Kara
I’m lying here watching Reid sleep and contemplating what he said to me last night. He’s so gorgeous and looks so at home on the pillow next to mine. His gorgeous dark hair is ruffled and his face is relaxed in sleep. Somehow, I’ve always tended to think that people’s faces are more expressive with their eyes open, the eyes can tell you so much. But looking at Reid now, I see a content look. There’s something that I can’t quite put my finger on, I just know he looks happy. His breathing is even and he doesn’t make a sound; he doesn’t snore, that’s a bonus. I reach out a hand to tuck a stray tendril of hair behind his ear and he moves slightly, but doesn’t wake. Smiling to myself as I drink all of him in, I recall what he said as I lay in his arms, close to sleep last night. “I love you, Kara Scott.” I didn’t know whether he meant for me to hear, considering we were laid in each other’s arms on the verge of sleep. My eyes were closed, so maybe he’d thought I was asleep. Whether he’d actually meant for me to hear or not, those five words made me happier than anything else he had ever said or ever would say in the future.
Reid mutters something and puts an arm over me, pulling me to him. I am only too happy to snuggle up to him because I don’t know when I’ll next get the chance. He may have said last night that he wants me, he wants a relationship, yet I’ve been burned by men that have said the same thing before. Call me insecure, but I have the need to protect my heart. He’s going to be a daddy in a few months. Molly is giving him the one thing I can’t, his first child. When I’ve imagined how things might play out, I’ve always hoped that we would have children. But now, no matter if we do have children, Molly’s son or daughter will always be his first. Perhaps I’m being ridiculous, but I can’t help but feel that your first child holds a special place in your heart. Can I see Reid treating his children differently? Maybe not, but he’s intrinsically bound to Molly for the rest of his life, even if he doesn’t want a relationship with her. What’s the matter with me? My brain is flitting from one scenario to another this morning. He told me he loves me, I should feel like I’m walking on air. And I’m not about to get in the way of his relationship with his child, that’s just not me. But I can’t lie and say it doesn’t bother me that he’ll always be tied to Molly in a way that he isn’t to anyone else.
I hear him inhale and then let out a sigh. I decide to stop overthinking shit until we can talk properly and I wiggle my ass against his groin, feeling his already growing erection. I’m going to make the most of every moment I have with Reid, and morning sex is one of my favourite things. Great morning sex puts you in a good mood for the rest of the day. Bad morning sex has the opposite effect, so I’d better make sure it’s good and puts a smile on his handsome face.
Reid reaches up the front of my body and gently fondles my breasts. I let out a slight gasp as he squeezes my nipple between his forefinger and thumb. Heat pools instantly in my abdomen as he grinds his erection against my ass and reaches down to slip a finger through my already wet folds. I squeeze my legs together, trying to keep his hand where it is, but he’s stronger than my grip, and he caresses my clit before slipping a finger inside me. I gasp in pleasure and Reid moves behind me so he can kiss my neck where my hair has fallen to leave my skin bare. He gently nips that sensitive spot behind my ear, adding another finger, he moves in a soft, sweet rhythm as I moan and ride his hand. I open my legs further, giving him easier access before reaching up to caress my own breasts. Desire flows through me as Reid brings me closer to orgasm. No words have been spoken and none are needed. He continues to kiss my bare skin and it feels like a million butterflies have converged in my stomach as I climb higher and higher, unable to keep my impending orgasm at bay. His rhythm changes and now he’s pumping in and out of me with more force than before. I’m on the verge of exploding and all I can see are the stars in front of my eyes. My breathing has changed and I’m no longer able to hold back.
“Come for me, Kara,” Reid whispers.
His words are the catalyst, it’s like I’ve been waiting for his permission. My eyes flutter closed and I come with such force that my legs shake and my heart is about to burst from my ribcage. I ride the high as long as possible and Reid continues to move his fingers, this time more gently as I ride out the aftershocks.
I feel Reid’s weight shift behind me and he slowly rolls me onto my back. I look up into the emerald green orbs of his eyes and I can see the love in his gaze. There’s no questioning that this isn’t one of those times where a man says what you want to hear just to get what he wants. Reid Marks loves me. The realisation hits me square in the chest. He kisses along my jawline as he moves to rest over me. His arms are braced on either side of my head as he lowers his mouth to mine and claims my lips in a sweet kiss. I’m aware I probably have morning breath, but the moment he parts my lips with his tongue to seek out mine, I realise I don’t care. Our tongues dance slowly at first, our kiss soft and tender. I hitch my legs around his waist to draw him nearer. I need him like I’ve never needed another. His touch makes all my earlier thoughts evaporate, all that matters is the here and now.
***
I’m making breakfast when Reid strolls in wearing just his jeans from last night. His skin is beaded with water from his morning shower and I can’t help but watch as he walks towards me, the top of the V showing just over the waistband of his jeans. His abs are defined as if someone had sculpted him out of clay. Perfection personified; two words that describe this truly beautiful man.
Wrapping his arms around me from behind, he distracts me from my task by kissing my neck, sending shivers down my spine. I finish chopping the fresh fruit to go with our pancakes without causing myself an injury, a feat I swear I nearly couldn’t manage considering Reid keeps up his distraction techniques; moving my hair aside and kissing my bare shoulders, gently nipping my earlobe, and growling playfully when I smacked at his arm in an attempt to try to get him to behave.
