“So… do you have a girlfriend?”

She was tall, leggy and very blond. She had dark, seductive eyes and a sway to her hips that was obviously for my benefit. She had heard of me through a friend and given me a call. She had shown up to meet me with two of her friends. The shortest of the three, Tracy, was dark haired and buxom, the third, Tatyana, was light eyed with short hair, cut close to her neck. They were all attractive and obviously up for anything… and apparently, they wanted me to know that.

“I don’t,” I said, but the whole time I kept thinking about Zoey.

“How has some girl not locked you down?” Melissa asked.

“I’m not the kind of guy who can be locked down,” I replied, flirting with them casually because I knew it would help me push more pot than they were willing to buy.

“I saw that about you,” Tatyana nodded. “You’re a lone wolf, aren’t you?”

“Definitely.”

“And I’ll bet you’re wild too.”

“Aren’t all lone wolves wild?” I asked, trying not to laugh.

All three girls burst out laughing, and I wondered if they weren’t high on something already. They seemed excessively interested in talking to me, and I wondered if there was an ulterior motive there. I was confident they weren’t narcs or anything. It would be quite the act, and I just didn’t see that in any of these girls.

I knew it was wrong of me to compare, but I just couldn’t seem to stop thinking of Zoey in relation to these girls. All three of them were in college too, but the difference was huge. Zoey was serious and thoughtful, and she oozed intelligence even when she didn’t say much. That was a heck of a lot more attractive than the flirty, giggly thing that these girls were trying.

I had every confidence that it would work with most of the college guys they hung out with, but those relationships were always short term.

“How about another little something for you girls?” I asked. “Something to help relieve the tension of finals?”

“We already bought so much,” Tracy said, batting her eyes at me.

“You can never have too much,” I said, winking at her.

“You’re so bad,” she said, in a high-pitched voice that grated at my burgeoning headache. I really wanted to wrap up this little rendezvous.

“Go on,” I said, making one last attempt to push the remaining pot I had brought with me.

“Oh, all right,” Tatyana said. “Why the hell not? Daddy sent me a little extra cash for my birthday anyway.”

I wondered what it was like to have parents who gave you so much that you could actually blow it all on pot without having to ever worry about making rent or buying groceries. It felt alien to me, which was strange considering that I came from a family who was probably very similar to Tracy’s family and Tatyana’s family and Melissa’s family.

Every time I thought about my parents, my head spun, and I just wanted to crawl into a hole and ride out the gnawing heartache that gripped me. There were days when I thought I had gotten past it… I had gotten past them. There were days when I felt like I had gotten through the other side. But then I was hit by some small, unimportant detail of someone else’s life and it all caught up with me.

“Here’s the money,” Tatyana said, handing it to me.

“Thanks,” I nodded, pocketing it. “Well, it was a pleasure doing business with you ladies—”

“You’re leaving?” Melissa asked, looking at me intently.

“Uh… that was the plan.”

“You could change your plan,” she said, giving me a seductive smile. “And come back to our dorm with us.”

I raised my eyebrows, realizing what I was being offered. A few months ago I would have been completely game. I pictured it: three college girls and me… not to mention an abundance of pot. It was every guy’s dream, but my mood had been soured by sudden thoughts of my parents and anyway, I knew that with Zoey lingering in the back of my thoughts I’d never be able to sleep with anyone else.

“Thanks for the offer, ladies,” I said. “But I’m going to have to turn you down.”

I saw the disappointment on their faces, but I felt no regret. I just wanted to get home and wind down. Then I remembered that my way of winding down was to throw a party and have people over and I had promised Zoey that I would tone all that down.

It had been a week since she had come back however and I hadn’t thrown one single party. I was proud of myself, and I knew that Zoey appreciated it, but today I felt the need to drown my troubled thoughts about my parents with loud music and people.

“Are you sure?” Tracy asked, as she sidled up to my side and stroked my arm.

“Positive,” I nodded curtly. “Thanks.”

I walked away before the other two could block me and I headed straight for the apartment. I knew Zoey was in because I could hear her music playing softly in the background. She usually recorded her music and then played it back on her computer to make adjustments the next time she was at her piano. I loved watching her work; it inspired me to want to work on my paintings.

“Zo?”

“Hey,” she called from her room.

A moment later she stepped outside in sweats and a baggy t-shirt. She had obviously just had a bath because her hair was wet and yet she still managed to look amazing.

“Composing?”

“A little,” she nodded. “Just trying to clean up a few of my melodies. How was your day?”

I paused. “Good,” I nodded.

“Really?” she asked, coming forward. “You look… tired.”

