Chapter Eight
As soon as the door closed on Gerard and Marco, Terry fell against it and let out a relieved sigh.
“Holy cow. What was that all about?”
Phil ran his hand across the top of his head, his expression one of worry. “Why don’t we have a seat in the living room and I’ll explain everything.”
Terry followed Phil and when they reached the sofa, Phil was the one who sat while Terry kneeled at his feet. Phil leaned down and brought their mouths together, the kiss urgent, yet not seeming to come from a place of arousal. Something with Gerard and Marco upset him. Phil ended the kiss, but still held Terry’s face between his hands as he locked gazes with him.
“Do you have any idea how much I cherish you?”
“Oh God. Something awful happened to Marco, didn’t it?”
Phil pressed his lips to Terry’s once more before straightening. “In the past, yes. But Gerard is doing everything he possibly can to keep Marco from being hurt again. I told him we would do whatever we could to help as well.”
Terry swallowed hard past the lump in his throat, his chest tightening. He loved Phil more than anything, but Marco held a special place in his heart too. “Absolutely. If there’s anything I can do, I want to be there for him.”
Phil gave him a knowing smile. “It’s all right, baby. I care about both of them very much too. But for now, I’ll share with you what Gerard told me.”
As Phil revealed everything he’d learned about Marco’s past from Gerard, Terry became increasingly agitated. He couldn’t bear hearing that Marco had ever been abused or locked away. But the thought that he might be ripped away from Gerard for any reason made him ill.
Phil regarded him with concern once he’d finished speaking. “This entire incident has stressed you out way too much. Strip and drape yourself over my lap.”
“But my potatoes…”
“Will be there after I’ve reddened your ass.” Phil raised the eyebrow that signaled that he’d better behave or pay the consequences.
“Yes, Master.” Terry jumped to his feet then quickly divested himself of his clothes. Once he’d made certain they were folded carefully and had been placed on a side chair, he got into what had become a familiar position. If it had been even a few months earlier, he never would have believed his current love of pain and submission would be possible.
At the first loud smack of Phil’s hand on a fleshy cheek, Terry found that instead of crying out or pulling away, he fell right into the sting, embraced it, took whatever Phil chose to give him and let it carry him far from his troubled thoughts. He didn’t focus on the ache building beneath his skin, he reveled in the pure bliss the exchange brought to him. His entire world became his Master and he was safe where nothing could harm him.
Gradually, Terry became more aware of his surroundings as Phil rubbed soft circles over his burning flesh. Their exchange hadn’t been meant to arouse, which Terry was grateful for. He’d needed an emotional release, not a sexual one.
“How are you doing, baby?” Phil’s words soothed him.
“Good, good.” Terry inhaled a deep breath then cleared his throat. “Would you hold me?”
“Of course.” Phil helped him up and onto his lap. “Dinner can wait if you need to lie down.”
Terry nuzzled Phil’s neck. “Thanks, but I don’t need to lie down right now. I just want to be in your arms for a bit.” A lone tear escaped the corner of his eye then drifted down his cheek. “That was really intense with Marco. Not only what you told me, but when he showed up here earlier. I’m kind of embarrassed to admit that at first, when he was so frantic and yelling that ‘he’s coming’, I freaked out thinking it was Master Joe or his cohort.”
Phil squeezed him as he tightened his embrace. “That’s nothing to be embarrassed about, not at all. What happened to you was no small thing and you have to acknowledge your feelings about it no matter what they are. I would never say what you have a right to feel and what you don’t. If I can help you deal with your emotions, I will. I might even make suggestions. But I won’t tell you they’re wrong or that you have no business experiencing them.”
Terry squeezed back. “That’s why you rule, Master.”
Phil chuckled. “I rule? Hmm. I think I like that.”
Terry didn’t want to let on that he did too.
****
Several days had passed since the incident with Marco. Phil had been pleased to learn from Gerard that extra security precautions had been put in place and that his attorneys were investigating all angles in case Marco’s uncle tried anything. However, it meant that the club nights had temporarily been put on hold.
Phil checked his watch while he waited at the bar of the small BDSM club that Gerard had recommended as a temporary replacement. Terry had gone to change from his leather gear back into street clothes now that it was time to leave. His comfort level had been almost nonexistent from the moment the idea of going to a public club had first been suggested. Phil had initially wondered whether it was necessary, since they played in their home and still saw Gerard and Marco socially. But once Terry had expressed nervousness over the idea, Phil had been convinced to push for it. No public demonstrations had been involved, only observation with Terry on high protocol. Phil was proud of how well he’d done.
