Chapter Four
Terry stirred, soaking up Phil’s warmth as he snuggled into him. He let out an unbidden groan.
Fuck.
His first thought was that he was going to regret the throbbing sting in his nipples or the deep ache in ass cheeks, but as he bent one knee to drape a leg over his Master, his next thought was how delicious the lingering pain felt, how it was like having Phil’s continuous touch all over him. A low moan rumbled in Phil’s chest and he rolled on his side, wrapping an arm around Terry then tugging him closer. Terry used his leg to embrace Phil’s limbs even more as he rubbed his face against Phil’s neck.
“Morning.” Phil’s sleep-roughened voice was more growly than usual.
It had been quite a night.
Despite the occasional off-hand remarks Phil made about his age and diminished prowess, it hadn’t stopped him from fucking Terry twice after they’d had a chance to rest up from Phil’s enthusiastic flogging. The multiple coming in the same night for them both wasn’t something that had happened since they’d been reunited. Terry grinned. Ass is sore on the inside too. They’d both gotten a thorough workout.
“Good morning, Master.” He yawned a bit too loudly.
Phil chuckled, the deep timbre of his voice a cock-awakening sound. “I’d ask if you need more sleep, but that nice, hard rod pushing against my stomach says otherwise.”
“What can I say? I’m hot for you all the time.”
Phil traced circles with his fingertips on Terry’s back. “Flatterer.” He placed a firm kiss on the top of Terry’s head. “But I’ll take it.”
“I’m the one who took it last night.”
Phil barked out a laugh. “That you did. And quite well, I might add.” Phil hugged him. “What time does your session begin?”
Terry’s eyes went wide and he jolted out of Phil’s arms, smashing their chests together as he surged over Phil’s torso to check the digital clock on the nightstand. Phew. But what a boner-killer. He collapsed into Phil’s embrace again. Even though he didn’t typically sleep much past dawn, their enthusiastic play the evening before had exhausted him.
Phil snorted. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Sorry about that. They won’t be here ‘til ten. I’ve got almost two hours still.”
“Then may I hold my beautiful sub for a few more minutes before we start our day?”
Terry smiled. “Of course.”
He wriggled against Phil to work himself back into a comfortable position. His bladder wasn’t screaming at him yet, but he didn’t figure he’d last much longer than the few minutes Phil had requested. Terry chewed at his lip, the pleasant dreamy zone he’d been in when he’d first awoken had been ripped from him, which meant that instead, his mind was whirring the way it always did. Phil jostled him.
“Baby? You’re tense.”
Terry let out a frustrated sigh. “Yeah, sorry. My brain is up and at ‘em. You know how I get.”
“That’s okay, I understand. Then let’s go over our day for a moment before I feed you your breakfast.”
Terry snapped his head up, furrowing his brow as he stared down at Phil. “Wait, what? Again?”
Phil’s expression radiated amusement. “You’re like a prairie dog this morning.”
Terry gave Phil a smirk. “Ha ha. Now what about the breakfast thing?”
Phil smiled, caressing Terry’s cheek, his thumb scraping the stubble there. “Let me do this for you. Then, after your session we’ll discuss everything in depth when we go over our permanent contract.”
Permanent. Holy shit and fuck yeah.
“Okay. I can do that.”
Phil searched his face, and whatever aspect of their relationship—or perhaps Terry himself—he was musing on, seemed to fill his Master with contentment. He ran his hand along Terry’s cheek before threading his fingers through his hair. “Thank you. Taking care of you that way made me very, very happy.”
Terry smiled, Phil’s statement reminding him of how much he’d been touched by it as well. “I’m glad. I was thinking it might be one of those things you only liked to do on occasion, or was only for my benefit, and you didn’t get all that much out of the act.”
“Mmm. I get a lot out of feeding you and I’m continuing it for our benefit.” He kept playing with Terry’s hair. Phil cupped the back of his head then drew him in for a chaste kiss. “Nice to be coddled a bit, isn’t it?”
Terry swallowed hard. He constantly struggled to let go, to allow himself the true vulnerability that Phil wanted from him. “It was, I mean it. I suppose I assumed it was merely part of a scene.”
Phil gave him a soft smile. “But you said you were sorry the scene ended, that you wanted us to be 24/7 from now on.”
Terry chuckled shakily. “Yeah. I remember saying something to that effect.”
Phil’s brow furrowed. “We don’t have to be 24/7 yet if you’re still unsure. Just hearing you say you wanted to at all let me know we’re making real progress.”
Terry grabbed the hand Phil had cupped around his nape, prying his fingers loose so he could clutch their joined hands to his chest. “No. I’m not unsure, just nervous. I’ll fight you. Even if I don’t want to, won’t mean to—I will. You’ve been a lot softer with me since what happened with Anson and those assholes. And I love that gentle side, it’s so different from what I’m used to with us, but I need your rougher side too. Don’t be afraid to push me. You never were before.”