I wasn’t sure if tired was the word she wanted to go for or if she was just being polite. “I’m fine,” I said. “Just a little… preoccupied.”

“About what?” Zoey asked as she sat down on the couch and I joined her a moment later.

“It’s weird,” I said. “Sometimes my father gets in my head and… I can’t seem to shake him off.”

Zoey raised her eyebrows. “You’ve never mentioned your father to me before. In fact… you never mention your family at all.”

“Really?”

“I don’t even know if you have brothers or sisters.”

“Only child,” I said.

“Wow.”

“Does that surprise you?”

“A little,” Zoey nodded. “For some reason, I thought you had siblings.”

“I wish I did, to be honest,” I said. “Maybe then I wouldn’t feel…”

“Feel what?” Zoey asked.

“Nothing,” I said quickly, feeling embarrassed.

“Come on,” Zoey said. “Talk to me. It won’t kill you.”

I realized that if there were anyone out there I could actually talk to, it would be Zoey. I turned to her and took a deep breath.

“My parents disowned me… so to speak.”

“Oh my God,” Zoey said, looking at me sympathetically. “Why?”

“Because I dared to dream my own dreams,” I said. “At least that is why I maintained they cut me off. Their reason is that I turned my back on my potential and opted to go to art school instead of becoming a doctor like my father.”

“Seriously?” Zoey said, looking shocked. “That’s the reason they cut you off?”

“Crazy right?” I nodded. “This is the twenty-first century after all. And they’re still clinging to all these archaic belief systems. You would think that they could summon up a little understanding for their only child. But no… my parents are different. They’re rigid and cruel and hard-hearted.”

Zoey didn’t say anything, she just listened to me talk, and I realized that now that I had started, I could go on and it didn’t feel weird to talk about in any way.

“My father is the kind of man who plans everything out. Everything has to be perfect the entire time, not just career-wise. Even his life has to be in order. His house has to look perfect; his wife has to be perfect… his son… of all things, his son. I was always a disappointment to him.

“I was never into sports even though I was good at them growing up. I was never interested in the types of shows that other kids were into either. I liked all these old artsy movies that dad never understood. My friends were all weird and quirky, and dad hated all of them. He tried to mold me into the kind of kid he would be proud to show off to his circle of friends and colleagues, but even when he introduced me to people, I never followed the script.

“Dad needed everything to be perfect. And I… perfect sounded awful to me. Perfect was boring and dull and completely uninteresting.”

“Sounds like a difficult house to grow up in,” Zoey said softly.

“You have no idea…”

“What about your mother?” she asked. “Did she act as a buffer between your dad and you?”

“You would think,” I sighed. “But she was only ever interested in getting his approval. She wanted to make him proud and happy, and the only way to do that was to take his side and always agree with him. So she did… even when it came to me. I think over the years her own beliefs and opinions slowly got stripped away and now she’s just the female version of my father. Everything that was interesting about my mother, he took too.”

“Devlin…”

She didn’t say anything more. She just said my name and then put her hand on top of mine. I raised my gaze to hers, and our eyes met for a brief second that felt like an eternity. I wanted to do so many things at that moment. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to paint her. I wanted to make love to her. I wanted to tell her the truth about me. I wanted to tell her that she was the only woman who had ever made me feel so… whole.

“What do you need?” she asked, taking me by surprise.

“What?”

“You seem stressed,” Zoey said. “And you told me that whenever you’re stressed, you have a party and you feel better…”

“Well yes… but—”

“Have a party,” Zoey said immediately. “And release all that stress you have inside you.”

“But—”

“We are compromising,” Zoey said before I could speak. “You haven’t had a party this whole week. I think it’s only fair that you have one tonight.”

“But you need to study,” I pointed out.

“I can study at the library,” Zoey said. “I just want you to have a good time tonight.”

It was so unbelievably kind of her that for a moment I really did almost lean in and kiss her. She gave me a smile and then went back to her room to collect her things. When she came back out, she had her book bag and her coat with her.

“I don’t have to have a party tonight,” I told her.

She came up to me and put her hand on my shoulder. “I want you to,” she said. “You’ve been very understanding about what I need so I need to be understanding about what you need.”

“You are… amazing,” I breathed fervently.

She smiled. “Have fun.”

Why was this woman so good to me? How on earth was I supposed to resist her when she made me feel so… complete? But I was starting to think that even if I could have her, maybe I should stay away from her anyway. The truth was she was amazing… and I was nothing but a loser… a disappointing son, a failed artist and a drug dealer who had broken every promise he had made.

And Zoey deserved better than that.