I want tonight to be the night.
Terry appeared from the hall that led to the changing area, his head bowed but his posture straight and movements graceful as he drew near. A swell of emotion filled his chest at the sight.
As was agreed upon, Terry never spoke unless spoken to when they were at a club or gathering. Their discarded no touching rule was also in effect and was the only time it was still used. When Terry reached him, he dropped to his knees. Phil pinched the bridge of his nose. Dammit. I should’ve been more specific.
“You can stand, baby.”
He hadn’t needed to raise his voice, since the bar they were in didn’t play loud music. Although he was curious about Terry’s reaction to the new experience, he wasn’t anxious to come back anytime soon. The space had been nice enough overall, but it couldn’t compare to the atmosphere at Gerard and Marco’s home.
“Follow me to the car, I’m ready to head to Musso and Franks.”
“Ooh, nice.”
Terry had almost whispered it under his breath, but Phil had caught his remarks. He tried not to chuckle.
“Did I ask for your opinion?”
“No, Master. My bad.”
Phil was in a losing battle with his chuckling. Terry submitted to him freely, joyfully even, but there was nothing weak or spineless about him. He no longer feared whether Terry might give in to one of Phil’s demands when it was actually a hard limit. The trust he had in his sub was implicit. That knowledge gave him the freedom to explore their dynamic without fear.
Once they reached the car, Phil paused before opening the door to brush off the knees of Terry’s slacks. “I should have explained to you ahead of time that once you were back in your street clothes that club protocol had ended.” Phil nipped Terry’s ear. “I doubt you’d want to go to Musso’s with dirty knees. The patrons might wonder what you’ve been up to.”
“They probably will anyway now that you’ve given me a hard-on.”
“Excellent.” Phil reached around Terry to get the door, intentionally brushing their cocks together in the process. “All part of my evil plan.”
Terry let out a small groan as he settled into the passenger seat. After Phil had buckled him in, then got in the driver’s side and did the same for himself, he took off from the downtown loft that housed the club and made his way south to Hollywood Boulevard. Excitement built along with his nerves.
“Wow, you must have really loved that place.”
Phil tilted his head. “Why do you say that?”
“You have an enormous grin on your face, like that was the most amazing club you’d ever seen.”
Phil picked up on a tone in Terry’s voice indicating to him that he didn’t think there was anything amazing about the club at all.
“I take it you weren’t that thrilled?” He wanted to hear exactly what Terry’s opinion was before he gave his own.
“Well…”
“Honesty, remember? I always want your genuine thoughts and feelings.”
“I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”
That’s not what I was expecting. “How can I get the wrong idea from you disliking a club? I’m sure there are others out there we can try. We can even check out some that are out of town, make a getaway out of it.”
“Um, that’s not what I meant. The club was okay, I guess, but I didn’t get the same vibe like I did the first time we went to Gerard and Marco’s.” Terry paused, and Phil stole a glance to see if there was an indication he planned to continue. Terry’s brow was furrowed as if he were considering his next words carefully. “I realize their place was the only public gathering of sorts that I’ve ever been to, but I can’t imagine getting the same thing out of some other random club.” Terry cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. “Because, you know, Gerard and Marco wouldn’t be there.”
“Oh. I see.” Phil ran Terry’s words through his head for a moment, not wanting to misinterpret their intent.
“Are you mad at me? I mean, I’d go back to that place if you really wanted to. It’s not like I hated it. And what I said about Gerard and Marco… It’s just… Well they… And we…” Terry groaned. “I’m making zero sense, aren’t I?”
Hmm. “Actually, I believe I’ve figured out what you’re trying to say.”
“I love you, Master. Like, in a ‘words can’t explain’ kind of way, as in ‘I wouldn’t want to go on without you’ kind of way. That’s what I meant when I said I didn’t want you to take things wrong about Gerard and Marco.”
Phil nodded. “I’m already secure in your feelings for me, but thank you for reiterating them.” Phil chuckled. “Even Masters need reassurance sometimes. However, I think we’re dancing around the subject too much. So, let’s discuss this in plain terms. Tell me what it is that has you concerned that I’m going to take something about Gerard and Marco and you the wrong way.”
