TWENTY FOUR

 

There was no threat here. That was the really amazing thing. That after all of these years, Will could just walk into a church and have it be nothing more than a building. If anything, it was a building with pleasant associations, because this was a place that meant a great deal to both Stephen and Judah, the only two people in the world that Will could say that he actually, really, truly, sincerely loved.

And that was why he was here, really. He needed to show both of them how he felt. He knew that Stephen knew that Will loved him, but it couldn’t hurt to be reminded, especially with how weird Will had been acting ever since Jack had come back into his life. And Judah, well, Will hadn’t even told him how he felt.

It made him desperate, he supposed, and maybe Judah would find him pathetic, but Will needed Judah to know. He needed to make this one last effort to make something work between them. He wasn’t under any illusions. It probably still wouldn’t work, because there was one major issue still between them as far as Will was concerned.

He still wasn’t sure he would be able to make something work long-term with someone who couldn’t be open about their sexuality. But he would try. The only thing that he absolutely insisted on was that he be able to tell Stephen about what was going on. Because it had occurred to him if he had only gone to Stephen sooner and told him about Jack, it would have saved himself a lot of heartache.

Stephen didn’t want Jack around. Stephen barely remembered Jack, and what he did remember didn’t seem to be positive. It was one of the things that Will had explained to Jack, though Jack had only really seemed to take it seriously when Will had threatened to get a restraining order. He strangely wasn’t even angry at Jack anymore. He just wanted him out of his life, and Stephen’s, for good.

And Jack had gone. Something about the look in his eyes, about the way he cussed Will out as he went, had given Will the distinct impression that he was gone forever this time. If not, Will was more than capable of doing just as he said, of getting rid of him by legal means, if he had to. It would be humiliating for Jack, though, and if there was anything that Jack couldn’t stand, it was being humiliated.

So that was dealt with. It could have been dealt with much sooner, however, if Will had just trusted his son. Stephen had never, ever given him any cause not to, so yes, that would have to happen. Judah would have to give him permission to talk to Stephen about all of this, though the truth was, Will had gotten the distinct idea that his son had already known, or at least suspected.

Very quietly, Will slipped into the church, surrounding himself with a group of people. He had never heard Judah preach before, and he found that he didn’t want Judah to know that he was there. Not just yet. He wanted to see Judah in his element and watch the man he loved for a while without Judah knowing it.

So he found a place in the very back, though he saw Stephen and the others up near the front. But the bench-like pews up there were crowded, and with how he had behaved lately, he knew that he was going to have to make some apologies to those people before he could expect to be welcomed back.

He had tried to hold Stephen back from them, from this whole town, and he knew now how unfair that had been. These people had been nothing but kind to Stephen, and even to Will, though he certainly had never deserved it.

The air had been filled with chatter, with the happy sounds of people greeting each other, which was pleasant. But everyone quieted down, and Will finally turned his eyes toward the front of the church, to the person that he had most definitely come to see. For the man who was at least half of the reason that Will was here at all.

The first part of it was familiar. Jack had brought Will to church a few times, and the opening of this service was pretty much the same. The only real difference was that it was Judah up there, Judah intoning the ritualistic words of welcome, and in that same deep, seductive voice which had whispered things that were quite a bit dirtier.

Probably not something that he needed to be thinking about, though.

Judah looked good. He looked right up there, Will had to admit, though it felt strange. He was completely at home in those robes, or whatever they were called, which made it really, truly clear to him for perhaps the first time that the man he loved was a minister. He should have picked that up sooner, and he had logically known it, but seeing him here in his element, it was a whole other thing.

This, he could accept. Keeping the relationship a secret, he wasn’t sure about that, but Judah being a man of God, having faith, that he could do. Despite everything that had happened between him and Jack, despite all of the bad impressions that he had gotten of religion, he had learned something.

These were good people. Really, truly good people, who cared a lot about the same sort of things that Will himself cared about. Who wanted little more than to be decent people, and they had been kind to him, and to his son, and welcomed them in.

And, of course, this religion thing was very important to two people that Will loved more than anything else in the world. He knew that his son, and Judah, were truly good people, trustworthy and compassionate, and he had judged them unfairly.

