Sam and Tonya didn’t do much of anything for the first few days that she was in Florida. The surgery took more of a toll on Tonya than she thought it would. The first day when she woke up she had to take a pain pill to help get through the first part of the morning. She hurt so bad she thought about going to the emergency room until the medicine started working. Sam convinced her to call the doctor at least and let him know. Once she got him on the phone he told her it would be normal to hurt for a few days, but if it got to be too much to go to the emergency room.
That day consisted of mainly lying around and watching movies. Tonya fell asleep for a couple of hours on the couch so Sam went to the bedroom and made a couple phone calls, then read for a while. She didn’t want to disturb Tonya.
She called her doctor in Torrington, Connecticut and asked if she could get the cast off while she was visiting in Florida. He was a little reluctant about it but told her since it had been about eight weeks and if the doctor at the hospital felt it was good then it should be okay. That was a relief to hear.
Next, she called the hospital to see if there was someone there who would do it and they said she could come in, but she may have a long wait since it wasn’t an actual emergency. She didn’t care. She wanted it off. Eight weeks was long enough.
Sam checked on Tonya and she was still sleeping so she watched television in the bedroom. She settled on the Food Network and watched a rerun of Iron Chef America. She loved watching the Iron Chefs be challenged and once in a blue moon actually get beaten by an aspiring chef. On that episode, the main ingredient was tuna.
During the show, she thought about what Tonya had said to her about trying out for Hell’s Kitchen. She knew it would be an incredible experience, but could she do it? Would she be able to make it through to the end and win? She had a lot of confidence in her skills as a chef, but she didn’t know if she could deal with the verbal abuse or the pressure of being on television. Maybe, after she graduated and got a couple of years under her belt she would rethink it. What would be more thrilling for her would be to run her own business. What kind of restaurant would she want? How large and what would the main courses be?
Sam got off the bed and looked for a notebook to begin making some notes. She found some scrap paper in a drawer in the kitchen and sat at the dining room table. She had plenty of ideas and since she was so close to finishing school it was time to start seriously thinking about her future. She could get a loan from a bank to start. She had excellent credit. She wrote that down.
Appetizers and specialties. She loved the idea of combinations of steak and shrimp. Steak and lobster tail. Stuffed flounder with real crab meat. Baked Salmon. Her special pork loin. Her own recipe of lasagna like what she fixed a few days ago. There were so many things.
For the next hour, she wrote everything she could think of. Soups and salads. Desserts and freshly baked breads. She wrote a wine list along with some specialty beers. She added some domestic beers as well. Not everyone that dined at her place would have a sensitive palette like hers.
When she wrote everything that she could think of she admired her list. Three pages. She smiled and was excited about it even though it would take a long time before her dream would become a reality.
Tonya began to stir on the couch and she looked over at her and heard her moan. She worried about her best friend. She realized and was surprised that with all of the excitement she had forgotten about praying. How could she forget about talking to God? She remembered talking to Him before she fell asleep the night before, but she still felt guilty and closed her eyes to say a silent prayer. She knew without a doubt that if it wasn’t for Him she would have never made it through what she has.
“Lord,” she whispered so not to disturb Tonya. “I know You are here with us and I know You are aware of everything. I ask that You lay Your hands on Tonya and help her. Please, give her strength and comfort. Please, help me to be able to help her get through all of this. I know You can do it so I ask if it’s in Your will to please heal her from the cancer. Please, have made the doctors to have gotten all of it so she won’t have to go through the chemo treatments or at least not too many of them. Thank You Lord for all that you do. In Your name I pray. Amen.”
She opened her eyes and looked over at Tonya still lying there. She thought maybe she should wake her, but decided against it. She needed her rest. She took a shower, washed her hair, and felt better. One of the main things she hated about the cast was when she showered. Tomorrow, if Tonya would be okay without her she would go to the hospital to get the aggravating thing removed.
***
That evening when they were eating dinner and Tonya was feeling better, Sam told her about the list that she had made.
“Oh, let me see it. I know it will be great, but maybe I can help with some ideas.”
Sam showed it to her and waited as Tonya read it to herself. She saw her eyes glimmer and a smile on her face. She didn’t say anything until she had gone all the way through it.
“So, what do you think?” Sam asked her.
Laying the list in front of her she shrugged. “Uhhh, it’s okay I guess.”
“What? Seriously?”
Laughing, Tonya said, “I’m joking. I think it’s fantastic! Honestly, I think you pretty much covered everything except the details of the lobby and dining room.”
Sam started grinning and breathing again. She thought she had been serious for a minute.
