~Elli~
“He didn’t kiss you…” Jen’s mouth is slightly ajar and I’m pretty certain her eyebrows are clear in her hairline.
I shrug, loading up our wine glasses once more.
“Yeah, I don’t know…maybe I’m not what he was expecting, so he didn’t kiss me?” I wince, really hoping I’m just being dramatic.
“Girlfriend, he took you to the beach and just absorbed your presence like some sort of high-end perfume… Fairly certain he’s into you.”
I smile, remembering how just a few nights ago I was wrapped in Raid’s arms and nothing, no sorrow or worry could reach me.
“Okay, you love struck teenager, can we get back to the matter at hand?”
I narrow my swoony eyes at Jen.
“Hey, don’t you give me that look, missy! I just want to hear about the juicy texty details!”
My eyes turn skyward, knowing she’ll beat the details out of me if she has to.
Ah, best friends.
“Well, we have just been really flirty, it’s like we already know each other. I feel like such a teenager.”
I turn a little red admitting it but I totally do. It’s like rediscovering the best parts of life all over again, a complete do-over. It’s a little surreal to think I’m actually acting like this. But I don’t think I would want to stop it even if I could.
Jen grabs her wine glass and sips, observing me.
“I like this, I like who you are right now. You’re becoming my best friend again,” she says quietly nudging me with her foot.
I give her ankle a gentle squeeze. “Yeah, I missed you too, bestie.”
Awhile after Jen passed out on the couch, I went out and stood on my back deck.
Dahlia sniffing around the yard somewhere, only illuminated by the moon and stars.
It smells warm, of eucalyptus and moonlight.
I let the aroma fill my senses, washing over me.
Even though he isn’t here with me anymore, I always talked to Garrett when I needed to purge my soul, let the hurt out. I haven’t needed him as much lately only because Raiden has given me the same comfort and understanding.
Even if this thing with Raiden, whatever it is or isn’t, goes anywhere or doesn’t, I know this is the time to move forward.
Literally taking a step toward the yard I look up at the stars, whispering to my husband.
“Hi baby, it’s me.”
Crickets sound throughout the yard, the only sound aside from Dahlia’s quiet snuffling.
“I think I have to let you go now.”
Tears threaten to spill from my tightly closed lids but I keep talking.
“I will always love you, and I will always remember you, no one could ever replace you, G. I’ll take you everywhere I go, and hold you close to my heart forever.”
Tears dripping down my face I bring my hand up, placing a simple kiss in my palm and sending it skyward, sending Garrett one last piece of me.
The catharsis of letting go of my first love, my husband and the person that brought me both such happiness and unbearable pain in my whole life, fills me.
The fog that my life became suddenly feels less stifling. The weight of Garrett’s death that sat on my shoulders for years seems to dissipate. My chest expands, letting the night air fill me up and leave no trace of the hurt behind.
I can do this.
Now the only thing left for me to do is follow my dreams, follow my heart and get my life back on track. I can finally start mending the relationships I so carelessly took advantage of when I was hurting. I no longer need to feel guilty for wanting, for yearning to become a woman again and not live this life as just a widow. I know in my heart that I will never love Garrett any less but I also know that there is more to living than just taking in a breath and calling it breathing. It’s okay to take that proverbial step forward.
A cold nose to my hand tells me it’s time to go back inside, my midnight speech over and done with.
I allow my dog to lead me inside, herding me being one of her favorite things to do. Up the stairs we go until we get to my bedroom door, opening it for her she goes to sniff around before plopping on the bed. Rather than stay at the foot where she normally sleeps, she curls up by the pillows, somehow sensing that I need the company tonight.
I slip my lounge pants off and grab some shorts to sleep in, crawling in beside my girl.
Her eyes close as I stroke her between the ears, already drifting off to sleep. If only it were that easy for me to fall asleep.
My thoughts turn to Raiden just as they so often do nowadays. I wonder what he’s doing right now, probably asleep. Dahlia is nice to have here but I want to feel the strength of a man seep into my bones, not the silent support of my puppy dog.
I snatch my phone from the nightstand and tap a quick text to him, hoping like hell he’s awake and thinking about me too.
Me: Hey you.
Not even a moment later I get a response, my chest getting tight, anticipation a heady drip into my veins.
Raid: Sweet girl, why are you up so late?
Sweet girl, his pet name for me does something utterly intoxicating to me. Just reminding myself of how it sounds spilling from his plump lips sends me off into a heady bliss.
Me: Can’t sleep, I wish you were here…
I thought before I wanted to feel his strength, I more than want it. I crave it. Like a drug, I want him to shock my senses and keep me safe.
I want, and for so long I didn’t think I could or would let myself want again.
Raid: I wish I were there too, baby.
Oh, can I please have more of that? Feeling brave, I ask the question burning me up.
Me: Why aren’t you?
Did I really just ask that?
Okay, don’t freak out Elli, he’s just a guy – albeit a hot sexy piece of American soldier, all tatted up and tan and oh, I have to stop thinking like that.
God, I need to get out more, or maybe just jump him or something.
My phone starts buzzing wildly in my hand with an incoming call from him.
I answer, my voice tickling my lips it comes out so breathy. “Raid, hi.”
