EIGHT

 

Considering that Will was supposed to be the teacher, he was pretty out of his depth here. Of the few people he’d ever dated, they had all commented how stuffy he was, how boring in bed, how he never wanted to try anything new or be adventurous.

None of them would recognize him now.

Maybe it was just that life had been so weird lately. Maybe it was the text he had gotten the night before. It would be enough to shake anyone up, he figured. He was probably overreacting to the surprise of that by engaging in this risky behavior.

Or it was just that it was Judah, and Judah seemed to make him do things that he would never otherwise do.

Even when the woman’s voice, half concerned and half suspicious, came from around the corner, even when he saw her shadow moving around the books, Will found that he couldn’t regret it. Not when he had Judah’s come, fresh and salty-sweet, lingering on his tongue.

Judah froze, but not Will. In a split second, he was on his feet again, his hands deftly tucking Judah’s slippery, half-hard cock away again, fingers plucking at the button and zipper and drawing them closed. He even managed to grab a book at random, thrusting it at Judah, who, thankfully, held himself together enough to accept it, before taking one for himself.

All of this took perhaps eight seconds, giving Will a second or two just to breathe. Judah looked stunned, but Will had done his very best, and that was really all that he could do. At least they probably wouldn’t be kicked out of the library.

Painting a look of what he hoped was a surprised inquiry on his face, Will raised his eyes from his book, though of course, he had literally no idea what it was he was reading. Judah looked a bit like he might choke, but all in all, it could be worse.

“Can I help you?” Will asked, and the woman, a sweet older lady with hair an unnatural platinum blonde and thick makeup, looked at them thoughtfully, and Will braced himself. What had she seen? The books provided a lot of cover, but she could have caught an unfortunate glimpse of something.

“Do you need any help?” she asked, and for some reason, her face had softened into a smile, and her eyes had turned gentle.

“No, I think we’re okay,” Will managed, wondering where on earth this was going. Why she was suddenly being so nice when she’d been so suspicious before. But he really had no choice but to play it out, now.

“Are you sure? We have a whole section of wedding magazines.”

… What? Will looked at her dumbly, and then followed her gaze down to the book which he clutched in his hands. For the first time, he really looked at it, and when his eyes focused on the image inside, he thought that he sort of understood. Maybe.

It was a wedding cake. He was holding a cookbook, and they had apparently found their way into that particular section, but the book that Will was holding seemed to be full of different wedding cakes.

“Oh. Okay. We’ll find our way over there in a second,” Will managed, trying not to look into Judah’s wide, surprised eyes. If Will looked at him, he was sure he was going to burst out into nervous laughter, because what did the Christian boy think about this particular situation? Did he even understand what it was that she thought?

“Okay. I’m Barb, one of the librarians. If you need anything, just holler.” She blessed them both with a wide grin and then added, “Don’t mean to be rude, but you are pretty much the cutest damn couple I ever did see.”

Any chance of Judah not understanding what was going on here pretty much went out the window, Will figured. It was far too blunt, and Judah was innocent, maybe, but not stupid. Would he be angry? Would he storm off? For a second or two, Will was sure that he would correct the woman, tell her that they weren’t a couple and would never be a couple and that they certainly weren’t getting married.

He didn’t, though, probably because Barb was too quick to leave them alone. She probably, Will thought half hysterically, little bubbles of mirth rising in him now, thought that the engaged couple wanted to be alone together.

He and Judah just looked at each other for a moment after she was gone, and Will waited, breathless. He had no idea what Judah would do, what he would say, but after a moment, he realized something, maybe something important.

Judah’s lips were twitching, and so were the corners of his eyes. Just as much as Will was trying not to laugh at the ridiculous situation that they’d gotten themselves into, so was Judah. In fact, as they watched each other, it only got worse.

So Will did all that he could do. He grabbed his book, and Judah’s, and with a lack of care that part of him found appalling, he shoved them back into the shelves and then took Judah around the waist. He didn’t drag him far, just far enough that they probably wouldn’t run into Barb again, and when they were safely hidden in a labyrinth of bookshelves, in the library’s small section of world language books, he pulled Judah to him and did the only thing that he could think of to silence them both.

He kissed him. It was a dangerous move, not only because they had both already been caught, but also just because every kiss seemed to make Judah more and more irresistible to Will. He couldn’t remember the last time that anyone had gotten this thoroughly into his heart, and then he realized the truth. He couldn’t remember, because it had never happened. He had never truly thought it possible for him.

He’d always been the one who kept control, even as a teenager. Even while everyone else in his high school was acting like idiots, he had always just stayed back and observed them, just as he had observed the science experiments that he had been doing even then.

