Sometimes it’s amazing how fast time disappears. Almost as if it didn’t even exist to begin with. One day Sam was in her first week back at school and getting back into the swing of things and next she was getting her official certificate from the Dean of the school. She was a chef and could move forward in her life. The only problem was she didn’t have her life figured out. There was also the situation with Junior.
Even though they both had said that things wouldn’t change between them, they did. They barely spoke any more. Since that uncomfortable conversation in her apartment they only saw each other twice and both times were in short strides and not as it used to be. Three months had gone by and she felt like she lost her friend forever. She didn’t want things to be that way between them. She missed him.
That was another problem. When she thought about Junior and discovered she missed him, she thought maybe too much. She missed his friendship. She missed talking with him and hearing his voice and hearing him laugh. She never thought about how his voice sounded as much as she had lately. She wondered on numerous occasions if something was wrong with her, but Tonya assured her there wasn’t.
“It’s understandable what you are going through,” Tonya told her. “I would imagine that most people who have lost a spouse have gone through the same feelings at some time or another. You lost your mate, the man that you loved and not long after that someone who you already cared about confessed his feelings for you. It was a shock to your emotions. To your heart, but not in the physical sense.”
Tonya made sense, but it was still confusing for Sam. Her heart was breaking. She wanted to talk to Junior. There were some things she needed to tell him. The most recent thing was that she made the decision to move to Florida. She thought it would do her a lot of good to get out of Connecticut for several reasons. Mainly because she needed to move on and it would be easier if she wasn’t living where she and Chris had made so many memories together. Also, because the winters would be a lot friendlier, the cost of living was lower, plus she would be living at the beach and near Tonya. She wouldn’t tell him that he was part of that decision. Telling him that would hurt him more and she would never intentionally hurt him.
The weather was finally getting warmer and the birds were out singing and making beautiful music that flowed through the screens of the open windows. She was in the bedroom packing up the last few things that belonged to Chris before she started packing her things to move. So many things had happened over the last month, including going to see that lawyer in Hartford. She had been more nervous about going there alone than anything else in years, but she had managed to do it.
As it turned out Chris actually did have a million dollars put away for her. She couldn’t believe it and the lawyer gave her very little information about where the money had come from or even why Chris had made those plans for her. All he would tell her was that Chris had made the lawyer sign a legal document stating that he wouldn’t divulge any information concerning anything to do with it except for one detail. That singular detail was that she had to open her own restaurant with it. She had to fulfill her dream.
When she left the lawyer’s office that day she was livid with both Chris and the lawyer, but Tonya helped her work through it. Sam was still upset about it all, but knowing she would never have to worry financially again helped comfort her. The thing she hated the most about all of it and probably would forever was that she might never know that secret about Chris.
As she thought about her move to Florida, Sam thought about what she would do with all of Chris’s things. She had planned on giving most of it to Junior, but didn’t know what to do anymore. Maybe she would go to his apartment while he was at work and leave the boxes in front of his door. She thought she would do it close to the time Junior would get home from work so the boxes wouldn’t sit unguarded for long.
When she was finished, she took a break with a cup of tea and looked out the window. Memories of her life in Torrington and with Chris and Junior bombarded her and she wasn’t prepared for them. Tears streamed down her reddened cheeks. She had to set the cup down so she wouldn’t spill it because her hands were shaking. The move wasn’t going to be an easy one, but she had to do it and she hated saying goodbye. Even saying goodbye to the apartment would be hard.
Sam collected herself and told herself she wouldn’t give in. She wanted to move to Florida. It was a choice and a wise one. Not only for her well-being, but for her career as well. Besides, being near her best friend would be wonderful. Walks and talks on the beach. Laughing and crying together instead of over the phone. Working at Tonya’s uncle’s fine restaurant and starting her life over without complications. As long as she took care of herself she would be great.
She wanted to be in Florida by the end of the following week. She had ten days to complete everything and thankfully not a tremendous amount to pack. A lot of what she had to do was sorting through what she was taking with her and what she was giving away. She didn’t need most of it; she and Chris weren’t big on material things.
She went through her day taking a lot of breaks, including a nap on her bed that was covered with pictures and clothes. She pushed them to the side and found a spot big enough to lie down. She was tired physically and mentally and emotionally. It was coming up on a year since everything started to go crazy in her life. She thought she handled it all pretty well.
There was the teenage drunk driver that almost killed her at the beach. Her heart problems that were discovered while she was in surgery from the accident. Missing school and having to wait to graduate, but the hardest part was losing Chris. In many ways she knew she would never get over him. She would never stop feeling that emptiness in her soul. She knew she would never love again. At least not as deeply as she had with Chris.