“Girl, don’t pick on me like that. Thank you. I figured while you were asleep it would give me something to do with my time. I started thinking about it when I was watching the Food Network in your room.”
“I love watching that show, too! I have it on Netflix. You will be done with school before you know it. What do you think will happen after that? Have you given that much thought? I mean other than your menu.”
Taking a drink from her water she thought before answering.
“In a perfect world, it would be great if I could get a loan and find a place that would be at least somewhat already setup and work up from there. Maybe, even find a business that would sell. I don’t know. I will have to give it a lot of thought and definitely pray hard about it.”
“That’s something I have been meaning to do, too.”
Unsure of what she meant, Sam asked, “What? Prayer?”
Nodding Tonya answered, “Yeah. You would think I would be doing a lot more of it with this.” She placed her hand on her breast. “But, for some reason I haven’t. I don’t know Sam. I know there’s a God upstairs. I know and I believe, but I have never really been big on religion. Other than that time I went to church with you and Chris I haven’t been in years. I don’t think I even own a Bible. Is there something wrong with me? I have so much I should be grateful for, but for some stupid reason there’s a part of me that thinks He did this to me. That maybe He doesn’t love me as much as He loves others. Is that crazy?”
Looking at her friend with compassion and wishing she had all the answers, Sam reached over and took one of her hands.
“I don’t have the knowledge to answer everything you are feeling. All I know is that I personally wouldn’t be here without Him. I know this deeply. Am I perfect? By no means and I wonder sometimes if I am truly right with Him. I haven’t been baptized and I wonder if He came down here right now if He would take me with Him. I think the best thing we could do is talk to Him. I believe it’s a personal relationship we all have to have. I know I need to get closer with Him so maybe you need to really think about it too.”
“Yeah, I know I do. I’m going to give it some serious thought.”
Sam got up from the table and started cleaning the dishes. Tonya helped rinse them off and put them in the dishwasher.
Sam told her she wanted to go to the hospital and get her cast cut off and they agreed to do that the next day.
“I need to call my doctor, too. I need to see what is next and find out if I need further treatment.”
They didn’t talk much about it because Tonya didn’t want to get depressed and Sam didn’t push her on the subject. The rest of the evening faded away and they went to bed.
Tonya laid still with her hand over her scar. She cried and was afraid. She didn’t understand why she was scared to talk to God. Part of her felt silly talking to someone she couldn’t see or hear or touch. She meant what she said at dinner about believing. So why was she so scared and stubborn about it? She whispered a prayer although it was short, but at least it was a beginning.
“God. If You can hear me. I need You. I need some clarity and I need Your comfort. Please, help me.”
***
Sam stared at the lights that danced across the walls and upward across the ceiling when cars drove up and down the streets. She stared at the different shades of darkness that covered every aspect of the room, but her mind wasn’t focused on anything her eyes could see. Her focus was the conversation with Tonya. Not about school. Not about her list or even the possibilities of her future. She thought about their struggles with God.
Sam had always believed and for the most part had been a positive person, but that didn’t make her a Christian. She had been to church enough to know what the Bible says about what a person has to do to become a Christian. One has to say they believe in Jesus Christ and that He is the son of God. That He died for them on the cross and rose again for their sins. One has to ask for forgiveness of their sins and ask Jesus to enter their heart and follow Him the rest of their lives to the best of their abilities. Being baptized would be a great thing to do too, but she wasn’t sure if that was a requirement to get into heaven or not. She also knew or at least believed that everyone was born a sinner and would die a sinner, and she would struggle at times. There would be times she would make mistakes and sin, but God would forgive. All of those things trampled through her mind. All of those things she knew were things she had been taught, but were confusing.
She rolled over onto her side and laid the arm with the heavy cast in front of her. Have I truly repented of my sins? Have I ever really got on my knees and asked Jesus to be my Savior? She tried to remember through all her years and almost cried when she couldn’t. Then again, for something that important she shouldn’t have that trouble remembering if she had done it. Would she go to Heaven if Jesus would return right at that moment? She had to honestly say that she didn’t know. Realizing that frightened her. The reality of the possibility of burning in hell for eternity was enough and she didn’t want to take that risk. Not for one more second.
She threw the covers off her and did what she should have done many years ago. She got on her knees and clasped her hands together and looked like the perfect painting of a child looking to God. That’s what she has always been she thought. A child. She closed her eyes and spoke from her heart completely unridden of all her fears because she knew she had nothing to fear.