Phil nodded. “All right. I’ll keep that in mind when we go over our contract later. But will you consider this? Some of the things I demand from you are my way of showing how much I care, how important you are to me that I would spend all my time thinking about you, planning for our time together, looking forward to having those moments we share, whether it’s only you and me or we’re with others.”
“I…” Tears burned at the back of Terry’s eyes. “Thank you. Umm, I kinda have something too, something I’d like you to consider for later. Is that okay?”
Phil drew his eyebrows together. “Of course it is. We decide on everything together.” Phil squeezed his hand. “I’ll do my best to quit handling you as if you might break, and I will push you. However, before we finalize the contract, you need to be certain about your hard limits as well, all right?”
“Okay, cool.” Terry cleared his throat, licking his lips as his nerves took over. “So, with all of that in mind, I’m not saying this is a hard limit, I’d just like us to discuss it.”
“What’s not a hard limit?”
Terry took a deep breath. “Me not being allowed to touch you without permission.”
“Ah.” Phil nodded. “I wondered if you’d bring that up.”
“Because you know I hate it?”
Phil adjusted his position until he had a pillow at his back. “You really hate that rule? As in, it’s awful to the point that it distracts you from anything else going on?”
Terry considered Phil’s words. What would be the best way to explain how much it aggravated him sometimes? “It’s not that extreme, but I find it frustrating.”
“Why?”
Terry let out a sigh. “Because I enjoy touching you. I’m an affectionate guy. I know you said it’s another way for you to master me, a way for me to demonstrate my submission, but it’s hard not to wish we didn’t have that particular restriction as a part of our dynamic.”
Phil narrowed his eyes, remaining silent as he held Terry’s gaze for what seemed like several minutes, but was probably less than one. “It goes beyond me desiring your submission. If you’re not focused on touching me, reciprocating with touch, then you’re allowing me the opportunity to care for you completely—especially now that I’ve added feeding you into the mix.”
“Oh.” Terry let the idea, the concept of what Phil was saying to ruminate in his brain for a bit. “I see what you’re saying. But, it’s hard for me to grasp how I could go the rest of our lives without ever being able to touch the man I love when I the impulse hits me.”
Phil grinned. “I love this. This is exactly what I’ve been wishing for, to have these types of conversations with you. We’re touching each other on a much deeper level than the physical.”
The tears that had been building only a moment before swelled again. He swallowed them down to keep from derailing what had become a special moment. “You’re right, we are.” His voice cracked. “Thank you.” How can we resolve this so we both get what we want? “What if we, I dunno, have a time out on the touching thing once in a while, or something?”
Phil snorted, but then his eyes widened a bit. “I have a thought. What if you don’t touch without permission during the week, but on weekends you’re free to fondle away?” Phil winked.
Terry’s jaw went slack. “Really? You’d do that?”
Phil released Terry’s hand and went back to caressing his cheek. “Absolutely. It sounds very reasonable. And that also helps me out with another dilemma.”
“Yeah? What dilemma?”
A mischievous gleam lit up Phil’s eyes. “Another form of punishment that will work on you since the threat of a spanking is pointless.”
“Uh-oh. I’m afraid to ask.”
“Never be afraid, baby.” Phil slipped his thumb into the side of Terry’s mouth and Terry latched onto it, rasping it with his tongue. Fuck, if he wasn’t always horny for the man. Phil let out a low groan then pulled his thumb out, wiping the spit along Terry’s scruff. “My thought is if you willfully break a rule, a good way to reprimand you would be the loss of one of your touching days.”
Terry gasped then frowned. He hated to admit it, but Phil’s idea would be an effective method to make him want to behave. “I guess I’d agree to that.”
“Guess?”
Terry let out a sigh. “Okay, I’d agree to that.”
Phil chuckled. “I wish you could see your face, but that was an excellent compromise. I still hold to the assertion that you’re very brave, and am so proud of you for taking such a big step in our relationship.” A crease formed between Phil’s eyebrows. “Another thing we’ll have to figure out now that we’re 24/7 is how we handle being in public.”
The same thing had already occurred to Terry, and he was very curious what Phil’s opinion would be. Even though they’d been inadvertently outed as kinksters in the media after the near-kidnapping, Terry wasn’t sure what either of their comfort levels would be about expressing their lifestyle in public settings such as a business function or a restaurant. With me kneeling next to Phil, being spoon-fed by him. Terry couldn’t hold back a snorting chuckle at the visual in his head.
“I take it you pictured something extreme in your mind?” Phil grinned.
Terry nodded, laughing. “Totally. But how do you suggest we handle a scenario like you mentioned?”
“I say we experiment, but the first thought that comes to mind is something Eric would do while he was training me.”