She talked to Tonya and her therapist about it, even her mother, and they all said the same things. Over time she would. Her heart would heal and she would meet a great guy. She would be able to love again and maybe have a family, but she didn’t believe them. She listened and nodded along with their words, but her soul didn’t believe it would ever happen again.
***
Sam set three boxes in front of Junior’s door a few days later, around the time she thought he would be getting off from work. She didn’t plan on running into him, although she did want to talk to him again before she left Connecticut. Talking face to face would be the most appropriate way, but the hardest as well. She hoped he would call later that afternoon and they could talk then. That didn’t happen.
“Hey, Sam,” Junior said as he walked up behind her, catching her off guard. She spun around and fell against the wall almost hitting her head against the brick. He reached out for her to make sure she didn’t hurt herself further.
“Are you okay? I didn’t mean to scare you!”
Nodding and trying to calm her nerves from the surprise, and near head injury, Sam said, “Yes, I’m fine. You caught me by surprise, but that’s okay.”
Standing back, he looked from her to the boxes and back at her and scratched his head.
“Umm, what’s up? What’s with the boxes?” he asked.
Still feeling the shock from Junior walking up behind her when she wasn’t expecting to talk with him until later and on the phone, she rambled in her head for the right way to address it.
“Umm, well, these are Chris’s things.” She motioned at the three boxes. “I finally got the nerve to pack them up and I thought you would like to have them. It’s mainly clothes and some things I know you liked.”
“Oh, okay. Thank you. Let’s take them inside where it’s not so warm. Come on in.”
He stacked two of the boxes and carried them inside leaving her the smallest of the three to carry. When they were inside his apartment the nervous feeling didn’t ease. If anything, it got worse for her. She knew she would have to tell him she was moving. With the boxes sitting next to the door she stood there unsure and uncomfortable.
“You want a drink or anything?” he asked her.
“No, thanks. I’m good.”
“I’ve missed you,” he said in a lower voice, as if it was difficult for him to say. “I’m sorry we haven’t talked. I guess things have changed, even when we didn’t want them to.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s nobody’s fault really. I missed you too,” she commented and took a seat. “I have to be honest with you about something. I mean…I have to tell you something.”
“Okay,” he replied and took a seat across from her. “I can tell I’m not going to like this much from your expression.”
Sam took a deep breath and did what would be easiest—blurted it out.
“I’m moving to Florida. Next week.”
He sat there with an expression she wasn’t able to read. She didn’t know what exactly she expected, but she thought he would be more surprised than what he showed. He nodded and pressed his lips together, not saying anything at first.
“Junior?”
Looking up she saw that his eyes were slightly misty and his cheeks had reddened.
“I’m okay. I’m not surprised much and I understand. You need to get away and start over and me feeling the way I do probably helped you make that decision.”
Her heart hurt for her friend, seeing him in pain. She felt her own lump forming in her throat and wasn’t sure how easy it would be to talk, but she pushed forward. She knew she had no other choice.
“Junior,” she said with compassion. “This hasn’t been an easy decision for me at all. With Chris being gone and having so many memories here, you’re right—it will be easier to move forward if I wasn’t here. It has nothing to do with you.”
She knew she was lying and she didn’t like to do that, but hurting him further was the last thing she wanted to do.
“Really, I understand. Besides, I’m sure the weather there is a lot better, especially in the winter.”
“Yeah. I’ll be living near the beach so that will be great. I’ll be staying with Tonya at first until I find a place I like, and her uncle has a great restaurant he wants me to work in. So, things are falling into place before I get there.”
“That would be the one you worked at when you were down helping her, right?”
“Yeah, the same one.”
They looked at each other for a moment. The air in the room felt full of unspoken emotions.
“I wish you the best of luck Sam, and I’ll miss you. I hope we can still talk once in a while.”
“Thank you and yes, of course. You mean so much to me Junior, please believe that. I am not turning away from you. I’m only doing what I have to do for me. You can come down sometime if you want.”
“I may take you up on that one day.”
“I hope you do, because I mean it.”
Another minute passed and she knew it was time to go. Feelings needed to be felt alone and sorted through. Hopefully accepted.
“I would like to cook dinner for you one more night before I leave, if you would like that.”
“I would. Just let me know when and I’m there.”
“Okay, good. I have to go. Give me a hug.”
They stood and held onto each other in a hug that would be in their memories forever. She was aware of his feelings for her, but what she wasn’t expecting was how good it felt within his arms. To be against him. When they pulled apart an urge to have him kiss her was not only near overwhelming, but also unexpected.
Before anything could or would happen, she stepped back and said she would call him in a few days to tell him when to be there for dinner. When she got in her car, she was finally able to let her shoulders sag and her breath flow freely.