“Um…” Terry squirmed some more in his seat. “I haven’t been hiding anything from you, at least I don’t look at it that way. You know, since we already discussed playing with them again and so on. But ever since that day when Marco came to the house, I’ve realized how much he means to me, and how important it is that they remain a part of our lives.” Terry’s head shot up, and while Phil couldn’t hold his gaze while he drove, he sensed how vital it was to Terry that he understand. “I’m not saying I want to do anything with Marco without you there, or do anything with Gerard—although doing anything with Gerard would never happen anyway, other than the whole watching and being watched thing—but my point is, I sort of feel this weird monogamous thing with them. Like tonight? I felt as though I were cheating on them when we were watching those subs all tied up while they were sucking off different Dom’s.” Terry snorted. “I’ve lost it, haven’t I?”
Something eased inside Phil, something he hadn’t realized was there until just that moment. “You haven’t lost it, baby. Now that you’ve voiced your feelings, I’m wondering about my own.”
“Oh God.” Terry dropped his head in his hands. “I fucked everything up, I can’t believe how I fucked everything up.”
Phil sighed as he grabbed Terry’s hand. “No, you haven’t, calm down. Listen to me, baby. Nothing has changed between us, not a goddamn thing. I love you as much or more than you love me but that has nothing to do with what we’re feeling about Gerard and Marco. Because I feel the same way. I feel like they’re ours, our play partners, and I don’t want to be with anyone else or anyone else to be with them.”
Terry squeezed his fingers so hard, they hurt. He lifted his head. “Okay, so what are we going to do about it?”
****
Terry stared at the menu he’d been holding in his shaking hands for the past ten minutes, but still hadn’t managed to absorb any of it. He set it down, then wiped away the beads of sweat that had formed on his upper lip. He didn’t actually need to pick anything out—Phil always ordered for him anyway—but it had given him something to do. Phil’s random inquiries over which wine he’d prefer and whether he was in the mood for steak or seafood had barely registered.
“Baby? The waiter is coming with our wine.”
Terry straightened and pretended he wasn’t freaking out. Phil reached for his hand under the table and twined their fingers together. He waited until the wine ritual was completed before clearing his throat to speak.
“Master? Do you really think this can work? That it won’t turn into something that destroys what we already have?”
Phil tugged on their joined hands, encouraging Terry closer in the crescent-shaped booth. “I wouldn’t have given it a second thought if I didn’t have confidence in the idea. I also believe Gerard and Marco will be thrilled, judging by how forthcoming he was with me the day Marco showed up at the house, as well is how much closer we’ve become since working together. But regardless of that, what we have between us takes priority over anything else. You are my heart, my everything. Nothing changes that.”
Terry mused over what sort of reaction they’d get from their fellow restaurant patrons if he climbed onto Phil’s lap. Tempting. He needed his Master more than he needed steak, but he had the impression that Phil taking them out to dinner was very important to him for some reason.
“I guess I wanted some verbal reassurance as well.” Terry laughed shakily. “My life sure has changed these past few months.”
“For the better, I hope?” The tone of Phil’s voice radiated a childlike concern.
“Oh my God, yes, much better. It’s just hard to believe how different it is, and how I never would’ve guessed my world would change in such extraordinary ways.”
Phil’s lips twitched before turning into a sly grin. “Extraordinary sounds perfect. Let’s drink to that.”
Terry exhaled, his mind relaxing for the first time all evening. “Good plan. I could use a drink or seven.”
“Now, now. We’re getting one bottle and that’s it.”
“Awesome. And what will you be drinking?”
Phil grunted. “Ha. Funny man.” He raised the glass the waiter had filled, and Terry raised his own. “To our extraordinary, shared lives.”
They clinked their glasses, then each took a generous swallow. The Cabernet hit his empty stomach and the warmth spread through his veins.
“Excellent choice, Master, as always.”
“Good. I have to keep my sub and soulmate happy.”
Whoa. He’d never heard Phil use that term before. Every once in a while, he’d get shocked by how much Phil had evolved since their breakup, how much deeper his emotions ran and how freely he shared them.
Soon, their food arrived, and as usual Phil prepared his dish for him. He sliced off a piece of the filet mignon he’d ordered, and added it to the seared scallops on Terry’s dish. Phil also gave him some of the garlic mash and asparagus spears they’d ordered on the side, then presented him with the completed meal.