With Judah, though, he didn’t just want to observe. He wanted to touch, to taste, to feel. He wanted to act, and maybe that would have been okay, but it wasn’t just sexual. That was more of a problem because while it was enough of an issue that Judah was a virgin, he was also very willing and interested.

On the other hand, what sort of future could there be with this man? And how terrifying was it that he was even thinking about anything like that?

It was all very confusing, and when it all melted away into the kiss, when he felt the desperate grasp of Judah’s arms, his hands, around his waist, he found that he couldn’t worry about it. For once, he was just going to let himself believe that it would all somehow work out, and then he focused only on the flicker of Judah’s increasingly skilled tongue in his mouth, the way the gorgeous young man was pressing against him, no hint of hesitation, though this was all so new to Judah.

Even though Will was more experienced, and even though he was more than ready and willing to teach this man, Judah wasn’t the type, obviously, to sit back and just let himself be taught. Or maybe he was just a hands-on learner. To this point, Will had gone much slower than he wanted to, just out of respect for Judah’s lack of experience.

Judah, apparently, was having none of it. Each step of the way, he’d been right there, eager and willing in Will’s arms, against his body, in his mouth. And now, he utterly floored Will, because all on his own, while they kissed, one of his hands snuck down over Will’s hip.

This was not the place for exploring. Like, demonstrably so, since they’d already almost been caught once. Will knew that, and yet, as Judah’s hand stole softly, but not hesitantly, over his hip and down, Will found that he could barely breathe, much less be logical about the situation. Judah was touching him. All on his own, groping him, exploring him, and it would take a stronger person than Will to resist that.

Maybe Will could have at least started to try to resist, to remind himself and Judah both that they had nothing in common, that this was a bad idea, that they were in public, if not for the look on Judah’s face. It wasn’t just lust spurring this man on. That had faded quite a bit from Judah’s eyes after Will had gone down on him.

This was curiosity, and a desire to make Will feel good, too. He could read that as clear as day on the beautiful young man’s face, and that was more dangerous than lust, probably. It enslaved him, utterly captivated him, and just as he hadn’t cared at all that they were in a public place when he’d been on his knees with Judah’s dick buried in his mouth, he equally couldn’t care as he looked into those remarkable eyes, slate gray and intent, as Judah explored his body.

He was throbbing, his body molten and flowing with desire, his erection straining against his pants. He had largely managed to ignore that, but now that his attention was called to it, it was impossible for him to ignore for another second. It was rare that he needed release, but this, it seemed, was one of those times. Judah seemed to bring that out in him.

He heard a moan, just a soft noise, but it was impossible that it had come from him, wasn’t it? There was no one else around, though, and Judah was too busy stroking his strong, clever fingers over the front of Will’s pants, then, just a little bit awkward, he was opening the button and lowering the zipper.

It was Will. He was moaning, he was making noises without even meaning to, and that wasn’t something that was at all normal for him. He shivered and rocked toward that hand as it eased into his underwear, exploring, deeply curious, as though Judah wanted to learn Will’s body by heart.

In this particular situation, it was a little bit hard for him to object to that.

Since he couldn’t seem to shut himself up, he did the next best thing and clamped his mouth onto Judah’s, tasting those sweet, innocent lips again, enjoying the way that Judah had learned so much already. Tongues swept together, dancing, stroking, tangling, and Will leaked precome all over Judah’s hand as he started to stroke Will.

The kiss, though, it was every bit as intimate as the joining of their eyes had been. No matter how Will tried to get away from Judah, no matter how much he tried to make himself push the young man away, he ended up in the same place. Captivated. And that wasn’t something that Will even knew how to deal with. He was almost a stranger to emotion, except in very specific circumstances.

Judah was becoming one of those, and Will closed his eyes and surrendered, for the moment, anyway, to the kiss, to the slick, intimate grasp of Judah’s hand on him. It stopped mattering that they were in the library. It stopped mattering that this man was too young for him, all of the reasons that they couldn’t do this, why it was a terrible idea, just melted away as they did them anyway.

They were kissing to cut off any noises, but when Will started to get close, when he felt those forces, that heat, start to pool and gather in the pit of his stomach, when he felt his dick twitch and his balls draw up tight, he knew that he needed to warn Judah. It wasn’t like the young man could be expected to know the signs, after all, so Will groaned into the heat of Judah’s mouth, rocking toward his hand, giving him the clearest signs that he could about what was going to happen.

Judah seemed to understand. Will had already picked up on what a quick learner the younger man was, and Judah’s hand never stopped. If anything, it sped up, and Will shuddered as he started to come.

It seemed to go on forever, the first time that he had ever come with Judah, and the first time in a very long time that any hand other than his own had gotten him to spill all over it, to coat it. The force of it left him shaking, and panting into Judah’s mouth as he wrapped his arms around Judah’s body and hauled him close.

