It was a nice, calm Thursday night and I was just leaving the library when a call came in on my phone. It was on silent, but I felt the vibration through my thin jacket and reached into my pocket to retrieve it. I glanced down and saw that it was Seth calling.

“Hi,” I said.

“Can you please tell me what happened?” Seth asked, for the hundredth time in as many days.

“Nothing,” I said, refusing to out his girlfriend.

Obviously, Cory hadn’t told him what had happened between us and I didn’t want to piss her off further by tattling. Of course, I didn’t think of it as tattling, but Cory certainly would, and I didn’t want to give her more reasons to hate me. I had to tread carefully here. I couldn’t just assume that Seth would see my side of things. I couldn’t just assume he would choose me over Cory. I didn’t know how strong their connection went and I didn’t want to risk my relationship with my brother. I loved him too much for that.

“If it was nothing you never would have left.”

“I left because I wanted to sleep on a real bed as opposed to a couch,” I said.

“Bull… I know something happened between you and Cory because she was in a really pissy mood when I came home. And she keeps avoiding the question when I ask her why you left.”

I sighed. “Well… I don’t know what to tell you…”

“How about the truth?”

“I just didn’t want to be an imposition, ok?”

“Then you would have told me beforehand and you wouldn’t have left in such a hurry… without so much as an explanation.”

“Seth… you’re making too big a deal about this.”

“Did Cory ask you to leave or something?”

“No,” I said quickly. “She didn’t.”

“Did she say anything… rude to you?” he asked.

“Seth… can you please let it go?”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to cause trouble between you and Cory.”

“Can I ask you a very serious question?” Seth asked.

I tensed. “Ok?” I said uncertainly.

“Do you like Cory?”

I raised my eyebrows, and for a second, I was grateful that Seth was not in front of me. The expression on my face would have given away my feelings instantly. “If she makes you happy, I love her,” I said.

“That’s not an answer.”

“I disagree.”

Seth sighed. “You are so—”

I missed the last part of what he was saying because I heard a beep that told me that another call was coming in. I glanced at my screen and saw that mom was trying to call.

“Oh, mom’s calling,” I said quickly, jumping on the chance to get out of this uncomfortable conversation. “Got to go… I’ll speak to you later.”

“Don’t you—”

“Bye-bye,” I said brightly and hung up on him so that I could accept mom’s call. “Hi, mom,” I said, picking up.”

“Hey, honey,” mom said, in a voice that suggested she was ready to talk things through and put the tension of our last fight behind us.

It was the nature of our relationship. We always fought and even when we tried to push through and pretend like nothing had happened, the tension would linger until we talked it out. Of course, talking things out never resolved much because we always ended up having the same arguments over and over again… but we had entered a pattern we would probably never break now.

Before going to Seth’s place, I had spent a night on mom’s couch. But we had barely spoken while I had been there. She was obviously still recovering from her breakup, and I didn’t want to kindle the fragile peace between us by bringing it up. Of course, by the second day, I had decided to just go to Seth’s since I could never stand tension for too long a time. That had turned out really well.

“How are you?”

“Terrible,” she replied, with touching honesty.

“I’m so sorry, mom,” I said. “About the things I said to you the last time.”

“Me too, darling,” mom said immediately. “I was just so disappointed about Cliff. I really wanted it to work out between us.”

“I know you did.”

“But you were right,” she said. “I do jump into things too fast. I settle. I don’t take the time to get to know these men before I invite them into my life and give them everything. I guess I just… I feel like I need to move fast because my life is flitting away and soon I’m going to be too old to enjoy anything.”

“For God’s sake, mom,” I said gently. “Your life is far from over.”

“I try and tell myself that,” mom said. “But I just… start panicking sooner or later. I just hate that I’ve set such a bad example for you.”

“Mom—”

“No, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said, Zo,” mom cut in. “And I realized that in trying to avoid my mistakes you’ve taken things to the other extreme. You might not end up making my mistakes, but you’ll make mistakes all the same.”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t want to settle, darling, and I respect that,” mom continued. “But no one is perfect and if you keep waiting for Mr. Right, well… he just may never show up, and you might end up living the rest of your life alone. You have got to put yourself out there. And I’ve got to slow down a little. We could both stand to learn a little from one another.”

I smiled. “Sometimes I forget how wise you are,” I said.

Mom laughed. “I hate when we fight.”

“Me too.”

“Let’s promise never to fight again.”

This time I laughed. “We can both swear up and down never to fight again for the rest of our lives, but we both know that’ll never happen.”

Mom sighed. “Urgh… you’re probably right.”

“It’s ok, mom,” I said. “That’s what we do… we fight and we make up, and we fight again, and then we make up again. It doesn’t matter because at the end of the day we’re there for each other, and we love each other no matter what… right?”

“Right,” mom said fervently. “I love you kid.”