Terry found himself in a much better mood than he’d been in when they’d arrived. It’ll be okay, I’m sure of it. After all, he gave me his collar and said we’d have a ceremony this year. They hadn’t set an exact date, but they wanted to at least wait until it warmed up a bit.
Phil leaned closer, then spoke in a low voice, “I’m sorry I can’t feed you here. I’m going to miss it.”
Terry bumped his shoulder with his own. “Yeah, me too.”
They dug into their food, picking less intense topics to discuss while they ate. Phil brought him up to date on some of the preproduction of the fantasy film he and Gerard were working on, and Terry asked some leading questions that he hoped would give him an opening for what he’d wanted to approach Phil about the night Marco had shown up.
Phil pushed his plate away as he wiped his mouth. He regarded Terry. “What’s on your mind, baby? You’ve never been as interested in the financial aspects of things before. I sense you’re trying to tell me something.”
Terry moved his own empty dish to the side. “It seems like it’s one of those nights.”
“One of those nights?”
“Yeah. When a lot of things get talked out, decisions are made and so on.”
Phil arched his eyebrows. “Okay. You’ve got my attention.” Phil chuckled. “Or should I say, extra attention.”
“You see, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. And now that you and Gerard are doing so well, and you’re back to producing again, I was wondering how you’d feel about me returning to working on portraits only, you know, after I finish the latest series I’m on.”
Phil rubbed his chin, then slowly nodded. “Is this something your heart is telling you to do?”
“Yes. I don’t mind working on film sets, but it’s not my passion. When I first dreamed of being a photographer, it was all about portraits, my ability to draw something out of a person and capture it on film, something they’d never let the world see before, yet it would be me who would bring it alive. There’s a certain skill needed for location shots, or cast shoots, but it’s not the same.” His face heated but he had no idea why what he was about to confess should embarrass him when he knew how much joy it would bring to Phil. “Plus, I’d rather work from the house so I can be there to take care of our home.”
Phil’s eyes glimmered. “And this is what you truly want?”
“Yes, it is. Very much.”
Phil leaned in and touched their lips together before drawing back. “Then it’s what you shall have.”
Inside, Terry was bouncing up and down. But he managed to control himself on the outside in the upscale eatery. “Thank you. This is so cool, I can finally live the life I’ve always wanted.”
“Good. I want you to be happy with your career.”
Terry shook his head, not wanting Phil to misunderstand. “That’s just a small part of it. I meant the whole package, living with the man I love while we build a life together, and working from home in my dream job—what else could I ever want?”
Phil reached into his suit jacket while Terry reached for his glass to finish off the last bit of wine in the bottom. Terry took a mouthful right as Phil popped open a small black box with a shiny gold ring perched on the velvet interior.
“Will you marry me, baby?”
Wine splattered Phil’s shirt and at first, Terry couldn’t imagine why. Then he realized he’d been the culprit.
“Oh my God. Oh my God, I’m sorry.” Terry snatched up his dinner napkin in a fluster and knocked over his water glass, more liquid adding to the mess Terry had already made when he’d sprayed his wine all over Phil.
Terry froze in mid-dab, the napkin he’d been using to sop up the mess he made hovering over his soaked Master. “Wait. Could you repeat that? I think I might be losing my mind. I could swear you just asked me to marry you.”
Two servers picked that moment to rush to their aid, demonstrating utmost professionalism as they removed the soiled tablecloth, cleared away their plates and glasses, then brought them fresh water. While the waiters fussed over them, Phil clasped their fingers together. He leaned closer, speaking against his ear.
“I’ll say it again and again if only to hear you say yes.”
Terry bowed his head. Spilling tears in front of the restaurant staff wasn’t his main concern, but if he said one word, gazed into Phil’s eyes, he knew he’d fall apart. I never dreamed he’d want this with me. When Phil had given him the collar, Terry had honestly believed that would be how they would marry each other. He’d assumed their collaring ceremony would mean the same to Phil—perhaps even more—than a legal wedding. And he was perfectly happy with that because he’d become as serious about the lifestyle as Phil was. But the moment Phil had shown him the ring and proposed, something broke open inside him. He wants everything with me.
“Baby? Should we leave, or should I tell them to bring the champagne?”
Terry screwed his eyes shut, squeezing the tears away, then inhaled a shaky breath. He lifted his gaze and held Phil’s eyes. “The champagne.” He broke into a grin. “Definitely the champagne.”