Then the sexiest sound in the universe comes across the line. “Baby,” he says it on a low growl, his voice so deep and full of all the bourbon goodness I’ve come to love. It hits me like a lightning bolt right through my body. Right down deep into my core, drenching me.
The sheets surrounding me brush against my skin, my body so aware and ready like a live wire. From one single word, he did this to me.
“You really want me there?”
Just imagining Raid being here with me right now thrills and terrifies me. Thrills me for obvious reasons and terrifies me because I don’t know how I’ll keep my hands off him.
“Yeah, I really do.”
I glance over at my alarm clock and see it’s around one am, I hope he doesn’t think this is a booty call, but maybe it could be?
“What’s your address?”
Oh yes, yes I need to see him. I give him my address and then we hang up.
Cue me frantically rushing around making sure my room is tidy and my face doesn’t look a disaster.
I hear my phone beep from somewhere on the bed and I know he’s here. Oh God, I am so excited and nervous, what am I going to do now?
Raid: Outside, beautiful.
Me: Be right there
I leave a snoozing Dahlia on the bed to creep down the stairs and the hallway to the front door, moving on tiptoes as to not wake Jen. If the deep snoring coming from the couch is any indication, she won’t be waking up anytime soon.
Excellent.
I crack open the front door, and there he is, leaning up against the door jam. He’s in just a black T-shirt and shorts, his meaty biceps straining the material in the most delicious way.
I reach through the opening and grab his hand, a huge and probably wanton looking smile on my face and pull him through.
He doesn’t say anything, just smirks down at me as I lead him up to my room.
I feel like a teenager again, sneaking a guy into my room. Not like I ever did that or anything, but this is exactly what this feels like.
I pull him into my room and close the door, moving my back against it.
Finally, I’m able to take in all the sexy glory that is Raiden Michaels.
I see Dahlia’s head perk up, ready to get the intruder but I put my finger to my lips and she doesn’t make a peep. Good doggy.
“Raid, this is my dog, Dahlia.”
He walks over cautiously but with authority and she takes one sniff then nuzzles his hand.
Very good doggy.
He walks back over to me and in one swift move, pulls me into his arms, my own arms going around his waist and my head straight into his chest. He smells like body wash and all man. Not cologne but just him, a scent that is going straight to my head…and straight to my nether regions.
Calm down, girl.
We stand there for what feels like forever, but what also only feels like a second and then he releases me. It’s one in the morning and Raid is in my room…in my house. I look up at him and he’s smirking down at me.
“Elli,” he says, and that’s it.
I go up on my toes to wrap my arms around his neck and crash my lips against his. He hesitates in surprise at my bold move but only for a second and his arms are wrapping around my body so tight, his mouth moving against mine. His tongue parting my lips, seeking entrance.
And oh man, do I let him enter.
He’s kissing me harder and harder and I feel like my whole body is on fire ready to explode in a ball of flame. Our kisses become more frantic as we get used to each other and want more, so much more. He lifts me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist, situating me right up against him in all the right spots.
Oh, yes. Yes, please.
I keep kissing him, his tongue knowing just how to stroke mine and make me come alive. We are kissing so hard I feel like I really will combust, so I start grinding up against him. Just as he starts to reciprocate I hear a low yip come from behind me.
I pull away and try to slow my breathing, feeling just how hot and swollen my lips are. I look sheepishly up at Raiden and all I see is unbridled passion staring back at me. If I were a glacier I would have melted to the ground with the heat radiating off of him. He’s still holding me up, his hands gently cupping my ass. Have you ever been so consumed by lust you can’t see straight? That’s me right now. All I can do is try to wade through the haze and stare at how fucking handsome this man is.
His lips puffy from my own, those bright blue eyes staring at me, how his hands feel on my ass. I can’t get over it. We haven’t even said anything, just locked in this kind of limbo. Between what we just did and want we want to do. He’s definitely into me. I blink, trying to get a handle on myself but really loving how wild I’m being.
“You’re so handsome, Raiden.” My voice coming out low and husky.
His soft lips tip up on one side in a smirk. I shift against him just slightly, reminding us both the position we are still in. The thing is, I don’t want to break it. I want to be wrapped around him like a monkey. I don’t want his hands to not be on my ass. Like an electric current is ebbing and flowing between us, like the tide coming in and out I feel so drawn to him. I have to give in.
Just as I’m about to lean in and take another kiss, Raiden growls. “Fuck it,” he lunges toward me and attacks my lips.
This time there is no stopping it. His tongue snakes into my mouth, massaging my own and causing small whimpers to come out of me. We ramp up the speed and I am so beyond into it that I pull back so I can bite his bottom lip. Pulling it a little with my teeth, eliciting a growl from deep in his chest. The sound radiates down like a shot right to my clit. Our bodies are almost vibrating with need. Need for each other. Need for this to go further, to let go.
Dahlia needs to not be in here right now. X-rated make outs are not for puppies… I grip his strong biceps, feeling the ridges where the muscle is hard and defined and pull back, mourning the loss of his lips the second I do.
“Put me down for a sec.” So he does.
I go to the door and snap for Dahlia to come so I can shoo her out the door. Once she’s in the hall walking down the stairs to the living room where Jen is hopefully still passed out, I close the door and turn around, leaning my back against it.