And then it happened. The one thing that Will had still been still struggling with, the one objection that he might have had, it suddenly all went up in smoke as he watched Judah at the front. When he saw how the other man hesitated, when he saw the slight uncertainty come over his face, then a firming of his resolve.

When Judah spoke, it was in a much more conversational tone than Will would have expected. Now, granted, he wasn’t the biggest expert on how religious services generally went, but he had been to a few, and he was pretty sure that there was supposed to be a prayer now.

“I’m gay.”

The words echoed through the room, but more than that, they echoed through Will’s heart and soul. Right then and there, sitting in a church service for the first time in years and years, all objection vanished completely. He was left alone, and vulnerable, and open to something that he had thought to be a lost cause.

Judah had come out. And not just to a few people, but in a deeply, intensely public way, a way which would be impossible to deny later. Looking up into Judah’s intense, glistening eyes, watching the determined set of his shoulders and lips, Will felt something happen deep in his heart.

It was the last remnants of the wall that he had built up, the ice that he had let himself form, as they utterly vanished, as his heart melted.

For a moment, Will couldn’t move. He could only sit there and stare at Judah like he was the most fascinating being who had ever existed, because honestly, to Will, he was. He could only listen to the words which Judah kept saying, to listen to the strength of his voice, of his convictions, as he explained himself but never made apologies. He wasn’t defensive. He was merely matter of fact, telling them something that even he acknowledged that he should have told them long ago.

If Will hadn’t already been in love with Judah, that would have been enough to seal the deal right then and there. He had been trying to hold back, he had been trying to do the logical thing and wait and see until he heard what Judah had to say, but he gave himself, his heart, over to Judah at that moment and he knew that it was irrevocable, unending. Whether Judah wanted to have him or not, he belonged to Judah.

He didn’t make a conscious decision to move, and it certainly wasn’t the most logical thing to do. The calm, rational thing would be for him to stay where he was, to listen to the rest of the service, and to pull Judah aside later. Certainly not to call attention to himself by standing and starting to walk toward the front of the room.

It was just that it seemed that his heart was overruling his brain on this one. It wasn’t the sort of thing that happened all that often to him, or hardly ever, really, but there it was. He was being pulled toward Judah just as surely as two magnets would be drawn together, a force that started off subtle but grew stronger with every step he took.

He was almost running by the end, and he didn’t care who was watching. He didn’t care how much he was probably going to hurt his pride on this one, or how inappropriate it was to pull a pastor toward him in the middle of a church service.

He had Judah in his arms, and that was all that really mattered. Without the slightest hesitation, without giving it even the tiniest bit of thought, Will pressed their lips together, right there in front of everyone in the town, practically, as well as many people that Will didn’t know, people who were complete strangers to him.

Who started the clapping, Will didn’t know. But when he turned around and saw the grin on Ben’s face, he would have to put his money on him, or maybe Stephen, who was grinning like a madman. A few people, and then more, joined in, until the good people of the town, the people who Will had been so sure would be homophobic hicks, were on their feet, smiling and applauding and genuinely looking happy.

There were a few people who weren’t, of course. Even a town as welcoming as this one had people who couldn’t approve of this sort of thing and Will accepted that.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Judah said, when the kiss finally broke, his arm going around Will’s waist, a smile on his face which wouldn’t quit. “This is my boyfriend. I think a lot of you know him already, but for those of you who don’t, his name is Will Sanford, and he’s the reason that I get up in the morning.”

Which was, by far, the nicest, most romantic thing that anyone had ever said about him. And Judah’s body felt so right, so perfect, against his, even through the thick robes. He still smelled like Judah. He smelled sweet and familiar and beloved, and Will’s.

Will’s lips were still tingling, and he gazed out at the congregation, and his friends and family, and he realized at that moment just how much things really had changed. Just like that, he had a boyfriend, and hope for a real future with him.

He had fought so long and so hard against this, but he couldn’t pretend, even to himself, that he didn’t want it. And from the smile on his face, he wouldn’t put great odds on him fooling anyone else, either.

Oddly, he didn’t mind that one bit.