“I’m leaving, Devlin,” I said.

He stood there at my door, staring at me in shock for a moment. Then I saw the confusion on his face, and I realized it was wrong of me to do this without any warning. To be honest, it had been sort of a spur of the moment kind of decision for me too.

The truth was the last two weeks had amazing moments. Devlin and I got along well; it was easy to talk to him, and creatively we gelled well together. But there was another side of him that I hadn’t seen coming. He was the partying type, and I had hoped that I could either deal with it or just plain ignore it, but I realized that I couldn’t. Devlin was completely into his late-night parties, some of which went on till three and four into the morning. Even if I excused myself early, I wouldn’t be able to sleep until the music had stopped and everyone had left.

I didn’t feel right trying to change how he did things in the apartment, especially because it didn’t really feel like my home yet, so I had just kept my opinions to myself. But I hated the partying and the drinking, and it happened so often that it was not something I could grin and bear either.

I had been mulling over the idea of moving out for the last few days, but what had helped make my decision was the text I had received from Devlin only a few hours ago. I had spent the last few days scrambling to finish my music theory papers, I was sleep deprived and overworked. I was juggling my part-time job with all my schoolwork on practically no sleep, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. My body was tired, my mind was tired, and I wasn’t willing to spend an indefinite amount of time biting my tongue just because Devlin liked to party.

The only reason I hadn’t come to this decision sooner was because I really liked Devlin. I mean… I really liked him. If I removed the partying aspect of his personality from the equation, I could almost believe that he was the perfect guy. He was a firefighter who painted. He was creative and interesting and talented. We had the most amazing conversations, and I felt like I could be myself around him.

“What?” Devlin asked, gaping at me. “Why?”

I sighed and zipped up the bag I had just finished packing. “I just… I think I need a little time to think…”

“Think about what?”

“About this living situation,” I said. “I don’t think it’s working out.”

“How can you say that?” Devlin asked. “We’ve been having a great time.”

I part of me felt really, truly bad. He had obviously had no inclination whatsoever as to how I had been feeling the last two weeks. He had thought everything was going so smoothly.

“No… you’ve been having a great time,” I said. “I’ve been… trying to manage all this.”

“All this?” Devlin asked.

I bit my lip and turned to him. “I’m sorry, Devlin,” I said. “It’s just… the partying is just… it’s too much for me. I can’t focus, I can’t concentrate, and I can’t work. The very reason I was kicked out of my previous dorm room because my roommate was a partier too and I just… that’s not my style. I just don’t have that kind of personality. I don’t like the parties.”

He looked shocked by my admission. “I… you never said anything to me,” he said.

“Because that first night… well, you through the party for me and I didn’t want to say anything,” I replied. “And then the second time your friends came over, I guess I didn’t want to say anything because then it would sound like I didn’t mind a party when it was about me but not under any other circumstances. And then it just kept continuing and I… I guess I just talked myself out of saying something because I was aware that this was your lifestyle and it felt unfair to ask you to change it for me.”

“This is technically your apartment too though,” Devlin said.

I sighed. “Devlin, I like you, and I think we do get along well. You’re the only roommate I’ve ever had that I think I have a real friendship with…”

“There’s a ‘but’ coming isn’t there?”

“This isn’t the lifestyle I’m comfortable with, Devlin,” I said gently. “And that’s ok. If this is the lifestyle you want and enjoy, then that’s ok too. It’s just that we’re probably not suited to live together.”

I reached forward and put his hand on mine. “Zoey,” he said. “Don’t leave… we can work this out.”

“How?” I asked.

“I can cut down on the partying,” he promised immediately. “I don’t need my friends coming over every night. I mean… they’re not really close friends, any of them. They just bring music and booze and enough chaos that it drowns out all the stress in my life… at least for a few hours. I can stop the parties.”

“No,” I said quickly. “I don’t want you doing that for me. I’m not asking you to give up anything.”

“I know you’re not,” Devlin said immediately. “I’m offering.”

“I’m not interested in feeling responsible, Devlin,” I said clearly. “I’m not interested in feeling guilty for making you change. Listen… we’re just roommates, and we haven’t even been that for very long. You’ll find someone else.”

“I don’t want another roommate,” Devlin said emphatically. “You and I… we get along so well… don’t we?”

I could see that he was unsure if I felt the same way. He had misread how I felt about these past two weeks, and he was worried he might have done the same thing where our friendship was concerned.

“We get along great,” I told him, and I could see the palpable relief in his face. “And I would love to stay friends, Devlin. I think you’re a great guy and a great artist. But I just don’t see this living situation working out in the long run. Our lifestyles are just too different.”

“But—”

“I understand that I’m springing this on you and you need to make rent, so I’m willing to stay until you find another roommate,” I told him.

“Then why are you packing now?” Devlin asked.

“It’s just a small suitcase,” I explained. “I’m going to stay with my mother for a few days. I really need some peace and quiet to study and focus on my music.”

“You can do that here,” Devlin said.

I cocked my head to the side. “How, Devlin?” I asked. “You’re having a party tonight.”

I saw the hurt wash over his face for a moment, and I hated that it had come to this so fast. I had seen so much potential when I had first moved in. I really had high hopes that this living arrangement would work out.

“I can cancel it.”

“I don’t want you to cancel it,” I said. “You want to have this party; you want to celebrate, then you should. I assume the gallery interview went well?”

Devlin didn’t look happy when he nodded. “I’m going to be exhibited.”

I smiled. “I’m so proud of you. You deserve it, Devlin; I’m so very happy for you.”

Devlin looked down. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

“I’m sorry, Devlin,” I said. “I wish this could have turned out differently.”

I threw the bag I had just packed over my shoulder and made towards the door. As I walked past Devlin, he grabbed me gently by the arm and steered me towards him so that we were facing one another.

“Isn’t there anything I can say to convince you to stay?” he asked.

I felt a shiver race through my body, right down to my toes. He was so very handsome, and my heart stilled a little just looking at him. I wanted to stay here; I wanted to continue to live with him… I wanted a lot of things with Devlin that went against my better judgment, but sometimes being an adult meant making the tough choices, whether you liked it or not.

“No,” I said. “I’m sorry… I think my moving out is the right decision.”

“Where will you go?”

“I’ll stay with my mother or my brother until I can find another place,” I said. “I don’t have a real plan at the moment.”

Devlin nodded with resignation and then before I knew what was happening, he had leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips. It was by far the best first kiss I had ever had. His lips were luscious, firm and tender and I melted into him without even thinking about it. My mind had no control; it was my body that held the reins at that moment.

When he pulled away, I was left feeling dazed and light headed. I just blinked up at him, unsure what to say. He brushed his fingers against my cheek, and I felt that little spark of attraction that I had experienced the first time we had met. It was palpable, and it actually hurt to think about walking away from him, but I knew I had to. I had worked too hard in school to let things slip from my grasp now. I needed to focus, and I couldn’t do that here.

“I have to go,” I said, my voice sounded a little uneven and shaky.

Devlin nodded once and stepped aside. I pushed away my doubts and walked away from him even though every fiber in my body was screaming at me to stay.