“Lord, Jesus. I’m not afraid to talk to You right now. I’m not one hundred percent sure of exactly how I am supposed to say it, but You know what is on my mind and what is in my heart. I realize that I’m not sure if I would go to Heaven right now if You were to come back and I don’t want to be unsure anymore. I want to know for a fact that I will be with You. So, Jesus I want You to hear me say out loud that I know You are the Son of God. I know You died for me, and my sins, and rose again. I was taught that a long time ago. I know You are my Lord and Savior and I ask You Jesus to please forgive me of my sins. Please come into my heart and save me from eternal hell. I want to follow You from now on. I love You Lord and know I would not even be here if it wasn’t for You. Please. Forgive me. In Your name, I pray. Amen.”
Sam stayed where she was for a few minutes and laid her head on the edge of the mattress. She could feel a weight lift from her as if a dark shadow was removed from her shoulders. As if Jesus Himself was right next to her and wiped her clean. She believed that was what did happen and she cried. Not tears of pain. Not tears of fear, but tears of relief and happiness.
***
The next day was Saturday. Sam again woke up before Tonya and when she did she felt better than she had in a long time. She realized she had fooled herself for so long thinking that everything was okay. Maybe, on certain levels they were, but not like she felt then. She smiled and the first thing she did was pray and thank God for blessing her with another day. She asked that He get her through the day and to guide her and to help her loved ones.
She walked into the kitchen and made some coffee then got dressed. She wouldn’t usually get dressed any time before coffee, but she felt liberated. She could feel the pink cloud beneath her feet and part of her wanted to go for a run, but she wouldn’t do that. Running most likely wasn’t in her cards yet. Baby steps was what she still needed to take as far as her health was concerned.
She waited for Tonya and looked online for some churches in the area. She wanted to go in the morning if she could find one she thought she would like. Of course, the best way to know that was to get out and go. She wouldn’t know until she was there, but she found one that was only about two miles from the apartment and wrote the address down. She would ask Tonya if she wanted to go with her. She couldn’t wait to tell her what happened last night.
Thirty minutes later Tonya walked into the room stretching and yawning.
“Good morning sleepyhead,” Sam joked with her.
“Umm, good morning early bird,” she mumbled and went to the coffee pot. When she had her cup, she sat next to her and asked what she was doing.
“Well, now I’m just sending my parents an email letting them know I love them and how we both are. It was too early to call and it was something I felt like doing. Earlier, I was looking for a church to go to tomorrow.”
“Really? Did you find one?” Tonya sounded surprised.
Grinning, Sam replied, “Yes, I did, actually, not far from here. I would really like to go tomorrow. What do you think? Do you think you would want to go?”
Tonya thought for a few seconds and nodded. “Yes, I need to and well, I want to. I’m not awake enough to think yet, but yes I want to go.”
“Good,” Sam said. She paused and looked at Tonya and asked, “Want to know what I did last night?”
Setting her cup down and cautiously asked in response, “What? I’m not sure how to take your expression right now so tell me.”
“I got saved.”
“Saved?”
“Yes. After we talked and went to bed I was thinking about everything. About what we talked about. About being one hundred percent sure of what would happen to me when Jesus comes back. About everything. To be truthful I got really scared, sweetie. I don’t want to go to hell so I got out of bed and hit my knees and asked Jesus to save me from that horrible place. I asked Him to forgive my sins and come into my heart.”
Tonya wasn’t sure what to say. She stared at her best friend of many years and at first, she was confused. Finally, she asked, “Do you truly believe in Hell? Do you believe so much that God will save you? It’s that easy?”
“Yes, to all of that,” Sam replied and waited. She waited to see what else her friend would say or ask.
Tonya surprised her by seeing her eyes fill with tears. Her hands began to shake and she closed her eyes as she became overcome with her emotions.
“Tonya, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
It took her a minute to calm down enough to talk, but she eventually dried her eyes and answered her.
“Last night I was lying in bed afraid, too. I said a small prayer for the first time in a long time, but nothing like that.” She took a deep breath and with complete honesty asked, “Tell me how I need to do it. Right here and right now. Honey, I’m tired of being confused and afraid. I want your God to save me, too.”
“He’s not only my God. He’s yours too. I’m no saint, but let’s do this.”
With complete joy filling Sam’s heart, she told Tonya to close her eyes and told her to repeat what she said in her prayer. A couple of minutes went by. Tears were shuddered through trembling lips, but when it was over. Tonya felt like a new born woman. She reached for Sam and they held on to each other sharing their emotions and joy. Together, they had changed their lives forever and had a much brighter future.