowers and the things I’ve brought with me outside the door, but when I spotted a mouse running along the edge of the skirting, I decided against putting anything down on the floor.

It took me ten minutes to find a phone box, and another five to convince Lennon that he needed to call me a locksmith, or someone that could help me get Ashley’s door open.

Thirty minutes later, it was Milo that turned up with his tool kit. I swear that bloke was a safe cracker, or something equally dodgy in the past.

“Nice place.” Milo stated sarcastically as he walked to the bottom of the stairs. “Jesus, Marls. Did someone take a shit on the landing or what?” He screwed up his face as he talked.

“Probably mate, probably.” It certainly smelt like it.

I knocked once more on Ashley’s door and told her that I had someone with me that was about to take her door off its hinges. I was once again met with a ‘fuck off,’ and threats of legal action if I dared touch her door.

While waiting for Milo, I kept the entry door wedged open with my bag of goodies and had a look around the place. Most of the windows were boarded up; the guttering was hanging off and there were roof tiles missing. I was pretty sure the place should’ve been condemned at least thirty years ago, leaving me convinced that no one would be suing me for taking a door off.

Milo started to pick at the lock and it sprung open in an instant. Next we used brute force, but it turned out that Ashley, was in fact, a little liar. The only other security she had in place was the chain, which Milo broke with one shove of his shoulder.

Milo stood back and I stepped inside the door before coming to a complete standstill.

What. The. Fuck?

There was a mattress on the floor, which Ash was sitting on, her back to the wall. Her eyes were red and watery as she watched me take in the room. Next to the bed was a small wooden table with a saucer on it. Resting on the saucer and flickering wildly was a large candle. There were three others burning around the room, and those were the only source of light. There was a clothes rail, and the clothes hanging from it, along with the shoes lined up underneath, looked totally out of place in those surroundings.  There was a doorway off to the left, and I could see through it to a room that contained a small sink and toilet, but the saddest part of all, the bit that really hurt my heart, was the childlike suns that had been painted or chalked in bright yellow on the boarded up windows.

I looked from them, back down to where she is sitting on top of her purple and silver bedding. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and her arms were wrapped around them with a tissue in her hand.

“Ash,” I said quietly. “I bought some cold and flu tablets, stuff for your sore throat, and pain killers. I know you said last night it was hurting.”

“Why are you here?” She croaked.

“I was worried about you, baby. You said you didn’t feel well last night, and then today when I went to the shop...”

She shook her head and I trailed off.

“Well, now you can leave.”

“What? Why would I leave? I thought I could come play at being doctor Marley, or nurse Marley if you’d prefer. Whatever floats your boat, baby?” I wiggled my eyebrows and gave her my best rock star on the front of a magazine smile.

“Don’t make out, Marley. Don’t pretend that you want to spend another second in this place.” She held her hands out as if she was presenting her home to me, her pride and joy, instead of a room that was really not even fit for the rats she probably shared it with.

“I wanna be wherever you are, Ash.”

“Yeah?” She tilted her chin in the way she did when she was feeling challenged.

“Yeah.” I nodded my head and hoped that she could see that I meant it.

“Well, the last place I wanna be is here.” She started to cry. “How could you, Marley? How could you come here? I’m so ashamed, I’m so embarrassed.”

I fight to stop my bottom lip from trembling. “The last place you wanna be is here? You don’t wanna be here?” I asked.

She wiped her tears on the sleeve of her hoodie and shook her head no.

“Milo,” I called out.

“Boss?” He popped his head in around the door.

“Pull the car up to the front doors and I’ll take Ash down to it. Can you come back up and gather all of her clothes, shoes, anything personal, and bring it down for me please?”

“No problemo, Marls.” He disappeared out of view and I walked towards Ashley.

“What are you doing?’

“You’re coming home with me. I’m calling you a doctor and while you get yourself better at my place, we’ll find you somewhere else to live.”

“Somewhere with lights and glass in the windows and everything?”

“And everything.” I promised her.

She looks up at me through watery blue eyes, my heart pounds in my chest, echoing in my throat and ears. I hope she doesn’t fight me on this because there is no fucking way I’m leaving her here.

She lets out a long sigh.

“I’m not sure Marls, I’m just not sure.”

“Ash, look, whatever you might think of me and my reputation, all I wanna do is help you out right now.”

“Why?” Her chin wobbles as she asks and I hate that she just didn’t get that I was genuinely interested.

“Like I keep trying to tell you, I like you, a lot. I like being with you. I don’t know Ash, I don’t have the words. I just know that I’ve never felt like this before. I need to know you’re safe and that ain’t gonna happen if I leave you here, so either you come to mine, or I’m staying here with you.”

“I might not want you here with me.”

“Tough fucking shit. Them’s your options baby.”

She looked around the room, before she looked back at me, saying so quietly, I could only just make it out, “I’ll come with you.”

She wrapped her arms around my neck as I lifted her up. “I still ain’t shagging ya.” She croaked into my ear.

“We’ll see about that, sweetheart ... we’ll see.”