Terry’s gut clenched at the reminder. He understood logically that Eric had only been Phil’s instructor, that he was never his sub, that he and Eric had never had sex… Terry cringed. That me and Phil weren’t even together at the time. However, it didn’t make him any less cranky about it. Get over yourself, you big baby.
Phil squeezed his arm. “Nothing to worry about, remember?”
Terry nodded. “I know. Just being an idiot.”
Phil squeezed him harder. “Knock that off. You’ve been touching at will since we woke up and I’ve been enjoying it, so don’t make me take it away.”
Oops. “Gotcha.”
“Gotcha?”
Terry controlled the eye-roll, but not the sigh. This ‘round the clock sub thing is intense. “Gotcha, Master.”
Phil pursed his lips as if holding in a chuckle. “That’s my good baby.” Phil let out his own sigh. “Let’s see. Now, where were we? Ah, yes. The idea I had for our public selves. When I was out with Eric, he would say ‘pause’, and while the less obvious aspects of protocol remained, I was permitted to refer to him as Eric instead of ‘Sir’, and so on. How do you feel about that?”
“It’s pretty much the same as me saying ‘matches’, though, isn’t it?”
“No, not at all. Because I’d be the one making the decision, not you.”
Terry inclined his head. “Huh. Yeah, that sounds good. Then how would you indicate we were back to normal?”
Phil beamed, his smile wide. Terry couldn’t imagine what was so incredible about his question to have elicited such a strong reaction.
“That was amazing.” Phil hadn’t stopped grinning. “You referred to our Master/sub dynamic as ‘normal’.”
Terry’s jaw dropped. “Wow. I did.” He grinned back at Phil. “That’s a pretty good sign, right?”
“Helluva sign. And to answer your question, it’d be the same way we handled it before. I’d say ‘scene’. Are we in agreement?”
Terry nodded. “Yeah. I think that works great.”
They gazed into each other’s eyes, the mutual decision another step in bringing them closer.
“And I’m sure you’re wondering about a permanent collar, so we can discuss that later as well.”
“A…” Terry wasn’t sure he could breathe. That’s right, I forgot, a collar. This is a genuine commitment. He didn’t want to make a fool of himself, so he didn’t dare say the ‘M’ word, but it would sort of be like they were married once he wore the collar. Would he wear it all the time? Would Phil want him to? Would he want to?
Phil gave him a concerned frown. “I take it you don’t care for the idea?”
“No! I love the idea.”
His breath had come back with a vengeance and Phil was back to grinning.
“That fills me with joy, baby. You have no idea.”
“We’d have to discuss it. I have no clue how all that works for a lifestyle couple. But…” Terry didn’t want to sound too needy. “But I’m glad you want to collar me.” I said that right, didn’t I? He still wasn’t great with all the BDSM lingo.
“Thrilled, would be more accurate.” Phil’s gaze searched his face as if searching for clues. “Wearing the collar, what type of collar it would be and everything else that goes along with having one as a part of defining our relationship should be something we take our time to consider. We both need to be happy with our decision.”
Terry let out a long exhale. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s a lot all at once, and I want it to be special.”
“Anything with you will always be special, baby. No matter what.” Phil grabbed Terry’s nape then pulled him close, pressing their lips together before releasing him. “And with that, I need to take a piss.”
Terry sputtered out a laugh. “Nice.” Terry rolled out of Phil’s arms, rubbing his arms as soon as his Master’s warmth was taken away. “It’s freezing in here. Should I get our shower started?” They’d done that on a few mornings when Phil had called ‘scene’, but he didn’t want to make any assumptions until they’d established a routine.
“Yes, that would be great.” Phil tossed him his robe from where it had been draped over a chair. “We can wash each other, so you’ll get an additional round of touching me.” Phil gave him another wink. “Then we’ll have breakfast, and yes, I’ll be feeding you.”
Terry sucked in a deep breath then exhaled. “I can do this.”
“Of course you can.” Phil’s voice had gone soft. “We’re off to an excellent start.” Phil approached him then ran his thumb across Terry’s bottom lip, tracking the movement with his eyes. “And since we’ve already discussed some major points of our contract, the rest shouldn’t take too much longer. Which means, I’d like to take you out someplace to celebrate tonight.” Phil’s lifted his gaze to meet Terry’s. “It’s Friday, so if we also went somewhere for the weekend, you could touch me to your heart’s content.”
Terry’s eyes burned, his emotions threatening to overtake him again. “I’d love that.”
Phil gave him another quick kiss. “I was hoping that would be your reaction. Come on. Let’s begin our first day as fulltime Master and sub.”
Terry accepted Phil’s offered hand and trailed behind him to the bathroom. He’s all mine and I’m all his. We belong to each other. If happiness could be measured, Terry was sure his would be off the charts.