“I hope you’re hungry,” I say as I point towards the breakfast bar.
I’ve already laid out the plates piled with pancakes, a can of squirty cream, and a bottle of maple syrup. Reid looks in the direction of the food and then smacks my ass playfully as he walks over and picks up a pancake. He rolls it up and takes a huge bite. I laugh as I walk over with the fruit in hand. We take our seats opposite each other and begin to eat.
“I’m sure I could find another use for this cream,” Reid says as he shakes the can and squirts some directly into his mouth.
“I’m sure you could, but not right this minute.”
I am nowhere near sated from the mind-blowing orgasms he gave me not too long ago, but I am also aware that the bubble needs to burst. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t want it to, I would want to wrap us both inside for as long as possible, but I fear we need to talk. Really talk. I don’t want to push him before he’s ready, but I need to know where I stand. I can’t let this go any further without some kind of reassurance from him. My insecurity has reared its ugly head, and as much as I want to push it to the back of my mind, I just can’t. I am already so deeply in love with him that if he walked away now, it would break my heart. But I fear the longer we go on without acknowledging certain things, my heart will be put through the wringer, and I just think it prudent to keep a bit of distance between us until I’m clear how things are between us.
“Are you okay?”
I shake myself out of my thoughts and smile at him.
“Of course, just a little…” I trail off.
I wanted to at least enjoy breakfast before approaching this conversation, but I’m not sure it’s possible.
“Kara…” He reaches a hand across the small breakfast bar and lays it on top of my hand.
I look up and see a questioning look in his eyes.
“Reid, honestly, let’s just enjoy breakfast.”
“Okay.”
His short reply makes a lump form in the back of my throat. I guess the bubble has well and truly burst.
***
After cleaning up the breakfast dishes, I distract myself by cleaning the kitchen surfaces down. Reid disappeared to retrieve his shirt from my room, then went into the lounge. I have no idea what he’s doing, but I know what I’m doing; I’m playing for time.
Why am I such an idiot? Why couldn’t my emotions stay at bay just for one morning? I’m surprised he hasn’t cut and run already. I wouldn’t blame him if he did. We slept together, there shouldn’t be this much emotional entanglement after one night. But it’s not just one night. It’s been years. I’ve tip-toed around my feelings since I met him. Has he truly felt the same like Zoey implied? I need to get in that bloody lounge and find out. So why are my feet glued to the floor? I feel like I’m rooted to the spot and it takes so much effort just to put one foot in front of the other.
I make my way to the lounge door and stop to listen for a moment. I hear Reid’s footsteps like he’s pacing the room. When I open the door, I see he’s doing just that.
“Hey,” I say cautiously as I approach him.
I take Reid’s hand in mine and lead him over to the couch. We sit side by side and he wraps his hand tightly around mine.
“What is it, Kara? You can just spit it out. Do you regret last night? Do you think you made a mistake?”
“What? Oh my god, no! Reid, it wasn’t a mistake. At least not for me.”
He sighs audibly and I take a few calming breaths before continuing.
“Reid, I don’t know how to…it’s just…wow, I’m making a real hash of this. I heard you last night. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t know if you meant for me to hear.”
My words come rushing out and I’m making a total mess of what I wanted to say.
“You heard me what, Kara? I don’t know what you mean.”
His words say one thing but the look on his face says another. He knows exactly what I mean and I think he feels a little embarrassed about it.
“You said you love me.”
Reid reaches up and cradles my face in the palm of his hand.
“And you have questions about whether or not I meant it?”
“I guess so. I mean, I just don’t know where I stand. I mean, we aren’t dating, it was just sex, right? But then you said you loved me, and I know some people say that in a haze after sex, but they don’t mean it, not really.”
I’m rambling and we both know it.
“Kara, take a breath. I meant every word. I do love you. I have for a long time now. It’s a long story, I guess, but I’ve loved you since I met you.”
My heart is beating erratically. He can’t mean that. He was with Zoey when we met and they were so in love. I saw it with my own two eyes. They were one of those sickly sweet couples.
“Reid, I…”
I don’t manage to finish my sentence because Reid leans in and claims my lips with his. It’s not a sweet, gentle kiss. It’s full of passion, lust, love. He pours all his emotions into the kiss. When he pulls back, I trace my fingers across my lips, they feel all tingly.
“Kara, I know we aren’t dating, but it wasn’t ‘just sex,’ it was so much more than that. I know you’re probably confused by my actions, but if you’ll let me, I’d like to make it up to you. I told you last night that I want you. I told you I want a relationship. All of that was true. I’ve loved you since we first met, and that’s the truth too. I can see by the look in your eyes that you don’t quite believe that, but I swear it’s the truth. Zoey and I weren’t right for each other, but neither of us knew how to let go. It’s hard to explain, but honestly, we weren’t right for each other. We weren’t even in love. Not in the end. Well, I’m not sure we ever were.”
His words take me by surprise and he must see the shock register in my eyes. He pulls back a little further and looks me directly in the eye as he takes my hand and places it over his heart. I feel it thundering under my palm and it registers that he’s just as nervous as I am. Though why he has to be nervous, I don’t know. It’s a good job I’m not working today because I don’t ever want to move. The man I’ve loved for as long as I’ve known him is looking me in the eye, imploring me to believe that he’s been in love with me all along. Everything else fades to background noise as I let it sink in.
“I love you too,” I confess softly as I lean in to kiss him again.