Thinking was no longer on the agenda for the evening. When I even came close, the ramifications of what I had done came barreling into me full force. It was too much to handle. Tomorrow was going to be awful enough. All of my things were at a home I was no longer going to be welcome in, I was jobless, and I dragged Parker into this, of all people.

When his lips caught mine, I froze. They were perfect and wonderful and everything I remembered. They were also terrifying. What if they meant he needed me as much as I needed him? Or worse, what if it was a pity kiss? When I finally built up the nerve to kiss him back, he allowed but a brief caress, the polar opposite of his kiss only minutes earlier.

And then he said he loved me. I mean, sure, I asked, but I was so drunk on the taste of his lips against mine that my ability to hold anything back was nonexistent. He asked me if I wanted to be here, and it was all I could do to beg him to keep me for always as he had once promised.

I had to stop thinking for the night. It was all too much.

“Come with me.” Parker’s timbre held more than just authority, it held comfort.

“Yes, Alpha.” I fell in behind him, knowing that whatever he had planned was in my best interest.

Even as a young alpha barely coming into his own, he had always put me first, even as our hormones were swirling, as we learned our new balance as alphas and omegas and adults. And then, we had been so stupid toward the end, using words as bullets. It was probably why so few mated their first love. The young were freaking asshats.

We worked our way through his bedroom into his master bath. I had thought the guest bathroom I used earlier had been huge, but his was freaking palatial. I would have soaked more in if for my eyes hadn’t been glued to Parker. He’d said not a word since we left the foyer, and a part of me feared that he was freaking out that I’d asked him to take control, to take care of me. Let’s face it, what I needed was outside the realm of a favor. I needed him to immerse himself into our old roles, so I could hide like a weak omega. All my years of denial fell away, and I could finally see myself for what I was. Weak.

Parker turned around, finally looking my way, his face tight. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” Parker removed my tie before pulling the borrowed shirt from my pants and began to unbutton it. There was nothing sensual about his movements. This was all about me. One by one, I heard the small pop until even my cuffs had been loosened. At that, he slid it over my shoulders. My instincts wanted to catch it before it fell to the floor so I could hold onto his scent a few seconds longer.

He tapped my arms, and I raised them automatically as he pulled my undershirt over my head. His scent embraced me. He took my hand, leading me to a sink before handing me a new toothbrush and face cloth, instructing me to clean up a bit while he drew me a bath. I was on autopilot, brushing away when he came back.

“I think a six minute brushing would make any dentist proud.” Six minutes? Had it been that long? I hadn’t even wiped the tears from my face. “Come. I even had your favorite.” He didn’t need to clarify my favorite what as we took the few steps to the bath, smelling just like freshly baked cinnamon buns. He did remember. It had been my favorite scent before reaching my maturity, and he used to tease me that we were stuck with each other if my lifetime favorite smell happened to be the scent he came into.

I began to work the button on my pants, ready to dive into the steaming water. “Good call, Parker.” I forced a smile, trying to ease the worry on his brow.

“I try. Here, let me get that.” He began to work the button and zipper of my pants since the simple task seemed far too complicated for my hands. He made quick work of it, pushing my pants and underwear to the floor in one fell swoop and easing my feet, one at a time, up and over the cuffs, all while pretending my junk wasn’t paying close attention to the man on his knees in front of me.

Rising, he offered his hand, easing me into the tub and then removing his shirt. For a slight fraction of time, I thought he might be joining me. The tub was big enough for a baby elelphant. But instead, he pulled up a small stool, grabbed a loofa, and poured a bit of the cinnamon gel onto it before tapping my back gently.

I leaned over as he began to scrub my back, feeling the tension wash away under his touch. Slowly and methodically, he repeated this over my entire body, neither of us speaking the entire time. By some miracle, the silence filled both the air and my thoughts. My brain wasn’t filled with all the things that were wrong with my life and my future. Instead I just absorbed his attention, my worries pushed far back, to deal with at another time.

“I would’ve washed your hair, but it’s a bath.” Parker chuckled, probably thinking about a silly debate we’d once had about hair washing in tubs. I still held firm to the belief that hair washing was a shower only activity. Who wants shampoo swirling around them during a nice soak?

The debate had started on weekend getaway he had arranged for my birthday. It had been on that trip where we’d got pregnant. I hadn’t had my first heat, yet, and we had thought pregnancy was impossible. Even though things fell apart after that, that weekend remained one of the best of my life.

“Yeah.” I didn’t want to talk too much. We needed to talk, but not tonight. Tonight I needed this. “Thank you.”

“I… it was my…”

I’d never heard Parker at such a loss of words before. Even when I had asked him point blank if he still loved me like a needy loser, he’d had words immediately. But I… I just held mine in like a chicken. He was too important in my life, even if his season with me was over. I owed him the same honesty he gave me.

“Me too, you know,” I said, his full attention now on my lips. “What you said before about never stopping.” I saw the second when he understood what I was trying to convey, his shoulders relaxing slightly. I vowed then and there to no longer hide from him like I had been. This might not materialize into anything more than a renewed friendship, but my holding things in clearly added to Parker’s stress and that just wasn’t acceptable. He deserved more than that. He deserved everything.