Finally, their lips parted, and Will looked at Judah with some sort of primitive satisfaction, something that he wasn’t used to and didn’t know how to handle. He was the one who had messed up that dark hair, who had made those delicious lips swollen and damp with his kisses.

He was the one who was teaching Judah about all of this, and that put a bond between them, a bond that Will, to his surprise, found himself incapable of resisting.

And then Judah did something which Will would never have expected. He raised his hand, slippery and covered in the pearly white of Will’s release, to his mouth, and his little pink tongue flickered out, and if Will hadn’t just come he might have done so right then just at the sight of Judah tasting his release.

Damn it. If only Judah was just a pretty face, and if only Will could just allow himself to slake his thirst for the man and then move on. It wasn’t his normal style, but he wished that it was, because sex, just sex, would be so much less complicated. For him, anyway, who knew about with Judah?

But it was more than that. Will loved how Judah always wanted to explore things, how he needed only a slight hint, and then he was all over it. He loved how he and Judah could talk, too, not something that he was used to. Like it or not, Judah was smart and educated, and he even had the same taste in books.

Damn it. Will was so screwed, and when he realized that, things got a little bit easier. Not a lot, but something did ease up in himself as he surrendered just a little bit more to Judah’s fatal, innocent allure.

“Do you think that you’d like to go out sometime?”

It wasn’t like he didn’t know that it was a terrible idea, because he did. And surely Judah would, too. But the truth was, he found himself wanting something with Judah that he hadn’t wanted from anyone in a very long time. Companionship? Intimacy? Something stupid like that, and even though Judah should have been absolutely the last person to get those things from. Somehow he seemed perfect.

He could tell that he’d surprised Judah, who lowered his hand away from his mouth and looked at Will thoughtfully. This was probably the part where Judah turned him down because there was a hesitancy that Will had noticed, one that had suited him just fine, until now. Not sexually, but emotionally, Judah closed himself off.

It probably had something to do with being closeted. Will had never been in that closet himself, not since he’d come out as a teenager, but he had certainly known enough gay men who had. So he would leave this up to Judah. Just because Will had gone insane and was thinking about something beyond the purely physical with this man, it didn’t mean that Judah hadn’t kept his head.

He almost hoped so.

“You know I want to keep this secret,” Judah replied, his voice very slow, and it would be easy to get discouraged by his words except that Will couldn’t help but notice a few things. First, Judah hadn’t said no. Second, it seemed like, for Judah, too, there was a this to keep secret.

“I know. It’s fine.” It wasn’t, really. Will had decided years ago that he wasn’t interested in being with someone who couldn’t be open about him. He had learned that lesson the hard way, and normally, he was better at learning things than this. Somehow, with Judah, at least, he found himself willing to break these rules of years. “It’s really none of anyone else’s business, anyway.”

Which was true enough, and when he said the words, Judah’s shoulders visibly slumped with relief. He was so scared, Will realized. This man lived in constant fear that he would be found out, and what must that feel like?

“Okay,” Judah spoke abruptly, despite his obvious fear. “As long as we go somewhere where we won’t know anyone.”

Will smiled, despite the continuing reminder that Judah wasn’t comfortable with this, and probably never would be. Whatever this was between them, it couldn’t possibly last, for far too many reasons. So, of course, the smart thing to do would be to back off, to let it go, to avoid Judah.

Only he’d tried that, and it hadn’t worked out too well for him at all. So he would try this and hope that somehow, he could get Judah out of his system.

 

* * *

 

His phone had buzzed at some point while he was in the library with Judah, but Will hadn’t even heard it. If he had, he realized as he stared down at his phone, maybe he wouldn’t have been quite as eager to respond.

Who is this?

Will looked back at the very short text log that was between him and this number which had previously been unknown to him. He had sent that reply last night, after getting the first text, and his eyes darted down to the reply to his question.

It’s Jack.

For the rest of his life, Will knew that he would remember seeing how those words had appeared on his screen as if Jack had been waiting for his reply. Like he had known that Will would reply. Like after all of these years, he still had some idea who Will was.

Which, of course, he didn’t.

There was no reply from Will, of course. Jack was the absolute last person that Will would ever be interested in talking to, and he wasn’t even sure why, after ten years, a full decade, Jack would even be contacting him.

Now, there was another line to this text conversation, one that must have arrived while he was busy with Judah in the library.

I’ve been in rehab. Please? I’m better now.

There was a temptation there, not because he wanted to see Jack, because he didn’t. Things were so complicated, though, and Will turned off his phone determinedly. Jack had had his chance, and Will wasn’t going to give him another one. Not just like that, not just because Jack said so.