“Love you, mom,” I said.

I don’t know why but at that moment Devlin popped into my head, and I thought about the situation with his parents. It must have been awful not to have someone to fall back onto. It wasn’t about money either. I had a mother and a brother I loved and who loved me and yet I knew I couldn’t burden them with my financial needs. But at least I could talk to them; I could turn to them when I really needed to. But whom did Devlin have?

He had friends and parties and not much else as far as I could see. He was a good guy; I knew that much. He was passionate about his work; he was hardworking and kind. He had taken pains to make sure I was comfortable in the apartment this time around, and things had been going really well. He had even texted me this morning to ask if it was ok that he had a couple of friends over. It wasn’t even going to be a party, just a few people eating dinner and shooting the breeze.

I was glad that we had been able to reach a happy compromise. I only hoped that Devlin didn’t feel like he was missing out. It must have been a little annoying to have to check in with a roommate suddenly after simply doing what you wanted when you wanted to, and I appreciated the effort he was making.

“Zo?”

“Sorry, ma,” I said. “I was… somewhere else. What did you say?”

“I was asking about your living situation… I spoke to Seth this morning, and he told me you’d gone back to your new apartment.”

“I have,” I nodded. “My roommate and I had a small misunderstanding, but it’s all cleared up now.”

“Misunderstanding?” mom repeated. “What happened there?”

“Nothing major,” I admitted. “It wasn’t a fight or anything like that. I just didn’t think our lifestyles vibed very well.”

“And now they do?” mom asked skeptically.

“Not exactly,” I admitted. “I guess we just… reached a compromise.”

“You did?”

“I wasn’t ok with all the parties he was having, and he agreed to tone down the partying. That was our major point of difference.”

“Hmm…”

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

I rolled my eyes. “What mom?” I said. “Just say whatever it is you’re thinking.”

“Sounds like there’s more there…”

“Of course you would think that.”

“Am I wrong?”

Of course, she wasn’t wrong, but I was reluctant to admit it to her. I thought about the kiss we had shared. Neither Devlin nor I had ever brought it up since I’d moved back, but I could feel it there between us in quiet moments. There was definitely something between us and I knew it needed to be addressed soon or it would explode out of our control.

“You’re not… totally wrong,” I admitted, at last.

“Ah-ha.”

I laughed. “How about we grab dinner soon?” I suggested.

“Of course, let me know when you’re free.”

I promised her I would and just as we wrapped up our conversation I came upon my building. It was past nine o’clock, and I knew that Devlin’s friends would have arrived by now. Sure enough, I heard light music as I entered the apartment. There were only a handful of people around. Jay and Chelsea were sitting on the couch while David and Trevor sat on the floor passing chips around the group. Devlin came in from the kitchen just as I walked up to the small group.

“Hey, you,” he said, and he looked happy to see me.

“Zoey,” Chelsea greeted. “Come join us… we were talking about the exhibit that Devlin has coming up.”

“Oh yeah… I’m excited about that too.”

“I don’t even know if this will happen,” Devlin said. “That bastard Gordon keeps postponing the exhibit date.”

“Good things come to those who wait,” Trevor said.

Devlin threw him the bird, and the group laughed.

“Excuse me, guys,” I said. “I’m just a little tired today. I might turn in early.”

“You’re always turning in early,” David said. “Come on… forget sleep and chill out with us.”

“Leave her alone, guys,” Devlin said immediately. “She’s actually got drive and discipline… unlike the rest of us.”

As the others rushed to defend themselves against that statement I slipped away and went to my room. About fifteen minutes later, I heard a knock on my door, and I went to open it to find Devlin standing there with a couple of bottles of beer.

“Hi,” I said, a little surprised to see him. “What’s up?”

“Those losers are boring,” he said. “So I decided to sneak away some beers and come see how you were doing.”

I smiled. “Come on in.”

When he walked inside, I closed the door and looked at him curiously. “Doesn’t being in here with me kind of defeat the purpose of inviting your friends over.”

“Can I be honest with you?”

“Of course.”

“I only have them over because they bring drinks and snacks with them.”

I laughed. “So that’s what you’re really after.”

“Yup,” Devlin nodded.

He was so handsome that it made my heart ache. He made other parts of me ache too, and I was distinctly aware of how close he was to me and how easy it would be to kiss him right now. It was amazing how quickly my will crumbled into nothing, and suddenly I was sick and tired of always being so cautious and so weary of everything and everyone. I just wanted to… live a little.

“What are you thinking right now?” I asked him, taking a beer from his hand.

Devlin smiled. “I was just thinking how beautiful you are.”

I felt a little spasm of excitement burst inside me, and my whole body tingled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Devlin nodded.

“Prove it,” I said.

“What?” Devlin asked, looking a little startled.

“Prove it,” I said, taking a step towards him. “Kiss me.”