Chapter 20
A woman with long blonde hair arrived at the ranch. Her face looked ghostly and ashen. She seemed to be floating about with a blankness in her eyes. She stopped in front of the house quietly thinking about the life she once had there.
Daisy was on the porch mending one of Henry's shirts, but she had fallen asleep. She was in her first trimester of pregnancy. She was constantly exhausted and fighting to keep her eyes open. When the woman ascended the steps quietly, her steps were so quiet that Daisy didn't stir. The woman looked at her successor with gratefulness. This was the woman that accomplished what she couldn’t. She was immensely grateful.
“Bonjour. Bonne après-midi,” Dinah said. Dinah spoke louder, “Bonjour!”
Daisy startled awake. Heavens! I didn't know anyone was here!" She smoothed down her hair and collected herself readjusting her back on the cushions of the chair.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," the woman said. The woman only made brief eye contact before fixing her gaze to the ground.
"That's all right. Can I help you?" Daisy asked trying to shake her exhaustion off. She was unfathomably tired.
"I'm Dinah. I wanted to meet you and thank you," the woman answered. Daisy examined the woman closely. She was the woman in the photograph in the girls' trunk, but her dress was disheveled and her eyes were blank and empty. It was most definitely her, but then it wasn’t her in some intangible way that Daisy couldn’t quite put her finger on.
Daisy stood. "Dinah." Daisy said her name in confirmation and because she was unsure what she should say. She was uncertain what Dinah wanted and why she was here after so long.
"I'm going to be leaving for a long while indefinitely," Dinah uttered not looking at Daisy.
The front door opened and Henry appeared on the porch walking out steadily. He said, "You've been gone already for a long time, Dinah."
Dinah cut her eyes to Henry quickly. "Henry.” She paused on his name before continuing, “Yes, I have, but I am going to an asylum." Dinah's eyes fell to Daisy's feet. "I tried to run, you see. I left France to get away from it." She opened the palm of her hand and then thwacked the side of her head softly. "But, I can't outrun it, myself. It's here no matter what I do or where I go."
Dinah turned to go but angled her head to Daisy without looking at her. "I want to thank you for taking care of my girls when I could not."
Daisy answered, "They are wonderful children. They look just like you.”
Dinah self-consciously ran a hand through her loose hair. "Thank you.”
Daisy added, “I’m not taking your place, Dinah. Your girls love you."
“Thank you,” Dinah said again as she walked down the steps.
"Say goodbye to them," Henry said with wet eyes.
"I can't," Dinah turned back around and said quietly looking at the father of her children. “I’m so sorry, Henry. I’m sorry for everything.”
Dinah continued to walk away. Henry hesitates, but then said, "Say goodbye to them please. Let them know that you are at least okay. Please," Henry pleaded. “It would be good for them so see you. They have missed you, Dinah. You left without saying anything to them. It’s been hard on them. They have waited for you every single day to come back. You have to let them know where you are going and why.” Dinah couldn’t keep listening. She kept walking.
Henry called out to her, “You owe them that. They are your daughters. They love you. You left, and they’ve been hurt ever since. They think it’s something they’ve done!”
Dinah turned to look at Henry. She clenched her jaw. Finally, looking resigned, she said, "D’accord. Okay."
Henry called for the girls who were in the stables with Silas. "Lilah! Tallulah!" The girls emerged from the stables and saw their mother.
The two girls both broke out in a sprint towards their mother. Dinah descended down the steps and ran to them. They crashed into an embrace, the three of them all in tears.
"Mama, we missed you so," Tallulah said.
“I’ve missed you girls so much,” Dinah sobbed.
"Where have you been, Mama?" Lilah cried.
Daisy and Henry looked on at the mother and daughters. Henry saw the woman he once loved, the mother of his children, finally coming to terms with her illness. Likewise, Daisy saw a woman who loved her children so much she committed to facing her inner demons because of that love. Daisy patted her belly thinking of her own child. She was a stepmother, but soon she would be a mother. Her belly was not yet fully swollen and round, but she felt her child inside her and couldn't ever imagine being away from him as Dinah had done out of necessity, fear, or love. The reasons for Dinah's long disappearance was varied and complex that even Dinah herself could not come up with a plausible reason aside from her mind was cracking around its edges making it difficult to stay grounded in her daughters’ lives.
"I've been away," Dinah said.
“Are you back?” Lilah asked. “Are you staying?”
“No. I'm going away again, but I’m not sure when I’ll be back.”
The girls cried, “No! Please!”
“I have to go because I'm sick,” Dinah explained.
“Are you sick with a cold?” Tallulah asked.
“No. My mind is sick. I need help,” Dinah replied.
Tallulah kissed her mother's forehead. "A boo boo?"
Dinah touched her forehead where her daughter had kissed her. "Yes. Kind of like a boo boo."
The girls hugged their mother fiercer. Their little limbs squeezing tightly. “We missed you so much,” Lilah said. “We will be better. We will be so so good if you stay.”
“This has nothing to do with you,” Dinah assured her.
“Papa? Is it Papa?” Lilah probed.
“No. It has nothing to do with your papa. Your papa is a wonderful father. He has done so much for us. This is me. I have to get better.” The girls wailed with sadness; their hopes that their mother was finally home were crushed.
“I'm sorry for everything, my sweet girls. I'm sorry I couldn't be here for you. I love you both with all my heart.”
“I love you, Mama,” Lilah and Tallulah cried.
Dinah stood tearing herself away from her daughters. She remembered when she left for good long ago. She slipped out without seeing them to avoid the heartbreak of watching their faces as she went away. She was a coward to leave without confronting them. She realized how hurt they must have felt all this time without an explanation.
"Will you be back?" Lilah said urgently.
Dinah looked at her eldest daughter and said, "Yes. When I am better, I will be back."
Dinah mounted her horse and rode away. Henry and Daisy walked to the girls and held them as they all watched Dinah ride away. In her heart, she hoped Dinah would get better and would be back. They could all be a family: Daisy, Henry, Lilah, Tallulah, Silas, Sally, and Dinah. It was unconventional, but everything about Daisy’s life she found out West was.
Later when the girls were asleep, Henry and Daisy made love tenderly. Daisy laid on her side as Henry spooned her from behind. Naked, Henry found Daisy lovely. Her breasts swelled slightly from the pregnancy. He gently caressed Daisy’s rounded belly while kissing the back of her neck.
“Thank you,” Henry whispered into her hear.
“For what?” Daisy whispered back.
“For loving me and my family.” Henry said. He entered her cupping her breasts with his hands. Daisy gasped softly enjoying his tight entrance. She turned her head to face him. They looked into each other’s eyes as they pressed into each other. Henry reached for her mouth with his. They kissed eyes closed and mesmerized with the love for one another growing and taking form. The felt their emotions strongly holding onto each other tightly and pushing into each other’s bodies forming into one breathing entity.
Daisy shuddered with pleasure. Her body trembled with such passion. Tears sprung to her eyes. She cried out of happiness. Henry groaned and deposited his warm liquid inside her. He buried his head into Daisy’s shoulder crying into her hair. He loved this woman and would do anything for her. He learned from his mistakes with Dinah and vowed to not make the same ones with Daisy.