Reid
I am so glad that Kara and I were able to talk so openly about things. She seemed happy for me that a decision had been made regarding the baby and whether I would be involved in its life. There was really no two ways about it though, it was never a question in my mind. Once I’d plucked up the courage to go and confront this head-on with Molly, I told her that we couldn’t get back together, but I would be there for our son or daughter every step of the way. She wasn’t happy that we couldn’t bring the baby up as a family, but I’d been as honest as I could be. I told her I couldn’t be with her for the sake of the baby, because I thought it would end up with one or both of us resenting the other, especially considering I was in love with somebody else. She told me she knew how I felt about Kara and had wrongly assumed that we were already together. Molly also explained that she was sorry for the way she’d gone about me finding out about the baby, but we agreed that what’s done is done, and we just need to move forward from here. I have promised to go to any future scans and doctors’ appointments with her.
Back to the daily grind of working on the building site, I don’t have much free time to think things over, which is good in a way. I’m not sure what to think or how to feel about the situation. But one thing does play on a loop in my head; Kara. We’d been on a blind date together, but that felt more like a ‘friends’ thing. We met up the second time, but that was so she could give me the scan and had ended in her leaving when I was in the bathroom. So, we’d had two dates that were really non-dates. I’ve admitted to myself that I’m in love with her and have been for a long time, but how can I admit it to her with all this going on with Molly and the baby? I come with too much baggage now. When I was just her best friend’s ex that was hard enough to contend with, but now? Now it’s going to be ten times harder. What do I do? Do I bury my head in the sand as I have done for months, or do I bite the bullet and tell her how I feel? If she doesn’t feel the same, then I’ll end up making an ass of myself and ruining our friendship. But I have to wonder whether there’s a possibility she feels the same way. Liam works with her and they are very close, he’s also my brother’s boyfriend, so he knows how I feel about her. Would he have set us up on that date if he didn’t think there was something in it?
Sighing, I head back to work and put everything to the back of my mind.
A couple of hours later, my phone chimes with a text from Jason asking me to meet him and Liam at The Salamander. I tap out a quick text to let him know I’ll be there and then head back to the office to let the boss know I’m clocking off. The more I think about things, the more I realise there could be something in Jason’s idea to go into business together. Especially as I’m going to be a dad now, I need all the money I can get so I can support my child and his or her mother. I make a mental note to talk to him about his business plans. I know he wants to buy and flip houses. He’s told me how profitable it can be and I want to know more. Between us, I reckon we have the skills.
***
“All I’m saying, bro, is that Kara isn’t the type of woman to be put off by the fact that you have—or should I say will have—a baby.”
Jason’s been banging on about this for a good thirty minutes now and I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t come out tonight after all. But considering I still live with him and Liam, he would have subjected me to it either way. I really need to move out. It’s a good job I have been putting some money away and have been looking at houses in the local area. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep living with the world’s happiest couple who just happen to be in favour of me and Kara getting together.
“And all I’m saying, bro, is that I don’t think it’s a good idea. I come with too much baggage. For one, my ex is pregnant. Two, I still live with my brother and his boyfriend, so I don’t even have my own space. Three, I’m her best friend’s ex-fiancé. You tell me that isn’t a lot of baggage? Well, I say otherwise!”
“Seriously, you two, cut it out. We’re here for a few drinks,” Liam interjects.
He’s already had a few and seems like he might need carrying home later.
“I just want him to consider it, Lee. He’s been a mess since…well, since I don’t know exactly when, but it’s been a while now and he really needs some order in the chaos that is his life. I think Kara and he could be good for each other.”
My brother is a highly-opinionated guy that always thinks he’s right. I think I’m ready to call it a night and go home, back to my own room, where I can get some peace and quiet.
“I think he knows how you feel, Jase, and I think you should quit sounding like a broken record. Yes, we know he loves her. But he has some stuff to deal with. He has to prioritise his shit now. He’s going to be a daddy, that’s a huge thing to get your head around.”
Thank goodness for the voice of reason.
***
Back home in my own room, I’m left to my own thoughts and I’m not sure that it’s any better than when I was out with the boys. No matter how much I try not to let it all get to me, it is anyway. Molly’s pregnancy has really thrown a spanner in the works. We didn’t plan this baby and it’s something I’m not sure one can ever be one hundred percent sure about until it happens. Will I be a good dad? Will I teach my child the right values in life? Will he or she be happy? There’s such a stigma attached to people that have a child but aren’t together. Liam was right about my priorities, and as much as I’d like to say that Kara would be number one on the list—if we ever got together—I know I won’t ever be able to say that. My child will always come first.
I decide on a long, hot shower to ease my aching muscles. I’ve got the day off work tomorrow to go house hunting. But all that can wait right now, all I want is some peace from my own thoughts.
The hot water beats down on my shoulders and back and I make a mental note that this is exactly the kind of shower I need in my own place. I was planning on buying a fixer-upper and doing it up as I go along, but with a baby due in a few short months, I think I need to rethink that and buy a place that’s live-in ready. As steam fills the room, my mind clears of all the niggling little doubts. I relax into the spray and lean my back against the cold tile wall. Closing my eyes, I picture Kara’s stunning blue-green gaze and lustrous long blonde hair. She really is the essence of perfection. A thought comes to mind and I realise how foolish I’ve been. All along, I’ve been thinking about it in terms of what I think she will or won’t want. But I haven’t given her the choice. Maybe if I do…I can’t give myself the illusion of false hope, but I don’t want to believe that all hope is lost, either.